When I opened my eyes, they screamed.

Frowning, I sat up and rubbed at them for several minutes, only seeing the black smudges on my hands when I stopped. I crawled up and headed to the bathroom. I slipped out of my parka, slipped out of my clothes, and hopped into the shower. I turned the heat all the way up and still the water only felt tepid.

I wondered if the landlord had shut off the hot water, but the steam billowing in the shower shot down that idea. It was just me.

#justWitchThings

I stayed under the water for a long time, cleaning off all the dirt from my legs, all the makeup from my face. I washed my hair, being careful around my horns. And as I did so, as I cleaned away the grime, I thought about everything I'd done and everything that had been done to me. Everything that led me to this point in my life.

I thought about how I'd gotten here by all the choices I'd made. I thought about that cabinet filled to the brim with lottery tickets and about all the scratch offs.

And, outside of that, I thought about the other sort of gambling I did. The gambling I did on others. The gambling I did on believing that others had my best interests at heart and could make better decisions for me than I could make for myself. I thought about how gullible I had been in my desperation to trust someone. Anyone.

I thought about Geist. How I’d trusted him, how I'd allowed him entrance to the most sacred of sacreds. I thought about how he'd taken the theatre away from me, how he’d taken everything from me.

I thought about my aunt, selling the theatre out from under me to begin with.

I thought about all of my father's money, all the money he had to have made, just floating somewhere in the ether, completely separate from me.

I thought about Lebec, how I’d placed my trust in him and how he had promptly let me down. He’d kicked me out of Bristlebloom, kicked me out of the one place he’d allowed me entrance to.

I thought about myself. How I’d been acting. I’d gone from being a sassy ass kicker to a wad of clay anyone could mold.

I thought about Luke, giving me a job, and promptly kicking me out whenever…

Not true. He told you what was wrong.

I didn't have to like Luke, and in fact I didn't, but he had warned me. He’d told me that if I didn't show them who's boss, they’d walk all over me.

I understood now. He didn’t need to fire me, obviously, but I understood why he'd been so mad. I should've socked the guy in the face myself. I should've beaten him to a pulp. And maybe violence wasn't the answer, maybe that's not what he was trying to teach me, but I still should have dealt with it myself before running to Ted. Before trying to manipulate Ted into fixing it for me.

I ran shampoo and conditioner through my hair, being careful not to cut my hand on my horns. I squeezed them delicately, felt how hard they were, still trying to get used to them. It was going to be a long process, but I might as well get started now.

I closed my eyes and let the water run over me. When I opened them, I was confronted with Silvy, sitting on my towel rack, staring at me. I stared right back.

That’s it. I’m no one’s wad of clay. Time to go back to the old me.

“Uh… privacy?” I said. “Heard of it?”

“Of course. It's such a quaint stick concept, though.”

I leaned my face back into the shower, opened my mouth, allowed it to fill with water, faced a Silvy, and spit a stream of water right through her body.

Silvy raised an eyebrow. “You're different this morning.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, just a—”

I didn’t let her finish. “Get the fuck out of my shower.”

Silvy's eyes grew a tiny bit wider before she dissipated into smoke and floated out of the shower.

That’s new.

I’d told her to leave before, told her to shut up, but she'd never really listened. I think that's because I’d always felt like she owed it to me. This time, when I told her to leave, when I told her to get the fuck out, I was ready to back those words. I was ready to stand behind them, to not waiver, to not buckle.

The old me is kind of a dick.

Shaking my head, I finished up in the shower and killed the water.

As I toweled my hair dry, I realized that I'd forgotten about the horns and promptly cut the towel to ribbons. Normally this would've infuriated me, but in the early light of the morning it didn’t seem so catastrophic.

I could blame fate, I could blame others, but I'd been the one who'd forgotten. And that was okay. It was my mistake, and I was owning it.

I let out a laugh. I'm being evicted anyway. What's it matter?

I dropped the cut-up towel on the ground and brushed my teeth. When I was finished with everything in the bathroom, my teeth were chattering from the cold.

I went to my bedroom and searched for something I could wear. There was nothing. I'd never really been one to own a bunch of clothing, and everything that I did own was back in that Bristlebloom dorm. Wearing only a frown, I slipped just my parka on.

This isn’t going to work. You can’t wear a parka and nothing else…

Then I remembered. There was one other place in the apartment where there might be clothing. I had a rag drawer in the kitchen.

I made my way over to it, praying that there was something in there that still fit me, something that wasn't completely destroyed.

The boys are gonna love this…

The only thing I could find was a skirt, a button up shirt, and a tie.

All three parts were from a costume I'd worn for Halloween a few years back.

I dressed up as a schoolgirl, not the naughty kind though. Plaid skirt. Striped tie. White, button up shirt.

Sighing, I pulled this on and slipped back into my parka. After pulling the hood up over my head, I went back into the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

Definitely strange, sure, but at least I feel like myself.

I felt like I was in my own body, not watching from outside, not viewing someone else live my life away.

You can’t trust fate. You can’t leave things to fate, chance, or luck. You need to believe in yourself. You need to bet on yourself.

As I stood in front of the mirror, staring at all 5 feet of me dressed in a left behind Halloween costume, I gave my reflection a crooked smile.

Silvy slithered around my neck and her eyes glowed in the reflection as well.

“So,” she said. “What happened to you?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Just had several revelations. That's all.”

“Oh?” she asked. “What sorts of revelations were those? The fun type? The burning things down type? The blowing things up sort?

Previously this might’ve bothered me, probably would've driven me crazy, but now, I welcomed it.

“Yeah,” I said. “Something like that.”

Silvy’s eyes grew wide and then narrowed. “Are you leading me on? Don't tease me!”

I smiled. “I wouldn't tease you about this.”

“What's the plan?”

“You gave me an idea last night.”

“Oh? And what idea was that?”

“You don’t know?”

“No?”

“I’ll tell you later. Right now, we need to get ready. Right now, I need to think. I don't have my mind wrapped around it completely, but I've got a general idea of what I want to do.”

Silvy nodded from inside the hood and I headed out of the bathroom.

I went back to the rag drawer and grabbed some long black socks. They’d been a gag gift from a friend, but right now, they were heaven. They were dry and they were thick.

I slipped the socks up and pulled them up as high as they would go. They went just over my knees and that was it. I slipped my feet into the boots and wiggled my toes. A little strange, but definitely warmer than I had been.

If I’d had sweatpants and a sweatshirt, I would've loved to have worn those, but I didn't. All I had was this stupid Halloween costume, my father’s parka, and a gag gift.

I laughed. I didn't think I'd ever worn anything so ridiculous. Not voluntarily at least.

Smiling, I went to the front door and looked back at my apartment. I looked at the cabinet there, filled with scratch offs.

I considered, for just moment, lighting it on fire and watching the whole thing burn. Shaking my head, I took several deep breaths. No matter what happened, I wasn't going back.

I had a plan.

I knew what I had to do.

I knew what my father would've wanted me to do.

I was going to take the theatre back from Geist.