《An idiots Guide to Creating a Universe》2- I Shapeth the Earth Because of Majority Vote
Advertisement
As in any group project, a team would usually have their differences be it in opinion or preference. As such, John’s team also had a few arguments that needed resolving particularly when it came to the shaping of earth.
“Who decided that the world should be spherical” Augelmir complained “do they know how hard it is to mold something into a nice spherical shape?!”
Augelmir, or as many like to call him Ymir, was one of the guys who dealt with creating the outer framework of earth. His perfectionist character and handiwork was what helped the team create the shape of planets within the solar system. However, if there was one thing John couldn’t stand about Ymir, it was his overly angsty personality. When making a 3D model of the earth’s shape Ymir decided it would be a great idea to fashion the earth from his flesh, the seas from his blood, mountains from his bones, stones from his teeth, the sky from his skull, and clouds from his brain. Yes, he WAS that type of being.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, the group decided that no, they were not going to make the earth look like something out of a hellscape nightmare and Ymir was forced to have one of one counselling with Hestia at least once every few decades. That being said the spherical model was god sent, no pun intended, because of the sheer amount of nonsense arguments the group had gotten into when deciding the structure of planets.
“It would be so much easier if it was flat. I could frisbee earth to the other end of the universe. But nooo, it's not ethically correct,” Ymir said, looking pointedly at Athena, the one who proposed for the earth to be spherical.
“It should have been a cube” John stated plainly also looking towards the Greek goddess of wisdom.
Advertisement
“John please, it will be hard for the light to bend around a cube” Athena sighed exasperated.
“Well, that's the lights fault not mine” John replied petulantly.
“We're not making a cube.”
“But I love my cube.”
“Pfft a cube, I still say we go full on with a triangle. Three points, it would protect itself against any stray meteroids” Allah, or as John liked to call him big AL, stated with great vehemence.
“A triangle isn’t even remotely practical, each side would have one particular season and the sharp bend would make it difficult for the humanoids to travel” John argued.
“At least a triangle only has three pointed sides, what’s your excuse with your six figure die. The cube planet would be better for playing poker than harboring life” big AL replied.
“If I may make a suggestion. A pyramid would be the perfect compromise between the cube and triangle,” Thoth stated from where he hovered in the vast expanse of nothingness.
Now, Thoth was one of those beings who much like big AL and John were self-created, wicked smart and so very very eccentric. Their love for all things pyramid shaped knew no bounds and one would often find them talking about the splendour of the shape whenever possible. The scary thing about Thoth was he knew exactly what to say and how to say it to convert you to his mini madness. His way with words knew no bounds and many beings have found themselves creating pyramid shaped objects after having a long discussion with him on a very much unrelated subject.
Athena sighed deeply, rubbing her temples in frustration “whether it's a triangle or a cube they both have the same problem, so no we will not be shaping any planet most importantly earth into those shapes.”
Advertisement
She then turned to Thoth, arms folded “and Thoth we talked about your obsession with pyramids. You can make them later during the sandbox development shape but not for big planetary decisions like this.”
“You never let me have any fun” Thoth replied aggrieved.
“Au contraire, I am essentially giving you several countries and cultures to create your little pyramid scheme” the goddess replied simply.
“What about a bowl, the light can bounce easily around it plus everyone would have pretty much the same time of night and day” Brahma suggested as he looked at the others around him.
"Oooh, good idea Brahma" Hector nodded in agreement.
Nuwa shook her head and pointed out "What about when it rains though, it will completely flood the countries located at the bottom of the bowl."
"Riiiight, I forgot about that, I do miss Atlantis at times but you can’t make an egg without breaking a few omelets I always say,” Brahma replied as his eyes zone into Australia.
“We are not sinking Australia Brahma” Athena declares firmly ending the conversation before any more strange requests arise from the madness.
“Ah ha but I never heard you say anything about sinking any other continent.”
“Please, I am begging you. We’ve only just decided on the continents, at least give them a few millennia before you drown it.”
Brahma and Hector high fived each other as they went off to create a simulation device on ways to destroy what would soon be Australia.
A few millenia had passed since that decision and the group was watching forest fires come ablaze in Australia. Every single being looked towards the two suspected beings who were whistling at the far side of the void.
“So, what happened to the drowning idea” one of the beings asked the duo.
“I mean, the whole earth is drowning as it is because of pollution, sooooo might as well have some heat and the water and can do something” Hector replied sheepishly.
“W-wait, is that Artemis?” John said, pointing at a small figure in a firefighters uniform.
Zooming into the area, the group could clearly see a human that very much resembled the goddess of the hunt putting out the harsh flames. “Apollo, what is your sister doing?!”
Apollo shrugged in nonchalance, “come on guys. You’ve seen her use that avatar for wildlife preservation protests, what makes you think she isn’t going to mobilise it to save the koalas ?”
The group of immortal beings hummed in unison, because yes, if there was one person who would go out of their way to use their avatar to influence human society for the benefit of their furry friends it would be Artemis.
“Darn, should have asked her to help me save the dinosaurs” John mumbled to himself as he remembered the tragic event from so long ago.
Advertisement
- In Serial301 Chapters
Tales From the Terran Republic
We tried, you know… We really did. We tried so hard to be… better… We actually were better once. No, seriously. We were enlightened, generous, peaceful… Stop laughing! We were! We were peaceful, dammit! No, I’m not “tugging your winglets.” It’s true! Look, if you’re going to be like that, I’ll just push the launch button right now. See ya, don’t wanna be… Oh, you ARE interested after all? Ok. Hey, I just got word that your captain will be ok. We were able to get him into a med pod quick enough… Of course, we tried to save him. Just what sort of people do you think we are?... Now that was harsh… completely accurate, mind you… but harsh. Anyway, like I was saying, we were a prosperous, peaceful people, and war had been nothing but a distant memory for over five hundred years before it happened... Before Yellowstone happened! You don’t mean to tell me that you didn’t know about that… massive supervolcano? Blew the Hell out of our planet? Two years where nothing grew?… Anyway, that’s what started it, the Sol Wars… Oh, you have heard about those, huh? Well, needless to say, all that enlightened, generous, and peaceful didn’t exactly make it through the two years of complete famine and the wars that followed… Maybe it’s more accurate to say the enlightened, generous, and peaceful among us didn’t survive… (laughs)… You’re right. It does explain a lot, doesn’t it? Probably for the best, though. “Enlightened” and “peaceful” aren’t really all that useful out here in the galaxy at large, are they? That reminds me; thanks for the ship. You guys did a great job with this one. Oh, don’t be like that. At least it was us what got you and not one of the really messed groups like the Harlequin or the Black Angels. We’re just going to take your shit. It could be worse… trust me... Well, anyway, we loaded the life pods down with some good food, and you guys can drink alcohol, right? We put in a couple of fifths in there, too. It’s about forty percent ethanol, so be warned. Most species will want to dilute that. We’ll drop your wounded off somewhere safe once they are stable. Your fleet patrols this area fairly regularly, and we’ll drop the distress beacon right before we jump… Well, It’s been fun and no hard feelings, right?… Oh, you want to know some more? Sure. I got time to kill… Let me tell you about this one pirate and her crew. They’re Terran scum, but they are still… Why do we hate the Terrans? Hoo Boy… How much time you got? *** It’s the thirty-second century, and humanity is now part of a galactic civilization comprised of hundreds of worlds. Humanity has been savaged by natural disaster and war and has been fractured into several separate populations, all of which loathe each other (some things never change). This is a gritty drama-driven rambling tale that swings between action, drama, horror, and plenty of very, very dark comedy. Warning: contains adult situations, absolutely horrible language, bathroom humor, implied ultra-violence, actual ultra-violence, drugs, alcohol, pirates, mercs, xeno prostitutes, moral ambiguity, deranged AI's with identity issues, giant commie space slugs, and a poor little frog girl who just wants to sell coffee. Updates twice weekly on Tuesday and Friday. *** Note: This story can get rough. Those warning tags? They aren't for show. I recently received a review and as a result I want to make one thing clear. Portraying something is NOT endorsing it! Many "heavy" topics are touched upon and just because a character says or does something does not imply that the author feels the same way. I selected the "Anti-Hero Lead" and "Villainous Lead" tags for a reason. Rule number one of this story is "no good guys". A good description of the story is, "bad people doing bad things to worse people". There are a few good characters, here and there, but they are the exception to the rule. If you want a hard-hitting, exciting, gritty sci-fi story that doesn't pull any punches, or shies away from "difficult" concepts, welcome! If you are set on a pure and noble knight that runs around and slays conveniently evil monsters and rescues totally innocent princesses... or your sensibilities are easily offended... You're not going to be happy with this one.
8 684 - In Serial58 Chapters
New God
Who said being a God was easy. If you started omniscient; omnipotent and omnipresent then it might be. However, without those powers it would be a different story entirely. This is that story. Adam is thrown into a new world with no choice and no instructions. At least he is a God, whatever that means... Lovely Royal Road readers: Imagine a tutorial with no instructions and no idea what the game was meant to be and what you are trying to achieve. All you know is that you are a God (whatever that means). So this is quite slow to start; mainly world building for me; a bit of base building by the MC and some good old minion development. I'm developing/practicing my writing and love the format of RR to get it out of my head. So hopefully it gets better with time as I get better. All feedback welcome - but please critique and tell me why you don't like it (if you don't) I'd rather a 1-star review than a 2-star(plus) rating!
8 182 - In Serial100 Chapters
Eater
A world much like our own, where women are gifted with power beyond any man. A land stained by war, where the servants of the great darkness pillage without restraint, stopped only by strong walls and sharp steel. A prison, meant to hold the horrors of the universe in place, watched over by the men from the great beyond. The Eaters. Eat well. Be well.
8 254 - In Serial15 Chapters
Cautious Of The Intruder
I sat on my porch as the world changed around me. Until an old acquaintance forced me into the open. Now I have no choice but to take part in my fate. For the first time in a long time, I find myself enjoying life. cover art by gej302
8 63 - In Serial6 Chapters
The World Of Demons I Was Summoned To
Reo Riku is a shut-in Otaku who only goes outside to buy food, drink, DVD's or books. One day, he is walking back to his house after buying some food. He sees an old man walking down the road, with a truck driving the other way, on a collision course. However, the truck driver can't see the old man, and as Reo pushes the old man out the way, a pentacle appears beneath him, and he dissappears.
8 184 - In Serial23 Chapters
Cadillac Haven [Tom Hiddleston]
A Tom Hiddleston fanfic-Eva finds herself falling for her English professor, Tom. His charm and whit leave her in puddles, yearning for his sweet touch . Tom who is so hard to read only makes Eva want more of him. The two hold secrets that they aren't willing to tell tell but until one of them opens up will they really be able to see each other for who they are.
8 75

