Appendix 1: Map of Oldeburgh

While it is true that my Granite Archives in Rockborough house the most famous cartography ever produced in Oldeburgh, the two-part work 21 Places You Wish You Were Chilling In Right Now in the Fabulous South and 187 Hazards That Will Result in Your Brutal Murder and Mean Your Bones Forever Remain in the Vile North, I tend to favour The Settlements of The Semi-Civilised, and not just because I’m from Isingbrooke. This masterwork was produced by an unknown artiste a few years after the aforementioned attraction, in the opening weeks of the civil war which has ravaged our noble and beautiful land. It is clearly the parchment-child of a patriotic native of our nation, retaining all the hallmarks of the crowded, exquisitely detailed art bursting with life characteristic of our proud heritage. The jumbled names of settlements draw the eye down forest trails and highways alike, taking the viewer on a magical journey through the startling patchwork landscape we all know and love. The positivity of such possibility of adventure is juxtaposed with the swords of evil lairs and spears of the foolish rebel leaders of our time, demonstrating the careful counterbalance of life and death that the great spirit of Oldeburgh marches through relentlessly, unwavering, decade on decade, century on century. Now that I have waxed lyrical about this stunning work, it is quite impossible for you to call out its obvious inadequacies without sounding like a racist.

-Curator

Curator