Dungeons & Demons VI

That's an hour of my life I'll never get back.

Laying there, crushed under the weight of an orc and his bedmates, dried semen pressed into the veil over my face, I wondered how fucked up my life was now that this wasn't close to the strangest thing to happen to me in the last day or so.

Still, with my hormones restored, I wasn't unhappy with my current position. Sure, it wasn't exactly what I'd imagined doing if I was lucky enough to be transported to another world, but I didn't have too many complaints.

Well maybe one or two, but that was neither here nor there.

Wait, we didn't agree on a signal of when to strike... guess I'll just have to wait until Verrick makes his move.

It wasn't until about twenty minutes later, with the lumps above my head far into dreamland, that I heard the first noise that wasn't a grunt, moan or a snore in a while. It was the sound of Verrick slitting a throat. I'd recognise it anywhere.

Time to move.

By the time I'd levered myself out from my hiding place – some of the cushions, and now dead bodies had shifted slightly making my egress harder – Verrick had already killed the three orcs and one yellow goblin – I was guessing these ones were hobgoblins – that lay naked and intertwined upon the bed.

Damnit, late to the party!

Looking around, I took stock of the situation. Verrick had already made his way over to the other bed, either by [Shadow-Walk]ing, or just plain sneaking and was engaged in slaughtering the bleary-eyed women that the awakened orc was throwing at him.

Apparently, we hadn't been stealthy enough assassinating the first group.

“Hold the door!” Verrick yelled.

The dying screams of the orc's concubines had drawn his guards to his quarters. The bone-chilling screams a marked difference to the shouts of pleasure they heard earlier in the night.

Heavily armoured boots clashed against the ground as the troop of guards Verrick had seen earlier ran towards us.

I made it to the door just in time to brace myself in front of it. I was thrown back a couple of feet into the room as their charge hit the door. Thankfully, they must have fallen back too as I had time to scramble to my feet and press my shoulder into the door before they had a chance to capitalise on their success.

Looking back to check on Verrick's process I winced, it seemed we'd been unlucky in our choice of targets. The brother – I had no way of knowing if it was Terk or Tirk – was clearly another stealth type, likely why he'd had time to respond to Verrick's attack in the first place.

The High Duke danced in the shadows, darkness enveloped his form as shadowy tendrils seemed to whip about at random, following some rhythm only he could hear. The dangerous looking tendrils appeared to do no damage to his inert surroundings, but I could see that any time they licked the flesh of one of the cooling bodies, it left pale and withered flesh behind. I was thankful the room was as large as it was. As even in a Party friendly-fire was anything but.

The blurred figure that was his target was rolling, flipping and swaying around, past and away from the tendrils. His dodging leaving him unharmed thus far. Though, he was also unable to even consider making an attack on my Partymate.

My distraction cost me dearly, I was unprepared for the axe that cut right through the door's hinges, leaving me propping up a slab of wood, rather than bracing a door. Moments later they charged through the doorway, almost trampling me under the unhinged door. Seeing that it was a lost cause, I rolled back just in time.

Using my dodge to bring myself to my feet as quickly as possible, I came up, [Into The Fire] swinging base first as I willed [Scatter-fire] to activate.

Two [Fireball]s shot out, the tennis ball sized spheres of fire spitting and spinning towards the orcish guards, catching them off-guard and exploding in the faces of the first two through the breach.

The first was killed instantly as both the balls of fire sandwiched his head between them. The second barely survived, staggering out of the dying fire screaming and clutching his burnt and scarred face.

That still left me to face another three heavily armoured and armed orc warriors, and with Verrick still dancing with the blurred figure of our target, I knew I would be getting no support.

I had two options before me, charge or retreat. My body reacted before my mind could insert a bit rationalism into it.

“Yaaaargh!”

I ran smack into the first orc in line and quickly bounced off. Apparently, my body had forgotten that I was no longer a stout dwarf wearing heavy full plate and was instead a slim elf wearing a meat dress.

Damn you, Lady Gaga!

The orcs stopped in the entryway. “Hah! Look Grurk, the puny thing knows its place!”

“Meat on meat?! Best supper ever!”

“Drerk Smash!”

Their banter gave me time to reset myself in preparation for their attack. It was now far too late to fight them one on one as they came through, now I had to make sure they didn't surround me.

I angled myself back towards the bed I'd been hiding under, hopefully, the uneven footing would cause the heavily armoured orcs some problems.

Plus if they accidentally squished Belloff then that'd be a massive bonus!

Okay, maybe not. We'd have to cease our claim attempt if one of us died, but in the heat of battle, I found I didn't care about that all that much.

“Enough, look, it's trying to escape!”

“I still think spit-roasting it would be better than a barbeque!”

“Drerk smash!”

Stumbling back onto the corpse-infested bed, I popped the cork off my bloodskin – I'd forgotten it in my rush for loot, thankfully, Verrick had not – and willed the blood to hit the orc who seemed to be in charge.

It spattered ineffectively against his chest plate, only succeeding in diverting their full attentions to me, their banter finally stopped.

Oops.

It was only a [Ring of Minor Blood-Dart], I should've guessed it would be of no use against someone wearing breastplate. Even if it was dented grime-ridden. Plan B it was then.

As they approached I racked my brain for a plan B, and unable to come up with one I went with the tried and true plan Z.

“Yaaaargh!”

Yeah, I needed to come up with a new battlecry. Or, even better, a new battleplan that didn't involve me charging my opponents.

I ran in the opposite direction of the “Drerk Smash!” guy, as he was about a foot taller than the other two and was wielding a massive lump of mishappen metal on the end of a pole. Clearly his smash-stick.

I didn't want to get smashed by the smash-stick.

Instead, I lined up a swing at the guy who was still trying to convince the others to spit-roast me. I actually agreed with the other guy, I'd much prefer to be at a barbeque right now.

I was almost surprised with the ease that I bought the first guy down, leading with the pan, I whacked him one in the knee, tripping him over, then jumped on him as he fell and mauled his face. The pan's burning effect causing painful blisters to break out on his face.

Before I could celebrate my victory, I found an axe buried in my flank, the sheer power of the blow deforming my torso, even as the Garb denied it entry. That one blow removed around a third of my remaining health, reminding me that sneak attacks were a thing. I'd thought I'd kept an eye on his movements but I definitely hadn't seen that blow coming.

I groaned as I folded around the axehead, but I was getting used to the pain now and I was still able to move my left hand to grab a hold of the axe shaft before he could retrieve it for another attack.

In fact, pulling back for another swing actually help pull me up and gave extra momentum to my blow.

He got his hand up in time to block the swing before it hit his head, unfortunately, he got caught out by [Into The Fire]'s effect and let go with a scream as his hand burnt and blistered around where he'd touched it.

Sensing an opportunity, I leant forward, still gripping his axe, and headbutted him in the face.

“Ooowww!”

Yeah, maybe that hadn't been a good idea, his skull was way harder than I expected.

We both stumbled backwards from the blow, my frying pan knocked loose from suddenly weakened grip as his flailing limbs clipped it. I managed to keep hold of his shabby looking axe though.

I dove to my right, landing on the soft bed cushions as I barely dodged the hunk of metal that came from almost nowhere. His battlecry of “Drerk Smash!” was the only reason I'd noticed it coming and had been able to dodge in time.

I lost the grip on the axe as I crab-walked backwards, doing my best to escape the bone-crushing blows of the enraged orc, slip-sliding over the blood-soaked and corpse-riddled bed.

Weaponless and out of options, I could only hope he'd trip and fall on one of the bodies or perhaps that Verrick was done with his fight.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could tell I wouldn't be finding any assistance from that quarter, he had the final orc brother on the ropes, strips of his flesh paled from the earlier strikes of Verrick's shadows. The shadows were gone now and the orc had produced twin daggers from somewhere – probably his [Inventory], and they were fighting blade to blade. While Verrick clearly had the upper hand, my fight would be over long before he'd be able to help.

Wait... [Inventory]... that's it! I still have the Duchess's spear in there!

I quickly flipped through my options and opened the [Inventory]. Five spots were filled, two taken by the spear and three with potions Felix had provided me with, two healing and one an agility booster. Neither would be of help here, however, so I willed the spear to appear in my hands.

The mass of metal smacked into the bed just below my groin as I was forced to move, the action interrupting my [Inventory] retrieval.

I had to dismiss my [Inventory] and any hopes of using the spear with it, turned out the five seconds it took to retrieve an item was far too long in combat as it required you to be completely still while you accessed it. I briefly wondered how the orc had managed it but pushed such concerns from my mind as I had far more pressing matters to deal with.

When my hand landed in yet another pool of sticky fluid, I remembered that I actually did have another weapon on my person, one I could not remove due to the Garb.

Unlike the other two, this gigantic orc wore no metal armour and was instead covered in dark fur of uncertain origin.

I willed my ring to activate as he lifted the hammer above his head, ready to crush me once and for all. And crush me he would, I would be unable to dodge while I activated the ring and I was sure a hit from that thing in my prone position would count as a critical hit. My Health had regenerated back above 80%, but I wasn't sure if that would be enough to survive his deadly attack.

The Dart shot from a nearby pool of blood, coalescing a few inches above the pool before spitting out towards the orc.

As the Dart neared his form, I realised my aim had been off and it would miss my target.

I looked towards the lump of metal as it descended to end my short existence in this world, when a hint of movement caught my eye and I felt hope again.

While the Dart had surely missed my target – his chest, the largest part of him I could aim at – it might not miss him entirely, the arc of his attack, the semi-circle the lump of metal was making was bringing my own attack into the range of his arms.

Time seemed to slow as the two arcs met, then passed each other, the Dart missing his arm by a hair's breadth and instead landing on the outside of his clenched fist, his reaction, borne by instinct, was to shy away from the blow.

His grip slackened, the oversized sledgehammer flying from his grip and landing somewhere behind me, lost from sight.

Time sped up again, and I knew I didn't have time to wait for the cooldown so I could send another blood-dart at him. He was, however, in the perfect position for an entirely different sort of attack.

I lifted my leg straight up as hard as I could and struck him squarely in his balls, a high pitched whine escaped from between his tusks as he toppled backwards.

The dying screams of the burning orc began again, a terrifying background track to my fight. I ignored it, too focused on the task at hand to deal with the ear-bleeding screeches. Though I was slightly surprised that he still lived, his screams had cut off a while back, leading me to conclude – obviously incorrectly – that he'd perished. There was also a slight concern that the sound could draw more guards, but honestly, if that were the case I reckoned it would have happened by now.

So, doing my best to ignore the distraction, I stalked toward the massive orc, keeled over from a blow to his family jewels. He was still clutching them as he said his last words, “Drerk.... sm..ash..” and I neatly removed his head in one blow from the axe his friend had dropped earlier.

Or at least, that's what I'd planned on happening. Turns out, the neck isn't as easy to chop as Hollywood and certain VR games would lead you to believe. Or perhaps, the axe was just dull. Either way, it took me a good few whacks to remove it, his Vitality allowing him to survive until the final blow.

Ugh, who knew killing would be so messy.

Hefting my newest weapon – I'd have to find the frying pan again, dropping it in combat was becoming a worrisome theme – I decided it was time to end the screams once and for all, then I could finally give Verrick some assist-

“What are you doing?!”

“What does it look like, Empress?”

“Well, it looks like you're lounging on the body of a burnt orc.”

“Ah good, your vision is unimpaired, I was worried for a moment there.”

“... Is that your sword you're lea- nevermind.”

I growled in frustration, it seemed Verrick had finished off his opponent when I was busy, and he'd decided to rest on a screaming orc-

Wait, he already killed that orc. It's obviously unable to breathe with that sword in his lungs... Actually, he'd probably be dead without it. So where are those screams coming from?

“Uh, Verrick,” I asked, as I slowly turned around, following the sounds of the screaming.

“Yes my dear Empress, what is it?”

“Is that... Are those... Belloff?” I finished lamely, unable to see the MoC, but it appeared that all the other orcs were very much dead.

“Why yes, I do believe you are correct.”

“Shouldn't we, um... do something about it?”

“Something?”

“Yes, Verrick, like maybe finding out why he's screaming so loudly, and perhaps removing whatever it is that's doing it.”

“Oh, yeah. Probably.” He made no move to get up from his relaxed position, though. Seemingly unconcerned about our Partymates situation, whatever it was. I pinched my nose in frustration – as best I could with the Garb in the way.

“Get on with it then!”

“Oh, you want me to...” He flicked a lazy hand toward the direction of the screams.

“Yes please, unless you have something more pressing to attend to?” I finally checked the Party Vitals on my hud and saw that whatever had damaged Belloff was still doing it, his Health ticked down one point from 19% as I watched.

Verrick took his time looking around the room we were in, taking in the dead bodies surrounding us, he sighed in obvious disappointment. “Guess not.”

He stood up and dusted himself off, and seeing me watching, threw me a wink before stretching slowly.

Damn that man, how does he pull off looking so good in this situation?

Stretching done, he ignored my growls as he slowly cleaned the blood off his sword before sheathing it at his side. I assumed he was finally done, but he paused after taking a single step. Holding his hand out, finger pointed up in a – apparently universal sign – for 'wait a sec', he pulled out a hand mirror from somewhere within his cloak, joining that item with a toothpick he then rooted around in his mouth for a few moments, before finally finding whatever he was looking for and tossing it randomly into the room beyond.

“Finally! That seed has been bugging me for hours!”

“...”

“Right-o, let's do this then. Don't you realise our dear friend is taking damage as you just stand there doing nothing.”

“...”

“...”

“You know Verrick, you don't act like any High Duke I've ever heard of... Or met...”

He chuckled, “right back atcha, Win.” With a final wink, he finally ambled over to help.

If I had been on the fence about his feelings four our 'dear friend' before – which I hadn't been – I certainly wasn't now.

I hadn't been tarrying as Verrick delayed his help for as long as he could. However, Belloff's predicament wasn't something I could deal with on my own.

The hammer the massive orc had dropped earlier, had apparently landed on top of the cushion Belloff had been hiding under, the cushion cushioning the blow enough that he survived, but he was trapped and unable to move.

The massive hammer had been far too heavy for me to shift on my own, hence Verrick's assistance was necessary.

“If you finished your fight so early you could've helped...”

“I am helping.”

I ignored his grin, “you know what I mean.”

“Eh, you looked like you could manage on your own, and I was right!”

I groaned and wondered what was more likely to kill me and Belloff; the dungeon, or Verrick?

When the MoC ticked down to the 10% marker, Verrick finally reached out a languid hand and plucked the hammer up like it was one of those hammer-shaped balloons instead of a couple of tons of unshaped metal on the end of an eight-foot steel pole.

Once the massive weight had been tossed aside with the same ease as a toothpick, Belloff crawled out from his hiding place, completely pale and leaking blood.

He ignored our polite queries about his ongoing Health, and chugged a potion he removed from his inventory, the potion restored his Health to full in one shot, but it did nothing for he bedraggled look, pale skin, nor the bloodstains on his robes – as a minor side-note, the Garb was back to mocking the MoC.

After weathering the pale elf's tirade, and placating him as best we could, we proceeded to search the entire place top to bottom for the damned egg.

We did find a few chicken eggs, but no Cockatrice egg.

It took until we finished searching the final room for the quest prompt to appear once more.

The Cockatrice's Egg 2/5.

Search for the Cockatrice's Egg.

Despite your best efforts, the search for the egg continues. You did, however, manage to deal with the troublesome twins, Terk and Tirk.

Reward:

750 EXP

Bonus Reward:

Total Kill count: 17

Contributions: 8

Bonus EXP awarded: 860

Total EXP awarded: 1610

Due to special actions, you have gained:

Luck +1(reduced), Dexterity +1.

I was far more pleased with the rewards for the second floor, not only did I gain a point in Luck, but I just managed to gain enough experience to pick up my next level!

The next quest prompt blocked me from leveling just yet, however.

The Cockatrice's Egg 3/5.

Search for the Cockatrice's Egg.

After searching the Commander's quarter's, you were unable to find a clue to its whereabouts.

However, all is not lost. The last two members of the raiding Party reside within the walls of the orc town Grinkdor.

Search High Priest Ledrik and his associate, Paladin-Captain Erbwick's quarters for the missing egg.

Difficulty: Normal, Scaling.

Level recommended: N/A.

Reward: 250 EXP/TL.

All five of the raiders were found in the first three levels? That was odd, I'd assumed they'd each act as a boss fight on separate floors. An assumption already debunked by the twins on this floor. Still, it did leave the final two levels as a complete blank.

I went back and retrieved my frying pan and bloodskin from where I'd left them, in the orcs' bedchambers – I hadn't wanted to lug them all over the place and I was confident Verrick could deal with any surprises. Not that there had been any.

I took the brief time I had apart from the other two to level up.

Your Elf (Planar) Class has increased to: Level 6!

You gain 6 Free Stat Points and +1 Resistance, Willpower, Vitality and Luck.

You receive a bonus inventory space due to the nature of your Race!

I dropped the first point straight into Luck without bothering to consider any other options, this brought it down to the still depressingly low number of -495. I didn't spend too long deliberating on my next four points, bringing both Agility and Vitality to 65, both stats were vital to my survival. The last point took me a bit longer to figure out, but with time of the essence I dropped it into my lowest stat – Spellpower – bringing it up to 46, in the hopes that it would increase the damage of the [Ring of Minor Blood-Dart]. I also noted that unlike previous level ups, the exp for next level remained unchanged, still sitting at an even 4k EXP needed.

I confirmed my choices and hurried back to the other two, one eye on the clock tick-tocking down in the corner of my hud.

[04:26:01]

I hadn't expected time to run down so quickly and we still had to get out of this floor and complete three more in the time left, before we even entered the individualised quests to actually claim the place. We – I – were going to be cutting this close.

"So," I said cheerful about my new level, "how are we leaving this place, there's still plenty of orcs outside."

In response, Belloff nodded his head at the open door we stood before, and at what lay beyond.

"Not..."

"Yep," Verrick had picked up on my cheer, or perhaps stolen it as a sinking feeling came over me, "back down the shitter we go!"

"Please never utter that sentence again." The [Shadowdancer] was far too happy about diving back down the shithole.

"Is there no other way out of here?" Belloff, the voice of reason. What had this world come to?

"Nope," still far too cheerful, "not if you want to be out of here and to this town of theirs before the time runs out, by my reckoning we have only three and a half hours left, we spent far too long in this floor, Empress?"

"Hmm, oh yeah, that looks about right." Shit, I'd forgotten that the time to get to the end of these five floors was actually an hour before the Garb came off. Apparently, once we were in we could spend as long as we liked staking our claim, but we still had to get there before time ran out.

Belloff let out a long-suffering sigh and with one last look at his already shit and bloodstained robes gave a reluctant nod.

As I descended the shaft on the end of Verrick's rope, I wondered what other crappy trials awaited us on the floors below.

*