You are well rested.

The sweet feeling of waking up after sleeping in a comfortable bed can never be overstated. Every part of my body ached, but in that good way that happens after a lot of work. I guess that’s going to be my life from now on. The thought makes me smile as I get up, stretching beside the bed. A whimper alerts me to the fact that Tiene has woken up.

“Good morning sleepyhead. The nightmare is over, you can meet the day fresh and relaxed.”

She turns my way, giving me the evil eye. Apparently, her hair hadn’t dried properly last night, and was a truly impressive sight.

“Whose clothes am I wearing?”

I laugh, making her twitch.

“Not so loud, dammit. Why does everything hurt? What did you do to me?”

Moving to the window, I throw open the curtains, greeting the most shining day I’ve seen since I started playing the game. Immediately, I sense another player nearby. Somewhere in the courtyard. Before I can spot them, the feeling has gone. I turn back to Tiene.

“I guided you gently up to the room and helped you into bed. I’m genuinely uncertain of where you got that underwear though. My guess is you stole it when you finished your bath.”

She looks genuinely puzzled at this.

“When did I have a bath?”

“Right before you guzzled two large mugs of pretty potent ale.”

She lifts the covers to have a look, then looks back at me.

“Everything seems to be on correctly. Did you look? Or… you know…”

She’s trying to keep a hard look in her eyes, but her cheeks are blushing furiously. I hold my hands up in protest.

“Madam, I have done naught to besmirch thine honour. I don’t know about the stable boy you brought up though. I fell asleep pretty quickly when you were talking about turning him into a stableman.”

Tossing the blanket aside she stands up.

“What!”

Ability increased: Charisma.

I start laughing while she’s spluttering, trying to make sense of her own missing memories. When I come clean, telling her what really happened, she somehow gets even angrier. I tactically retreat from the room, promising to come back with breakfast and some water for washing.

Downstairs, Yadra is tending bar. As I sit down to order some food, she just snorts at me.

“Like I’m going to serve you, sproutface? There’s porridge cooking on the fire, help yourself. Bucket of water on the side, heating up for the days cleaning.”

I get the food and cleaning supplies with a resigned sigh, bringing it all up to Tiene. We have a quiet breakfast as she tries to work off the worst pain.

“I’m sorry about shouting earlier. It was just that after the trip and…”

I interrupt her by throwing a small breadroll at her.

“The trip was awful. We got through it. If you’re good, I’m good. If you need to talk about it, I’ll be there for you, but if not, I’d really rather just put it behind us.”

She lets out a breath of relief.

“Thank the Elements for that. I shudder when I think about the vine thing.”

I chuckle.

“I don’t know, I thought she was pretty cute.”

Her eyes go wide.

“But she ate with her… no. I am not letting you goad me back into that headspace. I’m a little worried about Yadra though, she had it the worst of all of us.”

I shrug, having another spoonful of porridge.

“I’m not. She’s like that, really. I think she just spent too much time with us. She’ll come around when she’s had the time alone she needs.”

As we finish breakfast, we hear a knock at the door. When I open it, there’s nobody there. When I step out into the hallway to look again, I nearly slip on an envelope lying on the floor. Shaking my head at unnecessary hazards, I pick it up and open it.

‘From the quill of His Most Honourable Baron Brouswin, Lord Protector of the Hammerdown province.

TeeCee the Adventurer,

You are hereby granted the honour of appearing before his most revered personage, Baron Brouswin the Noble. The audience shall be held at the strike of noon.

Your Eternal Light,

Baron Brouswin.’

I have to blink several times, rubbing my eyes in between, to finish the invitation. When I hand it to Tiene, she goes crosseyed for a moment before she looks at me with a puzzled expression.

“Is this real? I didn’t think this kind of writing existed.”

Reading it again, I shrug.

“I’m not sure what effect he’s going for here. I mean, either he dictated it, or he wrote it himself, but either way, he does like his titles. I think we’re going to have to clean up a bit for this one. How much gold do we have left?”

She checks the purse.

“Around thirty gold I think.”

My eyebrow starts twitching, and I grab the purse. With practised ease I pour the coins onto a bed and start counting.

“This is money, Tiene. It has an absolute value in this kingdom, and ‘about thirty, I think’ isn’t good enough. There, we have thirty coins.”

I feel myself deflating a bit as she starts laughing at me.

“And five coppers.”

She smacks me upside the head and takes five coins before leaving the room.

“I’m going to get a bath. You go check if there are any decent clothes around, then get your own bath. We have two hours, give or take.”

She’s gone before I can chastise her about timekeeping. I shake my fist at the universe in general instead.

***

“So Yadra, do you know where I can scrounge some decent clothes? We’re meeting the Baron soon and I’d like to make a decent impression.”

She looks thoughtful for a moment.

“Drop the clothes, hide in the forest and pretend Tiene is Tee. It’s your best chance of not fucking things up.”

I sigh.

“Funny girl, I guess you don’t need tips in this place.”

She casually picks up a knife from the counter, sharpening it with a disinterested look.

“I guess that’s all up to you, Tee. But I think I’ll be able to get you some clothes. Simple, but clean. Five gold pieces, and I’ll make it happen.”

I growl a little as I get my purse.

“I also need a bath, soap if you have it. And if you can find my dignity anywhere, I’d like that back too.”

She laughs at that.

“Oh Tee, you lost that the first night we met when you gave the old captain a piggyback ride all around the room. I mean, you lost the bet for the ride, but you didn’t have to make the horsey noises. That’ll be six coins total.”

She winks at me as I grumble my response. I go to the bath, finding it filled and steaming already, with a bar of soap floating in the middle.

She just has to needle me, doesn’t she.

***

When we step outside the inn, I feel much fresher. The clothes were as clean as promised, and the soap had a strong pine scent which really helps mask the general livestock smell of the keep. The courtyard is large, easily the length of the Hogsmudd main street across. All the buildings are clean, and I see a smithy, a woodworker, an administration building and a barracks, in addition to the inn and stables. We head towards the castle gates and wait. Ten minutes before the sun reaches it’s highest point, the doors swing open and a diminutive man walks out with an officious air.

He stands there for a moment, not looking at us. When it’s clear we have not idea what we’re supposed to do, he sighs nearly imperceptibly.

“You would be TeeCee the adventurer, I presume?”

I summon everything I remember about etiquette.

“Yep.”

He rolls his eyes so hard you can actually hear it.

“May I see your invitation, Sir?”

Heavy emphasis on the sir. I get the envelope, handing it to him. His mouth twitches as he sees the dirt on it. He opens it up, reads it carefully, tests the seal with a finger and finally smells the letter. When he’s finally satisfied, he turns and walks into the castle. Tiene follows immediately. It takes me a few moments to realise I’m supposed to go with her.

The inside of the castle is much more impressive than the outside. There are rich tapestries of wonderful creatures and epic battles lining the walls, thick carpets of vibrant colour and golden candle holders on every surface. I whistle under my breath, well impressed. The tiny man looks annoyed at me as he continues bringing us deeper into the Barons home.

“When you meet his lordship you shall refer to him as Sir, Lord or Master. If he shakes your hand, do not wipe it afterwards, do not make eye contact and do not under any circumstance let your body have any noisy functions while we’re in here.”

I consider burping on purpose to see how angry I can make the little guy, but I refrain. I’m here on business after all. After a few minutes walk, we reach another set of doors. These are made from carved royal oak, inlaid with purple fabrics and gemstones. I know already that I can never bring Rishi here. She will rob the place blind or die trying. Repeatedly. Our guide stops outside the doors for a moment, checking an hourglass on the wall, waiting for the last grains of sand to empty. When they do, the hourglass flips on it’s own, and he throws the doors open, marching in. I follow this time.

“My lord, may I introduce the young adventurer TeeCee, and his travelling companion.”

The lord is much shorter than I’d expected him to be. He towers over his manservant, but he’s shorter than Tiene by a fair margin. His face is round and clean shaven, but his eyes tell me there’s a deep intelligence there. He’s dressed in a purple satin robe, tailored perfectly, with a double column of buttons down the front. On his head is an imperious crown easily adding another three inches to his height.

Should I kneel? Or will that insult him…

“Welcome, adventurers. Oooh, I cannot express the excitement I’ve felt since my good friend Jas sent word of your arrival. Why, I’ve barely had my twelve hours of sleep today.”

He laughs shrilly as we stand there, smiling as pleasantly as we can.

“Your lordship, we are honoured to be in your presence. We have a letter of introduction from the mayor of Hogsmudd. I hope it will…”

The manservant takes the letter from my hand and walks it up to the Baron. After a minute of reading and a little mumbling, they look at us.

“So am I to understand that you would like to enter my service as a serf? You wish to live on my land and produce goods for my government?”

I smile and nod.

“Yes sir. A plot of land to live on, and the opportunity to better my station through hard work.”

He crumples the letter, casually throwing it behind him. The manservant runs to catch it as the baron approaches us.

“And I take it this woman will be your, what was it, companion, on this farm of yours?”

Tiene smiles brilliantly, curtsying to the men. He seems to be taken aback for a moment, smiling wider.

“A woman who knows her etiquette! Oh my, Tee, you should take some lessons from her. I am inclined to grant you this favour. I only need to decide what plot of land to assign you to. You will join me for the first dinner in two hours. Now leave me, I need to rest. Humphrey, show them out.”

You have been assigned a quest: Dining with nobles. You are going to have dinner with the Baron Brouswin. Success: A plot of land. Failure: Massive reputation loss with Ionian nobles.

While the little man herds us out, I see the lord wobble over to a bunch of pillows and fall on top of them. I’m pretty sure he was asleep the moment he hit the ground. As we’re walking out, I turn to the manservant, Humphrey.

“I’m not really sure here, did that go well?”

The little man snorts in an ungentlemanly way.

“You would do well to heed the lordships advice and learn some manners, or you will not last long. The dinner will start ten minutes past the hour in two hours. Be here at two precisely.”

By the time he’s finished his sentence, we’re already outside. I’m about to ask another question when I suddenly feel the ground shaking a little under me. When we’re suddenly plunged into shadow, I turn around, sensing another player.

“Ah, my lord Grimguard, please come in. Your room is ready.”

The largest man I’ve ever seen stands right behind us. We move out of the way quickly as he looks at the both of us. He’s encased in black metal armour, rivets visible along the seams. I can hear the clicking of clockwork inside him as he turns towards me with eyes like glowing coals.

“A player. Interesting. I am Grimguard. It is good to meet you. We will talk later.”

His voice is deep, echoing inside his suit. He briefly turns towards Tiene.

“Ma’am.”

Then he stomps off into the keep right behind the little manservant. When he’s gone, Tiene looks at me with fear in her eyes.

“Do you know what that was?”

I shrug.

“Another adventurer like me. A pretty big one though. He seems friendly enough.”

She grabs my arm, dragging me towards the inn.

“We need to tell Yadra. That was one of the kings hunters. If he’s here, there’s bound to be evil as well.”

Oh, great.