Everything was white, I didn’t remember much. It was like the sun was crashing down on me. It didn’t take long before, white turned into black. I felt this intense burning pain all over my body, I wanted to scream but I couldn’t even breath. That’s when everything went cold. I lost all feeling over my body, this feeling was familiar. That’s when it hit me.

I must be dead

All I could see was the endless darkness, it felt like waves were pushing me on. I wonder if I’ll come back this time?

I’m sorry Icarus, all those innocent people… I hope Zack survived at least.

That’s when I saw the shimmering blue lights begin to sparkle around me. Slowly consuming the darkness, this was a first. Not a word from my Goddess.

As the darkness began to fade, I started to feel my body again. My vision started to come back to me, and I could see the dirty walls of my apartment. The feeling slowly started to come back to my legs slowly, I could feel the floor below me. I didn’t have the strength to stand on my own, and I immediately collapsed.

“Stryder!” I heard Lux cry.

It didn't take long before I felt her grab onto me. The feeling in my legs slowly began to come back to me, I could see tears streaming down Lux’s eyes as she moved me to the couch. Warmth slowly made its way back into my body, and I could move.

“Lux, is Zack okay? What about Icarus?” I frantically asked.

“Relax, Zack’s on the floor over there. And Jack left soon after Rex attacked you both, I think he went to check on Icarus. So please listen to me for once and sit back!” Lux roared as she shoved me back down on the couch.

Her tears dropped onto my face, and I just stopped. It was just like when I fought stone all over again. I wasn’t being considerate of her feelings…

“I’m sorry Lux, I’m okay I promise.” I choked out.

She leaned down and buried her face into my chest.

“You idiot! You didn’t listen to me!” She yelled into me. “I thought you were gone…”

I slowly moved my arms around her, rubbing her back.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“You’re always doing this!”

“I know..”

I stayed quiet after that. I could feel her rough grip on my shirt slowly lessen. We stayed like that for a while, until her tears were gone. I wasn’t really sure what to say to her, what could I say? I felt terrible for torturing her like this. But I didn’t have a single regret about what I did. Icarus needed me, those people needed me…

“Stryder, be honest with me.” I heard Lux ask as she slowly rose from my chest.

She sat up and properly sat down on the couch, and I followed her lead.

“Yeah, what is it?” I asked.

“Do you trust me?” she asked.

Lux was looking down and away from me, unlike her usual confident self. No warm smile, just a tear stained face and a fainted voice.

“Of course I do! Why would you even ask that?”

“You never tell me what you think, you're always so positive and cheerful to me. Even when we were kids and I stole your toys or lied to mom to get you in trouble. You never got mad at me.” She paused for a moment, she was scanning her hands as if there was some script there to tell her what to say next. She stayed like that for a moment, then she looked up into my eyes. “But at the library, that was the first time you told me how something I did made you feel.”

“I-I don’t think it’s just you Lux. I don’t really trust anyone with my feelings.” I spoke without even thinking this time. I don’t know why, but maybe it was time. I was really honest.

“What? Not even Zack?” She asked in pure shock.

“I left Annual because I was scared she was gonna die like mom. I broke her heart, which means I broke Zack’s heart too. How could I trust him with my feelings? How could I give him this weight when he’s already carrying so much? Let alone carry the weight of the one who did that to Annual..” I looked over at the sleeping Zack on the floor. “To be fair, I still lean on him all the time. I think I’d lose my mind if Zack wasn’t around. He’s like my other half, ya know?”

“I’m sure Zack feels the same, I don’t think he be holding that against you Stryder. But beyond that, you don’t want me to carry any because you think I blame you for it, don’t you?” She spat out, with some obvious malice.

“I’m sorry..” I quickly responded.

“Stop! Stop! Stop!” She roared, she had tears streaming down her face. “I’m the one that ran away from you! I’m the one who left you all alone when you needed it most! So stop apologizing! Stop killing yourself every day!” She shouted.

Soon she couldn’t even talk, I felt her shaking as she just bailed her eyes out. She grabbed my shoulders and tried her best to look me in the eyes.

“Lux it’s my fault! You don’t have to feel guil-”

“No dammit! It’s not okay! It’s not! I ignored you! I let dad beat you! I wanted it to happen to you! I’m the worst big sister ever!” She cried out, her tears falling onto my face. “You didn’t deserve it, you're so kind and giving! I was wrong, forgive me, please…” She sniffled.

I didn’t know how to respond, all this time I thought she hated me. I thought she wanted me gone, but she was just afraid. Scared of what I thought of her. Scared that I blamed her. I didn’t have any words, I just moved my arms around her and pulled her into me.

“Lux, I love you. I’ll always love you. If you can forgive me, I’ll forgive you.” I said softly.

She was still shaking, still bawling her eyes out on my shoulders.

“Mmmhhm! I forgive you!” She cried into my shoulder.

I couldn’t help but smile, I haven’t held Lux like this in ages. I haven’t seen her cry in a long time either. Her warmth, it felt nice. I felt complete. I held onto her, and let her cry it all out.

I planned on staying like that for as long as I could, but a knock on the door cut our time short. The knock became more violent and needy as time passed. Lux sat up quickly and fixed her face the best she could.

“Stay still, I’ll get it.” She sighed.

She got up and quickly rushed over to the door, while I sat up to see who it was.

“Look, right now’s not a good-” Lux stopped immediately as she opened the door more.

She seemed to freeze in place.

I got up from the couch, my mind zoomed with thoughts of who that could be. I walked over to Lux and my heart nearly skipped a beat. Standing at the door, was that police officer from the stone attack! The one that let me go from the sound machine! Blonde hair that went to her back, brown eyes, and freckles. She was in blue jeans and a white t-shirt. A gun holster at her side.

She stared into my eyes with a look of shock, I stared back at her with an equally confused look.

“It’s no doubt now, you really are the Knight…” The officer stammered out softly.

My sister snatched her arm and slung her inside, slamming the door behind the officer. Thus making us lose the play dumb option.

“Lux! Chill out! She is still a cop! And she’s armed!” I yelled over at her.

But Lux’s aggressive wolf face soon changed to one of shock and confusion.

The officer had tears streaming down her face, a huge smile was etched onto her as she was staring at me.

“Thank goodness, I thought you were dead.” She sniffled out.

...

We all sat in the kitchen, looking over the officer who had finally compose herself

“My apologizes, my name is Officer Wealhtheow, but you can call me Donum my first name. I’m sorry this is so sudden! I panicked when I saw the video of you and that Rex guy, I had to make sure you were okay.” She said quickly as she looked us both over.

“So what? You’re a cop that was there for the stone incident?” Lux asked.

“Yeah I remember her, she was the officer that convinced her team to let me go,” I replied. “But how did you find me? Better yet recognize me?”

“Well, I’ve known about you for a long time now, even before your debut as the Knight...” She was blushing now, her eyes averted from us both and onto the floor.

Lux squinted her eyes with a concerned look on her face, slowly stepping in front of me.

“What do you mean?” Lux asked.

“Right, you probably wouldn’t remember me.” She coughed and sat upright.

She turned toward us and smiled happily.

“I’m the girls whose life you saved years ago in that alleyway.” She said cheerfully.

My body went numb, flashbacks zoomed in my mind of that day. The screams, the fight, my mom being shot. The girl's face who ran away from me, I couldn’t forget it. The look in her eyes, the tears. This was her, I knew she looked familiar. She was okay. Better than okay! She went and became a cop! A smile slowly rose to my face, tears came pouring down.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” I cheered.

“No way…” Lux stammered out. “It was you..”

Lux walked over to her slowly, her head down as she dropped to her knees at the women. I was still in shock, I wasn’t sure what to do here.

“You, you’re the one my mom died for.” Lux spat out.

“What..” Donum asked in shock.

“Four years ago, on Heorot street. My mom was shot to death by an unknown assailant.” Lux growled out. “Because Stryder ran in to save you.”

I unconsciously stepped forward, I could feel it, The hurt, the guilt, the pain. It was all gonna reach a point here. I moved my hand on Lux’s shoulder, I wasn’t sure how she could be feeling right now. How could I? Donum seemed to be in shock, guilt splattered all over her face. I remembered Zack’s words, about letting my mom's death be shackles. I needed to tear my shackles off.

“Serena Beowulf died four years ago to save me because I ran in to save you. You didn’t know her, but I can assure you. She was the type of woman who do it all over again, if it meant seeing you like this.” I stepped forward, moving my hand off Lux. “So please, don’t feel guilty or ashamed. She wouldn’t want that.” I said flatly, looking Donum in the eyes.

She quickly looked away from my gaze.

“But still, I-I didn’t know all this time, that I-”

“I made that choice, not you. And I have to live with that burden every day. but I know for a fact. My mom wouldn’t want us to thank her sacrifice with something ugly like shame or guilt. She wants us to live, just like you have.” I gave her a big smile.

She slowly lifted her head to face me, she stared into my eyes for a bit. A puzzled look on her face, like she was waiting for me to do something else.

“Please Stryder, tell me. Just what happened on that day?”