Miranda

In the wake of Kevin’s disappearance, Lisa and I decided that the most prudent thing to do would be to take a break from each other physically. Of the five of us the only one who wasn’t guilty of having done anything that might be cause for concern for the governing authorities was Darren; he was the only one who was safe. The three of us had to be extra careful, me and Lisa especially. As it had Hannah, the news of Kevin’s disappearance shattered me and Lisa in more ways than one. It was heartbreaking to think that we’d lost him, and the idea that we could somehow keep everything that we were doing concealed or that if discovered we would be granted leniency was also shattered. As ‘homosexuals’, the likelihood that a similar fate to that which had befallen Kevin would befall us was so high as to practically be a certainty.

Unlike when I’d lost my composure on the beach following some of the revelations that had emerged, I reacted to the news about Kevin by employing the same fortitude that I had employed when Lisa started displaying her extreme discontent with our situation. I accepted Lisa’s suggestion that we stop secretly meeting without protest. Following the incident with Kevin, Lisa had let go of her moral indignation and had quickly accepted and adjusted to the fact that we now had incontrovertible evidence that our lives were in danger. We couldn’t be sure that our relationship wasn’t already known about or if our decision not to have any more assignations would actually make us safer; regardless it was a step that the situation necessitated.

The transition was going to be difficult; for two years our lives had revolved around the physical intimacy we enjoyed in secret. Without it our days would pass in dullness; the time we were together would be consumed with longing. All of that, however, was insignificant when compared to what had happened to Kevin and the pain it was causing Hannah. She was inconsolably distraught when we entered her room and found her on her bed, screaming tears into her pillow. The tremulous feeling of her body when she held onto us was hard to bear. I decided then that there was no explanation for why Hannah was being made to go through this that I would find acceptable. The line that we’d consistently heard growing up was that everything that was done in Prospera was done for the good of us all; this incident with Kevin was not compatible with that at all. Had the pain that this action had inflicted upon Hannah been taken into consideration at all? What about the pain that Kevin’s parents would be feeling? Kevin’s parents would most likely be inclined to believe the governing authorities’ explanation of the situation, which would be that this was an accident and that they were working hard to look for him so that they could bring him back alive. Should Kevin not be returned alive they wouldn’t have to deal with the horrible possibility that their son had been selected and targeted for extermination.

Over the past two years—and in the past week especially—I had been disillusioned about Prospera to the degree that my illusions could never be reformed. Me and Lisa needing to hide our love because we were afraid we might be punished for it, finding out from Hannah that we would have been punished had we been discovered, and now Kevin, who we all loved and looked up to, was missing under suspicious circumstances. If what was considered to be for the good of us all was denying people the opportunity to be happy by telling them who they are and aren’t allowed to love and getting rid of people who they view as threats then no longer could I believe in Prospera and the foundation of values upon which it was built.

My final break with Prospera didn’t produce the traumatic response that I had experienced four years ago when we’d gone into the forest and I’d come face to face for the first time with the deception of Prospera. A lot had changed since then, most notably me. I had grown to have unshakeable faith in the steadfast friendship of Lisa, Hannah, Darren and Kevin; their support had replaced the value system of Prospera as the ballast with which I kept myself steady.

Lisa

I was going to find out, in the coming days, how far beyond the physical my attraction to Miranda went. I couldn’t lie to myself any more about the jealousy I felt over Darren and Penny’s growing closeness. I needed to know if this meant that my feelings for Miranda were nothing more than superficial in nature, because if they were then they were not worth risking our lives for. I didn’t want anyone close to me having to deal with what all of us who were close to Kevin were dealing with. What they had done to Kevin was nothing short of ruthless. For the sake of maintaining a calm presence in the room I hadn’t shared with Hannah and Miranda that I was just as shaken by the news about Kevin as they were. One of us needed to remain calm and rational, providing clear analysis of the situation and formulating a way forward for us to avoid becoming victims of the sort of tragedy of which Kevin had been a victim.

My greatest concern was for Miranda. Our relationship had come into being because I had made the first move, kissing her when she was sitting on my bed one of the nights of the camping trip. Should something happen to her it would be my fault, had I not done that we wouldn’t be together and we wouldn’t be in danger. I was concerned for Hannah as well, of course, greatly concerned, but as Miranda’s girlfriend I had a responsibility to her that I didn’t have to Hannah.

When we were in Hannah’s room with her, holding her as she cried and discussing the situation with her, Miranda had displayed none of the anxiety that I was expecting from her given what we were dealing with. Her composure was a radical departure from the reactions that we were accustomed to seeing from her. Had she, without my knowing it, transformed to the extent that she no longer needed to lean on us as pillars of support whenever she had an uncomfortable truth revealed to her?

If Miranda was being more careful and selective about where she placed her trust that was good, she was going to need to be strong, because my feeling was that this turmoil with Kevin was only just beginning.