A bit less than ten thousand deaths in the Tutorial, the void

… Bang bang. I shot me down… Bang bang… I hit the ground... Bang bang… That awful sound…

Of the sanctity of your own body, I would say that not consuming it is the prime directive.

But common sense doesn’t apply anymore. Or more accurately, it has been so warped by the dire need for survival that it’s not the obvious rationality we knew and loved until then. I had been aware, deep down in my heart, that even if I got out of the void, I would face unbeatable odds against whatever new forms of life had discovered us. But my delusion came to an abrupt halt when I listened to what the System had to say.

Wait, you’re probably more interested to know what happened after I finally completed the Path. Let’s get it out of the way.

[The Inner Truth] 256/256 : Look further into your own self. Gaze upon the veritas of your soul. You may not be whole, but your persona will fulfil your core’s passion. Reflect upon your soul and discover your true self.

Traveler can now use any targeted Basic or Lesser Skill on himself

This was everything I could have asked for. A way out. No, a way forward. It finally allowed me to complete the second task of the beginner’s quest by using [Scrutinize] on myself, and finally move on from my infuriating routine… But not as much as I had thought, as I would next encounter a paramount piece of hidden knowledge about this ‘apocalypse’ that still makes me queasy. The System is not the answer, it is the question. A question to an ageless matter.

How do we outlive the void ?

Not how to stop it, nor evade it. Just… how to subsist.

Because you don’t survive in the void. You just don’t. And I’m no exception. During all my time previously spent in it I had felt some pieces of me wrenched away but didn’t pay it any mind, as every lost feeling was accompanied with the loss of the need paired with said feeling. So, I never truly understood the meaning of this process. I was losing myself. That hole Adalfaro had described in my memories, that was it. And it grew ever so slowly as seconds passed, absorbing my very being. Whatever kept my body alive would at some point sustain an empty husk.

You want more desperation and hardship ? I hit another wall soon after completing the Path.

But I’m not one to complain – I swear ! – let’s just… keep it going, yeah ? It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense put like that anyway…

So, when I got [The Inner Truth] I was ecstatic. I rushed inward to analyze myself and got a relatively quick pop-up in response.

Name : ???

Race : ??? - Bipedal

Age : ??? - Young

Attitude : Inapplicable

Power : Inapplicable

I told you earlier that I recovered the content of my mantra much later on when I eventually got out of the Tutorial, right ? Well, there you have it. Me, at the time, not knowing who I was, or only vaguely. [Scrutinize] only summarized what I knew and could see. Not really useful in my case if not for the rewards from the beginner’s quest.

For completing the second task of the beginner’s quest, you have unlocked the Path [Observe and Declare]

Third task of the beginner’s quest : Create a Party with a Non-Sentient Character near you.

A difficult mission in the void, but not the wall I was talking about earlier. No, this… this was actually where my clarity came from. You see, the System may have its faults, but it’s still something. Something that can interact with the environment, in limited ways, and speak to me, if only in a dim and scrambled voice. Just like an NSC would.

Yep. I invited the System to join my Party.

Hey ! Don’t look at me like that ! It agreed of his own volition !

And it also blared a bunch of nonsensical numeric garble to me. You need to know at that point that, when in a Party with someone, you can hear their mental voice. No, not quite hear it, but capture and understand it. It’s a weird feeling to sense another man’s deliberate thoughts in your mind, but an even weirder one when it’s a machine doing the thinking.

I was still confused when I started to catch a repeated sequence of numbers. Like a counter. A long one, with at least forty numbers in it. And it counted down. Very fast. When I finally understood this, the pattern changed, now becoming a series of letters. And these letters formed ominous words.

The void is coming for us all.

A simple sentence, but so much to learn from it. I knew the void, personally, and quickly realized what a threat it would be to all life on whatever planet I was coming from. Hell, it didn’t specify it would come only for my home planet, every living being anywhere should be afraid of it !

This knowledge took some time to settle, and with it, my connection to the System was severed.

For completing the third task of the beginner’s quest, you have unlocked the Path [Allies Make One Better]

Fourth task of the beginner’ quest : Kill a being in the vicinity.

Still not the aforementioned wall, but yet another hurdle. This new gig made me ask myself if killing would sit well within me, and I quickly came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t even bother my heart. Cold goosebumps snaked through my neck as I found yet another missing piece of my psyche. The void was indeed an unrelenting devourer.

The solution to this task swiftly came to me. Just as I had made use of [The Inner Truth] to look at my own persona, killing myself would surely achieve the desired result. Yet, I faltered. Not that I hesitated to end my life, I had long passed this snag, but inflicting pain to yourself is a totally different issue. The reticence to self-imposed suffering is nothing to brush aside, and at the same time I was incredibly willing to. I decreed that, as my next step toward freedom, I had to solve this conundrum with what I had at my disposition. And solve it I did.

[Lesser Mana Throw] is a good example of a misleading concept. You’d think you need to point at something to launch it, and you’d be correct, but what about not throwing the matter you created ? As in, just letting it expand in place ? An action also known as an explosion… that you don’t need any hand movement to aim.

Kids, don’t do this at home.

One instant I’m floating in place, the next I’m in the middle of...

Gore. It was kinda gross, and gooey, and clumpy.... but I did manage to successfully execute myself without any pain. Interestingly, detonating my head gave me a privileged view of my brain, or of its many pieces drifting away. I actually felt rather pleased afterward, carried by an elation I didn’t know I was capable of. And the fact is, I wasn’t. This was not coming from me, this was the System’s doing.

Essence reclaimed : 2

You now have 2 EPs available.

Hum… Ok. Thanks for the gift, but don’t mess with my head next time.

This was new, but it made sense, in a strange video-gamey way. A kill should reward you with something, and I felt that Essence would later translate into Stat points. This meant I had a new way to grind Stats. But right after that, I got hit by another note.

For completing the fourth task of the beginner’s quest, you have unlocked the Path [Action Before Decision]

Fifth task of the beginner’ quest : Explore and investigate a Vault.

And lastly, we meet the wall. Because, whatever actually is a Vault, there weren’t any around. You might expect me to come up with a brilliant idea, to overcome this complication by sheer inventiveness, to excel myself... But the reality is, you can’t delve into something when you don’t even know what or where it is, nor how to find it. I did try to come up with a solution, but they all summed up to me getting out of the void to find one. Which was already why I was trying to conclude the beginner’s quest in the first place.

Dejected, I looked up my new Paths to get my spirit back in shape.

[Observe and Declare] 0/4 : A new environment surrounds you. What dangers will it bring ?

[Allies Better Oneself] 0/8 : Face adversities with allies, build a new world with them, and you shall never yearn for another life.

[Action Before Decision] 0/4 : Some dangers need to be dealt with quickness, rather than with greater care.

Woohoo...

I didn’t doubt the utility of such Paths, the previous ones given by the quest were at least useful, but none of them showed any clue pertaining to Vaults. So, back to square one. Sort of. I could now farm myself to gain SP ! That’s a good thing ! ... Right ?

Even so, I did. At first just to prove that EPs were indeed meant to be translated into SPs. And, after killing myself fourteen more times, I finally got my confirmation.

You now have 30 EPs available.

You may transform 30 EP into 1 SP.

Coincidently, thirty was the cumulative number of my current Stats. I also noticed that this total, once divided by the number of Stats available, and truncated, was equal to the EPs I was earning each time I had burst my brain out. A rather well-worn operation it seemed. The more powerful the being you kill, the more EPs you get. The more powerful you are, the more EPs you need. Math, fuck yeah !

Naturally, I tried counterbalancing my negative Stability, but unfortunately, the System did not seem to agree. ‘Bonus SP cannot be added to deficient Stats’ or something… I ended up putting it into Finesse because, well, I had been having a lot of difficulties moving my limbs around, even with two in Might.

And so, just like that, I added blasting myself off to the now long list of my training regimen. In a way, I had rationalized absorbing my own power. Which put the question, where did that power come from ? I still believe the old saying that nothing is lost or created, just changed, so me getting more horsepower under my hood by cannibalizing my own engine seemed off. I assumed that I was missing something and left it at that.

Anyhow, this was my life for a time. Grinding Skills and Essence. Not knowing how I could get out, too stubborn to go fetch Adalfaro, and yet, I was convinced I would, some way or another. Call me crazy - and you should - but I waited for an epiphany that, ultimately, came under an odd disguise.

*

* *

Twenty thousand deaths in the Tutorial, the void

… I want to BREAK freee, yea-ah ! I want- I want- I want- I want to breeaak freeee…

I was on my way to become a monster. I had killed myself enough time to fill the space around me with pieces of my brain. And when I say fill, I mean clutter, clog, obstruct my view so much I couldn’t see past my nose. And I had to clear it several times. The bonus in Stat Points had been tremendous, but sadly I would not see the color of the money for a while, there seemed to be a cap to how many SPs you could allocate per… a certain unit of time, couldn’t figure out which, cause, you know… Anyway, I had enough backlogged points to last me a lifetime.

Some other things happened. I got my Skills so high I had more PPs than I knew what to do with. I had completed the three last Paths of the quest and had obtained some small bonuses compared to what I now had.

[Observe and Declare] 0/4 : A new environment surrounds you. What dangers will it bring ?

+1 Perception OR +1 Wisdom OR +1 Wits

[Allies Better Oneself] 0/8 : Face adversities with allies, build a new world with them, and you shall never yearn for another life.

Traveler can now add one more member to his party.

[Action Before Decision] 0/4 : Some dangers need to be dealt with quickness, rather than with greater care.

+1 Finesse OR +1 Discipline OR +1 Fluency

For treading the Paths [It’s a new Life] and [It’s a new World] you have been given an appropriate Skill for your Tutorial, [Adaptability]

[Adaptability] Level 0 : The user is more inclined to develop ways of facing adversities.

The increase in size for my Parties was a nice touch, would I be able to actually form one , and whatever was doing [Adaptability] seemed cool enough. But it wasn’t all there was.

Might = 22

Constitution = 32

Finesse = 24

Perception = 22

Intellect = 26

Willpower = 28

Discipline = 30

Wisdom = 30

Charisma = 10

Stability = -7 [Unbalanced]

Fluency = -1

Wits = 20

I had become a monster. A literal superhuman. Even the Basic Skills I had got from my Stats passing 4 had ranked up to Lesser when reaching 16. I had first spread my stats over the physical part, thinking of what I wanted to be when I would get out, but had realized a little late that before thinking about that, I had to actually make sure I would get out. That’s when the mental ones took a big rise. And as for the Charisma and the Wits… Well, I have my quirks, I knew that, so I wanted to at least be able to handle them.

It had been a while since I had last taken a break, but the matter at hand grew so much I couldn’t avoid the issue anymore. The void started to eat things in my head that were occurring at the same instant. I had been having trouble focusing on my abilities, and my attention span narrowed even further from normal. This was all going very wrong for me now. Soon enough, I’d be an empty shell, void of any feelings.

This served as a wake-up call, and prompted a furiously accelerated brain activity. What should I do ? Until then, I had worked on my Stats, my Skills and my Paths. What else would there be ? I had generated thousands of EP, trained every Skill to their utmost potential, and completed every Path available to me. What else was there to do ?

Wait, did I really try everything I could ?

I went back to the defective Skill I had gotten from the first two Paths, [ERROR]. It was broken in every way possible but I remembered how I had thought that it would be my ticket home. Try as I might, I hadn’t had any luck leveling it up. But, rather than augment its level, maybe I should try to evolve it ? Just like I had with [Basic Light Manipulation], it revolved around the comprehension of said Skill. So, what was I missing about [ERROR] ? In which way should I pick at it ?

I reviewed how I got it. A reward for completing the Paths [It’s a New World] and [It’s a New Life]. What did it tell me about this ability ? That it was supposed to help me ‘explore’ and ‘tame’ the new environment I would be in. In a word, survive the void. But it’s simply impossible, so it may instead be a way out. And that’s exactly what I had thought at the time. What more could I deduce ? That there was indeed a way out the System didn’t even recognize as feasible. The answer was in that piece of mystery.

What was out of reach for the System ? Not matter, not energy, nor any physical phenomenon. Internal mind-fuckery ? Yes, for example Adalfaro wasn’t acknowledged by the System, but too-vague. That’s when it hit me. I had always pictured the human being as a two-part arrangement. The body and the mind. When somebody mentioned the soul in a conversation, I would roll my eyes and dump a huge rant on how the soul was just another term for the chemistry of the brain, and basically just a part of the unconscious mind. But what if I was wrong ? The System did mention here and there the soul as if it were a tangible thing. Maybe it knew better than me while at the same time being unable to even approach the subject. This had to be the answer I was expecting.

At this point, I should have gone and retrieved Adalfaro for a quick chat about my ponderings, but I was too jittery to do so. I only wished for one thing, to flee the void the quickest way, and reflecting just a bit more on the nature of my broken Skill seemed like a good idea.

[ERROR] affects the soul, good, now what ? How do I rank it up ? Well, by conceiving a way to make it work using my soul as a baseline. And to do that, I had to delve into the soul problem. What was it ? How did it change anything in the physical world ?

Let me warn you, what follows is some dubious ramblings from an insane and desperate person, recalled by said person much later on, so… don’t be too picky about it.

If the body is the physical part of a being, the mind is how a particular part of the body is arranged, then the soul must be… the errors in its operation ? Like, body equals hardware, mind equals software and the soul is the tiny electromagnetic interferences ? These impedances might be ignored most of the time by the mind, but by sheer accumulation could alter a small part, and with even more time, deviate entirely the mind’s direction. It would explain how the soul is considered the core of a person.

Wait, no, that’s the other way around. The System is merely translating concepts into words I can comprehend, so it must mean that the word ‘soul’ conveys the approximately right meaning to append to that particular concept. Then, if that’s the case, the soul I’m talking about is something that affects me in subtle ways. It’s those tiny miscommunications between my synapses. What could cause this ? We’re down to the cellular level right now, so maybe a molecule acting weird ? Nah, I feel like molecules are too predictable, same for atoms. Ah, atoms acting predictably, funny. No, what’s probably messing with my brain non-stop is inside the atom. Primal particles and all that. But I remember people emitting hypothesis on them… What would always be out of reach from any physical means, yet has an influence on the world ?

I then looked around me, as though I had found breadcrumbs in the void. Which was in part true, due to the lingering morsels of biscuit… But you get the idea.

Blackholes. I exhaled in a silent breath.

Tiny, minuscules, blackholes. These are what make matter. And if I want to manipulate them, then they themselves want to too…

By improving your grasp of [ERROR], your Skill has ranked up to [ERROR] !

*

* *

Is it… real ?

The light blinded me. The sound deafened me. The touch of something on my skin kept me frozen in place…

Then, as it slowly faded, I took a look around, stretched my ears, but most importantly, gulped in avid breaths of actual air into my lungs.

I was… home.

Tears ran down my face. I didn’t even notice the long-lost fire extinguisher, nor the backpack, clatter to the ground as I raised my hands to my face, gently caressing them, not believing they were actually so smooth. This… This was life. And it overwhelmed me. I felt as if born anew. Not a care about the mayhem surrounding me. I was entirely focused on re-discovering my forgotten senses. The taste of liquid saliva filled my mouth to the brim and the smell of sweat and running machines reminded me of where I was.

This was… home ?

No, I was in a place I used to call ‘work’ and those people dashing around were ‘coworker’. This room was filled with desks and computers – computers ! – that were of no use to anyone right now. Everyone had left by the time I realized it. Home was… somewhere else. I had to find home. So, I went looking for home.

The streets were filled with people on the phone, or rushing to… their home surely. I wanted to get home, too.

“Excuse me sir, where is…”

“Yann ! You’re still here !” Interrupted the man I had started talking to. “I don’t know what you’ve been told by this ‘tutorial’,” He exclaimed, with actual air quotes. “but don’t panic, I’m sure we’ll hear from the government very soon. Everything will be fine, it must be…”

He looked more concerned with his own problems than with me, so I left him to ask another person. But whether they were more preoccupied with running around, coping with the experience, or actually checking on their loved ones, nobody seemed inclined to help me. I went pretty far like that, lost among all those kindred souls. I was happy. Glad not to be alone anymore.

I eventually found a quiet place filled with trees, high green foliage supported by a large brown trunk if, like me, you didn’t remember them. There was a couple of seats and a playground. I sat on one of the benches, and lifted my eyes up. An endless blue sky. Nothing to hurt me, nothing to fear, just a nice breeze floating around. Then I heard some alarms in the distance, and a bit of black smoke rising in the background. But nothing worried me. Nothing was out to get me anymore. Yet, I didn’t dare close my eyes, the darkness still unpleasant to see, even in a glimpse.

Time passed. I don’t know how much, but time passed. Until the night started to fall. But it didn’t matter to me, because the cold didn’t bother me anymore. Because the sky filled itself with sublime little specks of light.

This… This is home…

I caught myself playing back everything that brought me here, from the first screen to the last sight of pure blackness. Generally, I’m not one to hope things had panned out differently, but this time it was another matter entirely, and I wished nothing had happened at all. I wished I still had my entire memory, that I wasn’t so shell-shocked by this abrupt return to reality, that I wasn’t so used to pain I actually missed the feeling. I cried that night, I’m not ashamed to say. I cried like every soul on Earth when they realized that all of this was real.

Don’t feel bad about it, in hindsight, it was a necessary rite-of-passage. And I wasn’t depressed either, I very much enjoyed the fact that I was alive and in full command of myself, able to appreciate the soothing atmosphere in this little playpen. Whatever misery the void brought to me, I got enough determination to pay me back. And power. I felt more capable than ever before, able to think of subjects I hadn’t even conceived before. My body was brimming with energy and the walk I had had was incredibly satisfying. I could feel the ripples of my muscles when I flexed them, could appreciate the dexterity my hands had. This was all new, and all the more delightful. No more struggle to move my limbs a mere inch. No more battle in order to blink.

Soon, the sun soared high in the sky. And life resumed around me. People tentatively got out of their homes, as a school of fishes would from corals after a shark had passed through. With my tear streaked face I garnered a few sympathetic looks and one person even started to head toward me. The woman in her late fifties and dressed in dark clothing called out to me.

“Hello. A bit frightening, isn’t it ? This apocalypse thing…”

“Yes…” My voice felt coarse and vociferated through my skull.

“Would you like a cup of coffee ? You look terrible, my dear.”

It was tempting, her voice calm and appeasing, but I still had to return home. “I… Thank you, but…” I went to clear my throat but she quickly interjected.

“I insist. I have tea too, if that’s more your thing.” She looked me up and down, filled with enough compassion to let me sense it. “I must say, you really look like you need some help, and I’d be happy to.”

Allowing myself to be persuaded, I followed her across the alley, up to a tiny apartment with old-looking furniture. She didn’t seem well off but still held her ground, pressuring me to just enjoy the hot beverage together. I ended up sitting at a kitchen table with a cup of what she called coffee, and I rediscovered a taste that had escaped me. She then spoke about the announcements from our government. At first, they tried to downplay the importance of the event, but quickly had to revise their position. They chose to approach the subject as a world class disaster, and treat it accordingly. Martial law had been enacted this morning and the army deployed inland. She seemed anxious about that, and looked as though a bad memory had resurfaced.

“Is there... any issue with... the army ?” I still had trouble speaking, and it came out raspy and jerky.

“It’s… When I was your age, my husband joined the forces. He died on his first tour.” She took a long breath, eyes in the wind. “Didn’t have any grief with them, until his old boot camp mate described to me how he died… His hierarchy was at fault, let’s leave it at that.” She shot me a look, telling me not to press the issue further. Not that I planned to. “And it didn’t seem to be going well even years later. So you should understand, I don’t really trust the army with the wellbeing of civilians if they can’t even take care of their own.”

At that, her face sullen, she turned her head toward the window and spoke these words in a half-whisper. “So long ago… Maybe they changed since then...”

Not wanting to press on any further, I waited for the moment to pass. Then, taking the opportunity. “Could you help me… find my home... ma’am ?”

“You sure got hit pretty hard…” She mused to herself. Then, regaining her faithful smile... “Of course, I’ll help you, son. And please, call me Jane.”

“Nice to meet you, Jane. I’m… Yann, I think ?”” As my tongue unwind, I pondered what was my name. I could remember the man at the exit of ‘work’ calling me that, but didn’t gather much more from him.

“Yann… It’s got a nice touch. I like it.” She said while flashing her teeth. “Now, let’s go find out where you live, yeah ?”

She reminded me I still had my cellphone, that it may contain an address, or at least an often-used contact, but the battery was dead. We then left her flat, and traced back to where I came from. I could recognize certain landmarks from the day before, such as a corner store, or a particularly bright building, but didn’t remember any street name. So, we walked at a leisurely pace, chatting about what was to come.

“You really think that higher beings will come visit us next ?” She asked me at a turn in the road.

“Well, if you think about it, it’s the next... logical step. We were ‘discovered’, then those who did must surely be coming our way.” I still had a slight speech impediment, but it was barely noticeable anymore.

“Makes sense.” Nodding, she seemed deep in thoughts for an instant, then resumed talking. “So, who do you think they are ? Some kind of super intelligent octopuses ? A hive mind, with billions of spawns ? Or just a regular two feet, two hands human-like figure ?”

Her eyes told me she was enjoying the wonderment, and joking at the same time in a silly undertone.

“Oh, surely they’re just tiny people with eight limbs and an ass on their head.” I answer in a half-serious, half-mocking voice.

And she laughed. A stupid and nasal snort, mostly heard in pigpens. Made me burst out all the same. It is now the laugh I hear when I come across an absurd situation. When we finally got our giggles under control, we had reached our destination. My ‘work’ place. Nobody was there, the doors left wide open and the hallway empty. We decided to go to where I remembered getting out of the void. We hadn’t talked about what we lived in our respective Tutorial, and I was glad for it. I had told myself it was the same for her, an experience too hurtful to remember, but the fact is, even if she had shared her own ordeal, I wouldn’t have disclosed mine. Too soon for that, I still needed some time to think it over.

We arrived near the right place, and I spotted the familiar bag on the ground. As I picked it up, I saw a plate affixed to the half-wall enclosing the nearest desk.

Yann Roy

Customer service department

Retrieving my name was the first step, now I had to find home. I promptly rummaged through the desk, collecting seemingly important papers. But Jane had a better idea, which, now that I think about it, was pretty obvious. My wallet. With all my IDs. She searched my backpack for a second, and pulled them out while calling out to me.

“39th Mason road. It’s on the western hill, I think. Next to that river I don’t recall the name of…”

“39th Mason road… 39th Mason road… How do we get there ?” It didn’t ring any bell, but I hadn’t had any hope on that part anyway.

“Normally, we would take the subway, but right now I don’t think anyone’s working if it’s not absolutely critical. And I didn’t find any car keys in this.” She explained, as she lifted the bag up.

“Then I’ll continue walking. Thank you-“

“Already done with me, huh ?” She rhetorically asked, a smile drawn on her face. “Don’t worry about it, I had some things to check on anyway.”

“It’s a goodbye, then. I’m glad I met you. Again, thank you for all you’ve done, Jane.”

“I’m just happy to help. See you around then !”

She left the floor with a wave, smiling all the way out. I don’t really know who she was, but she had a good heart. Maybe I had helped her in return, by just being here with her, a person to speak to, and joke with. I reflected on that for a bit then gathered what I deemed important and went out, following her steps. I was now on the right track, closing in on my destination.

*

* *

… Jolene. Jolene. Jolene, Jole-E-ene…

I might have had misjudged the travel to Mason road. It took me more than two hours to get to the hill, and one more to ask some bystanders how to find the coveted street, but I was finally there. 39th Mason road, an apartment tower, grey and bulky. Yet, a pleasing memory reappeared. One of a slight anguish at the unknown and a deep thrill with the new possibilities. I had moved in this building around a year ago, and I hadn’t regretted it one bit. This vague memory brought with it an unplanned fact. I hadn’t taken this flat alone, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember who. Maybe a roommate ?

I took out my keys, tried them one by one on the lock, and finally got in. My heart racing, I checked the mail boxes for my name and found which floor I was to go to. At the 5th floor, I fumbled with my keys against the door with my surname on it. My entire body pulsed with trepidation. Home, at last ! Then, I heard someone move about the apartment and open the door in a rush.

I was face to face with a young woman, blonde, thin and visibly shaken up. Before I could even react, she encompassed her arms around me and started squeezing. Hard. And violently cry in my shirt as I just… stood there, not knowing what to do with myself. It took a moment, but she raised her head and started shouting.

“Oh my god you’re here ! Where were you ? I thought you were dead ! Why didn’t you answer your phone ? I was worried sick ! Don’t do that to me ! Have you any idea what I went through ? This apocalypse thing, the looters at work, the government shutting everything down, and you ! You never even called !”

A rapid succession of words intertwined with anger and fear surged from her mouth and assaulted my ears. This reminded me of an argument I had had once, with who I didn’t know, but it seemed to be a recurring theme. I couldn’t help it, I winced, and she took that as further proof of my guilt.

“You’re always running about, helping people, but you don’t even care about those who love you ! You don’t ! You… selfish… jerk…”

And more crying. What had I done to deserve that ? All I wanted was to come home, and unwind. Drink… something… while doing… some other thing… That was the plan ! But this girl just would not stop bothering me. So, I pushed her aside and went in.

You know, hindsight is 20/20. This girl was Anna, my girlfriend. And she was right to blame me. My phone had rung the first day out of the Tutorial, I just didn’t bother to answer it, focused as I was to return home. Which, ironically, would have gotten me there faster. And you might think I was being brutish with her, but at the time, I didn’t know her. Entirely.

Stunned, she just watched me enter the flat. I looked around, and on auto-pilot, went to the fridge and grabbed a can of… beer ? Popped the tab and took a gulp. The taste was familiar, but not enjoyable. I could tell this would irk me for a while, but I add to acquire the habit back, for the sake of my sanity. I then headed to the balcony, a small one-person slab of concrete with railings. I hadn’t yet gotten used to the fresh air out in the open, and I wanted to revel in it as long as possible.

“Who. The fuck. Do you think you are !?” This wasn’t anger anymore. Fury is what it was. She dashed to me and gripped my throat. Or tried to. I saw her coming a mile away. With a simple step to the side I avoided her hand, add to that a light shove, and she was on the ground, looking at me with ire in her eyes. She tried to get up, one hand on the floor and the other on the banister. This was not going as planned. My moment of pure bliss was ruined. This… bitch was ruining it. She had to go.

Or I had to.

I simply walked out, went done the stairs, and sailed away. This was no place of mine. Home was not the promised land.

As I was roaming around, I felt my stomach rumble. I hadn’t eaten for 24 hours. And the empty can of beer in my hand reminded me that sustenance was needed in order to live a happy life. But where does one get food ? Well, luckily for me, it was now two in the afternoon, as indicated at the bus stop. This meant shops to buy food at. The process of exchanging goods and services for money luckily got spared the void treatment, otherwise I would have found myself in quite the pickle.

Problem was, everything was closed. All ? No. One fast-food restaurant still held out stubbornly against the martial law… I got in and ordered the biggest menu I could afford with the bills I had. As I sat down at a corner table, I observed every person around the dive. More accurately, scrutinized them. My mindset of training Skills was still holding off. And while I made the meal vanish into my stomach, I caught the latest news from the giant TV in the back.

“… to be the new standard, as everyone got caught in this tutorial. Also, we just heard from senator Knowles that all able-bodied man and woman are required to register their Skills and Stats at their local town hall. This is a federal order and as such should not be ignored. It is, after all, for the greater benefit of all, right Michael ?” I could hear the sarcasm in her voice.

“Indeed. I might add that every refusal to do so was said to be met with the full force of the martial law. You heard it folks, you risk jail time if you do not comply with our lovely government.” Then, dropping the act… “What a load of crap. Pardon my language, but we don’t need threats at the moments. We need certainty, and while this plan to record each’s own experience of the event is definitely a good idea, the way it is done will gravely affect the trust people put in our thinking heads. Couple that with the army presence in our streets and the ambient climate in the country seems to be getting hotter by the second.”

“It may be so, but I have to remind you that these soldiers are our sons and brothers, they won’t cause any trouble in my opinion. No, the problem comes from the politicians and their private armies. Reports show that every person in power is gathering entire militia for, allegedly, their own safety. But that is ground to a festering number of conflicts and skirmishes. The question is, will the army step up and gather a sufficient pull to set things straight ?”

“Careful with that line of thinking, this is called a coup for a reason.”

“No, not that way of course, but as a temporary relief for the population. It has been projected that with a general in command, we would cope with this kind of event much better than divided between greedy pushovers.”

“That’s exactly how Cesar got into power. And every other dictator the world has ever known.”

It surprised even me how these anchors let their tongues loosen up. I suppose the apocalypse makes us all seek deeper into our roots.

I finished eating and quickly got out. This should all be very concerning, but I didn’t feel like caring at the moment. I mean, this was worrisome, but what could I do about it ? And I sure as Hell wasn’t going to reveal my hard-earned cards after all these efforts. Focused on my thinking, I reached the corner of the street. As I took a step left, I was apprehended by a man in a dull beige tuxedo.

“Didn’t you hear ? The Martians did it ! And they’re on their way right now !” His breath smelled strongly of alcohol. Pissed as he was, I was stunned to see him still standing. More than that, he was shouting to every passerby that would listen, swinging to one side then righting himself abruptly.

I promptly evaded his reach and continued my route with not even a look back.

“Keep your sperm close ! That’s what they’re after ! And don’t get close to the rotary thing ! Even if it flashes green ! Especially if it flashes green !”

After this magical encounter, I decided to go meet my progenitors, because why not ? Problem, I recalled a house in the suburbs, and not much else. How would I find them ? The city hall might do the trick, but they would most certainly ask for my information if that news show was to be trusted, and that wasn’t happening. What did it leave me with ?

Phone booth !

And with it came a phone book ! As soon as I found the Roys’ number I quickly inserted the last bit of change I had into the machine and dialed it.

“Hello ?” The voice was rough, most likely weathered from smoking too often. The smell of cigarettes forgotten on the ash tray came back to me in an instant.

“Hmm… Hi. It’s… Yann.” I didn’t really know how to start the conversation. Roy wasn’t really a common name but, what if they weren’t my parents ?

“Yann ! Oh my god ! Where were you ? Your dad has been worried sick !” Well, jackpot.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Just, can you come pick me up ?” I then gave her the name of the street I was in. She immediately agreed and hung up the phone.

I was a bit reluctant to call my parents for help, but what were parents for if not to get you out of trouble ? So, I sat and waited in the middle of the street, watching the clouds unfurl above me.

“Are you feeling alright, friend ?” A familiar voice resurfaced in my head.

“Hey, you. Wondered if you made it out alright. I’m okay, don’t worry about it.” I had actually missed him. Him and his hot-shit attitude.

“Might have you already neglected you can discuss with me in your mind ?”

Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. You good in there ?

“Dandy. There is so much to do here. And so many colors… I cannot believe I am in fact out of the void. This is… simply amazing.” I could actually sympathize with that.

I feel it too, mate. Glad you’re enjoying yourself.

“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about that girl before…”

Yeah, I know, I was a bit fierce with her. Sorry you had to see that.

“Fierce is one way to put it... And it’s none of my business.” He took a break, seeming not to be sure whether to continue or not. “But I seem to be unable to leave your memories. You may not have noticed but you slackened your grip on me since we got out, and I have been trying to escape ever since. Alas, to no avail. Thus, I feel the need to prevent you from further incidents of the likes. I just want to make sure you won’t react inadequately to any situation that may arise would your parents be shocked by your new… state.”

Alright, I’ll be careful to rein in myself. And why can’t you leave ? As you said, I’m not restraining you anymore.

“It seems I am incompatible with matter of all kind. I surmise the mind remains my designed place of living. Your mind, more specifically. There may be a hidden piece of wisdom in this fact, but try as I can, it appears to be out of my grasp.”

Keep trying, but don’t sweat it. Look at me, a lot is still beyond me and I don’t make a big deal about it. You’ll figure it out someday.

He was really starting to grow on me, this little knob. While we stayed idle, I tried a bit of chitchat.

So, what did you think about this meal ?

“Regal. An absolute feast. I have never sensed something so rich and filled with taste. I cannot even begin to fathom how such a thing can exist. Your world must be at the apex of culinary mastery.”

“That was just some junk food you know ?” I said aloud, irony in my voice.

“And junk is a poor misnomer for its quality.”

And just like that, half an hour passed. We talked about food mainly, but also about the layout of the city, how everything was made of straight lines and neatly packed. Efficiency seemed to be a concept lost on him. I found that peculiar detail absolutely adorable, like a newborn discovering the beauty in pragmatism. All that stopped when a car rushed through the alley, stopping right in front me, and out got the passengers.

A man and a woman of average height, both with brown hairs. They looked the same age as Jane, with clearly more money in their bank account. The car was brand new, the clothes assorted and the jewelries glossy. The lady had small and winding crow’s feet at the corner of her eyes, that’s what got to me first. I remembered those crow’s feet. Coupled with frowned eyebrows, they were the symbol of my fear when I was doing my time. The fear of absolute unimportance, of disappearance, to the indifference of others. This was not a pleasant memory to have at a reunion. I didn’t hide it very well, because as soon as she got near me, she enacted that very same frown.

“My god, son ! Don’t sit on the ground ! You’re gonna dirty your pants ! And don’t stand there all flabbergasted, come hug your parents.”

I did as I was told, an ingrained reflex I thought had disappeared. As I took my mother then my father in my arms, I realized a lot of visions were coming back to me, and much more seemed to be on the horizon. There might still be a chance for me to be whole again. I just hoped some of them wouldn’t be as perturbing as most of the last ones.

“Hi Yann, how are you ?” Dad asked in a small whiny voice.

“Good. Can we just go home ? I just want to relax for a bit…”

“And why aren’t you with Anna ? Did you two fight again ? You don’t deserve her and you know it.” My mom reeked of tobacco as she preached for the woman who had tried to strangle me. It’s thanks to that that I learned her name, just so you know.

Not answering her, I climbed in the car. The trip to my parents’ house was uneventful, we circled back through the beltway and I was able to see that life was slowly regaining its ground. People were out more, activity seemed to be flowing out of the stores and motorized vehicles were everywhere again.

And finally, we were home. The home I remembered. Kind of. I don’t know if it was the effect of time or the void, or both, but it looked different than from my recollection. Then I got in my old room and it all came back to me. The evenings I was stinted from lunch, the hours I had spent cleaning my rooms and every other one of the house, the demolishing comments, the now absent lock on the door to keep me from ‘going out at night’… I heaved acid, my stomach not able to take the force of the remembrance .

I rushed out, dropping my bag I had in my hand, and passed my dad who had bleak eyes, surely knowing what I was going through. He hadn’t had any hand in what I had suffered, but he had let it happen, too weak-willed to oppose her wife. And I resented him for that. I didn’t come across my mother, luckily, and can’t remember much after that. I think I ran. Away from all those things that kept hurting me. I had the power to make it all disappear in a fraction of a second…

But I did not.

I’m Daddy’s boy, fleeing my problems as I should be…

*

* *

… Next door the tv's flashing. Blue frames on the wall… It's a comedy of errors, you see. It's about taking a fall… To vanish into oblivion…

My whole mantra had been a lie. My whole life had been a lie I had told myself to sleep at night. So much so that I had ended up believing it.

I was a wreak. And now in jail. Yes, jail. I had run so far and for so long I had met a group of soldiers patrolling the early night who tried to halt me. Distraught as I was, I didn’t hear their call. They pointed their guns at me and in a moment of lucidity I accepted my fate. They took me first to a police station and when I failed to present my IDs they just detained me for a time. Which didn’t last long as soon after a representative from the county came and recorded the Status of every person there. I refused, and since I hadn’t given anyone my name, was labelled as uncooperative and sent to jail the next morning.

I didn’t care. Everything was just… garbage. My life, my home, myself… I just couldn’t give two fucks about anything.

Dead inside, and a tad bit depressed, I made my first impressions on my future colleagues. The entrance to the cell blocks was lined with inmates, rattling their cage as in a parody of a jailbreak flick, where I would have been the innocent going in and they the animals who I would learn to appreciate and tame. No, it was just a ritual to welcome the newcomers. And we all need rituals when the apocalypse falls. Mine had been one of training non-stop and suffering. Not really doable in here.

I could have gotten out of custody at any time, using my Skills or simply my overwhelming Stats – I had heard in passing that the maximum disclosed until now had been no more than 4 - but I didn’t have the will to. What for ? What awaited me on the outside ?

“The seat’s taken.” A large shouldered man informed me.

After being introduced to my cell and bunkmates, I had been led out to the field. Not knowing what to do with myself, I had headed toward the benches on the far side of the courtyard. Rookie mistake, the benches belonged to various and of course powerful clans of cons. The men had at first dismissed me as fresh meat, but when I had come closer to them, they didn’t seem to appreciate, and the nearest group sent a muscle-head to bully me.

I had a choice then. Either fight my way through a bunch of sluggers, no way would they stop at such thing as fair-play, or gently backtrack and huddle in a corner. The smart pick would have been the second one, stay under the radar and wait for it all to blow over. But I wasn’t in a smart mood. I wanted to hit something, or someone. Luckily for them, and for me, I pulled my punches.

In the end, there was only one. No, I’m messing with you. When they saw that I was dodging most of the jabs thrown at me and rolling with those I didn’t feel like avoiding, they stopped trying altogether. Not much point to clash with someone clearly not in your strength bracket. Plus, there were already two of them on the ground, one clutching his abdomen, the other one out cold. One of the non-fighter one, a portly middle-aged man, came down to my level.

“Well, I think you’ve clearly shown you know how to handle yourself. What’s your name kiddo ?”

I almost blurted out my name right there. Didn’t know yet why it was so important to me to keep it a secret, but I’d thank me later. I needed something else to call myself now, and what more appropriate than what had made me what I still am to this day ? But, with a little twist. I like twists.

“Neant.” Quick, and to the point.

“Weird name. But hey, I’m no’ one to judge. I’m Clavic. Hope we didn’t start on the wrong foot ?”

“I needed it actually. Thank you for the warm-up.”

“Sure, sure…” Warily, he went back to his flock, his goons picking up the ones wounded.

I found myself a place in the middle of them all, where they had kept a no-man’s land until now. Then, I just kinda let time do its work. I could hear them adapting to the subtle change in attitude toward the group I had inadvertently challenged. Lines shifted, some got closer together, other distanced themselves. Then the whispers started, amidst regular conversation which were pure facade. With my Perception now in the low twenties I could hear them as clear as if they were talking in my ear. ‘Who’s this guy ?’ this, ‘Who’s he with ?’ that… Just uninteresting stuff. For now. Maybe I would need it later on, that’s why I was intently listening.

I must admit, I still found it funny how I had kicked the anthill just by… actually kicking a guy in the shin. I had done a bit more than that, ok, but still, the irony wasn’t lost on me. Plus, it did wonders to my ego, which was a welcome change of pace. I could also feel the looks on my back, not all filled with the desire for vengeance. Some were expectant, wondering if I would be friend or foe. Maybe I could form a few bonds with some of these guys. Maybe this could be my new home.

I spent a few days in there. Didn’t really talk to anybody that didn’t speak to me first. My everyday routine pleased me, soothed the wrinkles in my mind. We weren’t treated very well, near cattle-like, but I didn’t preoccupy myself about it. The guards had seen my little skirmish the first day and left me alone for the most part. The placid expression I wore most of the time might have played its role.

There was an attempt at my life the day earlier, but not a successful one. While showering, a fellow of Clavic had went up to me, gripping a shiv behind his back. I had sensed him passing the door, and as I was turning around to glare him away, another guy grabbed his arm carrying the pointy toothbrush.

“Don’t.”

He was a tall black skinned mister. Not ripped with muscles, but the way he carried himself told me he felt confident he could bounce the other one out pretty easily. And I say mister because I had seen him previously with a tie walking around in the yard. A tie, in prison. This was, well, incongruous to say the least.

When the ill-intended man left the showers, he came to me, in the same Adam costume as me.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah ?”

I nodded, and he left to gather his outfit, with no other word or acknowledgement of what had transpired.

The day after, we met at a table at lunch, away from any prying ears.

“So, what have you gone through ?” He asked me, his eyes staring into mine.

“What do you mean ?” I was cautious, not knowing which way the wind was blowing with this guy. On one hand he had helped me avoid a complicated situation, on the other I didn’t know a thing about him.

“Your Tutorial. You showed up with all those who refused to reveal their experience with it. And don’t tell me your real name is Neant or something, I won’t believe you.”

Suddenly, I felt like gambling. “You first.”

“Ah, that’s a good one. No need to remind you I saved your life, huh ? Well, now that I think about it, maybe I saved Mike’s life instead.” So, Mike was his name. I’d be sure to remember that name.

“All I can say is, I wasn’t prepared.” Maybe a bit of honesty would get me a long way here.

“Hmm. Same here. Tell you what, I’m gonna be the bigger man here. Let’s hope you’ll return the favor.” He looked me over, already doubting I would.

“So, as you may have deduced, I was here when it happened. Had got caught for a stupid thing, but as I was a persistent offender, they’d put me in for a year. Which leads to the place I picked for the Tutorial. I chose a nice sunny beach. Just wanted to relax. Ended up blowing steam for six months. “

At that he seemed to remember something. Surely something he had seen and wouldn’t mention to me.

“Then things started to fall apart. So, I went into one of these Vaults and when I took the crystal, ‘Poof’ I was back in the refectory, wearing my prisoner uniform again. There you have it. Now it’s your turn, I believe.” He finished with a slight grin, gesturing to me to re-live my own adventure in front of him.

But an adventure it hadn’t been. And I didn’t want to reveal everything about me right then. Plus, he most likely didn’t tell me the truth either.

“My experience wasn’t that fulfilling. To say it like it is, it wasn’t anything at all. I failed to choose a location in time. So, I just watched everyone blink at once, like coming out of a collective daze. Then everything went to shit. They started talking about martial law, and writing down what we had gone through… But I had nothing to say about that, so I tried getting out of town. Ended up here, of all places…”

“Mhm… Then how were you able to fight those thugs so well ?” He wondered, perplexed.

I lied through my teeth. “Krav-maga. Learned it when I was young.”

“Yeah, sure.” Yep, he didn’t buy it. “Ok, now that we both know not to trust everything the other says, let’s jump on the issue I wanted to talk to you about. See, I don’t want to talk about my over-whole Status either. And so, they’ve put me on an indefinite detention, to force me to spill it out. If I ever want to see the color of the walls from the outside, I’m gonna need to speak to them…“ He checked our surroundings, then winked at me. “Or get out on my own terms.“

He added, after a moment… “You may be a good brawler, but you won’t last long here, now that you’ve made enemies. So, let me offer you… freedom.”

I looked at him quizzically, not sure if his proposal was serious. “And how are we supposed to get out ?”

He beamed up at that. “Through a Vault of course !”

A Vault… It reminded me of the last task of the beginner’s quest. What would happen to me, now that I was out of the Tutorial, if I completed this quest ? Was my immortality founded on it ? Was it what was keeping me alive ? Would I just crumple from having died too much ? These were all legitimate answers. And I didn’t even have to answer them, I could just jump over the fences if I truly wanted to escape.

But this was exciting. He seemed like a guy with a plan, and I loved watching plans going awry.

“What’s your name again ?”

“Kurt. And don’t worry, I’ll let you keep yours… Neat.” A jab to me…

“Suits me if it suits you, Captain Kirk.” And a punch to him.

“Humph… Then let’s get you up to date…”

I then started preparing my evasion from a smelly prison with a guy I had just met naked in the showers.