《Everyday lives of parallel-world cops!!》Chapter 1 (Part 1)
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I don’t know for how long I was unconscious, but the moment I opened my eyes, it was hit with a warm, bright light. It didn’t hurt my eyes but it was bright nonetheless and I felt so relaxed. That's when I remembered what had just happened.
I had died.
Right? I mean this has got to be heaven or something…
I noticed that the silhouette of a person was emerging from within the space.
I looked around but there was nothing but emptiness.
Well looks like heaven needs a little furnishing. But whatever.
By this time, the silhouette of the person had completely appeared and I noticed that it was a woman! She was the very incarnation of beauty and had a warm smile on her face. All of this was too much to take in. I must have been looking like a complete idiot.
Anyways, said woman approached closer. I noticed that she was floating, just a few inches above the ground. That's when I realized that it was not her who was approaching me but the other way around! I was being pushed towards her by some sort of force that would have made Newton get out of his grave and make an uproar. Not that the laws of science would have any effect in the afterlife, I thought. Now that I was close enough, I could make out the features of her face. She had deep blue eyes that seemed to draw me in towards them. Her scarlet hair glowed with the bright light reflected on its smooth strands. Her facial features looked as though they were perfectly chiseled by a master sculptor.
Her lips moved as she began to speak,
“My name is Ethys, the goddess of chance”
Oh!… So she was a goddess… well that explains her beauty and the aura that surrounds her. Well, heaven was bound to have a goddess or two I thought.
She continued to speak,
“For your brave deeds, you have been given another chance at life in a world different from your own”
Wait a second! What's with this movie-like development! Aren’t I supposed to rest in peace in my afterlife? All I could respond with was a soft ‘huh?’
“This is not a chance that everyone gets, but you also have the choice to be reborn as a baby into your own world. You will not retain any of your memories of course.”, said the goddess.
I did not know what to say.
“I know that you are confused, but please choose carefully. A man of your caliber will be of much use in the other world. Guiding its inhabitants to a peaceful path. Your hardworking and diligent nature is hard to come by in this modern age.”
Am I getting praised by a goddess?…
She’s making it hard for me to refuse now.
As if she could read my thoughts she said,
“You were top of your class, weren’t you? Wouldn’t it be a waste to let a talent such as yours go to waste?”
Yikes! Talk about pressure!
Well, she was right about me being top of my class. I had a solid drive to be a police officer. Well, initially as a kid, I wanted to be one because I thought I could look cool, and a police officer was the closest you can get to a real-life superhero. But as I grew older I realized that the police helped keep us safe by risking their own lives on the line. I wanted to be a cop to protect the peace of my city and country, even if it costs my life. Well, it did cost my life.
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That's when I remembered what had happened before I had died.
What had happened in the world after my death. Was the gang apprehended?
Again, as though she could read my thoughts, the goddess Ethys replied,
“Due to the sound of the gunshot and the ambulance’s siren, the gang had realized that they were found out and tried to escape. Several of its members were caught but it looks like the top brass made it out unscathed.”
Damn it! It’s all my fault. If I had stayed put in that situation until backup had arrived none of this would have happened. I could have been on my way home after picking up some dinner.
“But thanks to you, a person had their life saved. If you hadn’t intervened, that man would have shot the woman in shock. All your friends are mourning your death. To them, your life was more important than apprehending the gang.”
My friends! Thinking about them made me feel like crying. That's when I looked down and realized that my body was missing. I tried to look at my hands but they weren’t there. It was as if I was floating with only my head to look around.
Maybe sensing my confusion, the goddess said,
“This is the true form of your soul. It has no body, only a presence.”
Well, that was interesting, to say the least.
Having gotten adjusted to not having a body, I asked the goddess,
“Are there other people from the earth in this world?”
“Yes”, she replied, “there are other people from earth who have been reincarnated. Each of them receives a power, which they must use to ensure the peace of that world by defeating the forces of evil that are aplenty.”
“Forces of evil?” I asked.
“Is there some sort of demon king or something in that world?”
Thinking back on how the scenario goes in games and the like, I’m assuming that there must be some sort of last boss that we must defeat in order to bring peace to the world.
“It is not a demon king, instead there are several demon lords around the world.”, replied the goddess.
Yikes! Several demon lords? What's with these sudden plot twists?
Things suddenly started to look grim.
So I have to help in defeating these demon lords, huh.
I decided to hone my powers and reach a strength where I would be able to challenge them head-on.
Yet again, as if she could read my mind, the goddess said,
“Well…you will not be getting any special powers.”
Huh!? Then how am I supposed to do any demon lord defeating, I thought.
“You don’t have to defeat the demon lords.”, she said, “There are plenty of power users who have been reincarnated and most of the time they misuse their powers to get money or fame than to defeat the demon lords. So we have decided that the next person to get reincarnated will not receive any powers!”
“Uhh…”
“I’m sure you understand! We were lucky that it was an understanding person like you who had died.”, said the goddess with a smile on her face.
“Uhh…”
Ok, this goddess was definitely taking me for granted.
“I’m sorry if I have ruined your expectations, but there is a valid reason for doing so. At the rate that this world is going, the people who have been granted special powers cause more damage than the demon lords.”
“So what am I getting reincarnated for?”, I asked.
“We hope that you can continue to protect the law and order in this other world.”
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“Huh?”
“We hope that you will continue your life as a police officer in this world.”, said the goddess with a smile.
A police officer in another world? It might have sounded odd, but I had my pride in being a cop myself. There was no way I can let this chance go right?
“Well, you can consider this as making amends for failing in catching the gang.”
, said the goddess with a smile on her face.
Ah! Well, there’s that too.
“Actually…”, she started to speak, then hesitated, “… never mind.”
“What is it?”, I asked.
“Its nothing… I was thinking of giving you a special ability… It’s not combat-based or anything of course!”, she said hurriedly.
“That doesn’t matter.”, I said, “As long as do I get one, anything is fine.”
“Oh!… Well then! here goes nothing!”, she said.
A strange light appeared around me. It surrounded me and flashed brightly.
I guess that means I got an ability! This was exciting!
“So what did I get?”, I asked, like a kid waiting to see what present they got for their birthday.
“It is an ability called ‘Focus Glare’, it helps you concentrate easily and blocks out distractions, allowing for a much faster reaction speed towards problems.”
Alright! Doesn’t sound too bad!
“But…”, mumbled the goddess.
“But?”, I asked.
“Never-mind that. So… are you ready Mr.Kei? For another chance at life. I wish you a wonderful life in this brand new world!”, Ethys started to lift her hands.
“Umm... I have one last question to ask before I go”, I said
“What is it?”, asked the goddess.
“Can you read minds by any chance?”, I asked.
A small smile appeared on the corner of Ethys’ lips.
“Of course”, she said with a giggle, “I am a goddess after all!”
Sigh…Well, I did see that coming to be honest.
And with a wave of her hands, the goddess Ethys said,
“May good fortune be with you. May you find good companions that you may cherish and finally, may you live this life to the fullest while upholding your duty to this world. Now off you go!”
All of a sudden, I started to feel heavier. Then I realized that I was falling towards the floor. It was as though I was being stretched down and dragged.
It felt like I was going to be torn apart. My consciousness started to fade.
I continued to fall through a dark void and all of a sudden a bright light hit my eyes forcing me to blink several times to get adjusted to it.
As the light started to filter I realized where I was. I was in another world!
The buildings were all built in a medieval-European fashion and I could hear the voices of people and the sound of footsteps.
It seems like I was in some sort of alleyway and yet the sun shone so brightly.
I had to go to the place where all the voices are coming from. It must be the market or something, I thought. As I took a step forward, I stumbled.
Looks like my body is a little numb. I took a look at my hands. Seems like I was wearing some sort of basic adventurer’s clothes.
I steadied my feet and continued to move forward, walking closer and closer to the voices that were steadily getting louder. I walked out of the alleyway and saw a sight that got engraved into my mind. Hundreds of people walking in the market, the sounds of their footsteps and voices full of energy.
I saw humans, elves, dwarves, and other mythical creatures walking around going about their everyday lives.
I took in the scene before me, quivering with excitement.
There were no cars, no phones, no modern buildings.
This made me completely believe that I was, in fact, in a parallel-world!
“Whoa!…”
Ok…So this is it!
I started to walk around the market. There were several shops that sold weird looking fruits and other food. The shopkeepers were talking in loud voices attracting the customers' attention to their goods. Interestingly enough, I could understand what they were speaking. Looks like they speak the same language as me.
I crossed out of the market and walked over to a bunch of buildings. There was a building with a sign that had strange looking characters on it. But I could read it! Looks like the ability to comprehend the languages spoken in this world were inbuilt.
The sign said ‘Nosgred’s bar’. Hmm…, I should be able to get some information from there. But I don’t have any money.
I put my hands in my pockets and I felt something. There was a piece of cloth in my pocket. I took it out and found that there were a bunch of coins inside it.
Nice! Looks like the goddess hadn’t left me down here empty-handed.
I could use this to buy some food or tools. Until I find a job here anyway.
I walked into the bar and saw an empty bar counter with several stools in front of it and a few tables by the sides, where it seemed like a few adventurers were having their lunch.
I walked up to the counter and helped myself onto a stool. That's when I heard a voice. “Welcome to my bar! The names Nosgred. You can call me Nos if u want. As long as you’ve got the money, you can stay for as long as you like!”.
I looked down towards the source of the voice and realized that there was a dwarf behind the counter. This was my first interaction with another person in this world. And it was a dwarf to boot! This world really is something else!
I wordlessly stared at the dwarf.
“So customer, are you going to order something or just sit there?”, he asked.
“Uhh… yeah”, I replied, “Anything is fine.”
“All-righty then! Here you go!”, he said while pouring me a drink, “One Nosgred special!”
“Thanks”, I managed to reply. All of this was too much to take in.
It looks like the dwarf had noticed this and he asked me,
“Are you new to Axinus town? Never seen you around these parts. Judging by your clothes, a traveling adventurer perhaps?”
So this town is called Axinus. Hmm…Looks like I can ask him for some info.
“Yeah, I'm not from around here. But I'm not exactly an adventurer either.”, I said.
“Oh… so you are one of those other-worlders I suppose”, said Nosgred matter-of-factly.
I almost spit my drink out in surprise! He knew that there were people from another world here?! When I asked him this, he replied with a grin,
“Of course I know them! Ridiculously strong and always causing a mess wherever they go! Almost like celebrities those people. Come over here every 6 months or so, and they always have weird names. So what crazy ridiculous ability do you have dear customer?”
Special power? Well I do have one I guess, but I still haven’t used it, I said to him.
“Hmm.. Have you been to the town guild?”, he asked.
“All adventurers gather there to share information or to form parties to go on quests. Of course, you can also get all the information you want there.”, he said.
“Thanks a lot…”
“Nos. You can call me Nos.”
“Thanks a lot, Nos”, I said.
As I stood up to take my leave after finishing my drink, Nos stopped me and said, “You haven’t paid for your drink yet you know?”
“Ah!”, I said, “How much does it cost? I don’t know how the currency works here but I do have a few coins on me.”
“Doesn’t matter kid.”, said Nos, “This ones on me. You better return the favor sometime though.”, and he started to laugh. “Say customer, I have yet to get your name.”
“Kei.”, I said, “My names Kei Satou.”
“Alright then Mr. Kei, I’ll be sure to keep an eye on you”, said Nos with a grin on his face.
I left the bar after having received directions to the guild from Nosgred.
I walked around town for a bit taking in all the sights that I could have never seen in my world. I saw a party of adventurers arriving in a grand fashion, with many of the onlookers clapping and cheering their arrival.
It seems that they were heroes returning after having slain a tough monster called a Wyvern. I heard from the onlookers that a Wyvern was similar to a dragon except that it couldn’t breathe fire and didn’t have forearms.
After watching them getting applause from all sides for some time, I decided to head to the guild to get some information.
I followed Nosgred’s directions and arrived at a big building with plenty of people pouring in and out. Most of them were adventurers and the others were guild staff I suppose because they wore the same uniform.
As I entered the guild, I noticed that there was a big board where the adventurers were gathering around. That might be the notice board containing all the quest notices, I thought. There were also tables for the adventurers to sit around. At the front, there was a counter where guild staff were talking to some people. I walked over to them avoiding all the people that were in the way.
“Good afternoon sir! How may I help you?”, I was greeted by the bright voice of a woman who was a part of the guild staff.
“If you have come to the reception desk it would mean that you are either new here or have a special subjugation quest in mind.”, she said.
“Yeah… I’m kinda new to this town-”, suddenly she cut me off and said,
“Here you go sir! Just fill in this form with your name, job, and other information. With this, you will be able to pick out quests from the quest board and you can go over there and claim your rewards after completion.”, she said, pointing to a counter where people were lining up to claim their rewards.
I took the form and started to fill in my name.
“Umm… What about this job column?”, I asked.
“You know, which class you belong to, like say, combatant or spell-caster or healer and so on…”, she replied.
“How do I found out which class I am in?”, I asked calmly.
The woman had a surprised look on her face.
“Are you by any chance an other-worlder?”, she asked.
A lot of people stopped and turned to look at me.
“Umm… Yes?”, I was confused. Nosgred said that other-worlders weren’t that common, but still the people around here should be used to them. Right?
“Wow!”, said the woman, “Two other-worlders back to back? This is certainly rare!”, she exclaimed.
Two other-worlders? I thought. So someone else was brought here recently?
The people who were looking at me turned to look at a girl who was standing alone at some distance. Perhaps because of all the people looking at her, after our eyes met she turned away in embarrassment.
What was that all about?
The guild lady interrupted my thoughts and asked me to follow her.
She took me into a room behind the reception desk. There was a woman sitting behind a counter doing some paperwork.
“Hey Skye, you’re not gonna believe this but there’s another Other-worlder!”, said the guild staff lady.
The woman called Skye looked up at me in surprise.
“Another one?! So soon?”, she asked with a shocked look on her face.
“I know right!”, said the guild lady, and then the both of them turned to stare at me like I was some sort of weird creature or something.
I squirmed with embarrassment where I stood, not used to being the subject of such weird conversations.
“Ok then.”, said Skye, “This is kind of hard to believe, but if you’re here then you must want to find out which class you belong to.”
“You see, Skye has the appraiser skill.”, said the guild lady, “She can find your class and your stats by appraising it using her skill.”
So this Skye lady was able to read my stats and class using her skill.
Hmm…
“Ok then, please take a seat.”, she said while pointing at an empty chair in front of the counter.
I sat down on the chair and Skye took her seat opposite mine.
“All you have to do is not blink your eyes.”, said Skye.
Okay. That's quite simple. I stared forward towards Skye.
She looked into my eyes and all of a sudden the color of her eyes changed slightly. This must be due to her skill, I thought.
After about a minute or so, the color of her eyes changed back and she took a deep breath.
“Well this is certainly rare.”, she said.
“It would seem that your class is ‘Guardian’, this isn’t that rare a class but it definitely isn’t too common. Your stats are almost perfectly balanced. Nothing out of the ordinary. Your strength and magic attributes are slightly above average but your intelligence and defense stats are quite good. But the thing is that generally, other-worlders like you should have better classes like Archmage or Lancer. So it is a little strange that you have a class like Guardian.”
“A guardian? Well now this really interesting.’, said the guild lady, ‘It's just that I don’t recall a Guardia- actually… Now that I think about it, there was another person like you who had the Guardian class.”
What is all this? I don’t get it. I understood the bit about the stats and I don’t have any problems with that. But why all this fuss about my class, I thought.
“So what kind of jobs can a Guardian do?”, I asked.
“Well…”, said Skye, “People of the guardian class usually end up working as personal bodyguards to nobility and the like, due to their higher defense and intelligence, they make for excellent bodyguards.”
“Yeah”, said the guild lady, “And then, of course, there’s that.”
“That?”, I asked.
“Guardians can work as the defenders of the city.”
“Huh?”
“You know, Police officers.”, said Skye, “but that isn’t a highly paid job, so it would be better for you if you-”
“Police officers!?”, I asked, cutting her off, “Are there police officers in this world?”
“Of course there are!”, said the guild lady, “Don’t tell me you plan on being one?”
Plan on being one? You’ve got to be kidding me! I am a police officer!
It’s like this class was handmade for someone like me.
“So how do I get a job as a police officer?”, I asked.
“You can’t be serious!”, said Skye, “I mean why would you want to be a police officer? It doesn’t pay much and you also have to clean up the messes that the adventurers make. Also, the station here is-”
“All of that doesn’t matter’, I said, ‘Just tell me how I can enlist as one.”
“Well, if you are so adamant about doing this, then we aren’t going to stop you. The Axinus police force station is located by the river, on the other side of town.”, said the guild lady.
“So, is there some kind of interview or test or something to get in?”, I asked.
“Well, there is no specific test because you already have the guardian class, but whether you get selected or not is a completely different story.”, said Skye.
“Huh?”
“You see… the people who work there are, well, certainly interesting people. So I’m not sure whether you will get selected or not. But judging by how rare it is to see a guardian and especially an other-worlder guardian, they must be stupid to not take you in.”, said the guild lady.
“Anyways, thanks for the info.”, I said while handing back the guild membership form.
“If you ever change your mind, I can introduce you to a noble family that requires a bodyguard.”, said Skye.
“Thanks, I’ll consider it if I ever do.”, I said.
I stood up and left the room.
As I was walking out, I could see everyone in the guild staring at me with pride.
“Looks like Axinus has gotten itself another crazy-strong guy.”, I heard the adventurers whisper among themselves. “With this, the citizens can live in peace. I hope he isn’t like that one crazy guy though.”, said an elf with a chuckle.
Looks like these guys have high hopes for me. And I’m not even an adventurer.
But I will protect the peace of this town. That's for sure.
I walked out of the building amidst all the stares.
“Umm…Excuse me?”
A soft voice called out to me as I left the building.
“Are you from Earth too?”, the person asked.
Oh! It’s the girl from the guild that everyone was looking at.
Wait a minute. Is she the other-worlder that the guild lady was talking about?
When I asked her, she replied with a smile, “Yes. My name is Rin Ishimiya. Pleasure to meet you.”, she gave a slight bow.
“Oh! My names Kei. Kei Satou. It’s a pleasure to meet you too.”, I said while returning the bow.
“How long has it been since you’ve been reincarnated here, Mr.Kei?”, she asked me.
“Its been well over a few hours now.”, I said.
“Oh!”, she said, “It took me over half a day to figure out what to do.”
She looked down, embarrassed.
“I still can’t believe that all of this is real”, she said.
“Here I was, on my way to work after receiving an urgent summons. I saw a child run onto the street and tried to save him. He seems to be fine but it looks like I didn’t make it out alive.”, she said while laughing nervously.
“And then I found myself in some kind of place. There was a goddess and she gave me some choices. All of that was so sudden. My brain didn’t have any time to catch up and then when I opened my eyes I found myself here.”
Seems like the poor girl had been through a lot.
“So when did you get here, Miss Rin?”, I asked.
“Its been about 4 days since I’ve come here.”, she said.
“4 days!”, whoa! Seems like she’s been here for a few days already.
“So what have you been doing for all these days?”, I asked.
She replied that she spent half of her first day roaming around town, too scared to interact with anyone.
“After some time, I decided to brave up and ask someone where I was. The person said that this is Axinus town and then asked me if I’m new here. Then when he found out that I was not from this world he took me straight to the guild. There, a woman helped me find out to which class I belonged.”
“So which class do you belong to?”, I asked.
“I am a ‘RunePriestess’.”, she said, “Its an advanced type of healer class, I’ve heard. Also I was a doctor in my previous life, so this class seems to be a perfect fit.”, she said with a smile.
So she was a doctor, huh. And she got a class that matched her previous life’s occupation. Just like me, I thought.
“So what did you do after having found your class?”, I asked.
“The staff at the guild told me that I had a rare class and that I should sign up as a member of the guild. Several adventurers wanted me to join their parties because I had a rare healing ability. They were all so helpful! It is because of them that I managed to survive here.”, she said with a heartfelt nod.
“Did you get to go on any quests?”, I asked.
“Oh yes.”, she said with a dejected face.
“It was…very dangerous. Even though the other members of the party kept me safe, I still couldn’t stop worrying about everyone. The monsters attacked us without any mercy and we retaliated similarly too. All this violence isn’t too much to my liking.”, she said.
“Anyways, enough about me. What about you Mr.Kei? What class do you belong to?”, she asked.
I told her about my class and how I had been a cop in my previous life. The way I died and how I was reincarnated all of a sudden. After listening to my story she said,
“Looks like the both of us worked for the people in our previous lives. So are you really going to be a police officer in this world too?”, she asked.
“Yes.”, I replied. “I guess it’s just my destiny.”
“Well, I know the way to the station. So I can help you get there.”, said Rin.
“Thanks, I’d really appreciate that.”, I took up on her offer and we started to walk towards the other side of town.
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Echelon of The Owls
Parallel worlds or other worlds. The existence of infinite existence where it only exists in science fiction like in comics, books, or cartoons. We, humans, are so fond of that fiction idea, imagining a thousand worlds where we can have different appearances, lives, and selves. For example, a murderer who's been living in the underbelly of society in the dark might be the most successful businessman in an alternate timeline or reality. The infinite possibilities we could have, that's why the idea of parallel worlds revolves around "what if", " I should've...", etc. The wishful thinking that how we could have done it better or in a word, "regret". Other than that, it's still from fiction. The concept of it only exists in our imaginary minds. But, it all changed when 20 students from an ordinary high school were caught in a mysterious phenomenon. A surge of blue light crawled across the whole room, symbols, lines, and geometric patterns emerged slowly. The light slowly grew brighter and brighter, in a blink of an eye, all of them vanished. Till to this day, the mysterious phenomenon was left to be unknown, with the existence of those 20 students. Join the journey of Sirius Steorra and Alice Schwartz as they transverse to the other world and uncover the mysteries of its world. A world that’s shrouded by mysteries and history. This is their story... ----------------------------------------------------- This is also available in Webnovel and Scribblehub. I do not own the artwork, if you are the illustrator just let me know if you want me to remove it. (Only using it temporarily) DISCLAIMERWork of fiction. All the names, places, and events are all purely based on the author's imagination. Any resemblance to an actual person or events is purely coincidental.
8 194Overload
Come one, come all to the grand reveal of MavraCorp’s Greatest Golem to date! Introducing; The Perfect Boyfriend System (Perfect Girlfriend System to be released shortly) For only 6 easy payments of 99$ you can get a brand spanking new lover, with none of the awkward stuff! He cooks, he cleans! (For legal reasons we must note that the Perfect Boyfriend Golem must be taught to clean and cook, and does not come with instinctive janitorial/culinary ability.) He doesn’t leave you for that rat, Susan! …ahem. Powered by only the most cutting edge of golem runology, your Boyfriend will evolve and learn as he lives. Under your (hopefully) caring hand he will grow to something extraordinary! Who knows, maybe with your help he’ll even become sentient… nah. MavraCorp is not responsible for any deaths, injuries, or general destruction caused by Perfect Boyfriends. [For an additional payment of 50$ you can get the Memory Wand, perfect for recreating that one celebrity, or a sexy highschool crush you recently rediscovered on Binstafram] (I’ll change the cover art when I get a chance but I had this one from a while ago so why not.)
8 109The Age of Man
Our hero has struggled for millenia to defeat the "younger" gods, achieve his vengeance, and usher the world into a new age, free from the interference of the gods. Removed from the normal cycle of reincarnation by a powerful spell, he now plans to experience his eternity in peace while being reborn with his memories intact, but tucked away, just in case he needs to step in and save humanity a second time. Unfortunately, peace is rare in the world of Verat and the loss of the gods just created a power vacuum.
8 228The Special Forces
A war between a kingdom and an empire trying to assimilate it has been causing too many casualties. A general from the kingdom thinks of an idea that will drastically change how war is fought. He plans to make small elite groups designed to cause havoc in the enemy ranks. A few teenagers from a distant town do not realize how important their powers are until they are found. *borrows names and powers from video games like Dota 2 and World of Warcraft*
8 190Summer Anarchy (Permanent Hiatus)
Izuku is fed up. After months of dealing with off-putting behaviour, the strain of an abusive relationship and the heavy neglect of a once looked up to mentor, the final straw is pulled when Izuku's quirk is taken away. He leaves to America, to reconcile with old faces and start anew. 10 months later, when Class 1-A makes a trip to California for the summer, they think of it as nothing more than a great time to relax and wind down from their hero training. They certainly don't expect to run into the familiar gaze of viridian eyes. Viridian eyes that left without so much as a 'goodbye'. Safe to say it's absolute ANARCHY. ***- Class 1-A and All Might bashing- LGBTQ+ & poly relationships- TW: homophobia; violence; abuse; self-harm; anxiety; underage drinking/drug use- Izuku x maleOC(s)(none of the artwork/ MHA characters is mine)Permanent Hiatus/Discontinued as of Dec 30, 2021
8 203moondrop x reader
😈 this is a joke 💀
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