CHAPTER 42

What’s with all the noise?

It sounded like it was coming from Kaz’s class. My class was usually the one causing all the commotion, but today, it seemed something crazy was happening over there.

“Settle down people, it’s all under control.” my teacher tried to calm us down to no avail.

My classmates started scrolling through social media to figure out what happened.

“Apparently the new transfer student walked out with one. She’s super cool, but she could do better than that guy.” I overhear.

That sounds like Kaz…

I was never really into gossip, but if Kaz’s involved, I have to find out. I couldn’t help but feel a mix of pride and disappointment. I was going to confess to the transfer student, but it seemed that Kaz beat me to the punch. I’m glad he’s finally grown up though. But I couldn’t help but think about Mary.

Speaking of Mary, she’s been awfully quiet…

“Mary?” I nudge at her.

“Hmm?” she snaps out of her daze.

“Have you heard what’s happening? Apparently our knucklehead friend finally got with-“

Mary suddenly stands up from her chair, her head kept low. No one bats an eye given the commotion of the situation.

“A girl…” I reluctantly finish my sentence.

Mary still doesn’t answer.

“Mary?”

She rushes out of the classroom, slamming the door open.

“W-Wait!”

I follow her outside. She had already half-way towards the end of the hallway.

“W-Wait!” I shout to her.

Fortunately my words reach her, as she stops in her tracks.

“W-What happened?” I try to catch my breath. “Are you okay?”

“It’s nothing Daisuke.” she replies.

“Nothing?”

I know she’s lying. I know the Roadrunner was totally into Kaz. Hearing that another girl suddenly swoops in and steals your crush has to be totally heart-breaking.

I better cheer her up…

“Mary, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. To be honest, I never-“

“It’s not about that!” she snaps at me.

She catches me off-guard. I thought that was what she was hurt about.

“Then what is it?” I ask.

Mary starts to head back to our classroom.

“It’s nothing. Forget it. Let’s just go-“

I instantly grab her hand from behind as she walks back. She turns her head around, her face beet-red from surprise.

“I know you’re lying. If it’s not Kaz, then what is it?”

She still stays silent, her gaze locked away from my eyes. Finally, she speaks up.

“Do you really want to know?” she asks.

“Know what?” I reply.

She brushes off my hand and I release her. Mary finally looks deep into my eyes.

“The truth.”

“Hang on!”

I am screaming my lungs out! After following Akane Yuki out of our classroom, she made me sit behind her of a large motorcycle, and wear a helmet. I haven’t experienced ludicrous speeds like this since I was a kid riding rollercoasters! It felt a bit embarrassing to wrap my arms around her slender waist, though being able to see her hair tied up in a ponytail was completely worth the emasculating experience.

D-Do you even have a license?!?

“No, of course not.” she bluntly admits.

“I had too much time so I got bored one day and decided to learn how. I’m pretty good, don’t you think?”

I can see her smug expression through her aviator sunglasses. Her skills didn’t seem half-bad, even if she was driving like a madwoman.

I ask her if she had acquired any other skills along the way, and she tells me “of course, duh.” Akane Yuki after all this time had managed to pick up various martial arts, sports, some additional languages, musical instruments, magic tricks, culinary arts, and other skills ranging from useful to useless. This meant that she had probably tried out everything she could within the restraints of the endless loop. I wonder if her skills would retain after we break the loop.

“By the way…, if you learned how to ride a motorcycle during the loops, this couldn’t be your bike right? Whose is it?” I asked out of curiosity. Everything resets after a period of time, so I wondered what she did to acquire this. I’m not an expert of motorcycles, but I could never picture Yuki-san with this one.

“I don’t know.”

“Huh?” I am dumbfounded.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit stupid to leave your bike alone on the street with the keys still in the ignition?”

“Y-Yes…?”

So that means…

“It was easier to get the bike than the helmet you’re wearing right now. You’re welcome by the way.”

Alrighty then.

It seems that the more questions I asked the more moral dilemmas I would have. Ignorance is bliss; I have no idea what Akane Yuki is talking about.

“How would you feel if you lost your memories? All your skills, even driving, would be lost as well right?”

Breaking this loop had a real possibility that everything that happened here would be lost forever. It’d be kind of a shame honestly. It’s a bit tragic to spend so much time and effort only to forget everything.

Yuki-san doesn’t respond. Maybe she didn’t hear me since my voice was a bit muffled through the helmet.

“Akane?”

She must have heard me this time, but she still doesn’t respond. It’s a question she refuses to answer.

Could it be…?

Akane Yuki does not want to lose her memories.

She didn’t learn all these skills because she “bored,” rather she must have needed another reason to remember. I think she would regret losing all the skills she had managed to acquire. Like how I was able to retain my memories through seeing something shocking, Yuki-san further retained her memories through these skills. I didn’t remember simply because of seeing something shocking, but it was because of the strong emotional response I had (in my case, horror). Yuki-san’s response was “regret.”

To keep producing this feeling of regret, she kept learning new skills, along with letting Mary die a few times I suppose.

This finally dawns another question for me:

Why did Akane Yuki act as if she had lost all of her memories today?

We finally arrive at an expensive-looking hotel. As we entered the lobby, I notice heads turning, curiously observing clearly two out-of-place high school students. While it did not seem like a five-star hotel, it was obviously not something typical for a high school student. Yuki-san checks in almost naturally, turns down one of the workers who offer to lead us to the room, and proceeds effortlessly.

After we enter her room, Yuki-san immediately sits down on the large sofa. She lets her hair down to my disappointment.

I sit down on the bed, finally aware of the stunning situation I am in. Currently, I am alone with a girl in a hotel room, which would be a precursor for something to happen. Instead, I for some reason, feel zero sexual tension with Yuki-san. It just felt a bit surreal to be with her right now.

“So you found some money too during the loops?”

“It doesn’t matter, everything resets remember?”

“That’s true I suppose.”

“It’s time for us to discuss our next move.”

It seemed that our small talk was over. She got right to the point. I feel the need to move closer to her, so I head over to the couch.

Comfy.

“I hoped you finally would remember sooner, but better late than never I guess.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Whatever.” she brushes me off.

“The truth is…I still don’t remember much. I know Mary’s aware of the time loop, and that you’re the girl of my dreams or something.”

“Or something?” Yuki-san didn’t like that. “Don’t tell me you just said that just because.”

I reluctantly nod.

I don’t know why she is the girl of my dreams, but just Akane Yuki somehow fits that description. It’s a feeling I can’t describe inside.

“And to be honest, I’m not sure if I’m Kazuki or Kazuhira right now. It’s like I’m a mix of both.” I say. “I can’t deny Kazuhira’s existence.”

“Well that’s just great.” she pouts. “But like I said, I’ll make you remember later.”

“Anyways, Mary is aware of the loop, surely that must be related to this?” I mention.

“…Kazuki. I’ve experienced 27,253 days remember?”

“What do you mean?”

Even though Akane Yuki had experienced 27,253 days, Mary had experienced many more than her. I'm not even sure how many days have actually passed.

“I said this last time, didn’t I? It’s not like I solely focused on you the entire time. I realized Mary knew about the time loop a long time ago, but she seemed more like an unfortunate bystander, unlike you.”

“Maybe you got negligent and didn’t look deep enough.” I pointed out.

Yuki-san sighs heavily and rolls her eyes back. It’s apparent she was annoyed at me doubting her competency.

“It seemed she had zero intentions of breaking this loop, and so she refused to cooperate with me. Mary wasn’t causing me any harm either, so I left her alone. We had a mutual understanding.”

“But what about her pin? It ages unlike everything else. Do you know about that?”

“Her pin?”

Mary’s Masked Avenger pin was the only instance of something changing through the course of the loops. At least, the only thing I’ve noticed.

“I see.” Yuki-san apologizes to me. “That makes sense.”

“What are you talking about?”

Yuki-san stays silent.

“Say Kazuki, do you remember this?”

She brushes her hair, and points her red ribbon. It was worn and almost falling apart. It looked out-of-place compared to how modern Yuki-san presented herself.

“No…?”

I didn’t recognize it. I wondered why she still wore it, even though it was practically falling apart. It must have had some personal significance or something.

“Your face tells me you’re not getting it Kazuki. I want to ask you seriously, do you believe in time travel?”

“W-What?”

If I said no, then clearly whatever we’re experiencing contradicts that.

“But we’re stuck in a time loop, not necessarily moving back or forwards right?”

“Sure, but I’m asking you. Do you think it’s possible for us to turn back time? Do you think it’s possible to return to February 1st instead of our repeating February 2nd?”

I’m not sure what she’s getting at.

“I think once something happens, it can’t be undone.”

I just answer her question honestly, ignoring how it contradicts what we’re experiencing. Even I’ve thought “If only I could turn back time” countless times in my life. In any other circumstance, I think time travel would be too hard for me to believe. I probably wouldn’t believe it even if I traveled back in time, unless I had absolute proof that I was in the past. And it’s possible that even with irrefutable evidence, I still wouldn’t be able to accept it.

I’m not sure if that’s the answer Yuki-san was expecting, but she nods with a simple “yes.”

“Your feelings on that are normal. Apparently you could say that’s the same feelings we’re experiencing right now.”

“What do you mean…?”

“You failed to recognize this red ribbon I’m wearing right?”

“Sure…but what does that have to do with this loop?”

“Those of us aware of the loop have something to distinguish ourselves. This is my ‘object’ Kazuki.”

That’s what we’re calling it?

“Then Mary’s is her pin?”

So that’s why Yuki-san’s ribbon is old and worn, just like Mary’s.

Yuki-san nods.

“Now…you understand why I suspected you correct?”

“…Why?”

Maybe I was too afraid to admit it, but Yuki-san steals the words out of my mouth.

“Because you have an object too.” she says to me. “The only problem is I don’t know what your object is.”

I look up and down my body and clothes. Nothing seems out of place. Surely if something was different or changing, I would have noticed it.

“It’s not on you Kazuki. Believe me, I’ve checked.” she says, rather apathetically.

Checked…?

I suddenly realize what she meant and I can immediately feel my cheeks getting warm!

"W-What?!?"

“I-It’s not like I wanted to!” she pouts.

Oh my God!!!

“T-Then where would my ‘object’ be?”

“I-I don’t know! That’s why I’ve been trying to get you to remember. Surely you must have hidden it for some reason.”

I try to calm down. Would that explain the reason for my lost memories? That I was trying to hide this object?

“Clearly the only lead we have is you Kazuki. You share the same feelings with what’s going on, which I doubt is a coincidence.”

Of course, that would be too convenient.

Wanting to turn back time, but unable to believe in it. That lack of confidence would probably warp the reality or even the “wish” to turn back time. I get it.

“But haven’t we traveled back in time over and over?” That was the point of this loop, no?

“Kazuki, did I ever mention this phenomenon as ‘traveling back in time’ even once?”

There’s no way I would know since I’ve had muddled memories of Akane Yuki.

“That means this loop we’re experiencing is defective.”

“Then how did you experience over 27,253 loops?”

“I’m proof that it’s defective isn’t it? If time reversal was perfect, then I wouldn’t retain any of memories. In fact, I don’t think anyone would, yet I managed to somehow through sheer luck.”

She suddenly grins at my expressionless face.

“I bet you’re thinking, ‘For Akane Yuki, anything is possible.’ am I right?”

I can’t argue because she was correct.

“That’s why to break this loop, I tried to break you.” she averts her eyes, almost like she felt guilty saying that.

But there’s still one thing I did not understand.

“Who are you to me Yuki-san?”

Yuki-san frowns at me.

Maybe this was something I shouldn’t have asked.

“Why do I think of you as The Girlfriend of My Dreams?”

“No, nevermind.” I correct myself.

I’d imagine that it’d be a one-sided thing, and that I shouldn’t impose whatever feelings I had on you. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want-“

However, she opens her mouth to my surprise, frowning the whole time.

“Like I said, one day out of the blue we were suddenly boyfriend and girlfriend. Sure you could say it’s a one-sided thing, but you are my hero of justice. World A(kane), World B, it doesn’t matter at the end does it?” she scoffs. “Not while we’re stuck in here.”

“What are you talking about, Worlds?”

She explains to me that I had this “world-hopping” ability, where one world she was my girlfriend, and the other she wasn’t.

Sounds confusing, but sure.

Hearing the origin of that didn’t seem to out of place at this point. Literally anything was possible.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember much.” “

That’s fine.”

“So wait…are you World A or B?” I asked. She must have been World A given how she was aware of my “World Hopping” ability, but I just wanted to confirm for myself.

Yuki-san adjusts her loose red ribbon. She ignores me.

I guess she doesn’t want to answer.

“So how can we escape this loop? I thought Mary knew, but what do we do now?” I asked.

Mary has zero intention of helping us.

Yuki-san sits up straight, thinking intently.

“This might be a long shot, but what if we destroy our objects? That would be the most literal way of ‘breaking’ this loop wouldn’t it? Everything manages to return to its natural state, except our objects. Maybe they’re the things acting like a seal.”

“How would you even know that would work? What if we can’t destroy them?”

“You can.” Yuki-san reveals.

Her statement catches me off-guard.

“You don’t think I’m wearing this because of its look right?”

I finally notice that Yuki-san’s ribbon seemed a bit odd, as if a part was cut off or something. I thought it was a stylistic choice, but I guess she had tested this theory before.

“I destroyed a part of it, and it never came back the next loop.” she reveals.

So I guess our “objects” have something to do with this loop.

“But Mary’s never gonna give her pin so willingly.” I said.

Unless…we have no other choice.

I suddenly realize that we might not have another option. Reasoning with Mary would not work, and I doubt she’d cooperate. I suddenly feel my body shiver, feeling disgust.

I shouldn’t tell her. Even if I know she could do it.

“Kazuki.”

My body twitches when she calls out my name.

“Why are you quiet all of a sudden? Have you figured out a way to convince Mary?”

I look away from her piercing eyes.

“You’re giving me ‘that’ look. The look when you’re hiding something.”

“N-No, I-I’m not.”

“It’s been 27,253 loops. I think I know when you’re hiding something by now Kazuki. Don’t even get me started on how gross I feel from observing you every day like a perverted stalker.”

She didn’t have to word it that way, but it was true. Although anyone would realize I was trying to hide something.

I can’t tell her that. She’d never forgive me.

“Kazuki!”

Yuki-san grabs me by my collar. She’s in my face, her eyes filled with rage. She was growing impatient by the second. Of course, it was natural to act this way after finally finding a lead after 27,253 loops or so.

“Tell. Me. Now.”

I tell her.

“We need to kill Mary.”

I felt awful just even thinking about that. I fell in love with Mary over the course of the endless loops, and for me to just disregard her life so easily felt out of character. She would be resurrected anyways, just like she always was. But this was one step further. This was intent, not just being a bystander. We would effectively become murders.

I’m not sure if I was capable of it, but given how desperate Yuki-san was, I don’t know if she would even hesitate if it came to it. I’m wondering why this never occurred to her. Why didn’t she just forcefully take Mary’s object? It would be two out of three objects right there, and I doubt Mary could have taken it back easily anyways. Why didn’t she just simply take the pin off Mary’s corpse anyways?

Yuki-san doesn’t answer me.

Yuki-san lowers her head towards the ground.

She is still holding my collar, though I could feel her grip loosening.

“I-“ Yuki-san releases me. “I can’t kill her.” she answers in a somber tone.

“Why? What is she to you?”

“It’s unethical. Sure I’m desperate as you are to escape this loop, but we have to do it the right way. Killing her, even if she would be resurrected, is inhuman.”

Yuki-san’s low voice further brings how serious my idea was.

“But you really want to know why? It’s because she’s my friend. You may not remember it, but before all this happened, in that other world, we were the best of friends. You, me, Mary, and even Daisuke. I can’t cross that line, no matter what.”

I only had hazy images of it. I can’t even recall a single time the four of us interacted with each other. Even if she’s telling me these things to happen, it feels meaningless since I don’t remember any of it.

“We have no choice.” I tell her. “I tried talking to Mary, and she said that she made some promise to me, and it doesn’t look like she’s going to change her mind any time soon.”

Her eyes were burning with anger. It’s almost as if her hazel eyes turned ruby red.

“But I don’t get it. You’ve killed Mary and other people to retain your memories right?”

“What are you trying to say to me?”

She glares at me. I think she would have punched me if we were further away.

“You were aware of the trucks and accidents this whole time right? That was a way for you to retain your memories correct?”

“So you’re asking why not take it a step further right? I already told you idiot Kazuki, I’m not a monster.”

Even though she keeps denying it, I don’t comprehend her actions and methodology.

Yuki-san grabs me by the collar again and scowls into my face. I scowl back this time. I could feel my blood boiling inside, as I wasn’t prepared to have this confrontation with her. We were supposed to work together, but I’m resisting the urge to engage as best I can. But I can’t resist. I am completely under her thumb, ever since I met her. How could she be so hypocritical after what happened? I’ve been suppressing my true feelings for long enough! But even though I can’t remember, I know she is someone important to me.

And so I say something that destroys our relationship.

“Then why did you kill me that night?”

And so our relationship is destroyed.