Welcome everyone, Yes this is my first attempt at a novel. PETA members, Youngsters, People at work, anti-gun idiots, Beware this story is NOT for you. Nor is it family friendly there WILL be Cussing, Random acts of wanton slaughter, references to instances of rape and pillaging. Luckily or unluckily considering if your a prude or not there will be no in depth descriptions of sex. Why? Because i SUCK at writing such content. No matter how much i might enjo...Cough err ALSO There WILL BE NO PIE! in this story. Remember PIE Is a LIE!

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Chapter 1

A World Of Nope

“When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,

And the women come out to cut up what remains,

Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains

An' go to your Gawd like a soldier”

Rudyard Kipling,The Young British Soldier

Hi my name is Rich hollings and this is a story about dragons, elves, and magic cake! Herm

maybe not so much about cake, at least there is no pie, for pie is the lie. What follows past this point is a story that will hopefully explain to you the events that have recently shaken our world to its very core. In a perfect world I would have been able to ensure every man woman and child on our planet was informed about the changes before they happened. Sadly with over seven billion people on our planet that was not possible, even with modern communications.

I Could just tell you what the blue screen message means, and also give you a in depth explanation on setting up your character. but then you dear reader would not understand the true purpose of the changes that are taking place. To comprehend the ramifications of our new reality you will need to start where all good stories start. The beginning.

“Richard Hollings!” My mothers voice yelled out “Get your ass out of bed and down here, your food is getting cold!” Ugg.. rolling out of bed I start to get dressed. I had been having this great dream concerning a particular Baywatch babe and some..”cough” well lets not get into too much detail, you don't really need to know about that. Sigh.. It was a good dream while it lasted. Quickly putting on my jeans a long sleeve shirt, some socks and shoes i head on out to the the kitchen. “Sleep well Richard?” “yea mom but you interrupted a awesome dream I was having” Mom Just shakes her head and laughs at me..

Sitting down we start to eat when mom starts to talk “Dan called this morning, He asked me, to ask you if you would be interested in house sitting the retreat while he is out of town for a week” I started to get really excited hearing what my mom said, You see Dan or Uncle Dan my mothers older brother is one of those people, that other people have words and sayings about. The most common being "Gun Nut", But I have also heard "eccentric" more then once also. Just nice ways of saying "crazy" without actually saying "crazy". And the only difference between "crazy" and "eccentric" is how much money you have.

I loved going to Dan's, The openness, the solitude, Blowing things and small critters away with a high powered rifle. Err ignore that last part. This story is Definitely not PETA approved by the way. What more could a guy want? Yea Uncle Dan has a lot of nice firepower and it was always a high point of my rare semi annual visits, when he took me out to his small gun range at the back of his property.

Officially Dan works for some government 'Think tank' in the Washington D.C area, Although he mainly stays at his 'Retreat' and does his work via the Internet. Why do I say Officially? Well let me just say that my uncle is more likely to turn into a liberal anti-gun nut then ever be stuck sitting in some office somewhere. Nether me or my mom actually know what he really does for work, I suspect he works for No Such Agency (NSA) or maybe Christians In Action (CIA). Looking over at mom “Did Dan say when he needed me to show up?” mom nods “He wants you there by tomorrow afternoon” Shocked a bit I state “That is going to be tough, its a twelve hour drive from here to Montana” Nodding to me she asks “So what should I tell him?” Not even have to think about it i responded “Hell YES, Tell him I will be on the road in a hour” “Ok, honey make sure you are careful” Sighing to myself at her words, she has always been a bit overprotective.(Love you mom) I finish eating, do my dishes and proceed to my bedroom to pack.

Sixteen hours , a flat tire, two restroom/food breaks, a speeding ticket and a partridge in a pear tree...errr... later, I pull up to the gate to Uncle Dan's property. Punching in the security code on the gate it opens up and I drive through. Going up the dirt road I can see Dan's house, Now most people would be fooled into thinking that Dan's place was a small one story building. What those people don't know is that only the top floor is above ground. In reality his house has three floors, the only things on the top floor is a small workshop, kitchen, living room with a fireplace and attached garage. The second floor had a bathroom, three bedrooms and Dan's at home office.

The magic in my opinion is located on the third floor, This is where my Uncle has his “safe

room”. Why do I call it a “Safe room” Well the only way in or out of this room is through a solid steel

hard plate safe door that is a foot thick. Unless your packing some serious hardware it would take a very long time to get through it without the code. I once asked Dan why he had built it that way and his mumbled response was “Rainy days”, At the time I was a bit young to understand that cryptic response. Magic you ask? Yes this is where Dan keeps those things of his that go Boom and Bang, many of which I am sure are not available to the average joe citizen. Which only brings up more questions.

Parking in front of the garage I see a white envelope with my name on it in big red letters taped to the garage's big door. Wondering why the letter is there I suspect that he might have had to leave early. Getting out of my truck, I go over and grab the letter. Opening it up I read,

“Hiya Rich, Sorry I couldn't be here when you showed up but my boss's are throwing a fit and want me there early. Make yourself at home, I left a couple Tri-tip steaks in the fridge to defrost. The code to unlock the house is your birthday. The safe room code is the same, Make sure if you go out and about to keep a weapon on you at all times. The sheriff called me up the other day and it seems there might be some rabid dogs running around the hills. According to the sheriff, some woman called in and reported that her poodle was attacked and killed while they were out jogging. Hehe Get this.. The woman claims it was a wolf five foot tall with glowing red eyes.. Probably just a rabid coyote or dog, been no wolves around these parts for more then a hundred years. P.s Make sure you clean any of the guns you shoot. p.p.s Don't shoot up all my ammo, and stay away from the explosives.” chuckling at what Dan said I turn over the letter and notice more writing. “P.p.p.s Stay clear of the old mine its gotten a bit unstable the last few years. If you need to get hold of me, follow the F series code.”

Laughing I grab my old army Alice pack with my cloths from the truck and head on into the house. Tossing my bag into my usual room I head on down to the safe room, putting in the code the door opens up and I walk on through. Every time I have ever been here before Dan was always the one to go and get the weapons. This was the first time I had actually been inside, Curiously all that was visible was a hallway with doors. Opening up the first door on the left I am shocked at what I see, on the walls nicely mounted are hundreds of different pistols, everything from old flintlocks hundreds of years old to current models. Letting out a low whistle I start to feel like I am a kid in a candy store. Going around the room I notice my favorite pistol, the 1911 model gold cup .45, I loved shooting this pistol every time I got my hands on it. It just felt natural holding it in my hands, Picking it up I also grab six spare magazines and a Serpa 2 tactical thigh holster to hold it all.

Closing the pistol room door behind me I open up the door on the right, Once again its the same as the pistol room except this time its for rifles. Letting my inner child out a little a giggle escapes me, Looking over the room I am amazed as how many different rifles there are. Seeing a M14 with a quick release Red dot sight on it I pick it up and also grab a 4x by 14x scope Just in case I want to do a quick swap for something at longer range. Heading back to the hallway I close the rifle room door and walk to the next set of doors, Once again I open up the left door first. Inside all I see is boxes, the writing on one says “Semtex” remembering Dan's warning i quickly close the door and turned around and opened up the door on the right. Inside this room I find the ammo, it is easily one of the biggest rooms yet. On the walls are small signs stating what each section holds, pistol 9 mm , Rifle 7.62 etc etc. Seeing all this ammo and remembering Dan's admonishment “Don't shoot up all my ammo” made me laugh heartily.

After grabbing up some ammo for each of my weapons, I head up to the first floor to cook up that steak Dan had mentioned in his letter, before heading to bed. It being around eight pm and I was quite exhausted from the long drive. After cooking dinner I took a shower, locked up the house, set the security system to active and promptly fell asleep soon as my head hit the pillow.

I am dreaming again about a certain Baywatch babe when my dream is once again rudely interrupted by reality. I am jolted out of my sleep by the security alarm, Grabbing my 1911 from the dresser I notice that It is four A.M in the morning. “Well at least I got five hours of sleep” I mumbled still a bit groggy. I quickly threw on my jeans, loaded my pistol and proceeded to the bedroom door. Opening the door slowly I look out in the hallway, “Humpff nothing, hope its just a false alarm” Moving out into the hallway I move to the stairs. Slowly working my way up the stairs I notice a noise over the sound of the alarm. 'Screeee....Crunch...Screeee....Crunch' “What the fuck is that?” I thought to myself.

Nearing the top of the stairs I pause, The noise has me unnerved more then I would like to admit. 'Crunch, Screeee....Crunch'. At least the house lights came on automatically with the alarm I think. Carefully I edge up to the door frame and take a peek around the corner. I am man enough to admit, What I saw made me piss my pants. I would bet you would too. What I saw was a wolf in form, But the size of it was truly enormous. Five feet tall at the shoulder, coal black fur covered it from head to tail. At the ends of its paws instead of having normal claws this thing had what looked like metal. The Metal claws scraping over the tile floor was the cause of the Screeee sound, That not being frightening enough the shear weight of the beast was pulverizing the tiles it stepped on.

It was at this point I kinda..Sorta lost it I am sad to say, my mind going at a mile a second 'Nope! noooo! Nope! Nope! Nope!...That thing is a big walking flesh tearing people eating fur ball of NOPE!!!! HELL FUCKING NO!' I will spare you any more details on how my mind temporarily took leave of itself. I hope dear reader at this point you understand the gravity of the situation. Standing in my uncles house was something straight out of someones twisted nightmare, And there I was dressed in only a pair of jeans and a .45 caliber pistol. Yea.... Can you say SNAFU? That is a old military term kids, if your dyeing to find out try google.

Luck seams to have been with me though, The beast had not detected me while I had that little brain fart attack of Nope. Most likely because of the security alarm blasting away and the fact it had its back to me. Calming down a bit, I took a firmer grip on my pistol, peaking around the corner again I notice that the fuzzball of nope had gotten the kitchen fridge open and was currently eating the last uncooked steak, package and all. 'Oh hell no, you sonofabitch your not getting away with eating my steak' My mind screeches out. Not quite thinking clearly I rapidly moved around the corner, raised my pistol up and unloaded all eight rounds at the monstrosity. “YAAAAAAAAAA”..BOOM..”AAAAAAA”.. BOOM “aaaaa” BOOM “aaaa” BOOM “aaa” BOOM “aa” BOOM BOOM BOOM.

Who was screaming like a little girl? Yea that was me, Kinda lost steam a bit after the third shot though. By the time the fifth round had left on its journey towards the NOPE beast my uncles training on how to fire a pistol had kicked in and I was able to see the effects of my Rambo impersonation. Shots one,two and three had all missed, Shot four hit the steak stealing bastered in its ass. Shots five through seven were right on target, center of body mass. Shot eight though was the quite frankly a random act of god, it hit the beast of nope in the eye, deflected off the back of the eye socket and went north, turning its brain into a disgusting puree before explosively exiting out the top of its head spattering said puree all over the kitchen ceiling and wall.

Upon seeing seeing the effects of my last shot my brain once again decided it didn't like what I was seeing, It promptly decided to incite revolt in my body and told my stomach that the rebellion was on and to attack. Needless to say I spent the next little bit puking my guts out and generally not enjoying myself. I was just Happy I hadn't eaten any Mexican food recently. (Pro survival tip, When sick eat peanut butter. Tastes the same coming up as going down). After that little bit of unpleasantness, I finally remembered to reload, doing so I took stock of the situation. Alarm going off, 'Check' glass door in the kitchen smashed open, 'Check' kitchen fridge smashed up a bit, 'Check' Ceramic kitchen tiles destroyed 'Check'..........huge smelly Furball of nope with metal claws laying dead In the kitchen, 'Check'.......... 'Gag'...Brain and blood splashed all over kitchen, 'Retch..Check'.

After assessing the situation I moved over to the alarm and shut it off, talking out loud to myself “Ahhh silence at last, going to have to talk to Dan about how loud that thing is” I will not get into what I had to do to clean up the mess, 'You can thank me later'. I will say this though, I have a new respect for those who work in meat packing plants. It took a little over two hours to haul the wolf out of the house and get things cleaned up to an acceptable degree. Sense I didn't have a flame thrower and I seriously doubted Dan would appreciate me burning his house down I had to resort to tossing buckets of water and using a mop on the worst of the gore.

One thing did get my attention during my spring cleaning, When I hooked up the wolf to a rope attached to my truck and dragged it out. I noticed a glow coming from up the road. Right smack dab where Dan's shooting range and the old Gold mine was located. The range and mine were hidden a bit by a ridge so I couldn't get a direct line of sight on what was making the light. Thinking that discretion might be the better part of valor I decided to wait until the sun came out to investigate. Not to mention I didn't want to meet any of Nope's family in the dark.

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Sigh.. The formatting is driving me bonkers.. Should be spaced properly but its just NOT working right.

What i am seeing in the edit is NOT what is being posted. gahhh

Word count = 2778