《Mermaids And The Vampires Who Love Them》28. MAGIC TACOS
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Cupid, Lily-Bella, Thunder, Pierce, and I are back at the beach, the wind whipping through our hair and bending the stand of palm trees where Pierce drank my blood for the first time. I squeeze Pierce's hand, and he smiles at me, with full dimple action. Even though I'm in jeans and one of Pierce's plaid shirts, I'm cold. Pierce wraps me in his (freezing) arms and kisses my head. I don't mention that he is causing goosebumps to erupt along my arms.
Lily-Bella is in full-on fairy princess garb—flowing pink gown, tiara, and ballerina slippers, her blonde hair in its perfect twist. Pierce is in khaki pants and a plaid shirt while Thunder has donned tight blue breeches and a white shirt with puffy sleeves, long red hair cascading over his shoulders. I think he's trying to look like a prince or something, and it's kind of hilarious and sweet at the same time. Cupid wears a short toga with a bow tie—a weird choice for going into the fiery fairy realm.
It's a new moon and a cloudless sky, so there's nothing to obscure the infinity of sparkling stars, sprinkled like fairy dust across the heavens. I look out over the bay and smell the salty, inviting scent of home. Part of me would like to forget all this, dive in, turboswim to Pacifica, and be safe in our cave with my mom. But of course, I can't do that. If Darkins is allowed to continue, soon Pacifica will be polluted too.
This beach happens to also be the same location where Lily-Bella ripped the fabric of the fairy dimension the day she stole fairy princess Iridessa's wand. Lily-Bella deduced that her previous trip created a weak spot between realms, making it easier for us non-fairy types to jump through. I may be imagining it, but I think I can still smell the ozone from the last time the fairy world intersected with ours.
If it smells this much now, how horrible will it be inside the place? And I remember Lily-Bella telling us there are fire spirits, dragons, and volcanoes, in addition to the blistering heat and stench. I really hope Cupid's plan works. It's 50/50. Cupid is a powerful god, but he is also adept at screwing things up and being carried off to Hades for impalement.
Cupid's plan is as follows: we enter the fairy dimension, recover Fintan—who is instrumental in destroying Darkins by blowing up his evil lair—and Pickles, my dear friend and fairy godmother. We then hide the lovers in Cupid's Mount Olympus bachelor pad until the party/takedown. Mrs. McPhee, Pickles' mother, will be 'dealt with.' That was all Cupid would say on the matter.
"Okay, everyone," says Cupid. "Eat one of these, and you should be immune from being burnt alive when you enter the fairy dimension." He hands Thunder, Lily-Bella, and I something called a taco which he describes as a corn-based crunchy shell with meat, cheese, tomatoes, and lettuce. "Lily-Bella, your taco is just for fun. You do not need the protection magic, but thought you might be hungry."
"Thanks, Cupid! I am," says Lily-Bella.
"And, Pierce. Sorry, dude, I had to put your magic in a vial of blood, because of your ... well ... digestive limitations." He gives Pierce an unappetizing vial of red fluid. Urgh!
"I understand," Pierce says. But I can see he's sad about this. I can't imagine never getting to eat real food.
The tacos are wrapped in a piece of thin yellow paper, but I can feel the warmth through the wrapping. They smell fantastic. I love it when magic involves eating!
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"You're giving us magic tacos?" Thunder groans. "You gotta be joking."
"What do you have against tacos, wolf?" says Cupid, his god eyes flashing red. That's a little scary.
"Where do I start? Vegetables? Cooked meat? The fact that tacos are the least magical food on the planet?"
"You dare question a god?" Cupid bellows.
Thunder eyes the closest palm tree. I can tell what he's thinking. I shake my head and silently mouth the word, "No!"
"Whatever, man. Let's do this," Thunder says. "For cabin six!"
I exhale in relief. We remove our tacos from the crinkly paper. Thunder's is way bigger than the rest of ours; it's stuffed with raw meat and is vegetable free.
"Oh, wow. Sorry, man. This looks awesome."
Cupid smiles. "Never again question me. I am a god who knows his tacos!"
"I won't, sir!" Thunder salutes Cupid.
I take a bite off of one corner of the taco. It's delicious! Salty, crunchy, savory, and full of flavor. Nearly as good as pizza! As soon as I swallow, I feel a little different. It's as if I'm standing inside of a Waverly-sized bubble. I can practically see the iridescent film of a real bubble surrounding me. I touch my arm, but it feels normal. We're all chowing down, and Pierce lifts the vial to his lips and chugs. I try not to look, but he is clearly enjoying it so much I have to watch.
Pierce licks the rim of the vial. "Wow! Thanks, Cupid!"
Cupid nods his golden head. "You're welcome, young vampire."
"For what?" I ask.
"The blood was taco-flavored. I haven't tasted real food for so long. It brought back so many memories of going out for Mexican dinners with my family."
"Cupid," I say, "sometimes you are so kind, I don't even know who you are."
"Thank you, Waverly. I like to keep everyone guessing. Try not to let it get around. Now, there's one thing I must mention."
"What?" says Pierce.
"The magic only lasts for one hour, so you better get moving."
"What do you mean 'you?'" I ask. "Aren't you coming?"
"Me, to the fairy realm? Gods, no!" he scoffs.
"Why not?"
"No decent god would be caught dead there. The décor is abysmal!"
"Cupid," I say, using the accusatory tone my mother invokes when she knows I'm hiding something. "What's the real reason?"
"Décor!" Cupid looks down and draws a little circle in the sand with the tip of his golden slipper.
"Come on! Wait. You're scared!"
"I am not scared. It's just that, last time I went, fairy princess Iridessa said that if I ever returned, she would throw me into the volcano and keep me there for a thousand years. I have better things to do than boil in lava for ten centuries."
"Why did you even go there in the first place if it's so horrible?" I ask.
"Once you're inside the castle, it's nirvana." Cupid shuts his eyes and sighs, obviously enraptured by his memories of the delights of the fairy castle.
"Hey, did I hear wrong, or did you say the magic only works for one hour?" Thunder prods.
Cupid's eyes pop open. "You heard correctly."
"Only one hour? What is it with magic and the time limitations? Who sets these rules anyway?"
"Waverly." Lily-Bella grabs my arm.
"What?"
"We can stand here and criticize Cupid, or we can get going so we don't run out of time."
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"Gods! Ugh!" I say as Lily-Bella slashes her wand into the ether and creates a fiery opening into the fairy dimension. Immediately, my nose is assaulted by a disgusting, acrid, fiery odor. I pinch my nostrils closed and breathe through my mouth. The entrance to the fairy dimension is a jagged red glow of swirling dust. A hot wind pushes at us, like a warning not to proceed.
"What an interesting smell," Thunder gripes, covering his nose with his hand.
"Yeah, it's brimstone," says Lily-Bella. "It's the first repellent against non-fairies entering the dimension."
"It smells like rotten eggs and skunk," says Thunder
"And moldy garlic," says Pierce, wriggling his nose.
"At least you don't have to breathe, Pierce," I say.
"Come on, guys. We can't waste time here," says Lily-Bella. "Let's go."
Lily-Bella steps into the entrance. There's a flash of red light, and then I can no longer see her. I push against the wind. The closer I get, the stronger it becomes.
Well then, scorching, powerful wind! I am a mermaid, and I will prevail!
I push through, shoulder first. The heat, once I'm inside, is staggering. I can tell the only thing keeping me from being barbecued is the bubble of Cupid's magic providing a barrier over my skin. I cannot see anything except intense red light. A moment later, Pierce and Thunder come through with gasps of surprise, and the jagged portal to our world disappears with a resounding pop.
"Come toward my voice," says Lily-Bella. "You guys, okay?"
"It's boiling in here," says Thunder.
"It should get better after you pass completely through the portal and into the fairy dimension," Lily-Bella says.
"Why would a fairy even want to come here?" I ask. Cupid called this Nirvana?
"It will become clear," says Lily-Bella. "Once we get to the castle."
As we make our way forward, visibility improves, and the landscape changes. It's still hot and smelly, but it's also dark and misty and damp, and there are groves of giant crooked black trees, bare as skeletons.
"Nice trees." Thunder reaches to touch one.
"Don't go too close, Thundy," Lily-Bella warns. "They may look fun, but their roots are murder."
Thunder frowns, but puts his arms around Lily-Bella and plants a kiss on her lips so scorching I have to turn away.
"Cupid's tacos worked," Lily Bella says cheerfully after the kiss.
"Apparently," I say.
"Excellent. Now follow me. Don't lag. There are other horrors here meant to keep out anyone who might get past the warm welcome at the entrance."
As if on cue, off in the distance, I hear a horrible shrieking that sends a chill down my spine.
"Wha ... wha ... what's that?" I ask.
"Oh, yeah," Lily-Bella says. "That's the ear-splitting screams of the fire spirits. Wait 'til we get closer. You'll want to rip your ears off."
"Why are you smiling?
"Because it's just so cool that you are all here, I never thought I would get to show it to you," says Lily-Bella. "Come on. We have to get to the Floating Castle of Doom, and it's a long way off."
"Floating Castle of Doom?" I splutter.
"Yeah, according to my wand, that's where Fintan and Pickles are hiding. Don't worry, Wave. It's just a name they use to make it seem scary."
She breaks into a run before I can say a word.
My heart is pounding as we run through the spooky forest, and the shrieking is getting so loud and the stench so overwhelming that I'm no longer sure whether I'm smelling the tortured shrieks or hearing the brimstone, because it's all melded into one horrendous sensory mixture.
Something flies over my head, snagging and yanking out some of my hair. "Ouch!" It's so foggy in here, it is hard for me to see exactly what it is, but from the noise, I'm pretty sure there are thousands of them.
"Hit the ground," Lily-Bella commands.
I drop, and Pierce falls on top of me, shielding me. I mean, I don't need him to do this, but I really appreciate that he wants to protect me. I see Lily-Bella has done the same for Thunder, which is rather amusing as she is about half his size. The ground smells like shark breath and is covered with slimy, pulsing roots that ripple beneath my body. Why would fairies, creatures that love tiaras and pink and sparkles, invent a realm like this? Makes no sense. They should have a place with pink cotton-candy clouds and rainbows and unicorns.
Looking up, I can see that the creatures are about the size of seagulls, but with crimson skin and batlike wings. They zoom past. "Why aren't they diving at us?" I yell at Lily-Bella, to be heard over the din.
"Because they hate the Roiling Roots of Revulsion."
The roots curl up my arms and legs like sinewy, living ropes. Ugh! I try to pull away but only manage to shake Pierce off of me. "They've got me!"
"Relax, Wave. The more you struggle, the tighter they get," Lily-Bella says. The last of the fire spirits fly over us, but the echoes of their screams are burned into my brain.
"Don't worry, Wave," Pierce says. He sits next to me and pulls at the roots. Nothing happens. I try as hard as I can to get up.
"Waverly, you must relax. The Roiling Roots of Revulsion get their power from your struggle," says Lily-Bella. "If you don't stop struggling, in about sixty seconds, you're going to be tree food."
"Oh, Lily-Bella. You know just the thing to calm a mermaid down!" But I believe her. I have to stop struggling. I force myself to relax. As I do, the roots lessen their grip and disappear back into the ground. Pierce offers me his hand.
"Well done, Wave," says Lily-Bella.
"Thanks." My jeans and top are now damp and cling to my skin.
As we continue to race across the foggy landscape toward the castle, the temperature rises. The ground gets softer and wetter and begins spurting boiling magma. One fountain comes up so close to me, it burns my ankle through the denim. "Aaagghhh! Holy crab! What happened to Cupid's protection bubble?"
Lily-Bella and Thunder slow and turn their heads to look at me. "Oh, unicorn poop, Wave! The protection bubble only works for the entrance. I should've told you not to wear jeans. The magma loves denim. Remove them if you don't want to have your legs roasted to a crisp."
"You know, Lily-Bella, you could've mentioned this."
"I'm sorry, I had a lot on my mind."
Another magma jet spurts at me, and there's a blaze of fire across my thigh. Now I'm trying to keep up with the others as I hop around and attempt to remove my jeans. "Lily-Bella! Some new pants, maybe?"
"Sorry, Wave. My magic won't work anywhere in the fairy dimension except inside the castle." I groan. Could the fairy rules be any more arbitrary and ridiculous?
They all stop running and wait as I finally slip off my jeans. As soon as the denim hits the ground, the magma boils around them and swallows them. The only good part is now the lava seems satisfied, and the spurting and bubbling ceases.
"Happy face bikini underwear?" Pierce teases.
"Don't look at my underwear! I thought you were a gentleman!" I say, breaking into a run, heading for the enormous volcano that bellows and belches and makes the landscape shudder.
After what seems like forever, we get close enough to see the castle above the volcano. But here's the problem: it's floating right over the top, which is spurting flumes of lava as enormous and bright as solar flares. Why couldn't the castle be on land, with a nice little alligator-filled moat and a legion of soldiers posted along its crenelated battlements, their armored arms poised with bows and poison-tipped arrows?
"So, there's an elevator?" I say, hopefully.
"Hilarious," says Lily-Bella. "No. We have to dance."
"What?" I growl.
"Dance. You know, when you move your feet and body in a rhythmic fashion? Like we learned in class. We have to dance so we can float up to the castle. It's fairly obvious. How else would we get there? You know, sometimes, I don't understand mermaids."
"I. Don't. Dance."
"You should've paid attention in Fairy Dance Class." Lily-Bella grabs Thunder and steps onto a sleek white dance floor. Colored lights beam into the air and flash in swirls and explosions of color.
Music starts thumping away, accompanied by a woman's voice singing something about starships and touching the sky.
Thunder and Lily-Bella hold hands and dance, moving their hips in unison. Thunder twirls Lily-Bella, then they join hands again and really move.
Pierce holds his hand out to me. "Wave?"
Oh, whatever! I'm already wearing happy face underwear. Dancing like a fool won't make me look any more like an idiot. I dance. Pierce moves just as gracefully as Thunder and Lily-Bella. At first, I copy what the others are doing, but eventually, the music wraps itself around me, and I feel it in my bones. I finally let go of worrying about what I look like and just feel. I can do this! It is fun! I am a dancer!
Lily-Bella and Thunder float. Pierce pulls me into his arms, and we float as well. It's amazing!
"You did it, Wave," he says, kissing my nose.
"I did!" I agree. Only then do I realize that Pierce could have flown us up to the castle, but he didn't. He wanted me to fly, and I did!
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