《The Big Yoink: A Smol Detective Story》Chapter Nineteen

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Oscar peeped around the edge of the shuttle door and regarded the looming mountain of Sssnnathor's main palace with resigned dread. Going back into that damn place was not something he looked forward to. He turned to the others. The Dorarizin on 'Team Silken Feather' now sported breastplates and greaves of something that looked like hard plastic, worn right over their original low-profile armor. He was sure that in spite of its fragile appearance that new armor material was fearsomely tough. For her part, The Silken Feather now had the Karnakian version of the team's low-profile armor and had even strapped a breastplate onto herself, although since it was shaped for a Dorarizin the piece of hard-armor sat loose against her keel-like chest.

At least Oscar was out of that damn robe. He now wore a spare set of his original low-profile armor, which he'd set into combat mode within seconds of donning. His elbows and knees still ached from his vent-crawling, but at least they were now armored.

Through his visor, the human fixed the thief with his best glare. "You're sure this side entrance is there?"

"[It's how we got in before,]" replied The Silken Feather.

"All right." He looked up at Kgrashak. "You're the senior officer. How do you want to proceed?"

The doctor leaned out and performed her own scan of the distant palace. She held a massive maser rifle casually in one paw. "[Most of the guards have fled. [Sssnnathor's] fake announcement of the Senate invasion fleet is going live any time now, which will only add to the exodus. There should be just a few die-hards left inside, if any.]"

"So we just waltz on in?"

"[It will be more what you [humans] call 'leap-frogging' rather than 'waltzing', but yes that's the idea. Our biggest worry will be the automated defense systems.]" Kgrashak turned and nodded to Grawfren. The pilot slouched with her usual bored air at the front of the shuttle. "[You stay here with the other Karnakians. If Team [Maria] needs a hand, go help 'em. We can fortify in place if need be.]"

Grawfren nodded with one ear. "[What do I do if they get [antsy]?]" The pilot tossed her snout towards the Karnakians, who apart from The Silken Feather huddled like brooding chicks in the far corner of the shuttle's interior.

"[If they try to leave, kill 'em,]" said Kgrashak.

Ck'Trrk'Ka gave a trilling laugh, but the Matriarch's humor died away as she saw the utter seriousness in the doctor's face. "[We will stay in the shuttle, as ordered,]" she said.

"[We will also defend the shuttle if attacked!]" added Ter'yeik. The former Second Claw's crest was halfway risen in a mix of determination and fear.

"[I expect you to,]" replied Kgrashak. "[You are all still breathing only through the grace of my Captain. Don't give her...or ME...a reason to rescind that grace.]"

Oscar peeped outside again. It was still as quiet as a tomb. Shit, why did his brain have to go and use that metaphor? "Wish I had a sidearm, at least."

Kgrashak's stormy demeanor changed into a sly smile towards Egwreh. "[I guess it's time to give it to him.]"

Oscar turned to the engineer with wide eyes. "Wait, does that mean what I think it does?"

Egwreh smiled. "[It do.]" She reached into a bag at her feet and drew out a chromed weapon that looked like a toy in her mitt. Its appearance was similar to Kgrashak's maser, but sized and shaped for Oscar. And its clean, flowing lines made it look more like a bespoke hunting rifle than a mass-produced weapon of war.

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The engineer placed the rifle in Oscar's hands. He stared at it with something akin to hunger, then realized there were no sights on the damn thing. "Wow. Okay, how do I aim it?"

"[Oh, right. Let me sync it with your armor...]" Egrweh stared off into space as her implant made the necessary 'handshake'.

Oscar suddenly saw a targeting reticle pop up on the inside of his visor. Thanks to long-ago training he made sure to keep the rifle pointed at the deck, well away from anybody inside the shuttle. The reticle helpfully told him that the deck was less than one meter away, and as he jiggled the rifle around the reticle moved to follow the muzzle's movement. He looked up and moved the rifle to point outside, careful not to sweep any of his comrades with the weapon. The targeting reticle now told him that the palace was one thousand six hundred and twenty-two meters distant.

"[It's not a slug-thrower, so you won't have to worry about windage or elevation drop,]" continued Egwreh. "[Whatever you point at, you hit. The effective beam lethality range is about [five hundred meters]. Also, the display at top right shows an estimate of how many shots you have left with the rifle's power pack. The longer you hold down the trigger with each shot, the fewer shots you'll have.]" She handed Oscar a few equally-chromed square blocks. "[I tried to make this similar to a [human] rifle in terms of loading magazines.]"

More of the old muscle memory came back as Oscar looked down at the rifle and saw an eject button, right where it would be on an M4 carbine. He pushed the button, removed the block that popped out of the rifle's bottom, and inserted one of the blocks which Egwreh had just handed him. He saw the rifle's power level obediently jump back up to maximum in the upper right of his visor.

Oscar grinned so wide that he thought the top of his head would come off. "Well shit, Emma. And here I didn't get you anything."

"[Just stay alive,]" Egwreh replied. "[That'll be enough of a return gift. Oh, and I'll need that rifle back when this stupid mission is over, so that I can destroy it...don't pout at me like that! If the Inquisition so much as catches a whiff that we gave a [human] a military-grade beam weapon, we'll be lucky to keep our fur.]"

Maria paused a few paces short of the twin Sssnnathors. She peeped out a side window and looked back along their path. A few faint whirls of dust spiraled in the wake of their speedy passage, but the hard-packed desert soil didn't show any tracks.

If she squinted, she could make out what might be a tiny black dot right at the horizon. The maybe-there object danced and shimmered in the hot desert air. So perhaps the cavalry was on the way. Or maybe it was a mirage, a cruel trick from her all-too-human eyes.

In case it was rescue, Maria figured she had to distract those on board so that her comrades could get closer without notice. Then she mentally kicked herself. These assholes must have radar and other high-tech stuff on board. But on the other paw, using radar would also give away their location. So maybe the rescue team could sneak up unobserved...if her captors weren't looking out the window.

It was worth the risk. Maria took a deep breath, and before she could second-guess herself she reached out and touched Sssnnathor-1's elbow. She wanted it to be a friendly touch, but not too friendly. From the way the tyrants acted around her, it was clear they wouldn't mind adding her to the 'harem'.

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The huge snake-like alien twisted with blurring speed to look down at her. He had the same viper-style face as Hrathra'sstah, with the same permanent scowl. She hoped that his real mood wasn't so stormy.

"I talked to them," she said with a big plastic smile. "They're feeling much better."

Sssnnathor-1's voice was much more jovial than his expression. "[Of course they are! No one could stay sad when faced with someone like you.]"

Maria opened her mouth to ask just what that meant, but before she could speak he swooped one arm around and under her. Faster than she could blink, Maria found herself sitting on his forearm while her feet dangled well clear of the deck. Sssnnathor-1 carried her up towards the vehicle's cockpit like a proud father carting his newborn in one arm.

Sssnnathor-2 sat coiled up next to Nerlharg, who slung himself off of the saddle-like driver's chair. "[The autopilot is set, Excellencies.]" The Dorarizin glanced at Maria and gave an annoyed ear-flick as Sssnnathor-1 slithered up with her in hand, but otherwise ignored her.

The second tyrant's hood, in contrast, scrunched in with pleasure as he set eyes on Maria. He pointed out the windshield at the mountains which loomed ever-closer.

"[Another [twenty minutes] and we'll be there, my dear! My announcement will go live in a few [minutes], so we'll have a nice bit of carnage underway right as we take off.]"

Maria glanced at the display in front of the pilot's chair. There was a lot of alien scribbles that must have carried lots of information, but she didn't see anything like a radar display.

It was time to make with the distracting.

She pressed herself against Sssnnathor-1's cradling arm and wrapped her arms around his substantial bicep. It was without a doubt the most disgusting thing she'd ever done. She tried to sound even more scared than she was. "We'll be safe, right?"

Sssnnathor-1's hood twitched with surprise at her unexpected caress. "[Yes, quite safe.]" He cradled her closer to his chest, which was exactly what Maria wanted. The jacket pocket containing his clone data-chip was now within easy reach.

What she didn't want, however, was for him to reach around with his other hand and start stroking her back...but that was exactly what he did. "[Our departure might be a little excitable but there's no danger, my dear. Once we're underway in warp, I'll show you just how grateful I am that you're with me...with us.]"

Sssnnathor-2 slipped closer. "[Yes, don't forget about me-]"

"[-of course not, this will just take some getting used to-]"

"[-for me as well, just don't [hog] the [human]-]"

"[-now be fair, you did get to hug her in the lab-]"

"[- that's true. Hey, how about we-]"

"[-yes, a truly capital idea!]"

Sssnnathor-1 turned his chest sideways, giving plenty of room for Sssnnathor-2 to press himself up against Maria. Her heart went into overdrive upon finding herself the filling in an evil tyrant sandwich.

"[Poor thing,]" hiss-purred Sssnnathor-2. "[I can feel her heart. It's beating so fast.]" His hand settled on her head as he combed his sharp-nailed fingers through her hair.

Sssnnathor-1's tongue flicked near her ear. "[Yes, she smells of fear.]"

"Yeah, just, er, be careful," squeaked Maria. She wriggled herself sideways so that she had a shoulder pressed against each tyrant's chest. That made it feel more like a group hug and less like the prelude to a gang-bang. To her relief, the Sssnnathors let her do so without complaint. But their caressing hands didn't stop. One hand stroked along her bare calf, making her twitch in surprise.

"[We'll be very careful, little one,]" said Sssnnathor-2.

"[You're so warm,]" murmured Sssnnathor-1. His free hand moved up to also comb through her hair. "[I wonder how warm you can become?]"

Maria glanced towards the rear of the vehicle. The two slaves stared in horrified fascination at her ongoing molestation, while the eight guards leaned against the walls and looked at the proceedings with a casual yet interested air. Nerlharg slouched next to the driver's saddle, and he was also focused on the snake-on-human action. His gaze was much more clinical and detached...as if the Dorarizin was taking notes for the future, when he had a human slave of his own.

Good. At least she was keeping everyone from looking behind them. She risked a quick peep towards the nearest window, and that black dot was now much more obviously 'there'. Okay, she just needed to keep it together for a few more minutes at most.

But then Maria bit her lip to keep from screaming as one of Sssnnathor-2's hands moved up from her calf. He pushed under the hem of her robe to caress the back of her thigh. His jacket front rubbed against her shoulder, and that additional contact made her freakout fade as she realized there was a golden opportunity to get her hands on both data chips. She'd need an appropriately big distraction. She hoped by now she'd done enough distracting of her own, it was time to get her rescuers in on the action...

Maria oriented herself, then nestled her head against Sssnnathor-2's shoulder. She used the motion to disguise another peep out the side window, just as she'd done before...

She caught a glimpse of something that looked like a cross between a tank and an ATV, bouncing along on oversized tires as it approached rapidly from their left rear. There was a long armored figure clinging to its roof that could only be Resh'skk, and flanking him were two huge gorilla-shaped wolves that could only be the Captain and Bgrarh.

"What's that?" she said with all the innocence she could muster.

With a unified "[Eh?]" the two tyrants turned to look in the same direction. Upon feeling their movement Maria slipped her hands along both of their chests as if to steady herself.

There was a huge "[GAH!]" in unison from the two Sssnnathors. At the same time, all of the hours of training with Oscar and those Sotek-be-damned poker chips finally paid off. With nary a whisper of excess motion, Maria neatly plucked out the two data chips, one from the jacket pocket on each side of her. She then hugged the chips and her arms to her chest as if terrified. To be fair, she didn't have to act for that latter bit.

The next few seconds was a whirl of shouted instructions and movement. Maria felt a thump in her rear as her body was suddenly encased in Nk'''traa'il's chest floof.

"[Stay there,]" growled Sssnnathor-1, while Nerlharg leapt back into the driver's station with a fearsome snarl.

The tyrants acted in sync, each one facing their respective line of guards on each side of the vehicle. Their hissing voices spoke in perfect unison. "[Get up there! They'll try to board us, and I'll have your SKINS if they do!]"

One of the Dorarizin guards all but tore open a large hatch leading up to the vehicle's roof. The vehicle's interior instantly filled with dust and heat from the outside, along with a lot of wind noise. Over that noise Maria could hear the basso growl of their pursuer's engine.

And then from outside, floating over the desert wind, came the simultaneous hiss-screaming and click-roaring of three terminally pissed-off apex predators.

It was the most wonderful noise she'd ever heard.

Oscar moved forward to peer around the next corner, only to have a feathered arm gently but firmly pull him back.

"[Allow me,]" said The Silken Feather. "[If you get hurt, your illustrious Captain will turn me into a [duster].]"

He grumbled, but allowed the green Karnakian to move past him and do a peep of her own. They'd made it up the ramps of the building's atrium and were now in the upper levels of the pyramid.

"[Drones. Three of 'em,]" said The Silken Feather. Oscar's visor suddenly lit up showing three red circles, hovering over the hard metal floor of the adjacent corridor as if he could see through walls.

For a brief moment Oscar devoutly wished he'd had this tech during his tours of duty overseas. The musing was interrupted by Sssnnathor's plush, level voice sounding out overhead.

"[My dear subjects, may I please have your kind attention. I have received reliable intelligence that a Senate fleet is en route to this planet. There is no need to panic at the moment, please remain calm. I am still gathering data, and I'll report back when I have more to tell you. I repeat, please remain calm and do not panic.]"

Oscar could picture the inhabitants of this planet, both those corrupt and those merely drifting, now turning to stare at each other upon hearing the announcement. He could imagine them all in unison deciding that now would be a perfect time to panic.

"That tears it," he grumbled. "What do you figure, about twenty minutes before the first one of 'em try to take off?" He could picture that as well, a silver streak rising from the planet only to be cut into pieces by atomic fire. How many would die just so that Sssnnathor could cover his tracks? Thousands? Maybe millions?

"[We have more like [fifteen minutes], I think,]" replied Kgrashak from her position behind Oscar. "[As for our robot friends, shall we hit them all at once?]"

"[A sound strategy,]" replied Egrweh from the rear of their little squad. "[I'll lead, draw their fire, and take out the one on the left. Feather, you take out the center while [Oscar] deals with the one on the right.]"

"Done," said Oscar, and before he could finish the single word Egwreh was a white blur of motion. The Silken Feather was a similar green streak as Oscar rolled out into the intersection with his comparatively paltry human reflexes...

He didn't have to worry about incoming fire, since the three spherical drones were busy trying to cut down his huge comrades. Oscar set the reticle on his designated target and squeezed the trigger...

The expected recoil never arrived. This weapon was not like any rifle he'd ever fired, it was more like using the Finger of God. One simply pointed, and whatever was in the direction of that pointing ceased to exist. Oscar's target threw out a bright sheet of sparks as his invisible maser beam sliced into and then down across it like the proverbial hot-knife-through-butter.

As the drone's bisected halves thumped onto the metal floor of the corridor, Oscar let out a pleased croon. He stroked the rifle fondly. "Ooooh, baby, where have you been all my life?"

The other two drones were now also so much scrap thanks to The Silken Feather and Egrweh. The latter twitched an ear towards him in good humor. "[Give me five [credits] and I won't tell Myyreh what you just said.]"

"I'll give you ten, and you'll tell her how much I was whining for her while she was off battling the forces of evil."

Kgrashak laughed as the four of them moved forward at the speed of a human sprint. "[You're learning, [Oscar].]"

The Silken Feather twitched her head towards Oscar as they ran. "[Wait, so that wasn't a joke earlier? You and her are really...?]"

"We're really." Oscar's reply brooked no room for argument.

The thief cocked her head sideways in mid-jog. "[Wow. You [humans] really are as adventurous as they claim.]"

"[Shoot out their tires!]" cried [Tk'rii'na]. The Senate vehicle's pilot station was now configured for a Karnakian, which was a saddle-like affair similar to a Dorarizin's but shifted forward to allow for the prominent chest-bone of a raptor. [Tk'rii'na] leaned forward in his seat to peer out the side of the windscreen, his lips peeled back to show an array of fangs that would give even a Dorarizin pause.

Myyreh had to admit that the damn [Karnakian] could drive pretty well...even if his tactical sense was for utter shit. "{If we shoot out the tires, their vehicle will tumble,}" she said. "{That will seriously hurt or kill [Maria].}"

"[Oh.]"

"{Hatch opening on the roof,}" said Bgrarh's voice in Myyreh's ear. "{Looks like they're going for a repel-boarders situation, just like we wanted.}"

Myyreh smiled without humor and crouched. That was the plan, or at least what would pass for one until a proper one came along. Put the big, obviously dangerous people on the roof and get the guards on board...or [Sssnnathor] himself, for that matter...to come up and fight them off. In the meantime, she waited inside and out of sight, like a row of cannon getting ready to deliver a devastating broadside...

Resh'skk crouched, spreading his arms wide as he coiled his body underneath himself. He felt the Dorarizin on either side of him make similarly threatening poses. At the moment, their opposition consisted of the two guards on top the roof of the other vehicle. He could see gauntleted hands reach up and grip the edge of the hatch as more guards tried to come up; their two comrades already up-top crouched as if to receive the charge of the furious Jornissian.

Instead, Resh'skk did a quick-draw from his hip that would have made Wyatt Earp himself weep with jealousy. His maser stabbed out twice, two precise shots that drilled through each guard's torso. The lifeless bodies tumbled off the side of the car, bouncing along in the vehicles' wake.

The next guard trying to come up, a Dorarizin, had just gotten her head up in time to see the fate of her two compatriots. With admirable speed, she yanked her head back inside. Resh'skk took advantage of the pause in the action to perform a quick IR scan. Cycling through several wavelength bands in a second told him nothing; the sun beating down on the metal hull meant that any infrared from inside was smeared and indistinct.

"" he said with uncertainty. ""

"[Got it,]" replied the Captain. "[Cover us.]" Two furred blurs on either side of Resh'skk signaled the departure of her and Bgrarh. With a mental shrug, Resh'skk uncoiled his body like a massive spring to join them.

Resh'skk already weighed more than the average person, so his impact on the roof made Sssnnathor's vehicle sway. The tough metal of the hull dented slightly under his armor.

The Captain didn't so much as stumble. She stood near the vehicle's front like a monolith, a black silhouette framed against the now-setting sun. Her roaring voice would have carried across even the vacuum of space.

"[[SSSNNATHOR!] I AM RGRARSHOK-OF-NGRAZ, ALPHA OF WE-WHO-HUNT-BETWEEN-THE SPACES! AS A DULY APPOINTED OFFICER OF THE SENATE, I PROCLAIM YOU UNDER ARREST! YOU WILL STAND DOWN AND STOP THIS VEHICLE IMMEDIATELY!]"

"" purred a voice from the rear.

Resh'skk flowed into a spin, dodging to the right on instinct as a tail-tip whipped through the space his hood had just occupied.

Sssnnathor crouched next to the hatch, with Bgrarh struggling uselessly in a few of the tyrant's coils. Resh'skk tamped down his rising panic. Where had that bastard come from? Why hadn't he heard or seen his approach? The targeting reticle for his maser seemed to slide right off of the tyrant, and the peripheral information in his visor started to fizz into static.

Rgrarshok screamed again, wordlessly this time, and in response Sssnnathor grinned and heaved his body to the side. Bgrarh flew out into space, earning a simultaneous scream from Resh'skk as well...

In mid-air, the big red Dorarizin twisted in a way that didn't look possible, aiming one paw with extended claws out to just touch the hull. The metal squealed as his claws dug in...and as he kept falling, there was more squealing as Bgrarh dropped down along the hull and out of sight, towards the salt-crusted earth beneath which sped by far too fast.

Sssnnathor chuckled. Resh'skk decided he didn't need any stupid targeting, and whip-fast he brought his weapon to his shoulder and pulled the trigger...but nothing happened.

"[Bgrarh!]" yelled Rgrarshok.

Resh'skk answered with a yell of his own, ""

"" said Sssnnathor with a grin as he glided forward with menace. There was another squeal of torn metal behind Resh'skk, and he risked a quick glance backward...only to see the other guards now surrounding the Captain. And they all wore a lot more armor than her.

"[Problem.]"

Oscar turned from the pleasing mound of cut-apart drones in the hallway to regard his comrades. They were now in a gunmetal-gray room shaped like a pill, with a door on opposite sides and a slit-like window running along one curved wall. That window was well above his eye-height.

"What's up?"

The Silken Feather pointed a talon at the door leading out of the pill-room. "[Through there is the main computer suite that controls the defense network.]" Then she gestured at the console in front of her. "[This is a more advanced system than I expected. I can still hack the door, but it'll take me at least [thirty minutes].]"

Oscar shook his head. "We've got less than ten before people start trying to evac. That's twenty minutes of them getting blown to shit! We've got beam weapons, can't we just cut through the door?"

Egwreh regarded the vault-like door with an engineer's eye. "[That would take even longer. About [forty minutes]."

"Shit shit shitty shit." Oscar looked around the room, then his eyes lit on the window-slit and he pointed up. "What's through there?"

The Silken Feather peered through the window and stroked her chin. "[Hmm, it looks like an access corridor that carries power cables to the computer system. The cables are armored, so cutting into them will also take too much time...Ah! You see that?]"

Oscar waved his arms, showing that his fingers were still out of reach of the windowsill. "No, birdbrain! I can't see anything!"

He let out a little whoop of surprise as two paws closed around his torso and lifted him with no effort into the air and brought him up to the level of the window.

"There you go, cutie," whispered Kgrashak in his ear.

"Thanks," he muttered back as he looked through. Beyond the window was a corridor lined with multicolored piping on all walls as well as the floor and ceiling. It was mostly dark, with only the occasional bulb to shine down a weak light here and there.

The Silken Feather tapped a claw on the hard transparency. "[Do you see the dark gray box on the wall opposite us?]"

"Yeah?"

"[That contains the power relay for the door. If we can trip that open, then the automated safety protocols will take over and open the door for us!]"

"Got it. Can we shoot it through the window?"

"[Destroying the relay won't do. We have to cycle it manually, that'll make the system think it's just a power outage.]"

"[We can cut out the window material, though,]" said Egwreh. "[That'll take maybe [five minutes].]"

The Silken Feather's plumage fluffed out in protest, making her look like a emerald puffball. "[I can't fit through there!]"

Oscar sighed. His knees were not gonna be happy with him. They still bled from his previous vent-crawl, and even though he now wore armor over them they'd still take a good amount of abuse. "No, you can't fit. But I can."

Tk'rii'na heard a lot of thumping and screaming from above. He paid that no mind, instead he fixed his four-eyed gaze across a few [meters] of arid desert air to meet the furious purple stare of Nerlharg. By now they were racing almost neck-and-neck along the flat hardpan. Before them both, the teeth-like range of mountains approached ever closer.

He slewed the vehicle right, slamming its chisel-like front hard into Sssnnathor's vehicle. His Dorarizin counterpart reacted with equal ferocity, keeping the two vehicles locked into the same trajectory.

Tk'rii'na backed off, then slewed right again only to be met with an opposing slam which shook the vehicle. He performed an answering slam yet again, starting a predictable, constant rhythm that earned a complaint from [Myyreh].

"[This thing isn't indestructible, you know!]" she cried in protest.

Tk'rii'na ignored her as he met his opponent's gaze through a few [meters] of air and transparent armor. He twitched his arms as if getting ready for another slam, making the movement so big and obvious that Nerlharg had to see it.

"|Sutra Twenty,|" he muttered. "|Through yielding, I vanquish...|"

Right as he would have started yet another sideways-slam, Tk'rii'na stomped on the emergency brake.

The other driver was already in motion to his left, expecting the slam from Tk'rii'na...but met nothing but air, as the Karnakian was already slowing. Sssnnathor's vehicle sped through the space where Tk'rii'na would have been as the raptor stared with fearsome concentration...and right as the rear of his opponent came into view, he hit the accelerator.

The Senate vehicle leapt forward with a smash, its sharp prow digging into the hard alloy of the back of Sssnnathor's vehicle. The jolting crash spun the two ground-craft around like a pair of interlocked dancers while arid red soil sprayed around them in a wide, fan-like arc.

As the spinning slowed, Tk'rii'na heard the briefest grunt of admiration from behind him.

The Karnakian kept enough presence of mind to yell out, "|TELL [MARIA] SUTRA FORTY-TWO!|" before a howl of torn metal signaled Myyreh's exit straight through his vehicle's hull.

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