《An idiots Guide to Creating a Universe》7-Weapons and Harvest Story
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The humans that inhabited the earth program up until this point were a mixture of all the prototypes that existed in the system prior. For example, the immortals had taken some genomes from John’s ‘fish’ Gary, some other actual fish and so on. So on is used because the immortals didn’t like to think about some of the others they accidentally made. Yes, accidentally made. Some things just didn’t make it into the human genome cut, and for good reason. We don’t want flying demon babies around after all……on the other hand.
‘Write that down, write that down, ' Brahma said to Thoth, who noted as much as he could on his leftover papyrus.
We will get back to those two and their need to make the world an amalgamation of horrific adventures filled with deadly mysteries at a later date. But back to the system reboot, when the started up again a gene randomiser was activated with specific gene options and voila, the modern human. Once enough humans were integrated into the systems, the immortals sat back and watched their creations get back to work and in summary they were intrigued by their observations.
You see many of the first beta humans first lived in caves, usually in small groups much like their four-legged counterparts. This is because anyone who tried to individually hunt soon realised that their size did not allow them to survive when up against larger beasts, which were the majority of animals that were alive at the time. For comparison, imagine a modern day chicken but make it almost 100 times larger and you can understand what they were working with.
Thus the humans had to get creative and began making weapons with the use of stones and sticks and string. Using a rock to bash another rock to sharpen it and tie it to a wooden pole, none of the immortals had even seen Hector cry so much as they did that day when they had discovered rudimentary smithing.
“Look at those little humans go” Hector cried out in happiness as they watched the little caveman bash a stone with another stone again and again.
It was honestly a surprise how effective a sharp rock was against the larger beast and when the humans rallied together to take down a large kill with their sharp rocks on a stick, Athena followed Hector in crying, “the brains are working, they’re actually working. All the time spent on it. That’s right you bumbling brats, use the rock to poke the wildebeest to death.”
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Little did they know, this stick and rock method of weaponry would evolve into a power that could eradicate a city off the map. Although, the duo also probably never thought that the sharp thing on a stick weapon would continue to be in existence for as long as it has. Alas nothing was perfect but the evolution from sharp thing to making things explode was truly impressive; particularly during the industrial and technological era.
Lucy leaned away from the wailing duo, turning to John and said, “and you call me the evil one. You see, this is what happens when immortals do too much overtime.”
John rolled his eyes in annoyance, “I didn’t ask them to do overtime, they volunteered.”
“If we had a trade union, you would be finished.”
“Well the first sketch plan only took us 7 days to complete, plus you’re the one who did nothing on the last day.”
“What else was I supposed to do?! Everything that needed to be made for the beta system was done.”
The siblings continued to bicker as they always did and always will do until the end of existence. But back to better insights and stories. Human civilization really started to thrive when they finally received the farming update, ah yes the farming update. Possibly one of the most niche yet beloved functions used to this day. In fact, Demeter got so into it she became an actual Harvest Goddess who presides over grains and the fertility of the earth. Imagine, an immortal becoming so attached to farming she became the goddess of said activity, but we digress.
Farming was an excellent addition, not only in sustaining the humans livelihoods but also to ensure their survival in the long term. Because as great it was to hunt beast and fish, there were still some who were bound to die in the endeavour. Besides farming itself was quite a fun activity minus the disgusting little mini vampiric creature called mosquitos, brought into existence by Thoth who along with Brahma had a weird fascination with the human perma-death system. But that’s another story for another time.
Being able to grow their own food allowed the humans to split themselves equally, wherein the strong would hunt for meat whilst the weaker ones would take the time to work the land and grow food. This diversification of food made it so that the winters would not completely wipe out a human cluster as they could store food grown and not freeze to death during unrelenting winters.
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“What are they doing?” Hector asked in a hushed tone.
Rubbing her temple Athena replied “Hector, they can’t hear us remember. The microphone setting is switched off.”
“I think they are learning?” Thoth stated.
“Learning what ?! They already knew they could eat fruits,” John asked confused.
“I believe they are realising that they can plant food near them,” Nuwa answered.
“What?! I already gave the plants a perfect place for growing. Why are they moving it?!”
“John…” everyone groans out exasperatedly.
“I worked so hard on gardening that area. Stop ripping apart the vines, it’s there for aesthetics !!”
The landscaping of earth was a project which John was very dedicated towards. So much so, since Demeter became the Harvest Goddess due to her love for the farming update then John should have also been known as the God of Horticulture for his love of landscaping. He had an odd satisfaction at making a mountain shape just right in a particular angle. And the colouring of said mountains, plains and jungles, well he spent days if not centuries shading each little thing to fit his vision.
“Hey John, maybe you should take a break” Big AL stated concerned as his friend used an incredibly fine brush to dark part of a mountain face.
John looked at AL, his eyes wide and slightly crazed, “NO, it must be perfect. I must make sure that this stone is the correct shade of grey.”
“Look at yourself John, you look like a hobo who hasn’t taken a shower in three years.”
“I’m an omnipotent being, I don’t need to shower, I don’t even sweat” John retaliated sassily.
“Be that as it may, I’m going to ask you to stop and take a breather or else….”
“Or else what.”
AL did not dignify the rebelliousness with an answer and simply snapped his fingers, teleporting several other deities to their location to grab and drag the other immortal away from his project whilst John screamed and thrashed like a banshee to no avail.
Admittedly, agriculture was in part borne from laziness as it is an efficient method of providing sustenance to oneself. Like why walk to a specific area to pluck fruit from a specific tree, bush and so on all the time when I can just have my food right here, next to my home. One of the humans was a smart little noodle who noticed that seeds were coming out of animals from when they pooped and were growing into plants wherever they fell. You see, usually the human would just throw said seed into the forest somewhere and forget about it or in some cases if the seed was small enough they would just swallow it, which caused some to choke and die but hey what can you do, right.
So said human got their hands on some seeds from a fruit that he saw an animal ate and threw it on the ground near his house. A few days later he noticed a little budding plant and that was the beginning of agriculture. Of course, people thought he had suddenly become some sort of tree magician at first but that idea was quickly stamped out or else we would get another so-called Tree God, and nobody has the energy to hear someone else talk about the joys of wheat like Demeter. The other immortals still shiver whenever they eat cereals like weetabix for it reminded them of Demeter and her attempts at force feeding them all wheat.
“I miss the times when they used to go deep into the forests to find their food” John muttered petulantly.
“Well, the high casualty rate probably made them realise that it was not safe to head into the forests alone” Nuwa pointed out.
Crossing his arms, John gestured wildly as he spoke, “where is the sense of adventure?”
“It probably died with half their people who got mauled by that pack of wolves” Thoth replied in an impassive tone.
John whips his head around, staring straight at the system's animal management codex. He then got up and began to type away at the codex as he hissed out in a sinister tone, “the wolves,” much to the concern of those around him.
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DISCONTINUED Started: 03/09/2020Ended: 06/22/2022
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