《Ringmaster's Ambition》Chapter 10: Confusion
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Although I feigned collapsing, I realized that I actually fell asleep as well. I feel well-rested, but I haven't actually come up with any excuse for the situation earlier. Should I continue faking unconsciousness?
I'm expecting that I am in my bed right now, but the sensation of being on some kind of moving vehicle betrayed this expectation. I may be inside the family [Automo] right now so I decided to continue lying down and keep my eyes closed.
The silence continues to disturb me, rather, the lack of a single person talking or expressing worry for me is rather worrying. Also, I've come up with an excuse. I'll just say that my body remembers how to play it but not my mind, and they'll probably make guesses from that. I don't really need to articulate a foolproof excuse as long as I'm still just a three-year-old child. Children do have a hard time expressing their thoughts; well that doesn't mean adults could easily do so either.
Preparing myself for the roleplaying, I slowly moved my arms to the side of my eyes as if rubbing out whatever foreign matter might have managed to get on my eyelids. I then opened my eyes and sat up.
...
This was not the [Automo] that the family owns. In fact, it's much larger. I approached the window and I could see that the vehicle was moving quite fast, so fast that I can't even see what's passing by, but the inside of the vehicle didn't feel like that. Surveying the inside of the vehicle, there was no one else here except me. I couldn't even see the driver seat as it's mostly just a large area for passengers only. It may as well be considered a van or a minibus, but it wasn't as well since its mostly made out of wood.
What happened? Why am I here? Is this some kind fast transport vehicle towards Sevis City or somewhere else? I wouldn't be worrying like this if there was at least a familiar face here but the fact that a very young child is left unattended is already raising warning signs that something isn't right. I'll most certainly die if I try to escape a fast-moving vehicle, so all I can really do is sit still, for my own safety. I can't just start jumping to a conclusion just because I'm in an unfamiliar environment. I mean, it's not the first time I've been suddenly exposed to possible danger.
As I sat still in the exact place where I woke up, I could suddenly hear a muffled conversation at the front. I decided to approach the frontmost part of the vehicle, but I still couldn't hear clearly what was being said. I decided to return back to my seat and wait patiently. Judging by how fast this vehicle may have been moving and for how long it has been traveling, the destination might be considerably farther than Sevis City.
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Also, I'm so calm during all this. Shouldn't [The True Pacifist]'s correction start acting up right now to make me act normal? I'd expect tears and sobbing which is an expected reaction of a child that is left alone in an unfamiliar environment, but somehow, there was no response. Could it be? That [The True Pacifist] only corrects me only when I'm being knowingly observed or seen by people? I decided to try pinching myself, but my fingers stopped before I was actually able to pinch myself. This meant that I also can't harm myself. It was worth a shot.
The next thing to check was what was in my person right now, and I noticed that there was a small booklet in one of the pockets of my robes... wait... robes?
Now that I'm more conscious of what I look like, I'm actually wearing robes that sort of looked similar to the Church of Hure's. Was I kidnapped? Did Uncle Terpet set this up? Then where am I heading? Question after question clouded my head, as I'm now left to wonder why this is happening to me.
I thought I'd live a peaceful like back in the village but now I'm subjected to this kind of experience without even a shred of preparation. I just fell asleep for a short while, and now I wake up, stuck in some fast-moving vehicle going to who knows where. Probably the main office or some kind of the Church of Hure. Feeling frustrated, I tried to stomp my foot by my foot landed softly on the ground. I tried to punch the wall of the vehicle, but my fist suddenly opened up gently placed the palm of my hand on the window. I CAN'T EVEN VENT MY OWN FRUSTRATIONS!!!
THIS IS DRIVING ME INSANE!
I want to yell and scream but I can't. I want to cry but I can't. I want to vomit but I can't. I'm just sitting still while staring at the window, watching the fast-moving scenes. This must be hell. Certainly. There's no way this is my life after reincarnating.
Wait. This might be a dream. I might just be hallucinating. But since I can't pinch myself or do anything to wake up, I might be experiencing a nightmare while suffering from sleep paralysis. Yeah, that must be it.
While trying to console myself, I then suddenly feel the vehicle slowing down. The scenery outside the vehicle was no longer a blur and I could see many trees and foliage outside. I might be waking up soon.
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I then heard a sound coming from the wall located at the frontmost right side of the vehicle. Apparently, there was actually a door over there. When the door was opened, the first thing I noticed was the unfamiliar smell of the wind. There was an obvious scent of humidity in the air which was very different from the air back in the village. An unfamiliar head then popped in. It was the face of an old man I have never seen before. He had the clothes similar to the common clothing I see in Sevis City. Looking at his appearance as well, he somewhat reminded me of someone.
"Youngest Acolyte Alkef, so you finally awake! I hope the I drove this thing without disturbing you too much.", the old man said while smacking the side of the vehicle.
I had to act normal and reply. Seeing as how he doesn't seem to be hostile and he's talking with me in such a familiar tone, he probably has no ill intentions.
"It's fine. So, we've finally arrived?"
"Yes. But as there's a huge queue towards the North Gate of Floren City, it'll probably take an hour or less before I can say we have truly arrived."
The old man then looked up ahead as if he noticed something, then he turned towards me again while smiling and said, "The queue's moving so I'm going back to the driver's seat."
The old man then closed the door.
Now that I observed him a bit more, he looked like an older version of Caltro. So this person might be his grandfather or father. Seeing a somewhat familiar face, although being a guess, it at least calmed me down a little bit.
I then decided to check the small booklet the was in my pocket. Flipping through the pages, all I could notice were scribblings of some kind that I couldn't even understand. Although there were familiar words in some pages, they were incoherent and didn't really formulate a sentence. Eventually, I ended up to the last page where finally a sentence was written at the back. It wasn't in the Daxtrion language that I so painstakingly tried to learn, but it was actually in English. Also, it clearly was in my handwriting.
What's written in the back is:
Don't Forget
Suddenly, memories came flooding before me. Memories of things I surely did not do. Memories of my first time as a new member of the Church of Hure. Memories of me playing with the other kids in Sevis City. Memories of my parents and brothers visiting me in Sevis City from time to time. Memories of the new things I learned about the world as I read the books in the church's archive. Memories of being taught the ways of the church. Memories of being thought basic [Support-type Arcana]. And the last memory is the reason why I'm here at the front gates of Floren City.
Two years. My consciousness has been asleep for two years. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I wasn't asleep for just a few hours. I've been asleep for two years, and the one that has been acting like me is no one else than the corrective actions of the [The True Pacifist].
Wait. I've been so fixated in blaming the supposed influence of the [The True Pacifist] for all the uncontrollable things I've been doing without actually having enough evidence. I was so adamant that my guess was correct, and I didn't even consider the flaw behind it. This may be a fantasy-like world but that doesn't mean that I can't utilize my skills as a psychological analyst to determine what my problem is. I've been too focused on the supernatural problem in me that I didn't consider that there might be a more natural problem within me that even a [Sphere of Truth] couldn't identify. Although self-diagnosis is ill-advised for any medical or clinical practitioner of psychology, I really don't have anyone else to rely on right now to understand who I really am.
The words I say or the things I do are not within my control.
My body sometimes acts and moves on its own.
My body could even act on its own for two years without even me noticing.
I keep saying 'my body', but that's certainly wrong. My body isn't the problem. It's me. I'm the problem. More specifically, my mind...
How could I have overlooked this for so long?
That I was actually suffering from dissociative identity disorder or something similar.
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