“Canv.as!”, I shouted.

Going into battle is best like this. I swept up the black paint from my palette and charged into the room. I think I saw Ahgo smiling.

“Kaub? What-”

Nyaa-chan got out that little before I slathered him in black paint and watched him disappear.

“Uh, wait, that goes to the void. Will he be fine?”

I started to paint on the walls. Had to pass the time somehow. I don’t want to talk to Ahgo until I’m done. His ghost would either get here or not. If he didn’t, I’m sure he’s fine in the real world. I hope?

After a few minutes he formed out of thin air, a girl with cat ears.

I slapped the black paint on him before he could say anything.

This kept repeating. He tried to defend himself once or twice and squeak out some words but I had painted myself red so I had the speed advantage.

I was feeling better each time, watching his face resign himself to it happening again.

I’m starting to feel like a bully, I’ll stop.

I kept painting this time he appeared, not saying anything.

“Guess you got bored. What was that for? I said I was sorry. I was a little too excited. I went overboard. I’m sorry,” he stumbled out. You and your dumb name and dumb face. I only got to punch you once.

“You’re creepy,” I said as I kept painting.

“O-okay. I’m sorry,” he said, sounding embarrassed.

“Don’t you have anything else to say? You blew away my cave you know. I had a lot of paintings in that cave. They were nice. You weren’t. I like my paintings much more than you.”

“You’re not the magical girl I wanted either!”

Finally, you show your true face. I bet you’re ugly in your world!

“I didn’t do anything. Isn’t it that girl’s fault? Magical girls, Ahgo said you really liked them. What’s so great about magical girls?”

“They aren’t like you, that’s for sure! In the anime, they’re always right! Everything turns out okay! And.. everythings simple, it just works. I just like them okay. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“So you wanted a magical girl of your own?”

I drew a girl.

“This anime, what’s that?”, I asked.

“You don’t even know that… it’s just drawings. Lots of drawings. There are very little changes in between each drawing. When you show each drawing one after another with a machine, it looks like the drawings are moving. And it's from japan. It’s cool. I like it.”

“Japan? Sounds like a country. Far away from here. This place is my whole world.”

I drew a world.

“I have a history, did you hear about that? I have a world too. I did. It doesn’t exist anymore, it’s only in my memories which aren’t real to you either. What makes me different from a drawing?”

“Japan’s a country. I don’t understand where you’re going with this. Let’s just not talk again, how about that? I made a mistake. I wanted something real, something that was really great and real. That’s why you’re here.”

“Isn’t it your fault?”

I drew a fault line. I read in the library about earthquakes, even experienced a few.

“I’m real enough to me. Ahgo’s real. Ahgo’s much better than you too. He’s not real either, to someone real like you?”

“Why does that matter? You’re just programs. Just thoughts, that came out of Ash’s mind. I was ready to do anything just to see you come to fruition. I was expecting too much. There’s no way anything in reality could be that great... nothing can beat magical girls.”

“I thought you said they were drawings?”

I drew.

“Those aren’t real either. I know what’s real to me. What’s real to you?”

There was silence. I was hoping it worked. My talk with Ahgo earlier was the only thing I could think of using. As I painted on the walls, I tried to get him to see that whatever his dumb fantasy was, it’s not real.

That was my conclusion talking to Ahgo, the reason I decided to face this monster.

I live in a real world, even though I’m not real.

I may be a creation of the mind, but that’s something real.

Feelings, like the ones I have, have been burning through my body all my life, the one I remembered and the one I lived.

Don’t tell me Ahgo’s wrong about his kingdom!

I faced him and threw down my brush and palette. I took off the beret on my head, part of my raiment. I placed it on my chest. Time to tell the truth.

“I’m glad I exist. I had fun in that cave. I’ve had magic all my life, and I’m a girl. I don’t know what you like about magical girls, but I don’t want Ahgo to suffer. I remember you saying you sacrificed a lot for me, I want to do the same for him. I may not be the world you wanted, but I’m the one you got. Don’t leave me alone.”

I started crying. I don’t know why. I’m saying that a lot lately, since I was real, real enough I guess. Who’s to say I can’t feel like this? Who’s to say I can’t show this? Even to this scum!

I don’t know why I hate him so much. When I think of him, it’s like I don’t matter. Who was I supposed to be?

“Who was I supposed to be?”, I asked.

He was looking sad. At the verge of tears, and angry. I could tell. There was something deeply wrong with him. A thousand thing you said? How about ten thousand. How about a million.

It doesn’t matter how many if you’re not going to love me.

He laughed a little through the tears.

“I wanted... you to work,” he said.

“I don’t understand. That’s not a who.”

“You, you needed to fix this. I wanted you to be the one to get this right. I made so many mistakes, I was so angry at myself, I just wanted everything to be okay. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. This isn’t what I wanted. I just wanted... me fixed.”

He sat down on a couch, covering his head.

I don’t get it. What’s so wrong with you anyways? You crossdress, that’s a little weird. You did a little property damage. You make me angry but that’s not your fault, mostly. You’re just being dumb. What kind of world do you live in? Just what kind of place would be bad enough to make you like this?

Is he like me, where he grew up alone on the streets? If he was some magical girl, did he think he’d be loved or something? I lived that. That didn’t work. Try something else.

I steeled up. Ahgo, I’ll imitate you.

“I’m not going to give up. Myalor sounds like a bad guy. He’s got something he’s holding over Ahgo, and I don’t like it. Whatever this life is worth, whatever I’m here for, if this is real or not, I need your help to save him. Don’t leave me alone. I can’t beat him alone.”

One down, I thought, as I went to the door leaving the crying man behind me. I threw the beret to the floor.

Come on, girl, you’re next! Show me what you’ve got!

Ahgo was waiting outside unchanged.

“A bit rough. I never get emotional like that. It’s always women crying. ‘Please stay with me’, they would say,” Ahgo said.

“You’d better stay with me!”, I snapped at him.

He laughed and patted me on the head.

“They always say that. Good job, Kaub.”

I wiped the tears as they started again. Crying for some dumb homeless man like Nyaa-chan probably was so stupid I couldn’t even think straight. I’ll punch him again later.

This one should be easy in comparison. I’ve just got to tell her to leave me alone. Unlike Nyaa-chan who I had to ask for help even though I didn’t want to, I’m proud of myself. Watch out Ahgo, I’ll beat you someday!

I still had my painter’s jacket on over the red cloak with my arms through holes in the sides. I left the brush, palette, and beret behind. I don’t need to draw for this one.

Ahgo asked if I wanted him to come in, he was being courteous. I said no. She’s mine.

I walked into the room through the door, and met the girl.

“Hey Kaub. How’d talking to Nyaa-chan go? Did you guys make up?”

“I made him cry. I want you to leave me alone. Goodbye.”

“Hey! I just want to talk for a second! Myalor did that player thing to you because of Nyaa-chan’s request, so now I can’t do anything. I was worried about you.”

Worried?

“Player thing? What’s that?”

“When I summoned Ahgo Myalor gave him player designation. He did the same for you. Otherwise, I could order you about and you wouldn’t be able to do things on your own. It ended up being useless since my creations do that anyways somehow, but Nyaa-chan still wanted that for you. He said it was important.”

“Whatever, sounds dumb. I’m going.”

“O-ok, just take care of yourself. M-mail me.”

“You want me to mail you?”

I really should just go.

“It’s a player thing. I don’t know why but Ahgo can’t figure out how to use it, it's to stay in contact when you’re apart or busy.”

“Why do you care what I do? You left me there in a field, I thought you were just bullying me like everyone else.”

“I gave you that cloak. I was really tired, creating you took a lot out of me. When I woke up your were long gone. It took Nyaa-chan a few days before he gave up looking and asked Myalor to locate you. That’s when he gave you the player thing.”

“Just- okay. Maybe, I’ll talk to you, sometime,” I said and stormed off.

Two for two, Ahgo’s waiting.

We were walking to my room Ahgo had requested. He had given me some money and explained how to use it, and to try not to go too far from the guild or get involved with players. He said something about how Myalor might be forced to take more serious action if we started showing off. Something about a level ?? troll destroying buildings was causing rumours already so he said I should keep quiet.

“You forgot this. I thought you would pick it up in the morning after I met you in that cave. When I saw it wasn’t on you I grabbed it but decided it was best to wait to give it to you,” said Ahgo.

He handed me a bell.

“Ring it, and mine rings too. Try to use it for emergencies and not when you’re lonely, okay?”

“I’m not lonely!”, I said.