They left the roads as soon as bush and forest cover became available, walked the banks of a river against the flow. Jonas’s steps became shorter and he leaned on Llew more often, though each time he became aware he was doing it, the weight across her shoulders lightened again. So much of Llew’s own body ached, but she didn’t complain as she supported Jonas. They had to keep moving.

‘Have you ever been this far into Turhmos before?’ Llew asked. ‘Anything look familiar to you?’

Jonas flinched at some pain before he answered. ‘No. We mostly protected the border. Farthest I came was lookin’ for you.’

As Llew recalled, it had taken around two weeks to get from Braph’s to Brurun. And she’d had Syakaran speed to call on. And then a horse.

She’d also had the ability to heal Jonas with a touch.

She glanced at him, admiring his profile even under the grime of fight and flight. She would do anything to save his life, but it would probably be nicer if they could stop to freshen up. At least they knew where to find water, but they didn’t know if they could afford to stop, yet.

‘How long before they come after us, do you think?’

Jonas glanced up. The sun was still up, but the shadows growing long. ‘They might wait for mornin’.’

Llew grimaced. ‘Not long enough, is it? They might have horses. At the least they can walk. Properly, I mean.’

‘You can walk.’ Jonas halted them, turned full-on to her. ‘You could run.’

Llew slanted him a dismissive smirk. ‘I didn’t drag you from that stadium only to leave you behind now. Besides,’ she continued before he could argue for his own demise any further ‘there’s a gaol, or barracks, full of Aenuks back there I can’t walk away from, and I don’t have what it takes to free them. You do. Or you will. Again.’

Jonas looked back the way they’d come. ‘You know I weren’t born by accident, and Aris turned up pretty early on, puttin’ his mark on my trainin’ well before I left home. Now— Well, now . . . I’m as free as I’ve ever been.’ He pressed his lips together on a wry smirk of sorts, then turned back to her. ‘Freein’ ’em’s not savin’ ’em, Llew.’

‘What would you have me do?’

‘Not nothin’. But—’ He shook away whatever he had been going to say and looked into the distance over her shoulder again, a kind of longing haunting his eyes. What could he possibly long for in Duffirk?

Oh, right. Part of the lure for Jonas to enter Turhmos in the first place had been Braph’s promise he would be reunited with his lost son. Llew didn’t want to be jealous of the child, but years of her father’s longing for her long lost mother when Llew was right there needing his love and protection came rushing back. Seemed she was destined to come second, always.

‘Did you get to see him? Your son.’

Jonas turned back to her, a light in his eyes she hadn’t seen since she and he had sneaked off together at Merrid and Ard’s. ‘Yeah, I did.’ He smiled, a weight lifting. ‘I got to hold him.’ He smiled, his thoughts turned to memory.

Llew wanted to feel happy for him, but her heart ached. Why couldn’t she be a better person?

She glanced around them, all motivation to keep walking falling away. A few steps on was a natural alcove, flanked by dense bush and the river.

‘Those look edible.’ She waved at their surroundings, encompassing clumps of large leafed vegetation and up into the bushes. ‘At least I hope so. They look like plants I used to nibble in Aghacia.’ She hooked her shoulder under Jonas and helped maneuver him to sit, then she set about inspecting, sniffing, and nibbling tips of some of the plants around them, gathering a couple of handfuls of those she deemed edible. She sat beside Jonas, placed the wild salad between them and selected a leaf to munch.

She needed Jonas’s help to save the other Aenuks. She thought she might’ve loved him, too, but it hurt too much to love and think about losing that love. He’d already died once. She’d finally found out her father loved her and had tried to protect her and what did she do? Turn around and kill him in her sleep. Her father, Kynas, and Jonas. Every time she let her guard down, she got hurt, or hurt those she loved. She had to stop it.

Braph had said she could beat the bug that was draining Jonas of his powers, but she would have to risk killing him to do it. She needed to harden herself, protect herself, as she had living on the streets of Cheer. She was Llew. She stood alone. An island. That was how she survived.

‘So, why him?’

Jonas looked at her like she she’d spoken a foreign tongue.

Llew continued. ‘When you’ve got— Well, when did Aris start studding you out?’

Jonas’s expression softened some. He didn’t often like talking about his past, and Llew appreciated that he would do so for her. ‘Since I was eighteen.’ Four years. And he wasn’t limited by a monthly cycle or lengthy pregnancy. ‘But—’ Jonas placed a hand on her knee. ‘Not everyone gets pregnant their first time.’ His smirk was self-deprecating. Their children, Aris had killed. Yet again, Llew had opened herself to love and lost it.

‘Still, you have all those children . . .’ And Llew’s would’ve just been two more. Why was his child to his wife so special? Because she was special.

‘They’ve all got mothers, and Quaver, to back them up. Joelin’s got nobody.’

Llew felt shit for pushing the matter. Of course Joelin was special. Just because Llew wanted to be as well didn’t change the fact the child deserved Jonas’s love. Elbows on knees, Llew covered her face with her hands. ‘I’ve got nobody,’ she whispered to herself, expecting her palms to muffle the words. Jonas was with her, but his heart and mind were with his child. And so they should be. The child needed his father. Llew didn’t need anybody. She had to hold to that.

Jonas laid a hand on her shoulder.

‘Llew.’ Her name rolled out on a stifled, pained laugh. ‘You had me from the start.’

Llew blinked behind her fingers. Had she heard right?

‘I didn’t feel you lift my knife. Only knew it was gone when I shifted my weight. Not just anyone can do that. Not to me. Well, not when I was . . .’ Jonas’s tone darkened.

Llew dropped her hands between her knees and looked at him, dumbfounded. ‘But . . . You wanted to leave me behind.’

‘’Cause I could see what a pain in the butt you’d be.’ Jonas’s humor returned. ‘And I wasn’t wrong. Even before I knew what you were I knew Aris wouldn’t have a bar of you. You weren’t . . . obedient. Besides, Alvaro would’ve been a right ass about it.’

‘So, you let him think he was in with a chance?’

‘That weren’t my call to make.’

‘You punched me.’

‘I could’ve punched you harder. Much harder. But, if it makes you feel better, I was sorry about that almost the second I did it. I can’t excuse it, but you were already spinning my head. I didn’t know what to do with it. And I couldn’t let you go after you took my knife. I regretted it as soon as it was done.’

Llew studied Jonas and remembered all the men in her life. She thought her dad had let her down, but he hadn’t. But the rest . . . Cheer had been full of men who were there to take what they wanted, what they thought they deserved, whether right or wrong, and no matter who got hurt. Kynas had sent her to the gallows. But even before that, he’d hardly given her good reason to trust him deeply. And here sat Jonas.

‘But weren’t you still sore about your wife? About Kierra? You— You cried on my shoulder.’

Jonas cleared his throat. ‘That’s just it. I worked hard to make it work with her. She deserved better than I could give her, better than me and Aris’s plans. She was a good woman, full of light and love. And I believe I loved her, we could’ve grown together. But then you came and— I’d been more loyal to her the year since her passin’ than before and I was tryin’ to atone for all I’d got wrong before, and then there was you . . .’

Llew sat a moment looking back at Jonas, processing what she was hearing.

She shuffled to the water’s edge, scooped up water in her cupped hands and sucked it down. She could’ve gulped down gallons more, she was so thirsty, but she filled her hands again and returned to Jonas, offering him the water. He lifted his own hands, accepting her gift.

‘Damn you,’ Llew murmured, and Jonas paused, looking up at her. ‘Every time I convince myself I can walk away, you go and say something like that.’ She returned to the water’s edge, scooped up more and came back to refill Jonas’s hands.

Accepting her watery load, Jonas hooked a smug smile and Llew’s whole body reacted; a chill from head to toes, her gut nauseas. She stood and turned away, closed her eyes, breathed. This was Jonas, not Braph. Jonas was safe; they’d established that.

‘Sorry, Llew.’

‘I can’t tell you not to smile just in case you remind me of him,’ Llew spoke over her shoulder. ‘I want you to smile. Especially now, when everything feels so hopeless. I just—’ She massaged her temples, trying to rid herself of the images and sensations of Braph’s skin against hers. ‘Will we ever be free of him?’ Llew needed to be. If every moment of joy with Jonas was overshadowed with revolting memories of Braph . . . Then, even if Jonas was safe, never let her down like every other man in her life, Braph would take even that from her. Like he’d taken her mother and her father from her. She shuddered at the thought of her mother still in Braph’s clutches, but there was little point stewing on the fact. Braph had already spoiled one moment for Llew. She sighed and returned to loading Jonas up with the water he needed before quenching her own thirst. Then she sat beside him again, watching the water flow by. She wished she had a fishing line, and Jonas’s talent for catching bait.

‘It’s a lot like home,’ she said. Big River, near Cheer, was where she was thinking of. In truth, she had no idea where ‘home’ was anymore. ‘But better with you.’

She glanced at Jonas, who replied with nothing more than a grunt, and took a moment to admire his profile. He, too, was lost in the motion of the water, although the occasional grimace suggested his peace was frequently broken by pain.

‘Where do you hurt? And what can I do for you?’ Llew knew nothing of conventional healing. Not once in her life had she needed a bandage.

‘Everywhere, and nothin’. Not out here.’

Llew wanted to cry, but there was nothing to be gained in doing so, so she just sighed. Some healer.

‘It’s alright, Llew,’ Jonas said. ‘Just some bumps and bruises, and a few burns. Some new scars to replace the ones you wiped away.’

‘Burns? Shouldn’t we put water on them, or something?’

Jonas shrugged. ‘It’s already been most of a day, too late to do much about them, now. Besides, it’s cold. Too cold to be gettin’ wet.’

With only themselves and a vague hope of freedom, Llew could do little but help him find comfort to sleep. So she wrapped herself around him as best she could, and they did just that.