Driven on ego alone, Coop wished for nothing more than to describe his return home as a victorious one, ready for the next series of battles in the brutal, one-night tournament. In that same fantasy built up in his mind, he’d do something nice for Sam, show her how much he appreciated all she’d done for him and for sticking by him. Because, truthfully, Regis turning his back on Coop and laying out his somewhat selfish reasoning would’ve destroyed him, if it wasn’t for Sam being there by his side, pulling him out of every rut he’d found himself in.

That’s what he would’ve liked to have done.

Instead, slumped over on his couch, jacked into the stimnet, was where he gravitated. He knew why; he knew the complications of his relationship with his uncle were overwhelming to him, the responsibility he felt to Sam for sticking by him and the weight of being the lone human worth a damn in the league. Those things were too much for him to handle, yet speaking them aloud wasn’t possible. There were a few weeks before the tournament, the pool being announced in dribs and the matches drawn up the night of the event, leaving preparations to be complicated and broad, as opposed to laser-focused on the opponent like usual. Coop lost himself in the stimnet, in a trance, understanding Sam would be there when it was time to train.

Time passed differently when jacked in. Different worlds existed within the digital realm, allowing him to go to places he’d only dreamed of, live life as someone else. His favorite program to run was one he’d gotten baked up, special order, something simple but complete. Inside, he was the owner of a little bar in old Birmingham. It was dingy, run down in places, but had its own rustic charm, like the one his father used to take him to, well before the accident claimed both his parents’ lives. He tended bar, had his regulars, and life was simple. No one would suspect Coop Sabre, a violent, bloody gladiator of the arena, to yearn for such simplicity, or at least that’s how he saw himself. The Coop the galaxy saw and the Coop that existed internally were different beasts.

“Coop!” Just like that, the immersion broke, which meant it was time for training.

A door slammed shut, and he closed his eyes, coming down from the stimnet and letting the simulation cycle before he tore the nodes from his temple. Sam stood in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest and a scowl adorning her face. There was a good chance he was late, and he knew it. Whenever he was inside, running Cooper’s, he lost track of when and where he was, even if subconsciously it was all there.

“Time to train?” he asked, blinking to adjust his vision.

“Time to train? Are you kidding me?” She wore her fury in her eyes.

“I’m assuming I... missed training?”

“Missed training? Coop, you missed two days of training,” she said.

“Two days?” Jolting up from his seat, he stumbled over his feet, stomach grumbling at the realization he’d been stagnant on his couch for at least a full day, probably more. “Jesus fuck, Sam. You’re supposed to tell me.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m not fucking kidding you,” he said. “You’re supposed to come get me.”

“I’m not your mother, Coop. You’re an adult, you can do these things on your own like a big boy, can’t you?” Her tone was cold and just enraged him further.

“No, you aren’t my fucking mother,” he said. “She’s dead and you know it. You’re my manager!”

“That’s rich,” she said. “That’s what I am to you, then? Your manager?”

“That’s your job!”

“I’m your fucking girlfriend, Coop. That’s why I’m here, you lout. Your uncle left you and someone needed to do this. I didn’t think I was signing up to change your diapers while you vegged out on your couch, simmering in your own juices, lost in your depression!”

“Oh, so now I’m the asshole,” he said.

“Yeah, Coop. You’re the asshole. You ever stop and think about why your uncle needed to stop and do something for himself? Did you ever think about what life is like with you?”

“No, but I guess I’m just the worst. Just some contemptible asshole not worth giving a damn about.” How dare she question him like this? Not after all they’d been through together.

“Stop with the self pity, this isn’t the man I fell in love with.”

“This is the man you fell in love with,” he said. “Right here! And now, what? You’re gonna leave me like everyone else did? The door’s right behind you.”

“I...” Sam paused for a moment, glaring at the door, then back at him. “You think that’s what this is all about, don’t you? I’m not a fan of Regis, not in the least. I think he’s a sleazeball who used you for himself, but there was something more to it, Coop. He’s your uncle. That’s why I called him to show up at Ushinatta. Not because I like him, not because I think he’s flawless, but because you two had something together and you’re important to each other. Are you gonna let me walk out of this door because you’re a miserable sop who pushes everyone away, or are you going to talk to me like a fucking man?”

Coop sank back down onto the couch, eyeballing the stimnet headset before gathering it up in his fist and tossing it across the room. Of course, she was right. She was always right. It wasn’t easy to admit that, though. His parents died in a car accident when he was a teenager, leaving his uncle to deal with an emotionally immature troublemaker, who ran off as soon as he could to fight on some shit hole station. Of course, he didn’t make it easy on Regis and there was that creeping suspicion Regis, as much as he was an asshole, wasn’t wrong in looking out for himself. Tears welled up in his eyes and the emotional torrent came fast and heavy, leaving him curled up in a ball.

“Coop...” Sam’s voice was softer, at least. “You can’t just break down like this all the time and not deal with this stuff. I’ve done everything I can for you. The rest is up to you. This world isn’t a kind one, and no, you haven’t had it easy, but neither have I, remember? What was it we originally bonded over?”

“That... you lost your mom at a young age,” he said, remembering back to when they met years prior. “That you lost your mom and your dad was a deadbeat.”

“Uh, huh. But I’ve got my shit together, in case you didn’t notice. I’m over my bullshit. I’m not falling apart whenever things get rough. Trust me, they get rough.”

“I know, I just...”

“You just what?” she asked.

“If I let go, what happens if it all goes away?” This was it, the fear that always kept him at arm’s reach. “If I let go of all of this... frustration, what if I’m not the same person? What if I can’t fight the same? Shit, what if you don’t love me anymore and then it’s just me and the stims?”

“Coop, as it stands now, you’re getting closer and closer to it, just being you and the stims,” she said. “I need you to think about what you want, what you really want out of all of this.”

“What do you mean? Out of our relationship?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “I mean, yes, but everything. I can’t be your only tether to reality. What is it you want out of life? Where are you escaping to all the time? If fighting isn’t your passion, if it’s leaving you like this, then fuck it! You’ve got money saved up, right?”

“Some, yeah,” he said, although he hadn’t checked his accounts in ages. Most of his finances were set up to be handled automatically, something Regis set up for him.

“Then why are you still fighting? What’s the point? I don’t get it anymore, Coop. I can’t be the one to fix this for you. I’m... going to stay at my sister’s tonight, give you some space to think this over.”

“Sam, no, wait!” Coop hopped up, trying to catch her before she ran out the door. “Don’t leave me, please.”

“You need time to think about this, Coop. I can’t figure this out for you and, frankly, I deserve better than this. I’ll talk to you later, Coop.”

In the blink of an eye, the door shut, leaving him again alone and miserable. Anger overtook him, balling his fists up and driving them into the wall in rapid succession until his right hand punched through the wall. He fell back onto the floor, his knuckles bloody and burning, blood smearing the white wall. Just him, alone with his sorrow.