《MaoTensei!》What a dawg.
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(Months without Yuuno : 3)
Clintarou had become a part of my daily life so essential that I even failed to notice his existence. I would just assume that he was there when he wasn't and wasn't when he was. An existence that I took for granted.
I was not a fan of him. But there's no way you can blame me.
He was, after all, a puny mutt.
My familiars used to be great existences that could alter the planet's geography if they wanted to. Great dragons, Behemoths, Walking mountains, Trees of life… all beings in a realm above whatever the current world can even fathom right now. One's only capable of being subjugated by myself and some higher gods and killed by the passage of millennia.
Next to them, the pet I had now was a dumb-looking Weimaraner who would at the very maximum live for 15 years out of which 5 had already passed. Not very cool.
Sure the mutt held his head high and looked elegant. But he also walked right into polls, slid on tiles, would bite without reason, and peed on rare herbs all while having perfect vision. But that wasn't even the most bizarre thing about him.
That honour would go to his bark.
"[email protected] WO$F" He barked as we traversed through the flower-filled lawn in the midst of spring.
"WR#GH WRAG#" He coughed after sniffing a mushroom.
It was blatantly obvious that this dog barked in Unicode.
He started to fumble around after taking a good noseful of the mushroom and had drowsy eyes.
It was a strange existence indeed.
I bent down and pulled his high ass off the shroom. If I could give him credit for one thing, it'd be that he was muscular and his fur was immaculate. But then again he had the countries best caretakers. It would be weird if he was an obese stinky dog. It would be rather impressive actually.
To have people who would look after you and somehow still manage to become filthy. That would've taken some serious skills. But he couldn't even do just that.
After noticing my pull, he turned around letting his belly out into clear view. His tongue plopped from the side and he started panting.
"So you want some petting I see." I muttered.
"W07F!"
"Bold of you to assume that I'll pet you."
"R90F!"
"If anything when you bark I feel even less of an inclination to touch you, you mutt." I said 'at first' previously. But I was still not very fond of Clintarou.
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"ARu9F!" He started slithering on his back.
"Just get up already. I really won't pet y-!!!"
"But you are already petting him." A voice alerted me.
"!!! KAPCHAGYAISHH!" Replace swear words with swearing in a different language to get away with it.
Hime-nee's sudden appearance made me fall ass-first onto the ground- "Don't scare me like that!" I shouted.
"Ara~ Did you get scared?" She put her first three fingers on her lips as her pinky extended out.
"No! It was just sudden!" I immediately got back up to hide my embarrassment. "What are you doing here anyway?!"
"Well, I got my girlfriend over to introduce to the family and you were the first one I came across so I thought I might as well start with you." As soon as Hime-nee said that, a black-haired lady peeked over the blonde woman's shoulders.
She looked in her twenties so they were about the same age. Something about her was familiar though. Very familiar. My brain was starting to turn gears rapidly. My face started to lose blood but I could feel my cheeks and ears heat up. I was drawing to a conclusion and I could barely keep up with myself.
"Hey there, I'm Risa." She introduced herself.
"THE RISA FROM WHITERED?!" I exclaimed.
"Uhh yes… although I quit recently."
"Hime-nee, YOU'RE DATING THAT RISA?!" I tugged at the blonde onee-san's dress.
"Yes, I am. Ara~ Now that I think about it weren't you an idol fa-"
"Shh." I jumped at covered her mouth, and she looked at me with playful eyes.
Taking that moment, I turned around and did my hair neatly.
"Oi, Clintarou, be on your best behavior now." Clintarou ascended. Women liked men who took care of dogs and men who took care of themselves. I was well-dressed and walking a dog. The epitome of a real man.
The best part about being an ex-demon lord was how composed I was when faced with sudden situations. My blood rate was completely normal. Impressing Risa would be a cakewalk from this point on.
So I spoke-
"HeLLO tHEre MAdeMoiSELLE, I aM MAo, AnD As YoU CAn SeE I wAs WalkING My DoG On DiS PleaSANT Afte-"
"It's morning."
"MoRNING." My voice might have cracked a little but this was still salvageable. "ClINt WhY DonT YoU SaY HELLo TO ThiS FInE LAdy I HAve DeFINITely NeVEr SImpED AftER."
"𝔀𝓸𝓸𝓯." Clintarou barked in the most elegant way possible. It was as if he was royalty. I could almost feel it being typed out in italics.
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"Uhh Ma-kun, what exactly are you doing?" Hime-nee asked perplexed.
"Nothing. I am just conversing with this beautiful young lady you brought along."
"Are you trying to flirt with my girlfriend?" Hime-nee bent over. "Do you remember how it turned out the last time my partner called off the relationship?" Scary!
"Ugg." I swallowed some spit. Don't be intimidated. Don't be intimidated. Don't be intimidated.
"How dare you…"
"H-How dare I what?"
"HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT ANOTHER ONEE-SAN WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE ME?!" She picked me up and flung me around in the air.
"Risa, this guy is my little brother who was a huge fan of your's when you were an idol."
"Wai- you can't say tha-"
"Shhh! It's fine!"
"Ohhh… Wait, huh, little brother? He looks nothing like you." The look of confusion transferred over to Risa.
'Is she trying to say that I'm not as attractive as them? I'm not hurt. Not at all.'
"Well, he's technically my uncle's brother but I raised him as my own."
'What am I? A boy being raised by a bunch of wolves.' Wow, these people are making me tsukkomi in my head. The speed with which I was getting twirled around stopped me for speaking my thoughts out.
"Your brother I see. He is pretty cute now that I see him properly. And he was my fan. Should I give him a little fan service?" She said cheekily.
All of a sudden, despite being twirled around at max velo I was able to speak again-
"Carry me goddess." I extended my arms out. While my brain was screaming 'ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh' my idol recognised me.
"No." Hime-nee refused while suddenly coming to a stop. She hugged me.
""No?"" Risa and I asked in unison.
"He's mine." She hugged me tighter.
"So possessive." Risa shrugged while clinging to Hime-nee as if saying that Hime-nee was her's. And now I was the one intervening. Apparently Risa was possessive too.
Seeing the pouty side of Risa humanised her for me. I was calmer than ever before.
Who was I kidding? I was still on cloud nine.
"Since you won't give him to me… I'll just take him on my own." Risa said. She probably implied keeping Hime-nee to herself underneath the tsun but Hime-nee didn't realise that.
"Take him if you can!"
Both of them took an arm and the next thing I knew I was buried amongst the grips of two onee-sans. One who wanted to save her little brother from the foreign onee-san who entered her territory (also her girlfriend). And the other who wanted to reclaim her girlfriend from the hands of a shouta.
Risa being jealous of me was pretty cute too. I still couldn't believe that she was about to become my sister-in-law.
I could ascend now and have no regrets.
""WHO DO YOU LIKE BETTER MAO-KUN?""
"Your sister?" Hime-nee asked out of concern.
"Or your idol?" Risa-nee asked out of envy.
I cherished the moment. Who do I like better? The answer was simple. Hime-nee. I would turn the world upside down if something happened to her. But the speed with which is Risa was filling my favourability gauge was frightening.
Hime-nee objectively looked better too. No... she looked more elegant. They had different types of beauties. Risa would be everyone's girl crush. You could see her on a bike. Whereas, I could only picture Hime-nee in a vintage car.
Furthermore, I would never tell my favourite idol that I liked another woman over her. I would fail as a fan.
I was the one perplexed now.
So I resorted to tested means. As Newton once said, 'When da times get tough, you must eat deez nuts.'
And the nuts they shall eat.
"CLINTAROU! ACTIVATE HORNI!"
The forelegs of Clintarou lifted into the air and it started walking on two legs towards his targets.
"Oh no, you didn't!~" Risa's clutches loosened a little.
"Oh yes, I did." I shall run.
Clintarou started humping the girls' legs like there was no tomorrow. This wasn't bestiality because other than the action, his wiener was touching air. And he didn't have a wiener in the first place. It was sad but he was less of a man than most.
The implications of the action were enough for the two onee-sans freak out and loosen their grip.
Taking that opportunity, I jumped down and ran off into the building.
I was safe for yet another day.
Not to mention the little cries of disgust in the background were fun in their own way.
Mwahaha!
Clintarou was a fine familiar after all.
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8 143Irrationality
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