Clomping across the greater London sprawl always left Coop wistful for a time he wasn’t alive for but had heard enough about to know was different. In the last few confusing months Sam had quietly moved in with Coop, as in they never acknowledged it. She was just there every day and more and more of her stuff came with her. There was a creeping fear that if either of them acknowledged it and understood the gravity of the situation, it would become more real. Now, walking the noisy streets overflowing with multiple layers of traffic in the streets whizzing by, street vendors and homeless interspersed, reality was kicking him in the teeth. Sam said nothing because she understood Coop and how he got spooked, or his overwhelming fears about people leaving him.

He never meant to be this dense or difficult, it just came with the territory. Sam’s sister’s place was just a few blocks away, in another self-contained superstructure of a compound not unlike his own, but not as nice. The idea was to create buildings that could serve as their own little cities, with every amenity or necessity under one roof and one set of owners, and you’d never need to leave unless you were physically needed elsewhere. Folks like Coop could afford the nicer things. The poor folks out there walking the streets weren’t as lucky and their buildings were Old London holdovers, cracking at the seams and held together by hopes and prayers.

Luckily for him, Sam’s sister Max lived in a compound that didn’t have as tight of security as his. Nobody could surprise Coop in his home when they arrived, but here? Sam knew he’d come eventually, or at least that’s what he hoped she thought. There was a chance she didn’t want him to come at all, which made him pause after entering the compound. It was vast and sprawling, the base floor with a park in the middle, lined with trees and a small pond. Shops were along each side of the small park, attempting to recreate the malls of old. With a deep sigh, Coop leaned against a tree and tapped away at his console, pulling up Sam’s profile, pausing for a moment before attempting to call her.

“What?” she answered. “I’m not in the mood, Coop.”

“I’m downstairs,” he said.

“Of course you are. I came here to get away from you, in case you didn’t figure it out.”

“I know you did and I don’t blame you.” A deep sigh escaped him. Taking responsibility was new to him, as was trying to explore his feelings and not be such a miserable prick. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

“You always are. You need space to think about what you want out of life. I can’t fix this for you.”

“Can I just come up for a minute? I promise, I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“You know Maxine hates you,” she said.

“Yeah, I know,” he said. “I’ll just have to deal with it.”

“Fine. Best behavior, though, you got that?”

“I got it. Trust me.”

They both knew how he felt about Maxine. While Sam was freer and more open-minded, Maxine was tightly wound and disapproved of virtually everything. On top of that, she was protective of Sam after a few destructive relationships in her past, making Coop even more of an object of scrutiny for her. Still, he’d fucked up, and he needed to make his amends. His issues were his own, even though he knew they impacted Sam just as hard. This was something he needed to figure out on his own, but he needed to let Sam know he understood this instead of being a petulant child all the time about it.

They lived on the 14th floor and Sam was already standing outside the door, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. There was a slight chill in the air, meaning the summer months were melting away to whatever the autumn would be inside of the mega city and its permanent heat from so many people and things crammed together. For a long moment, they stood there in silence, Sam not making eye contact with him, waiting for him to make the first move.

“I know I fucked up,” he said. “You’re right. This is something I need to get under control and figure out for myself. I never... I never meant to drag you into any of my bullshit like this, Sam. Everything you do for me is beyond my comprehension and I don’t show how much I appreciate it enough. So yeah, I’ve fucked up pretty bad and I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

“It’s not about you dragging me into anything,” she said. “I want you to understand that. Being with you is my choice, the same with helping you out. Being your manager is a better job than I had before and being with you has always been my choice.”

“Right, that’s probably not what I meant.” Trying to navigate through his own feelings was a minefield enough, never mind someone else’s. “I just mean that... I don’t even know. Everything I’ve done until now has been out of fear or just mindless self indulgence. When Regis was with me, it felt like the two of us were just there, along for the ride. Nobody was in control or steering the ship, just riding it down as far as we could before bailing out. That’s all we knew and didn’t think there could be anything more. Now, Regis has, well... he’s found something else, and it’s not me, he didn’t even think to bring me along and I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing and who I am.”

“You know I don’t have any issues with you figuring this out, right?” she asked. “I just want to hear it from you, Coop. I want to hear that you understand what I’m upset about.”

“I can’t pretend to read your mind, but I think I get it. Me right now? I’m a mess, but I’m being a selfish asshole.” Those words were tough to swallow, never mind spit out. “Everything that’s going on with Regis is between him and I, you’ve just been trying to make those things right for me and show me there’s life after Regis. Life after the arena. I’m over here holding onto it all so tightly and afraid if it changes, I’ll lose everything.”

“The only way you lose me is if you keep pushing me away, Coop.”

That stung.

“I’m not trying to push you away,” he said. “I know it feels that way, and I’m sorry. Sometimes I just get so... so lost in everything and sad. No matter what I do, it’s hard to escape all of this and—”

“You sound like such a whiny brat!” A voice called from inside.

“Stuff it, Max,” Sam called back. “I’m sorry, Coop.”

“It’s okay, she’s not wrong. Hi, Maxine,” he called.

“I always knew you were no good,” she called back.

“Nice to hear from you, too,” he said.

“Sorry about her,” Sam said. “You know how she is, overprotective and all.”

“She’s not wrong, though. Look, I promise I’m gonna work on this. The only way this gets better is if I treat myself better and realize losing myself in the stimnet isn’t helping anyone. I’m Coop Sabre, the toughest human being in the galaxy. That has to count for something.”

“It does.”

“You’re right.” Coop took a deep breath. “Okay, goodnight, then. I’ll see you tomorrow at the gym?”

“You gonna be there this time?” she asked.

“I’ll be there, you don’t have to worry about it.”