《An idiots Guide to Creating a Universe》2- I Shapeth the Earth Because of Majority Vote
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As in any group project, a team would usually have their differences be it in opinion or preference. As such, John’s team also had a few arguments that needed resolving particularly when it came to the shaping of earth.
“Who decided that the world should be spherical” Augelmir complained “do they know how hard it is to mold something into a nice spherical shape?!”
Augelmir, or as many like to call him Ymir, was one of the guys who dealt with creating the outer framework of earth. His perfectionist character and handiwork was what helped the team create the shape of planets within the solar system. However, if there was one thing John couldn’t stand about Ymir, it was his overly angsty personality. When making a 3D model of the earth’s shape Ymir decided it would be a great idea to fashion the earth from his flesh, the seas from his blood, mountains from his bones, stones from his teeth, the sky from his skull, and clouds from his brain. Yes, he WAS that type of being.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, the group decided that no, they were not going to make the earth look like something out of a hellscape nightmare and Ymir was forced to have one of one counselling with Hestia at least once every few decades. That being said the spherical model was god sent, no pun intended, because of the sheer amount of nonsense arguments the group had gotten into when deciding the structure of planets.
“It would be so much easier if it was flat. I could frisbee earth to the other end of the universe. But nooo, it's not ethically correct,” Ymir said, looking pointedly at Athena, the one who proposed for the earth to be spherical.
“It should have been a cube” John stated plainly also looking towards the Greek goddess of wisdom.
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“John please, it will be hard for the light to bend around a cube” Athena sighed exasperated.
“Well, that's the lights fault not mine” John replied petulantly.
“We're not making a cube.”
“But I love my cube.”
“Pfft a cube, I still say we go full on with a triangle. Three points, it would protect itself against any stray meteroids” Allah, or as John liked to call him big AL, stated with great vehemence.
“A triangle isn’t even remotely practical, each side would have one particular season and the sharp bend would make it difficult for the humanoids to travel” John argued.
“At least a triangle only has three pointed sides, what’s your excuse with your six figure die. The cube planet would be better for playing poker than harboring life” big AL replied.
“If I may make a suggestion. A pyramid would be the perfect compromise between the cube and triangle,” Thoth stated from where he hovered in the vast expanse of nothingness.
Now, Thoth was one of those beings who much like big AL and John were self-created, wicked smart and so very very eccentric. Their love for all things pyramid shaped knew no bounds and one would often find them talking about the splendour of the shape whenever possible. The scary thing about Thoth was he knew exactly what to say and how to say it to convert you to his mini madness. His way with words knew no bounds and many beings have found themselves creating pyramid shaped objects after having a long discussion with him on a very much unrelated subject.
Athena sighed deeply, rubbing her temples in frustration “whether it's a triangle or a cube they both have the same problem, so no we will not be shaping any planet most importantly earth into those shapes.”
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She then turned to Thoth, arms folded “and Thoth we talked about your obsession with pyramids. You can make them later during the sandbox development shape but not for big planetary decisions like this.”
“You never let me have any fun” Thoth replied aggrieved.
“Au contraire, I am essentially giving you several countries and cultures to create your little pyramid scheme” the goddess replied simply.
“What about a bowl, the light can bounce easily around it plus everyone would have pretty much the same time of night and day” Brahma suggested as he looked at the others around him.
"Oooh, good idea Brahma" Hector nodded in agreement.
Nuwa shook her head and pointed out "What about when it rains though, it will completely flood the countries located at the bottom of the bowl."
"Riiiight, I forgot about that, I do miss Atlantis at times but you can’t make an egg without breaking a few omelets I always say,” Brahma replied as his eyes zone into Australia.
“We are not sinking Australia Brahma” Athena declares firmly ending the conversation before any more strange requests arise from the madness.
“Ah ha but I never heard you say anything about sinking any other continent.”
“Please, I am begging you. We’ve only just decided on the continents, at least give them a few millennia before you drown it.”
Brahma and Hector high fived each other as they went off to create a simulation device on ways to destroy what would soon be Australia.
A few millenia had passed since that decision and the group was watching forest fires come ablaze in Australia. Every single being looked towards the two suspected beings who were whistling at the far side of the void.
“So, what happened to the drowning idea” one of the beings asked the duo.
“I mean, the whole earth is drowning as it is because of pollution, sooooo might as well have some heat and the water and can do something” Hector replied sheepishly.
“W-wait, is that Artemis?” John said, pointing at a small figure in a firefighters uniform.
Zooming into the area, the group could clearly see a human that very much resembled the goddess of the hunt putting out the harsh flames. “Apollo, what is your sister doing?!”
Apollo shrugged in nonchalance, “come on guys. You’ve seen her use that avatar for wildlife preservation protests, what makes you think she isn’t going to mobilise it to save the koalas ?”
The group of immortal beings hummed in unison, because yes, if there was one person who would go out of their way to use their avatar to influence human society for the benefit of their furry friends it would be Artemis.
“Darn, should have asked her to help me save the dinosaurs” John mumbled to himself as he remembered the tragic event from so long ago.
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