So... I ask you, what's on your mind? What do you regret in life? What keeps you from breaking the limit or yourself?

Inside the mind - Self hurting

The nurse's office and the cold feeling that usually appears in such rooms.

Why are some hospitals, nurse offices and the like not warm? Ever did chemistry in a lab, those also feel cold, right?

Well, there he was, seated on a metallic chair before a desktop, feeling the cold wind from the window, even though it was summer. He was dressed in a physical education outfit to make the whole exam easier. The teacher took him out of class and he was given a pass to skip for today.

Currently, two people sat opposite of him, a man and a woman.

The man was young he had around 25 years of age. He was tall and had a beard that looked erratic. He wore a white coat and a hoodie inside of it. The hoodie had many colors and a smiley in the middle with some words. Additionally, he was listening to some music via ear-pods while examining him.

The nurse was a woman and she looked like a responsible lady. Very different from those crazy labcoats or sexy women in the nurse offices. She was more like a good middle-aged lady, a little over the usual BMI. She gave the feeling of a good neighbor. She was tidier than the man.

When the check ended. The man gave the nurse a signal as he explained something to the kid. The nurse left the place and only the psychologist and he stayed.

Silence remained as a division between both. The man just kept writing something as he moved with some weird song. He then stared at the kid and explained something.

He was done many tests of images and puzzles. Those where you could only think of what was answered was right or wrong. The stoic look on the man's face didn't change. He seemed distant, but in a moment he became friendly.

He turned on his loudspeaker as the weird tune started sounding. It was an addicting tune, but the kid hadn't heard of it before. It was somehow relaxing.

It surprised him, as the man took another approach no one would have expected. He coughed and presented himself again.

"Excuse me for the previous testing, it might have been hard on you. Let me explain, I am here to check on your state of mind. You are self hurting. That means you are stressing yourself or damaging your body for something." The man explained slowly.

"Are you talking about this?" The kid moved his arm towards his vision signaling his scars.

"That's right." The man affirmed then expressed. "Firstly, forgive my ignorance, but why do you cut or damage yourself in the first place? Are you being bullied?" His now friendly voice seemed filled with concern.

"Not bullying... I think. Have you ever been anxious to the point of not knowing what to do?" The kid answered with a low voice as he fidgeted.

"I see, does it hurt?"

"It did. But now I don't feel too bad. I don't feel much pain... although it still hurts a little. Despite that, it helps... to calm me."

"Is there a specific reason?"

"Hmm, my mom."

"So attention, huh?" The doctor gave a stretch and looked at the ceiling. "Does your mom know?"

"Yeah, she found out recently..."

"Then why do you continue?"

"Because she cares..."

"You know, there might be a moment she will stop, you will be doing harsher things to yourself."

"Hmm, but if I don't, how can I..."

"I think we really needed your mom to come. It's very bad she couldn't. Is your mom having problems in life?"

"I asked her, but she doesn't tell me what's making her like that."

"Kid for your age such problems should be outside your area. How about making her come and chat with me if she's free? Oh! not that way kid, you will also be in for the chat."

"I can tell her then..."

"Okay, then let's continue with you alone."

"How often are you self hurting?"

"Once every two or three days."

"Have you seen another counselor before?"

"I had, she taught me how to cut myself safely."

"That's good then. Still, we need to keep you from damaging other areas."

"Other areas?"

"Have you ever had the idea to hurt yourself in places other than the arms or knees?"

"I have..."

"Where?"

"The face..."

"Why? Is it because she will care more if you hurt that place?"

"I don't know... Never tried... But ... It's more visible than the arms... So maybe... Yes?"

"Kid, usually people that hurt themselves hurt places that aren't visible, you are the unusual type, trying to show what you do." He scratched his beard and wrote something then asked. "Was there some time you hurt your face by falling?"

"There was, and mom helped hurriedly. But mom had changed and I fear she won't react, last time I fell, she just told me to stand up. She made me promise her to stop crying. The lady before you told me to never hurt other places, as scars on those zones can be irreversible."

"Oh, that was some good work done there." The man murmured to himself, then he told the kid. "It is good that you understand that. So how does your mom react to current events?"

"She comes and checks, then sterilizes the wound and tells me to stop, but then she turns an eye and leaves. She seems busy and is returning very late."

"Has your mom been doing any strange behavior?"

He didn't answer that question quickly, instead, he thought of how to answer. He could somehow understand or have an idea of what his mom did now. Yet, some of those couldn't be told.

"She has started to drink more and arrives very late at night. She is forgetting to... Pay school and even to cook. Now she only talks occasionally, tells me to remain silent."

"This is a very bad situation or so it seems. Kid, we have to help your mother, you understand right?"

"You, want to help her?"

"What else can we do? You are too young. You can't live by yourself." The man explained and continued the interview. "Describe to me your daily life?"

"I usually wake up at 5 am, wash myself, brush my teeth and dress. I then go to the kitchen, prepare my breakfast and leave to school."

"Wait, you say your mom isn't doing that?"

"Mom is arriving too late in the night or even early in the morning. She made me food until I learned how to do things by myself."

"Ok, continue telling me, what else."

"Hmm, I wash the dishes and leave towards the public transport station. Then I arrive at school, have my classes and wait for it to end."

"Kid... Are you having friends in class?"

"I have some but since I can't spend time with them after school or in recess... It's hard to talk to them sometimes."

"Hmm, what are you doing in recess?"

"Mom left me something to do at such times. She said to never stop that."

"What is that?"

"Something I can't tell anyone else..."

"Eh? Are you reading something or learning anything? How much time do you spend on that... Don't tell me all the recess?

"I don't spend all the time doing that, about half the recess. Please don't ask me, my mom got furious when the other counselor asked. She doesn't want anyone to know."

"Bruh, that's a very strange mom you got"

"Please... Don't call her like that..."

"Sorry, this is very hard kid... Still, I am surprised at how obedient you are." The man picked his chin and gave a sigh, then he opened his mouth again. "Tell me, kid, why do you live?"

"I haven't thought about that..."

"Then what do you want to do? Anything you want to be in the future?"

"What mom tells me..."

"That's actually simple, but you think like a tool. It's good to live for yourself sometimes... Ah, well, you are still too young to reason that..."

"..." The kid didn't say anything towards the man's self-murmuring.

"So, what do you do after school?"

"I go to the apartment..."

"..." He looked with a surprised look then asked. "What do you do when you arrive home?"

"Mmm... I go to the window. I watch the street and the lights, the stars, the night and my reflection."

"Kid... Really? Do you stay there all the time?"

"Why would I stay still there? I cook or do my homework. I also go to the bathroom and continue watching the window."

"Don't you have a TV or toys?"

"No, we left our last place too quickly."

"Mmm, better to ask that to your mother then..." He murmured and wrote in his paper. "Kid at what moment in the day do you cut or hurt yourself?"

"If I see that mother is coming. Through the window obviously..."

"That... It wasn't obvious... But right... Mmm, so that's why you look at the window." The man acted goofily for a moment, the kid gave a little laugh that was imperceptible.

"Kid, describe what you feel at that exact moment..."

"I look at my reflection and see my expression... Is this smile enough for her to look at me? Then..."

(Clank - Sound of something falling to the ground.)

He could see the psychologist crouching and searching for a pen on the floor. He seemed to twitch before it happened. I mean the first question was stupid, the second was obvious but hard to catch, the third... It was obvious also, but why didn't he think about it?

"Sorry about that... kid... Continue..." He coughed and tidied his coat. However, his brown hair was chaotic. He gave a signal for the kid to continue but murmured something the kid couldn't hear.

"I take the prepared materials and look at myself in the window. I always repeat to myself what she said to me. Don't cry. You promised."

"... Continue."

"I then look at myself while giving a little cut over my wrist, blood flows and I smile when tears don't come out."

"..." A soft murmur... But not very audible was expressed by the psychologist. He stopped writing. He looked at the kid that was probably looking at the fidgeting hands below the table... He was smiling.

"When mom is going up the stairs, I look at the floor and sit in the middle of it. Hmm... Before that, I close the curtains and turn off the lights. I let the blood drip as I do a scene I found in the movies. It's like sleeping but trying not to move. Then mom opens the door and..."

He was stopped by the psychologist. "Kid you are broken. Be sure to come with your mother tomorrow, we need urgent talk."

"Mr, I haven't finished."

"That was enough. I have an idea..." He decreased his tone making the next phrase only hearable to himself. "More like... No idea what's happening... "

"Kid you can leave, go change and tell the nurse outside to bring me a drink..." The man looked at the kid and expressed seriously.

"A beer?"

"Eh... Oh right... No, a coke." He changed expression quickly and seriously stated the last part.

"Got it!" The kid jumped off the seat and walked happily towards the door.

The nurse entered and brought the beverage, but the man was all over the desktop as if he had worked overtime today.