《A Demon Between Worlds》Chapter Thirty Three: Sara's Lament
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The space between universes was strange. Like, very, very strange. The best way I could think of to describe things was like I was in a lucid dream, where everything appears to be fine on first glance, but upon closer inspection, you start to notice subtle differences. For one, the colours in this place were muted in the corners of my vision, and too vibrant on the areas my gaze focuses on. Shapes blur and blend into each other, and nothing seems definitively real; it's like my senses are telling me one thing, but my mind's telling something else.
The strangest thing of all is that after a while, I can't for the life of me remember what the actual place looks like. I can remember that it looked wrong, and I can remember what I did there, but like a dream, the images and concepts of this place was lost to me the second I shifted my attention.
Well, not that it really mattered, I wasn't here to ponder the philosophical implications of this strange dimension, but rather, I had to prevent an unstable Nephilium from ripping apart the dimension I did know. Thankfully, true to Mike's word, Becca and I were dropped right where she was.
Sara noticed us first, “Mark? Becca? Is that really you?”
“Sara!” Becca answered, jogging over to the other girl, “I heard you were kinda destroying the whole universe, so uh, do you mind if you stopped?”
Sara laughed a sad, tired laugh, and said, “If that's what you're here for, then don't worry about it. I'm not going to do anything any more. If you're here to kill me then please just get it done. I'm tired, Becca.”
“Uh... what?”
“That's what you're here for, isn't it? Like everyone else, you're here to put me out of my misery. Just go ahead.”
“What the fuck, Sara.” Becca answered, puzzled, “Why the hell do you think we're here to kill you?”
“Because I don't belong anywhere.” She answered bitterly, “You saw what happened when I just... exist. I caused the deaths of thousands, Becca. I saw you die. I saw everyone die, just because I'm alive.”
“But I'm not dead any more. And arn't you gonna even ask how the boss and I are even here in the first place?”
Sara shook her head, “You don't understand, Becca. It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter if you can come back to life a million times, because as long as I'm around, everyone I know and love will be in danger. So please, Becca, Mark, do the world a favour and just put me out of my misery.”
This time I spoke up, “What happened to you, Sara? What's with the defeatist attitude?”
The poor girl answered with a sad chuckle, “I finally realized the truth is what happened. You know, Mark, back in the Sprawl, I thought that I could fix things if I started everything over again. Make it so that I could finally have a place where I belonged. And I was so angry with everything that I probably would have done it, but after a while, I realized that it's not fair, is it? Who am I to decide the fate of the universe? What right do I have to dictate the lives of everyone on the Earth? What's the worth of one... abomination's happiness verses the whole world's?”
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“Sara, you're not some kind of freak!” I said. I moved closer to where she sat, trying to confort her, but she flinched away when she saw what I was doing.
“It's nice of you to say, Mark, but we all know the truth. I don't belong anywhere, and that's all there is to it. You can say all the words in the universe and it won't change a thing. Nothing else matters. I don't deserve to live.”
Becca turned to face Sara and shouted, “What the fuck happened to you? The damn blondie I knew wouldn't be this... this god damn big of a bitch! I came back to fucking life for you, Sara, and the boss and everyone else's risking their lives for you right now! We didn't do all this to save a god damn sobbing mess! If you want to die so badly, why don't you just end your own fucking life!”
Tears started to fall freely from Sara's face as she dropped to the ground, “Don't you think I tried, Becca? I tried, but I couldn't! I don't even have the courage to do the one good thing that I can in this miserable life! I can't even do that... I can't even die right.”
Becca snapped then. She looked at Sara, tears starting to form in my secretary's eyes then, and slapped the other girl. “Well fuck you for thinking that!”
Sara held her cheeks, stunned.
“And fuck you for thinking that you don't belong anywhere.” Becca continued, her tears ruining her mascara. “You belong to right here, as our friend, and fuck the rest of the world if they don't agree. I like you, Mark likes you, Alexei and Irina like you, so that's all that matters. I don't care if Hell wants you dead, and I don't give a fuck if Heaven thinks so too. And you know what? I don't fucking care if you think that you're worthless, because you're not. So get your damn mopy ass off the ground so we can fix this damn mess, and you don't get a say in anything because I don't care.”
Sara stared silently at Becca, and to be fair, so did I.
“But-”
“No fucking buts!” Becca said, forcing Sara off the ground, “I've made up my mind, and that's all that matters.”
“You know, Sara.” I chimed in, “She's right. When she's like that there's nothing that Heaven or Hell can do that'll change her mind. So let's save everyone the headache and just figure out a way to get out of this whole mess.”
Sara was silent for a few moments, but eventually, she did speak up. She said just one word, but that one word made all the difference.
“Thanks.”
“Good,” Becca replied, “Now let's get out of this creepy ass place.”
Sara gathered her composure, and asked, “How? You know that I can't go back to Earth, and I won't, Becca, even if you don't agree. I can't... I can't put other people in danger just because of me.”
“We're not going back to Earth.” I answered, “We'll go somewhere else, another Earth, a place you can call your own.”
“But how, Mark? I tried leaving, but this is as far as I can go. I can't push further, Mark.”
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I smiled, “That's where I come in. I'll provide the energy to get you out of this place, but I don't know where I'll drop you off...”
“Don't worry about that,” She answered, “I know how to... navigate after. I'll be fine as long as you can do your part.”
“You sure?”
“To be honest, no. But what other choice do we have?”
“Then that's what we'll do.” I said, “Guys, stand back a bit. And whatever happens, and I mean anything, do not interrupt what I'm doing.”
“Got it boss, don't bug you while you're doing whatever it is your doing.”
“I understand, Mark. And thank you.”
What I didn't tell the girls was that I was highly unsure that what I'm about to do will work. The only other time I've tried making a portal across dimensions turned out to be a disaster, but like Sara said, there wasn't any other choices. I took a deep breath, and drew power from Lucifer's ring, and Uriel's pendant. More power than I ever dared to before.
Banefire came flooding onto my right hand, while Heaven Fire burned in my left. I continued to let the substances build up, stronger and more dense as the minutes passed. I felt my head ache with the effort, as it has every time I exerted more energy than I could. Only, I couldn't afford to stop today. I knew that with even one moment of lapsed concentration could spell disaster, and I wouldn't have a second try to get this right.
Minute after minute passes as more and more energy grew. The world around me turned hazy with pain as I continued go syphon energy from the ring and the pendant. But still it wasn't enough. I had to draw more. I ground my teeth and through sheer force of will I continued to draw the precious energy into my hands. I felt the artefacts burn from the taxation, straining to meet the demand, but I knew that I still needed more.
I felt cracks appear on the artefacts before I heard it, warning me that any attempts to use them further will result in their destruction. I ignored it. It doesn't matter if I lose the ring, or the necklace. My friends back on Earth were depending on me, and Sara's whole existence was resting on my shoulders.
I drew more and more, until the inevitable happened. The gift from Lucifer and Uriel shattered under the strain, and in that microsecond, I felt time slow down. Thoughts were racing through my head at the speed of light as I saw the last remains of hope shatter and explode. Images of failure raced through my mind.
I saw Alexei and Irina dead, overwhelmed by the demon army. Hel and Cait lay in tatters as the waves of demons swarmed over them. I saw Becca crying while Sara fell into despair, all because I fucked up again. But in that tiny time frame, I also saw hope. I saw one way that I could stop all of this, one solution that would prevent it all. And it was right in front of me the whole time, all I had to do was take it.
I could use my Soul.
After all, Uriel did say that I had free will, and that implied that I had a soul like everyone else on Earth. But what would happen to me if I used it as an energy source? Well, I honestly didn't know. Perhaps it would regenerate over time, but that didn't seem likely. Most probably, I would simply cease to exist. A small part of me told me that even suggesting this was insane, that it doesn't matter if everyone dies in the end. After all, I could just make new friends. I had the rest of existence to live for. I didn't need to risk it.
But what would life be worth if I did? The answer was simple.
I looked deep inside myself, and took that tiny spark of energy to fuel my powers. Banefire and Heaven Fire erupted into my hands in a torrent, more than I have ever seen before, and it was gathering fast. And I no longer felt the exhaustion and pain that plagued me before; in fact, I felt nothing at all. The world around me dimmed as more of my soul was used, a feeling of emptiness filling the very core of my existence.
And in that emptiness, I felt something else invade my being. Some alien. This thing slithered into my psyche, wrapping itself around my weakened Soul. Replacing it as fast as I was exhausting it. Binding to the very thing that made me who I am. And all the while I felt this... this wrong-ness. It was like my very being was violated. Like I had all of my knowledge and secrets pried open and changed. It took everything I had to ignore this alien entity and focus on the task at hand. I would deal with it later.
An eternity later, I felt that I had gathered enough of what I needed, and I forced my weak hands to clap together. A rush of force followed, but not the explosion. I smiled. It seemed that the portal worked.
I vaguely recall Sara saying something to me, and I also vaguely recall answering her. What we said, I don't know, but I do know that she made it across the portal, and that I collapsed on the ground the second I was sure she was through. It took me a long time to start feeling normal again, or as close to normal as I could. That feeling of wrong-ness never left, but I didn't concern Becca with it.
After all, my poor secretary has been through enough over the last few days, and having her worry about me was pointless. I'll figure something out when I have to.
“Boss, you sure you're ok?” My secretary asked, “You're not looking too good.”
“Yeah, I just use a little too much energy. Nothing to worry about.”
“You sure?” Becca said, still looking concerned.
I forced myself up, and ruffled Becca's hair with a trembling hand, “We just saved the universe and all that, give me a break.”
I think she still knew that something was up with me. While it was true that I was still feeling fatigued, I wasn't anything that I haven't experienced before. No, rather, it was the nightmarish feeling of violation that was impossible to ignore. It was like my mind was ripping itself apart every second, reforming into something else entirely.
“Come on.” I said, forcing my voice to be as even as I could manage, “Let's get back. Hopefully the rest of the crew's holding up ok.”
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