《An idiots Guide to Creating a Universe》8-Animals MKII
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A few thousand years later after humans mastered the art of farming, they began to spread out more. Each human and their direct relatives would live under the same shelter they called a “house.” The humans no longer squished themselves together to live in the same cave for they now have sustenance and with sustenance was the need to expand their territory.
Of course, such an expansion would cause some other living creatures to no doubt invade their territory which led to the brilliant plan to domesticate animals. Why? Well, the answer was simple, it was a mutually beneficial relationship. Most people would immediately think of wolves when it comes to this topic because they became man’s best friend and you would be correct in that assumption. In other words, finally after all the centuries the humans weaponized animals in the way Lucy had always wanted them to.Battles of human and pet against ferocious beast, it would be legendary.
“The time has come!!! Watch them take down a bear with the might of a thousand men” Lucy declared from where she floated above everyone's heads.
“There are literally only two humans and five wolves, calm down Lucy” Athena deadpanned.
Athena’s was not helped by the fact that her own sister Artemis was just as excited over the new hunting method the humans had come up with, “yes, use those canines. Tear its flesh out!!!”
“Claws, use your claws, dig right into their body” Artemis continued enthusiastically.
“I don’t even know who she’s rooting for anymore” Athena stated in a blase manner.
This strong and noble animal from that point on stayed side by side with humans, eventually evolving together with them. But I suppose that is the consequence when two species live, eat and sleep together for centuries on end.
“Behold !!!” John said as he waved his hand towards the animal “a…..dog.”
“What?” Hector questioned in confusion as he looked at the small creature.
“A dog, the mutated version of the wolf. Since humans keep getting killed off by them, I tweaked their genome to make them subservient to humans.”
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“Uuuh, I don’t think this is a good idea John” Thoth started looking at the small bodied, big headed creature.
“The best part is that their natural enemies are the cats, to keep the dogs in check” John cackled in glee.
Watching the dog pant happily in John's arms as he continued his supervillain like tirade, Thoth whispered to Hector “ so we're going to help the dog not get prematurely killed due to John's weird obsession with horticulture, right?”
Hector nodded his head in agreement, “Oh definitely.”
Of course, this is with the benefit of hindsight so really humans tried many different animals to work with before they settled on having a “best friend” if you will. And when we say tried befriending everything, we mean they tried everything.
“Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about, hawk buddies” Artemis cheered as she saw the avian hop onto the humans arm. Hawks were great animals to befriend as they were like having eyes in the sky. They were good for hunting and navigation but lacked defence power against large creatures. Later in history they were used by several human colonies to send messages between each other which greatly displeased the Goddess of the Hunt who believed, “it is a disgrace that such a majestic creature is lowered to nothing more than something a part of the postal service.”
Then the humans went from reasonable to simply bizarre.
“I want one,” Thoth said, watching the human interact with the wobbly animal.
“Of course you do” John sighed, feeling a headache coming, could immortal even get headaches. John didn’t think so but this was the closest he was going to get to a mortal headache.
“Why was I not here when you created this,” Thoth questioned, looking scandalised.
“Because I wasn’t the one who made it” John replied, which made Thoth’s eyes roam towards where Lucy stood. Feeling a gaze on her, Lucy looked at Thoth questioningly.
The god gestured with his head towards the earth and Lucy shifted her gaze to the human and animal, before shaking her hands in denial. Lucy then pointed towards Athena who had her back turned as she was chatting with Nuwa over a possible new way to gather water and have it transported into the mortals home.
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Thoth looked wide eyed and dragged his gaze back at the human slowly who lifted the wobbly animal above their head and said for all the immortals to hear, “such a wondrous beast. I shall call you cthulu.”
Moving on because little needs to be said about how that relationship progressed, Although, the wolves were useful for hunting they were not the first animal that was in a sense domesticated. Farm animals are the earliest form of domestication to date because they provided sustenance, in more than one way.
Basically, humans had the same epiphany that they had with agriculture. So rather than hunting an animal for its meat and potentially dying, it was easier for humans to just have the animal…..like right there. And yes, that wail you heard came from Artemis who felt the downfall of hunting in her very immortal core when domestication of animals was solidified. No words need to be spoken about her stance on veganism, but it may crop up again…...no it will be brought up again for sure all things considered. Because a tree hugger she may be but a non-meat eater she is not.
Anyway, with a bit of thought it was fairly easy to understand where humans got the idea to eat eggs because weasels, snakes, birds and other animals prey on eggs so it's almost expected that they would copy them if it's edible. The discovery of milk on the other hand is not as straight-forward but food in general is a topic involving a lot of crazy happenstances.
“NOPE!! Nope nope nope nope nope” Nuwa said, walking away as far as she could from the earth system.
“Oh come on, it's not that bad. I mean the babies do it so why can’t the adults” Brahma stated, waving his hand in nonchalance as he continued to watch the sight before him.
“Nope, i’m done here. Thank you. Call me back in a few centuries” Nuwa replied, taking a planet into her arms that she would use for entertainment and to distract her mind from whatever the fuck she just saw.
Athena grabbed Nuwa’s arm looking desperate, “please don’t leave me alone with these idiots.”
“HEY!!” the other immortals chorused, not particularly offended as they knew it was somewhat true.
Athena ignored the group and continued to plead with Nuwa, “you are the only other one who chooses not to ignore rationality. If you leave me with them, they might turn me insane.”
“Well……..” Nuwa’s eyes glanced at Cthulhu.
“Don’t think about that, think about my sanity” Athena said, turning Nuwa to look back at her.
“But….I just…...THEY’RE SQUEEZING MILK FROM ANOTHER ANIMAL’S BODY!!” Nuwa screams as she clutched her head, trying to will away the awful image.
“Stay strong my friend !!! STAY STRONG!!!”
Leaving that dark history behind, it should be noted that few animals have the relationship that humans do with other species due to this peculiar strategy the humans developed to stay alive. As a result, humans were provided with the ability to bond with just about anything which funnily enough is also the reason why hoarders also exist. People, you just need to let it go.
Fun fact as well, this little ability was tweaked by Brahma because he thought it would be funny to see people get attached to their Roomba’s. Basically, if you’ve ever sent your Roomba to be repaired the reason such Roomba Repair shop’s exist is because humans had bonded with the little machine.
Even if you told the human who owned a specific Roomba for a few years that replacing their Roomba is better than fixing it, they act as if you’ve told them to sell their child. Honestly, it's one of the more harmless pranks that he’s done and it's amusing enough so yeah I definitely gave him the okay to code that into people but don’t tell Lucy that because she will think I’m trying to steal her thunder.
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