《How to become a Dark Lord》Chapter 19: How to Equip a Goblin

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Zalrodal and his entourage travelled back towards Lord’s Rest, the group was now a high-goblin larger, and five goblins smaller. A price Zalrodal was willing to pay. On the journey back, Brerokz spoke of the differences between a higher-goblin/goblan and a normal goblin and how most races were split into categories. The greenskin hierarchy was the first topic of discussion. First were the goblins, probably the weakest individually but not necessarily so in groups, then followed kobolds, the slightly uglier cousins to the goblins if that was even possible. They were followed by the significantly larger, uglier but usually less intelligent orcs, high-goblins such as Brerokz came after, followed by trolls and ogres, then their higher counterparts in the same order. The only member not having particularly gifted members seemed to be the kobolds, at least neither Brerokz nor Migaal had ever heard of a high-kobold. High-goblins were different from their normal counterparts mainly in their increased intelligence and strength which has led them to not only develop some degree of magical prowess but in some cases society beyond small tribes. Not that it mattered since any goblin society was quickly extinguished by humans, elves or any other non-greenskin sympathiser. Many of the high-greenskin members didn’t even have any particular problem with humans or elves beyond the issues they had with everyone.

Brerokz was part of the many beings attracted by the prospect of a new Dark Lord, it was not common for a Dark Lord to appear in these parts of the world and as Zalrodal’s power grew so did the reasons for others to join him. The only issue was that most willing to do so would have to cross through entire human kingdoms to get to Lord’s Rest which was an arduous journey for a select few and an impossible one for most. Brerokz managed to travel through most of Arberon before being captured luckily for him the knights did not kill him on the spot and decided to use him to find Zalrodal’s hideout, unfortunately, they were led to Zalrodal’s hideout. Which of course meant they weren’t going anywhere anymore.

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Lord’s Rest the stronghold from which they would conquer all had been developing nicely since they found the run-down ruins of a castle and the ransacked dungeon beneath. With the help of the villagers that “volunteered” to join Zalrodal a number of industries started taking shape outside of the dungeon walls. Farms had been established, textile workers, a smithy (although its smiths were far from being capable weapon smiths), carpenters, so on and so forth. The villagers had also built houses which were quickly taken over by the goblins, the villagers were then forced to build new houses for themselves. All of this resulted in the village outside Lord's Rest seeming much larger than it had any right to be. They entered Lord’s Rest through the dirt road some stenjin were building under the supervision of the villagers and Guglak’s yelling who was as always delighted at seeing the return of his master. The old goblin immediately scurried to Zalrodal’s side to enquire about the mission and was equally quickly distraught with hearing about a goblan joining his master. He knew they were tricky creatures that could not be trusted, of course, Guglak didn’t trust anyone but that seemed beside the point.

Zalrodal rode into the main courtyard on his brown destrier and asked Guglak to gather his best goblin warriors in the yard. Zalrodal then asked the goblins to bring the looted weapons and armour from the knights and place them on the ground before him. A variety of swords, axes, and maces were present all in much better condition than any weapon his goblins currently wielded. Next came the armour, sets of platemail, mail hauberks and gambesons (padded jacket or shirt). Most of the armour seemed in the good condition if not a little dirty from being dragged through the dirt although the ones that had come in contact with the stenjin had certainly seen better days. Some of the sets of armour were probably beyond repair as they resembled something closer to crumpled sheets of metal than armour but goblins can’t be choosers.

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Guglak came back soon after with a number of goblins from different tribes, each one that showed up seemed slightly more dangerous and unstable than the last, which of course meant Rigrig was among them, as eager to stab things as usual. One would think just returning from a fight was enough stabbing for the day but knowing Rigrig there could never be enough stabbing in a day unless nothing else was done that day in which case it better continue the next. Zalrodal first presented the weapons to the assembled goblins and told them that they could pick one that suited them. The goblins immediately tossed their old weapons over their shoulders and into the air and rushed into the pile of knightly blades, perhaps this could have been done in a more organised manner Zalrodal thought. Soon enough the goblins had equipped themselves with their weapon of choice, some like Rigrig now carried two short blades for double the stabbing, while others were left to pick up whatever was left for them.

The next part would be more amusing to watch and Migaal could not help but smile at the thought of it. They could not trust their "volunteer" humans with weapons and armour, not that any of them knew how to use either anyway. Which left only the goblins to equip themselves with the steel platings and iron rings the knights had worn. Perhaps the blacksmith could slightly modify the size at a later point but for now, Zalrodal told the goblins to pick and choose some of the armour presented to them. The goblins were quick to obey and started picking through the plate putting on steel helmets and clapping down visors crumbling under the weight of the armour while simultaneously being blind to the outside world. Other goblins put on the mail and trudged across the yard, iron rings raking the ground under them while others wore the gambesons which ended up as more of a skirt than a jacket on the goblins' bodies.

As the goblins started moving around the courtyard in their newly acquired armour the inevitable happened. Giving goblins new armour and weapons of course warranted a test of said equipment and the goblins started beating each other with swords and maces. While the plate some wore certainly offered protection it didn’t quite allow the wearer to defend themselves as the goblins were rolling around the floor their armour much too large for their bodies, they were unable to move as their joints did not line up in the armour. Some injuries and stabbing by Rigrig later and the goblins managed to calm themselves before celebrating their new invulnerable selves as the majority had not been brutally injured in their test which for goblin standards was a success.

“I think we will have to do some refitting if this is to be effective,” Migaal said to Zalrodal, his ferret body wrapped around the Dark Lord’s neck, “At least they seem motivated.”

The goblins turned to their master, their faces the only thing visible inside their oversized armour, they were grinning wide after their fight, which could have been charming had they not been goblins. They thanked him for their new armour and made boasts of finding much more loot for the master. Afterwards, they scurried away and probably took half of the courtyards' dirt with them as their armour dragged across the floor. Perhaps finding an actual smith would be something to keep in mind for the future, horseshoes famously did not make for good armour after all.

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