Death, death will find us all. No matter how fast you run.

Mat had left the farm, or what was left of it, a few minutes ago. Burned bodies, no survivors. He was too late. And tracks were leading into the forest. A lot of them.

Maybe two, three dozen. Probably more. Moving around freely, as if they were not afraid of anything, as if they owned this land and all the life on it.

He stayed on the pillaged farm only enough to realize there was nobody who survived, to drink some fresh water as the beer he had earlier had sweated out of him more than an hour ago.

If they hit the road, they’ll run into the old man. And he would not have a chance.

He found the path that seemed to be going through the forest toward the road and ran faster.

At first cautious, but then, he let it rip, and weariness was slowly starting to set in. And with weariness, came memories.

Twelve years old, playing football, the coach screaming at him for dropping the ball and making a turnover. Losing a game, the coach just shaking his head, frowning, fighting an urge to tell him what kind of a loser he was. His life ruined, thinking that it was all over. Other parents avoiding to look at him, not saying anything, just frowning and breathing heavy, as if their own kids' lives were now destroyed because of Mat.

Fucken' assholes.

He took in a deep breath and tried to exhale it all with the air.

Don’t let bad thoughts and negative people live in your head. Misguided souls. Can’t learn anything from them. Need to understand the problem, understand what’s wrong, and then just move on.

Just move on to finish your mission. That is all that matters. Everything else is a distraction. It’s a doubt creeping up on you, a doubt that says, maybe you will fail. So your mind is trying to protect you, why not have some distraction so you do not need to start on the job that you will fail.

I’d like to say that it does not matter if I fail or not, that I will do the job the best I can anyway. But it does matter. My life and that of others depend on it. And since it does matter, I have to do the best fuckin’ job I can. Not fearing failure, but fearing I will not give it my best. Well, I really do not need to fear that since I know I will not stop. I can’t. Not while there is a living breath inside my chest.

It’s not just the old man. Everything around. If I fail, it will all be dust in space.

It’s all just a matter of a proper mindset. Can’t live in a fog, can’t let my mind be so confused and distracted that I do not want to see the basics that are right there in front of me.

So, first, just calm down. Just stay focused on one step. The next step. Have to make it. It's all that matters. Think what will happen behind that forest, what monster waits for me behind the next curve in the road will only slow me down. I need to go faster.

But if I push myself too hard, what if I exhaust myself too much so that when I have to face the next monster, I just won’t be able to handle him?

What if I don’t have enough energy and strength to slay it? What if pushing myself too hard, making that extra step is actually the wrong thing to do? What if just getting enough rest and walking through this land of endless perils require a state of complete concentration and full strength?

Balance. It all has to be in balance. Can’t be too tired to fight. Then I need rest. Can’t be too lazy... Could just start a camo fire, curl up next to it, close my eyes, and think I’m safe. But I would not be safe. Doing nothing now has more risk than doing too much. I might not like to see it, but it does.

The thought of resting was just too appealing to Mat and he let his mind drift back to it.

Just imagine if you lay down next to a warm fire all day long. My bones, my muscles will be all stiffened like dry leather, so then even if a small monster comes to take my soul away, I would not be able to ace him. That’s why it all has to be in balance. To be in my optimal mode. Not too tired, not too relaxed, not too tensed, not too much of anything. Keep it all together and in balance.

Obviously, I got to depend on my Pia too much. Being chipped would tell me what to do and when to rest and whhen to eat, when to sleep. Honestly, I never really paid that much importance. Even at times. I thought of it as useless, as if the only thing that it was good for was to report my stats to the higher-ups.

Who am I kidding? I resented it! Thought of it as a way to control me! Track me! Take away my free will. And all it was meant to do was to help me.

How silly and wrong I was! Just imagine, I need to guess now how tired I am, don't I? Imagine how easy it would be if I had a way of objectively knowing everything that is going on with my body?

Well, I had that. And I shut it down.

Maybe I should try and activate Pia… just for a little bit. Yes. She would tell me if I needed to rest. She’d tell me what I can’t guess. No! Not yet. My mind is clear now. I control it. Besides, why did I blank out the time I disconnected from her? It did not happen when they told me of that option and I tried it out just to see if it worked. No. I don’t know.

I am so thirty.

Think. Think.

I guess people who designed Pia were way smarter than I. Pia could help me so much now. Is my stamina now under 20 percent? Am I ready to collapse in the next few meters? And to think how much I resented Pia? I was just an immature baby thinking I know better and rebelling against something that made me uncomfortable.

Oh, well, I will never get to know all the answers if I don’t finish this mission, and who knows if even then they will take me again? They may just leave me to rot on this planet. No way of knowing. Maybe I have screwed up my karma so much that I will never be able to get back into the Core again. Maybe. I have no way of knowing this now. Just go on and do your best. That is all that matters. If that best is not good enough, at least I can’t have any regrets about not trying hard enough.

I never thought I would regret not being chipped. Really, with the next step, am I using too much energy? Should I stop and search for food? If I don’t, would my agility and speed and strength be impacted if I have to fight now?

Maybe, the smartest thing would be to move away from the main path. Go into the woods. Slow your row. Find a rabbit or a deer to build up food resources. Build up some reserves.

That would require a considerable amount of time. I would waste a lot of it. Balance. Again balance. Don’t think you have all the time in the universe, so you can lazily walk around and take days on end to get yourself back in shape. But, also, don’t think you don’t have any time so that you need to risk pushing yourself hard enough. Too fast will get you killed. Maybe even faster than being too slow.

How much have I run already today? Three hours? Must be three hours. Running through that grass was painful. Now with the trail, it's easier. The hell it is!!

Maybe it is a time I stroll into the forest and find a place to hide for a while. Maybe a deer or a rabbit might pass me by. But the old man… what would happen to him?

No. I need to reach him. And if he is safe, I’ll just lay in his cart, let his oxen take me.

This loneliness sucks! How much I miss Pia. Never thought I would say that. Having someone to talk to other than myself seems more important than I ever dared to accept. It was a luxury to have her. I guess I know now. If I ever get her back…

Why would I not get her back? I know the code.

Wishful thinking. For all that you know, your chip has been damaged and you will never have a chance to get another. You know you are right. Your mind is clear. You have the strength that you do not even know you have.

Fuck coaches and trainers, parents and bosses, everyone who limits you, makes you insecure!

Still, it would be good to have a traveling companion. An old man could do. It would lower the risk. And what if I really start to go crazy? I mean, crazier than what I already am. I have to admit it to myself. I am crazy. By more definition than just one.

Yeah, it would be good to have a companion. Oh, how much I miss Pia. Would never ever be mean to her again.

I’m debating being mean to my AI chip? I’m so fucken’ crazy! Run, run. Old man, here I come!

The signs of road finally appeared in front of Mat, and he stopped, bend over to let his abdominal muscles rest a bit,

What do I think? I’m in such bad shape. Can’t even take another step. Am I like five percent in stamina now, or less? Is my body starting to burn the last remains of the fat I have in my system, starting to chew on my muscle tissue? I bet that has happened an hour ago. Is my strength going to start to be depleted?

How smart they were to crate Pia? It seems it took me losing it to understand its true value. What an ungrateful bastard I was? Stupid and ungrateful. I should definitely turn it back on. But… I like the clearness in my head now.

Don’t think, just run. Just concentrate on your next breath.

Old man, where are you? I hope you are not behind me. I hope I did not get so far ahead of you...

No, there are fresh tracks of wheels. The oxen poop. He passed here.

Wait, the shouting! The fighting! I can hear it! They are attacking him! I can hear his voice, shouting!!

Mat looked to the sky over the trees that were blocking his view, staring at the shafts that were flying through the air.

Run! Just behind the next curve! Run, run, you fool!!