I can’t help it. In the end, I just have to tell him. The next time we stop, he decides to climb up the tree and look around, see if there is something more he can see from high up we can’t from below. But he sees nothing, and as he is coming down, I tell him, “You know, Zan, I consider myself one bastard, I really do. And, so I thought, they rated me as such. Gave me the Reputation of zero. So…”

“Don’t fucken say it,” he bashes at me defensively, and I notice traces of threatening anger in his voice.

But I chuckle and push as I say, “What the fuck could you have done so that yours was so low?”

I want to smile and laugh freely. But I see how tense he is getting and have to wonder if I want to worry about starting something with him. A poison always comes in small packages, so they say. And I don’t want to worry about turning my back on him. So, I make a decision to let it be. Let it simmer.

The conversation stops him from talking for a while, and I see him contemplating about what we talked.

But then as we make it up one very steep slope, he turns around to ask me a question, the one that I know he will keep on asking me again and again. “What got you incarcerated? What did you do?”

I spit out whatever I snorted out of my nose. “You think you want to hear that. Maybe you do, and then, maybe you don’t. Maybe you just want to think about someone else rather than yourself. Whatever it is… I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe one day, if we are still pals, if you know what I mean. For now, I’d say, you better worry about yourself, think who you get to be now, who you want to be now, now that you got your second chance.”

That got him to shut up good, really good. For a whole minute.

“I tried finding the answer, but can’t,” he says. “And I know you know more than you’re telling me. I mean, you still did not tell me why we were sent here. What is the mission? I mean, they did not round up the worst criminals in the whole space and just threw them here to give them a second chance? See if we get stuck in the snow and die in it?” he says as he suddenly drops inside the snow that almost comes up to his chest.

I give him one end of the spear I use as a walking stick and pull him out. “I guess I can walk up the front.”

“Why don’t you want to tell me?” he asks, oblivious to the snow that almost ran up his nostrils.

I know I have to level with him. If this thing on this planet rolls the way it started, I may need to depend on him again, and again. I need his trust, regardless of what his Reputation is. “Look, I do not know why they erased all your memories. Maybe on account of that stunt they pulled. You do not know, but before we were sent here, there was a… revolt among prisoners. They tried to escape. A lot of people died. So, maybe they used that to… punish everyone.”

“Everyone but you?”

“I… kind of took their side.”

“Really?”

“Shit. I was not going to watch Big Garden rape some women… or men for that matter. Or that sneaky bastard Rickon uses everyone around for his own personal gain. I was not to become a soldier in his fucken army no matter what his plans were.”

“I see.”

“Look, this memory thing… I bet it’s only temporary, and that your memory will eventually come back. Because otherwise, none of it makes sense.”

“What? What doesn’t?”

I sigh. Might as well.

“You see… This is what I know. this planet has been quarantined centuries ago. Stayed off the grid for so long, it’s not even in the navigational maps anymore. Some disease that infected people here, something weird. Nobody was even allowed to travel through this quadrant. Well anyway. They sent a scout ship here some time ago, completely illegal because the Federation administration would never allow for a stunt like that.”

“And?”

“What they found out is that the planet is prospering… well, life is prospering. And so is this weird group of people here, this sect who…”

“Go on.”

“They say they found the way to extend human life indefinitely.”

“Bullshit.”

“I know. But… not so much bullshit if you consider…”

“They can’t be serious? Here?”

“Yeah. And they are serious. Deadly serious.

“What?”

“We are sent here to kill them all.”

“Say that again?”

“Have to find them and kill them all.”

“Shit. But why?”

“Well, they did not tell me this, but I figure… You see, eventually, the word will get around that this planet is safe again. The people will come here. And once the word gets out that there are people here who know how to make you live for a long time, what do you think would happen?”

“Everyone would come here.”

“Of course. And the biggest providers of life extension procedures and medicine would lose… pretty much their market dominance.”

“Pretty much everything.”

“Yes. That’s why they wanted to use… murdering bastards like us. We come cheap, out-of-grid, disposable.”

Zan nodded his head, rubbing it. “It makes sense. All except our memories being wiped clean. Pretty hard to go on an assassination mission without knowing about it.”

“Yeah. I’ve already said that. That does not make sense.”

“So?”

“So, obviously there is more to it than I know.”

“Yeah. And you know way more than I do. So, what are we to do?”

“Stay alive.”

“That’s good advice.”

“Make it to the habitable land. See what gives. See what that sect is all about.”

“Maybe kill them?”

“Who knows. Maybe they’re assholes. Maybe they have it coming.”

Zan chuckles. “Don’t we all?”

“Fucken’ right we do.”

Am I wrong to tell him all of that? Is it all going back to bite me in the ass one day? How can I trust this guy? Yeah, he saved me back there. But that could also be interpreted as self-serving. I know once the serpent got me, he was the next one on the menu. Still, the reason why he saved me does not matter. He still did.

I sigh. I’m not used to thinking if I should trust a person or not. Second-guessing myself. It’s always easier to assume them all to be scum and let them prove to you otherwise.

Even as I think that I remember the last night’s dream, the face of my unborn son flashing in front of my eyes brighter and more engrossing than a blue screen ever could. No. I can’t be an asshole. I don’t want to be all walled up, letting nothing in or out. I’ll be nice. But, not stupid. Be nice for someone who earned the Reputation of Negative 10.

“Thank you for telling me all of that,” Zan says and interrupts my thoughts. “I know it was not easy for you… of trusting anyone with my Reputation. I have no idea how I earned it. Maybe I deserved it.”

“I can’t think about that. What I know is that… I need you. And you need me. You know it as well as I do. If we are to make it out of here, it will probably take a team effort.”

“That’s why we are going back.”

“It’s what makes sense. But… still, we can’t fall in it blindly. It’s like a chain. The weakest link will fail and the chain will break.”

“We can’t have a weak link.”

“I know. Better not to have a chain at all than a chain you think you can stake your life on just for it to fail you when you need it the most.”

“I understand. Big Garden and Pick have to go. If you don’t do it, I will.”

We’re near the top when he turns, looks behind us, and says, “You know, we have been leaving a really nice trail for anyone to follow us.”

“Yeah, I know. But it would take too long to worry about it. Besides, there is nobody after us,” I say and then have to wonder if that is actually true. Why are we talking about it? Maybe my subconscious mind is trying to tell me that I need to worry. I’m in a strange, unknown land with threats I cannot even fathom. It would be smart to be careful.

I look harder to see around. But except ours, there are no other traces in snow and no sight of wolverries or anyone else. We walked for a good four hours now. It’s time we get some food in us. Just to make sure I need it, I ask PIA for the update

Present Status:

Health Overall: 70

Stamina: 3

Hydration: 60

Energy: 65

Fat Deposit: 37

Bank: 105 Rounds

Unused Earnings: 103 Round

Physical

Strength Overall: Level 5

(arms, back, legs, chest, abdominal) 4/6/4/4/3

Speed: Level 3

Endurance (calculated in stamina): 70

Agility: Level 2

Dexterity: Level 6

So, finally my numbers are being reconfigured to the higher number. I remember from hearing it during the Orientation that I will need those numbers to be of certain minimum level to be able to acquire some special abilities and skills. And now that I have a nice amount of unused earning, I wonder what I should use it for. Maybe save it all and use it when we get in the jam next time, see what kind of helpful ability I would be able to acquire then.

“Damn, I don’t remember this hill being so steep and long,” Zan starts to complain.

“Because we were going down, fast, on our asses. Let’s finish our climb, and then we can rest and see what we are to do next.”

“You think they’d still be there?”

“If they are still alive.”

“You think they’ll take us in?”

“Well, after I settle a few scores, I see no problem. It’s reasonable to think if you still don’t remember anything, they should be in the same position. So, just leave it all to me.”

“If there are some of them who saved other lives, it’s reasonable to think they can see blues screens as well, right?”

“A very reasonable assumption.”

“And a…”

“What?”

“Another advice.”

“What?”

“I've seen you good with those knives."

"And?"

"Don’t kill anyone. No one until it’s absolutely necessary.”

“Why?”

“It’s… how they want it, I guess. The way the Karma works. Otherwise, I assume you get punished.”

“What?”

“I got punished for the wolverries I've killed, if you can believe it.”

“That’s not right. And the serpent?”

“PIA did not identify it for you?”

“PIA?”

"Personal Intelligence Assistant, the blue fucken' screen man."

"Oh, no, PIA did shit to identify it."

“Well, maybe because of your Reputation. The serpent was labeled as one of the invading species. I think they wanted us to kill it. So, no. I did not get punished for it, and I know you did not either. We got rewarded, didn’t you?”

“That’s true.”

“But, humans… I think it’s quite different.”

“I see. That’s good to know. Another good piece of advice. Thanks…” He leaves his sentence half unfinished

“Yeah, I know.” I’m not going to tell him my name. It just doesn't seem right for me to say it. For all that I know, it once belonged to someone who people adored and respected. I don’t deserve to even say it.

We see a sight, but it’s not the one we expected to see. Quite different. We realize we missed the place of our arrival by a hill or two. It’s just that the snow has covered everything and now, getting oriented is much more difficult. And moving where the snow cover was the thinnest had to take us elsewhere.

But there are… three people there we see. And they’re in trouble.