《Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus》Consultation 20.
Advertisement
Consultation 20.
“Haaaaaah.”
“Oh? A fellow coworker in the field? You couldn’t really be here for a consultation with me, right? You do know the demographic I cater to, don’t you?”
“I’m probably going to break down at this rate, so I figured I’d book a consultation with someone who can understand my pain.”
“You’re in the same line of business?”
“Yes… I am The Goddess of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Husbandos.”
My eyes lit up when I heard her title.
“Then you deal with a bunch of pretty-boy assholes?”
“Yes, it’s exactly as you’ve surmised.”
“Then, please do tell me what is troubling you.”
“Well… I think I’ve caught a case of ‘crazy psycho bitch who wants to stab every man she sees.’ I was recommended to you by a friend.”
“I see. I see. I completely understand your pain. The bitches I deal with are all bat shit crazy. If you can’t stop yourself from stabbing men, you’ve certainly come to the right palace.”
She laughed self derisively and said, “Haha. Then, God, how do I stop myself from wanting to kill every man I see?”
“How to stop? You actually want to stop? Am I hearing right? You don’t want to find out how you can push men to the brink of extinction?”
“I mean, I’d certainly like to do that, however, men are like cockroaches. Even if you kill one, another will just pop back up in their place. Even if you kick them away and tell them to go die, they just shamelessly crawl back to you just because you’re a little bit pretty.”
“Yes, that certainly is… rather accurate. A lot of men definitely do fit into that category these days.”
“Hey, God, do you mind fulfilling a selfish request of mine?”
“What is it?”
“Can you tell me how to fall in love with a man and not want to stab them?”
I was honestly stumped, this was actually outside of my specialization. My area of expertise was essentially enabling psycho chicks most dreadful desires.
“That is a rather difficult question even for me.”
“Why? Don’t you help women all the time with love related problems?”
“I do, but the requests are pretty wild. They aren’t the level headed yandere type who can think rationally.”
Advertisement
“Yeah, I get a lot of those types of guys as well.”
“Killing their women because they want to see their faces warped in despair.”
“Oh, I had a pretty fucked up woman who wanted to do the same, but her problem was her boyfriend was a simp who would enjoy it. Ah. Client confidentiality, I forgot. Meh, fuck it.”
‘Haha. So did I.”
“So you had someone similar? Get this the guy came back one time and bragged to me about his work of art where he skewered his woman’s body and called it a work of art.”
“Oh! I had that too. The chick I mentioned before after she killed her simp boyfriend wanted to fill up a bathtub with her new boyfriend’s blood and bathe in it in front of him.”
“Seems you’ve got it pretty bad too, huh?”
“We both do.”
“Did you ever get anyone similar to this? This one fucking loser wanted to grow dicks from every inch of his body so he could feel endless orgasms across every inch of his skin.”
“Yeah. Tell me about it. I had some crazy broad that I told her to find a necromancer to turn her into a zombie so she could create more holes in her body to be fucked. Probably the craziest nymphomaniac ever. She even wanted to use… no, I’ll leave that part out.”
“Wait, you mean up there?”
“Yeah, let’s not talk about that though.”
“Haha. Yeah.”
...
From there on, the two of us had a lengthy chat about all the absolute nutjob clients we’d dealt with. It was pretty funny, our clients overlapped a lot in terms of levels of depravity and types of requests so we had a lot of degenerate garbage to talk about.
The longer we talked the more I realized something was off about the way she was staring at me. I knew that look all too well. I started to get a bit afraid.
“Uh. I think we should probably stop our little life counseling session here.”
“We can’t. You haven’t actually given me an answer to my question.”
“That’s honestly a bit difficult even for me.”
“Haha. We work in the same profession. Do you think I don’t know what the answers to my own questions are after we’ve talked for this long?”
Advertisement
“You really shouldn’t go down that road. For both our sakes, it’s really not a good idea. We should strictly maintain a business relationship.”
“You already know it’s too late. It’s your own fault that things became like this. You just had to share so many similar experiences and understand me. A woman’s heart is sometimes more simple than you’d think.”
“Can you please just forget about little old me? I just want to keep doing my counseling gig in peace.”
“You know, I’m quite sought after. Even my clients try to pull the moves on me. Though I typically just want to stab them when they try any funny business.”
“Heeeeh. Is that so? I would never have guessed.”
I couldn’t deny, she was definitely attractive. That much was certain. A total bombshell whom wars would be fought over if she so much as descended into the mortal realm. Guys would go wild if she’d bat them an eye or so much as flash them a smile. Her peculiar heterochromia eyes were rare among us gods and gave her a rather unique feel to her. Her right eye contained various shades of red swirling about. Her left eye housed just as many shades of blue intertwining full circle. Without realizing it, I lost myself while gazing into them.
By the time I snapped out of it, the two of us had locked onto each other’s eyes for several unnoticed minutes with only the table separating us.
When she came to, she averted her eyes slightly to the side onto the wall behind me.
“Sorry, that was a bit weird.”
“Weird? You mean my eyes? A lot of gods are weirded out by them, though they seem to be popular among horny humans.”
“Well, they are rare even among us gods after all.”
“Do you think they’re weird too?” She peeked at me.
“Haha. They’re actually quite beautiful. Is that the answer you want to get out of me? Sorry, they’re really weird.”
“Yeah, I thought so.” She frowned dejectedly.
“But that doesn’t mean they don’t suit you. You make them work. It’s understandable why humans would admire them.”
“If you think they’re pretty, just say that.”
“But you’d probably want to stab me if I did, right? Do you want to stab me now?”
“Ah… you’re… right? I don’t have that particular urge to stab you like I usually would when guys try to hit on me.”
“Then the answer is simple, your tendency to want to stab people comes from cringe. Pure cringe. If you want to fall in love with someone and avoid stabbing them, you just need to find a guy who doesn’t make your skin crawl in disgust.”
Her jaw dropped when the true nature behind her yandere tendency to want to stab men was finally understood.
“You… might be right. So as long as I fall in love with a guy that I’m not cringing around I won’t have that yandere urge to stab him.”
“Yes, that is correct.”
“I see. Then, it looks like all my problems might be resolved.”
“Great, now my beautiful lady, please get the fuck out. I sure as hell am not going to fall into that honey trap and become that unlucky guy.”
Her hand reflexively shot up in a stabbing motion toward me the instant she heard me say ‘my beautiful lady,’ but froze in place when I said ‘please get the fuck out.’
“You’re not nice.”
“Of course not. There is the door. Please leave and never come back. I’m not interested in women who could stab me if I so much as make her cringe.”
“Hmmm. I see. Too bad for you. I’ll be back.”
Without any forewarning, she leaned forward over the desk, pulled on my tie, and planted a kiss on my lips.
When she let go she turned away and exited the room without looking back or saying another word.
I let out a dejected sigh when I thought things over. This was the worst. I just wanted to do my job, get paid, and avoid crazy bitches. I absolutely didn’t want to date or get romantically involved in one, but it seemed I’d hit a bump in the road to my ideal life. Just let me do my counseling in peace without the romance. I’m a professional. I do not get romantically involved with clients… or any chick who’s a potential ticking time bomb for fucking crazy bitch syndrome.
Advertisement
Broken Interface
A Post-Apocalyptic LITrpg / progression fantasy. Synopsis Early one morning, the world ended. The devastating Alpha Event rewrote the very laws of reality itself, transforming peaceful cities and communities into sprawling hellscapes filled with flesh-eating zombies - and worse! For Daniel, a Zombie Apocalypse couldn’t have happened at a worse time. If he’d been back at the farm, he might have stood a better chance than most. Instead, Daniel woke up in a distant hotel room armed with nothing but a hangover. To add insult to injury, as he and other survivors shelter for safety in their hotel, Daniel discovers another misfortune. To help guide them through the horrors of this new reality, each suvivor is supposed to have been grafted with an interface - a guide to help them level up, develop their skills, and better understand the world around them. Daniel’s is broken. Nevertheless, this new reality has gifted Daniel with other strange, new powers - powers which could enable him to unite what other survivors they can find into a force capable of surviving in this cruel, new world. Kernal is the first book in the Broken Interface series, set in Alex Kozlowski’s Alpha Physics Universe - described by readers as “a breath of fresh air” in the LitRPG genre, with stories that are “human, thought out, and realistic.” Style. Single third person POV, LITRPG, with gore, adult themes but no explicit sexual content. Warning. There will be a cute pet.
8 175Come Sevenfall
Number 7 is smart for a boy who’s only been alive for two years, but he’s never been free. Locked up in a high security research facility run by the organization, Pandora, he has only ever known the life of an expensive human experiment. Pandora’s aim is to create an evolved superhuman for military purposes, and you guessed it, Number 7 is anything but ordinary. When WWV breaks out in 2236 CE, Seven has to deal with the pressures of war along with the pressures of growing up too quickly. But, what happens when the war is over? What happens when the world ends? 14+ (or something) - for some gore and psychological stuff. Come check out my Wordpress ----> https://comesevenfall.wordpress.com/, and my new story Seren Ynys Online Temporary cover drawn by me, (Idk if I'll keep it, but I like it better than the one I had before). © [koallary] and [Come Sevenfall], [2015]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [koallary] and [Come Sevenfall] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
8 180Takumi: Ordinary Life Of A Setsu Vampire
In a world progressing towards destruction, Takumi Hachi simply wants to become the best Basketball player of his era. No one ever said it would be easy, but nothing ever is in the ordinary life of a Setsu vampire.
8 329The Forgotten Sith
Tamus Cragg a Force sensitive that was rejected by the Jedi because of his age turned to the Sith only to be driven to rule the dark side of the Force. After challenging the Dark Hand that he could assassinate a Jedi Master inside the Jedi temple he returns only to find himself as a scapegoat in a twist plot by the Emperor to destroy the Jedi.
8 93Blessed with a curse (BwC) [Tryout.]
The gods of the planet Gamma having endless time and nothing better to do then to argue among each other, thankfully they have found an mutual escape goat to vent their anger on,God of chaos and trickery, also the so called human god. The least powerful among them is being sent into exile by the other gods…And on the other hand we got a fat and lazy fella, Sam. Nearing his 30's. He isn't the most hard working person and tend to slip away from reality.How can this person come to be a key person to change the world of Gamma.Is it for the better or the worse? Only time can tell, and Sam will have a lot of it.…..A fantasy novel with some humor, gore, adventuring and romance and perhaps in a near future more mature content. My first Novel, so be kind. English ain't my native langue and I am happy to take critic if it helps improve my story.Read and enjoy!(Been put on hold or dispended. )
8 79Anathema of the Eldritch
The youth of a fool ends shortly with a burst of light and a pressing question. A question that may not influence the quickly ending course of his current life, but one that will bring about great changes in the next. The balance of power within the forest of Eleanor starts to shift, as conflict is brought to its borders. The powers in the wider world are constantly moving, keeping a delicate balance held only by the continuous bloodshed of the enemy. In this world, those that can banish the foreign powers and stop the infighting aren't heralded. They are shunned for the experiments of their pears, banished from their homes for being gifted the 'wrong' talent, and hunted for practicing that which made them outlaws. In this age, the Anathema of the Eldritch shall be made.
8 89