Consultation 5.

“Greetings God, is it okay if I kill you a few times?” That was the first question I was asked by the creepy brunette with brown eyes when she took her seat in front of me.

This bitch looked especially defective even when compared to all the defective bitches I’d dealt with up till this point. She just radiated that sort of aura all around her.

“Cut the crap, what’s your problem? By the way, can you tone down your psycho bitch aura a bit?”

She tilted her head with a broken looking smile and unnerving eyes that made you want to run away upon contact. “Well, you see, I have a really complicated problem.”

“Is it related to killing men?”

“What! How’d you guess it so quickly before I even brought it up?”

“It’s written all over your face that screams I’m a psychotic bitch who wants to murder you in broad daylight.”

“It’s showing? How embarrassing.” I watched her head sway from side to side bashfully while I began to seriously contemplate the meaning of life. Why are lunatics like this allowed to exist? Because there’s a market for it? I guess when there is demand, there will naturally be a supplier that eventually appears.

“Enough. I get that it’s related to killing men, but please elaborate on what your exact problem is.”

“Hmm… my problem is I want to find out a way to make my present boyfriend understand my feelings.”

“You mean you want your boyfriend to understand that you want him dead?”

“Yes. I’d like for him to die and show me his best smile when he dies.”

“His best smile… when he dies...”

“Yes, it needs to be one of utmost despair and horror. He needs to be crying with snot dribbling down his face.”

“Uh, won’t it be fine if you just stab him in the heart when you’re having sex or something? That seems like it would be pretty effective.”

“No. I can’t do that.”

“Oh, you mean you can’t actually bring yourself to kill him despite wanting to kill him?”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Huh? Then what is it?”

“My problem is that he’s the type who will put on a super happy warm face if I stab him and kill him. I don’t want that at all! Why can’t he understand my feelings?”

Eh? What? No… seriously? Haaaaah!

Who is this dumbass? Why does such a retard exist? What is wrong with men these days? You’re fine with that? You’ll seriously be happy? Are you stupid? No, sorry are you actually a lower life form with negative brain cells? I just can’t comprehend, what sort of man… no. I shouldn’t judge. I need to be open-minded about this. It’s their relationship, I shouldn’t judge no matter how moronic it seems to me. All I need to do is give my usual shitty advice.

“How about NTRing him before you kill him?”

“No, he’d be happy to see that before he died.”

“What kind of limp dick loser are you dating?”

“A simp.”

“Eh? Sorry, what was that?”

“A simp.”

“Uh… why not try treating him really well?”

“Treating him well? Why would that make him show the face of despair I’m looking for?”

“Don’t take money or anything from him and completely ignore his existence altogether. He’ll be showing the face of despair and agony you want in no time. Trust me.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes.” For the love of god, please let this poor man recover from his disorder and escape from this crazy bitch.

“Alright… I guess I’ll give it a shot.”