《The Smol Detective》Chapter Two
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The Dorarizin ship Furious Claw Of Inquiry popped back into normalcy with only a casual wave towards the notion of proper Einsteinian spacetime. The ship looked like the [Human] weapon known as a punch-dagger; most of its body was an armored pyramidal wedge which was the ideal for drilling through the interstellar medium at high speeds. That wedge was followed by a boxy rear section that contained the ship's engines and other vital bits. The Claw cruised serenely on towards the distant blue globe of Earth. Deep inside the ship's hull there was yet another inspection underway on the hangar deck.
Captain Rgrarshok-of-Ngraz stalked along an invisible line on the deck plating, noting with concealed pleasure how her crew's foot-claws all just managed to touch that line without going over it. As the huge gray-furred Dorarizin continued her inspection, she reached out to adjust each pack member's gear. And every member got an adjustment, even though her touching was really unnecessary. Even an Inquisitor would be hard pressed to see anything out of line.
She did have to slow and stop once, however. It was in front of Bgrarh-of-Arhraz, of course. It was always in front of Bgrarh. He was the largest Dorarizin that she'd ever seen unless she counted looking into a mirror. His eyes almost came up to the level of her own purple gaze.
"{Specialist Bgrarh,}" she started, then stopped. She gave him a complete scan starting at his feet. Everything was in order, his dark-red fur was neatly combed, his uniform was correct, the cylinder containing his emergency p-suit was set just right upon his hip, and his tail was properly groomed. But on top of his head was...
Rgrarshok unsheathed a claw and pointed it at the offending garment. "{What is that?}"
"{Cultural item, ma'am!}" replied Bgrarh. His deep-blue eyes gleamed with happiness. "{I'm allowed one as per both Senate and Imperial regulations.}"
"{It is a hat on top of your head, which need I remind you is covered in fur and does not therefore require a hat.}"
Bgrarh didn't hesitate in the slightest as he responded. "{It's a valued cultural item of our newest denmate, and thus I am wearing it to give him a sense of normalcy when he comes on board.}"
She made a slashing gesture of finality. "{Hat. Off. Now.}"
He snatched the hat off with the blurring speed typical of Dorarizin and stowed it with equal efficiency.
Rgrarshok finished her inspection and then placed herself in front of the line of her pack members. She clasped her paws behind her back and gave them a final long and sweeping glare. "{[Three years], people. [Three years] of hard work by all of us to reach this moment. It took me an entire [year] of finagling just to get the Senate bureaucracy to allow our crew into the [Human] placement program. Then another [two years] of training on simulacra and refitting the entire ship to accommodate a [Human]. That's not to mention the surprise inspections by the Inquisition just to make sure we're not slacking off while waiting for some [Human] to accept our request. And now, by some miracle, one has done so and he is actually qualified for the position. So believe me when I say that if anyone screws this up...}"
Here the Captain glared in particular at Bgrarh. "{...in that unlikely event, I will quite simply skin the offender and display their worthless pelt as a warning unto the next ten generations.}"
Oscar stood next to the two cases that contained of all his worldly possessions and waited for his new crewmate to appear. He had to admit he was more nervous than he'd been before the interview with the Karnakian. That had been a one-and-done thing. But now he was going to face an alien that he'd be living with for the foreseeable future.
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The door in front of him slid open to reveal a Dorarizin, one with dark green fur and amber eyes that sized him up with one curious glance. He wore a tight-fitting gray uniform with a curlicue insignia on the shoulder that Oscar didn't recognize.
"Hi, I'm Oscar. Pleased to meet ya."
"[And I'm Ngralh-of-Arzgar.]" The big alien made a quick gesture that looked something like a bow; the movement was almost too fast for Oscar to track. "[I'm also pleased to make your acquaintance, my new denmate.]" Ngralh's nose darted forward and nudged at Oscar's chest. "[Wow, that's amazing.]"
"Sorry?"
"[Your scent, it really is just like an abandoned newborn. I'll for sure need to scent you before you go on board, because I really don't wanna wrestle the Captain if she catches wind of you smellin' like that.]"
Oscar had read up more on the Dorarizin after he'd accepted the position and he knew that this was not something he could opt out of. The Dorarizin females on board Zephyr Station were used to 'normal' human scent, to the point where they'd gone effectively nose-blind to the smell. But the alien women on board his chosen ship were most certainly not used to a 'normal' human's smell and would act instinctively. And since Oscar was small and relatively fragile their instinctive grab-to-protect might become inadvertently lethal.
He smiled, careful to keep his teeth obscured. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to have to cause any problems my first day, Ngr...Ngralh-of Arz..." Oscar fumbled with the alien's name since he didn't have the two rows of upper teeth required to make the proper clicks.
Ngralh gave a rumbling chuckle. "[Don't worry about it. Just get close to my name, the translator is smart enough to take it from there.]"
"Okay...Nate. Did that work?"
The Dorarizin gave his ear-twitch equivalent of a nod and stepped into the corridor, then spread his huge arms. Oscar gave a silent sigh and moved into the requested hug. Those massive arms closed around him and brought him tight against the alien's furry chest.
All things equal, Oscar supposed it could have been a lot worse. At least the male Dorarizin had scent glands on their chest, which made the whole 'scenting' rigmarole feel like just a case of bros helping bros instead of something else.
Not that Oscar had anything against that something else, of course. It took all kinds to make a galaxy. He rubbed his cheek into the fur against his skin and wondered how long it would take for him to smell like a 'proper' Dorarizin and not like a helpless pup.
"Hey, Nate?"
"[Yes?]"
"What exactly does your crew do? The job listing was a little vague."
Ngralh let forth another laugh which vibrated through Oscar. "[That is to be expected. Our mandate is a little unusual. Shall we go to the closest observation lounge while I explain?]"
Oscar mentally scanned through the nearest rooms. "Yeah, let's go for Viewing Rotunda 1A. I think it's down that way..."
The Earth was a blue globe speckled with white clouds while the gray length of the Quito space elevator stretched towards it like an accusatory finger.
"[That's your planet?]" asked Ngralh. He sat cross-legged on the floor of the rotunda's lounge, while Oscar in turn sat upon the alien's lap and accepted the Dorarizin's continued scenting-hug with equanimity.
"That's my planet," replied Oscar. It was a view he couldn't get enough of, and he'd been here every day since arriving in Zephyr. It made most worries seem like small potatoes, and it also reminded Oscar of the fragility of his species' place in the universe. Especially when one compared humanity to the other three sapient races. After all, most every human now living was still down there. The rest were scattered to the four winds, and nowhere was there enough of a human population concentration to get a single decent village started let alone a proper colony. There was talk of setting up something on the Moon and Mars, but thus far it was nothing but talk.
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"[It's beautiful,]" said Ngralh. "[I wish I could set foot upon it and visit where you lived. Alas, I can't thanks to those [?error, probable expletive?] [Karnakians].]"
Oscar chuckled. "I don't think you'll get much argument about that last sentiment, at least in the human section of Zephyr."
Ngralh sighed. "[I imagine so. So where were you living before coming here? Is it visible from this location?]"
Oscar pointed. "You see where the elevator points towards that big continent?"
Ngralh's head nodded in the human manner, making his furry chin rub along the top of Oscar's scalp.
"Okay, so that's the city of Quito. Now look at the ocean above that, and you'll see a big island. That's Cuba. Above that is a big peninsula, which is Florida. I was on the west side of Florida."
"[Ah, I see. And is that where you were lived during your time of service?]"
"Nope, I was stationed in Washington D.C. when I was in the Army CID. That city is further up from Florida...crap, it's hard to make out from this far out." He waved a finger in its general direction. "Somewhere up there."
"[And before that you were an active military member, correct?]"
"3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment. I shifted into CID after I lost my foot and was discharged from the military. And before you ask, yeah I had a bunch of friends from 3rd Battalion who...well, Fort Benning is just south of Atlanta. They were some of the first responders."
The alien's arms tightened fractionally around him. "[I am very sorry.]"
They moved on to more pleasant topics, namely what the hell Ngralh's crew did for a living.
It boiled down to an intersection of politics and jurisdiction, two concepts that translated well across all four species. Within the Dorarizin Empire, for example, there was usually no doubt about who was in charge of investigating and prosecuting a particular crime. It was left to each planet or colony to set their own ground rules, and then for cases involving true treason or massive sector-wide felonies there was always the Inquisition to come steamrolling in to take care of matters.
But where Dorarizin regions met up with the regions claimed by the other species, there were sometimes crimes for which the jurisdiction was more muddled. "[And in that case we step in,]" said Ngralh, "[Both to investigate the crime itself as well as determine who will actually be allowed to prosecute the criminals.]"
"Got it. I'm kinda surprised that I could get a position on your ship; it sounds a little too close to something military."
"[Our mandate comes from the Senate. For diplomatic reasons we are not part of any military, but as you say it is a close thing. The captain had to comb a lot of tails to get a human on board.]"
Oscar gave a mental fist-pump. This job sounded like a perfect cover for his true mission. Aloud, he said, "I'll do my best to show your captain she made the right decision. What's my role?"
"[Officially your title is 'Trainee Junior Investigator'. For now, you'll just observe us during our next assignment and also get trained on emergency protocols in case we have a problem on board the ship.]" Ngralh leaned down and sniffed at the back of Oscar's neck. "[Much better! That should be enough scenting for now. Shall we be going?]"
Oscar looked once more at the planet he'd spent his whole life on, and wondered if he'd ever see it again. "Yeah, I guess we should." The human wriggled out of Ngralh's lap and picked up his gear. As the Dorarizin also got to his feet the xeno tilted his head at something only he could hear, then held his paw next to his ear.
"[Bgrarh, calm down and don't bark. Yes, I've collected him. Yes, I've scented him. No, don't do that, we'll be on board in just a few minutes...Bgrarh, you can come on board the station but don't run through the [Human] section!...]"
He stopped speaking and shook his head. "[Well, looks like you'll get to meet one of your new denmates right now.]"
Oscar followed Ngralh out of the rotunda and they headed for the Dorarizin section. He noted how the xeno's ears kept flicking back in his direction as Ngralh made sure the human was right behind him. The wall colors began to change to bright red, warning any possible humans in the hallway that they were leaving the relatively 'safe' human sector.
"[So what's in your larger case?]" asked Ngralh. "[It has an interesting shape.]"
"It's a human instrument called a guitar. I'm strictly amateur, though."
They turned a corner and saw a huge shaggy dark-red lump squirming on the ground. The red Dorarizin was trussed up in silvery ribbon-like cables as if he was a Sunday roast. Oscar figured that the source of those cables was the spherical security drone which now blinked a few lights as it hovered over the downed xeno.
Ngralh sighed. "[He was running after all.]" He walked forward, and as he reached the drone it bobbed a little and warbled.
"[Greetings,]" said the drone. "[The entity was approaching the [Human] section at a high rate of speed, moving much too fast for [Human] safety. This unit has deployed appropriate non-lethal countermeasures.]"
One of the ribbon-cables wrapped tight around the downed Dorarizin's snout and prevented him from talking properly. That didn't stop him from trying, however, as he continued to struggle. "[Mmmm! Mm mmmh hnmmnnmh!]"
Ngralh shook his head. "[I told you not to run.]" He stood up straighter and formally addressed the drone. "[Ngralh-of-Arzgar, First Officer, ship ident 'Furious Claw of Inquiry'. This is my denmate Bgrarh-of-Arhraz, and I will take custody of him now.]"
A soft ping came from the drone. "[Identity is confirmed. Thank you, and enjoy your stay at [Zephyr] Station.]"
The drone cruised off with a slight whirr, and Oscar knelt to examine the flat bonds wrapped around Bgrarh. They were seamless, with no apparent lock or mechanism to show how they came apart. "How do we get these off of him?"
Bgrarh stopped struggling upon hearing Oscar, and his head snapped around as his bright blue eyes stared hard into Oscar's own hazel. The human froze and wondered if he'd somehow given offense. But after a long moment of back-and-forth staring, Bgrarh's bushy tail started wagging furiously.
"[Mmmm! Mhnmn mm NUNMMM!]"
"[Yes, Bgrarh, that's [Oscar], our new [Human] denmate. Now, do you remember your training?]"
Bgrarh's tail slowed. "[...Mmmm hmmm?]"
"[Well clearly you don't, or you wouldn't have been running so fast this close to the [Human] section. You know they're slower, and they might not be able to dodge out of the way in time.]"
"It's okay, Nate, it's no big deal," said Oscar. He did not want to be the proximate cause of a major security incident before he even got on board. "Let's get him loose."
"[Not here,]" replied Ngralh. "[I want him back on board before he breaks something or someone. Don't worry, he's a good kid. Just a little too excitable.]"
Ngralh reached down and grabbed a cable around Bgrarh's chest, then began dragging his larger comrade along like a sack of potatoes while Oscar trailed after them both.
They got on board the Furious Claw without further issues, and while the other members of the crew gave Oscar the Dorarizin equivalent of handshakes (i.e. full-body hugs and lots of sniffing) Ngralh rubbed a little nano-magic goop onto Bgrarh's bonds. The ribbon-cables crumbled and released the Dorarizin, who promptly bounded to his feet with a happy bark.
"[Thanks! Hi [Oscar], I'm Bgrarh-of-Ahrhraz! Where's your hat?]"
Oscar had time to get out one puzzled "Eh?" before he was swept up in Bgrarh's incoming hug. It was every bit as enthusiastic as one would expect, but fortunately Bgrarh showed appropriate restraint. The human didn't even feel the slightest twinge in his ribs even though his feet dangled well off of the deck.
A bark-click filled the hangar, which in Oscar's bead resolved into a very stern "[AttenTION!]"
Bgrarh quickly set Oscar down and spun to salute the newcomer. After a bit of hesitation Oscar copied Bgrarh's salute. The rest of the crew did the same as the largest Dorarizin he'd seen to date strode into the hangar.
Her purple eyes flicked over them all, stopping at the human. "[At ease.]"
Oscar dropped his salute and looked up (and up) at who could only be the Captain as she walked up to him. "Hello, ma'am."
"[Greetings, [Oscar]. I am Captain Rgrarshok.]" She extended a huge paw, and Oscar replied by extending his own and and giving her a human-style handshake. His hand vanished into her mitt, and he knew that if she squeezed too hard she could powderize every bone in his hand. He thought about trying to come up with a reasonable approximation of her name, and then realized just as quickly that she should only be referred to as 'Captain' now and forevermore.
"[We'll be breaking orbit shortly,]" continued the captain as she dropped his hand. "[In the meantime, Ngralh will show you to the room we've set aside for your private time.]"
Oscar smiled but groaned internally. Ah yes, that room. It wasn't exactly his 'quarters', since he wouldn't be using it for sleeping. As to be expected of wolf-like aliens with no concept of personal space, the Dorarizin slept together in a few big piles. Those piles would now include Oscar, which should help keep him properly scented.
His room was just a place to stow his stuff and also for the Galactic Union mandated 'alone time' where he would be required to spend at least 4 hours a day immersed in human media. It seemed like a huge waste of time that he could better spend elsewhere. Not to mention there was one part of the media now sitting in his personal terminal that Oscar really wanted to chuck overboard. Namely, the meme-edited Dorarizin media.
The Office of Interstellar Harmony had impressed upon Oscar that taking the memed-up stuff was not a matter for debate, that it was required for his sanity. They also impressed on him the need to keep it utterly secret from his furred crewmates. The memes weren't exactly insulting to the Dorarizin, but humor was not something that translated well even between human cultures. He'd been threatened with a court martial and all sorts of horrible retribution if he breathed a word about it to any xeno.
Oscar's previous occupation had on occasion involved handling secrets so nasty that if someone broached them the unfortunate fool would simply disappear. So he'd smiled and nodded at the OIH representative while the paltry threats flowed in one ear and out the other.
"[Can I take him to his room instead?]" asked Bgrarh, who was nearly vibrating with a palapble desire to please. "[Please oh please can I?]"
Rgrarshok folded her arms and stared at him. "[I don't want you endlessly bothering him, Specialist.]"
"[I won't, I promise! I'll just show him to his room.]"
She sighed. "[All right. But I want your lab ready for our next assignment. We got a few good bits of intel out of our last mission, and we might have found a major hub of Green smuggling.]"
The crew made a bunch of grumbling, clicking noises that indicated general disgust.
"What's Green?" asked Oscar.
"[You'll get a full briefing once we're underway. If I'm honest, I'd like to get a [Human] perspective on it. Dismissed, people. And Bgrarh? I mean it. In [two hours] I'll be in your lab and it had better be scentless.]"
The six remaining crew all stared after the small creature as he headed off with a very happy Bgrarh looming right by his side. They waited for an appropriate time until [Oscar] was well out of earshot before they all looked at each other with wagging tails. Even the captain's tail swished slightly. The ship's engineer, a smaller blue-white female named Egwreh-of-Grhraf, let out the faintest "{Awwww!}"
"{None of that!}" said the captain with a follow-up warning click of her jaws. "{He's an adult sapient worthy of respect, I don't care how cute he acts or smells.}"
"{The effect is really amazing, though,}" said Ngralh. "{I mean, seeing them in pictures is one thing, but in person? It was all could do to not just hug him the moment I saw him.}"
"{Your restraint is appreciated, XO,}" said the captain dryly. "{I'm relying on you to ensure he's kept properly scented. In the meantime it's business as usual. We've arranged everyone's schedule so that you all get to spend time with the [Human]. Just don't fuss over him too much and I'd better not catch anyone treating him like a pup. Think of him as just another trainee past their final claw-molt.}"
"[So why aren't you wearing your hat?]"
"Er, my hat?" Oscar had to trot at a brisk pace to keep up with Bgrarh's long strides.
"[Your inspector hat! It's a [Human] custom, right?]"
"A custom...hat?" He hefted his duffel onto his non-guitar-laden shoulder and wondered how in hell he was going to get around the ship in any reasonable time, seeing as how this place was laid out with giant aliens in mind.
"[Oh, you're testing me, right? Don't worry, I've read all the stories and seen all the movies about your people's investigation methods. I know about the hat.]"
"Okay, hang on a bit." They slowed to a stop and Oscar looked up at Bgrarh with a raised eyebrow. "Start from the beginning, Benny. What's this hat you're talking about?"
"[The hat of your greatest detective! I had our clothing nanofabricator make one for me too, so we can be proper detectives together!" Bgrarh reached into a pouch at his side and pulled out a large oblong shape made from plaid cloth, which the alien then placed on his head while he kept speaking.
"[I couldn't do the smoking pipe, of course, what with our enclosed atmosphere. And the cloak didn't turn out very well. But the hat came out great!]" He dropped his paws and gave Oscar a proud grin while the human stared up in disbelief.
The xeno's triangular ears now stuck up on either side of a Dorarizin-sized deerstalker hat, making him look like Sherlock Holmes suffering from a serious case of werewolf.
Bgrarh pointed a claw at it. "[See? Like I said, I've got my own hat!]"
"Um..."
"[Now do the thing on me!]"
For one horrifying moment Oscar wondered if this was the Bgrarh way of making a pass. "The...thing, Benny?"
"[The analysis thing!]"
Oscar relaxed when he realized what Bgrarh meant. He wondered if he should try to explain how a Holmes-style scan was something that only happened in fiction. But the earnest gleam in Bgrarh's eyes could not be denied, so in the spirit of crew harmony he stepped back and made a great show of looking the huge alien up and down while he tried to come up with a plausible line of bullshit. The trick would be to take the few facts he knew about Dorarizin and wrap them into a more complicated-sounding package.
He dropped his duffel bag and summoned his inner Basil Rathbone while he stroked his chin. "Hmmm, yes. I might be a little off, seeing as how you're not the...type of person that I'm used to. But let's try anyway, shall we?"
Bgrarh nodded and grinned while Oscar again examined him. "You're originally from a desert climate. You played in one of the professional Hunt teams but had to give that up after a serious injury. You're okay with that, though, because you love your current position."
The big xeno clasped his paws together and all but squeed. "[That's right! Now do the explanation thing!]"
Oscar waved at Bgrarh's massive torso. "The desert climate was easy to determine, that's indicated by your fur color. You have a notch in each ear in symmetrical positions, which means they're not accidental. Players in Hunt teams tend to mark themselves like that, especially when they make the senior leagues. And given your size you'd be a natural for the sport, but instead you're on this ship doing what sounds like a technical position. That means either you wanted a significant change in career or because of some other reason. I also noticed that you move with a slight but noticeable limp, which given your rejuvenation tech must have come from a very serious injury. That explains the change in career. The last part is more of a guess, but this is an elite crew and the Captain doesn't strike me as the type to allow anyone into it unless they're committed. So how did I do?"
Bgrarh responded with a lunge and another hug, nearly crushing Oscar's guitar case in the process. The human sighed and realized he was going to have to put up with a lot of this treatment for the foreseeable future.
Oscar sat in the cafeteria as he chatted with the ship's doctor, one Kgrashak-of-Rgreth AKA 'Kate'. It was a pleasant conversation in spite of Oscar needing a booster seat to be at the proper table-height.
He looked up in mild surprise as Ngralh set a tray in front of him. Thankfully it was sized for humans and not Dorarizin, and even included a set of silverware. As to be expected, the meal was mostly meat. A huge steak occupied most of the tray, with a few browned potatoes and some green beans along the side. It was all synthesized, of course, but he had to admit it smelled great.
"Oh, ah, thank you!" he said to the XO. "But you didn't need to do that." Oscar looked around the circular table and realized that the rest of the crew was here, all looking at him. He gave them all a general nod. "Um, are you guys eating too?"
Ngralh gave another of those ducking-bows. "[It is tradition that a new pack member gets the first meal off of the next kill. Obviously there's noting to actually 'kill' around here, so we have to make do with some synthesized grilled glrnada. Kgrashak checked, and it's safe for [Humans] to eat. I had the synthesizer add a few [Human] side-dishes as well.]"
Oscar gave his own little bow. "Thanks, I'm looking forward to trying it." The 'glrnada' sliced easily enough and was surprisingly tender. It reminded him a little of beef, but with a spicy and gamey tang that wasn't bad at all.
The other crew didn't make a move to get their own meals, and instead watched him eat as if it was the most amazing thing ever. Oscar got a few bites into the steak and started to feel self-conscious, as if he was putting on a show. He decided to make light of it and waved his utensils. "This is as interesting as it gets, folks," he said, and followed with a self-deprecating chuckle.
The Captain stirred. "[Ah, yes, I shall get the rest of the meal.]" She walked off, and the crew fell to chatting with each other. Bgrarh excitedly told the others, with many gestures, about how Oscar had done the 'analysis thing' on him.
The subject of discussion leaned over to Kgrashak. "He does know that's all fiction, right Kate? I mean, I know the Dorarizin have fiction of their own."
The doctor smiled. "[Of course he does. Don't worry. Bgrarh is quite brilliant, he's just excited. He'll calm down once we're underway and settled into a routine.]"
The Captain returned and plonked onto the table a huge platter filled with enough cooked meat for half a steer. Every Dorarizin reached forward and grabbed whatever piece was nearest to them. Kgrashak selected a big leg joint and casually bit a chunk out of it the size of a porterhouse steak. She didn't bother with chewing, and instead just swallowed the bite and opened wide to take another.
Oscar suppressed a shudder at seeing Kgrashak's fanged mouth. He'd just been in the middle of a pleasant conversation about their respective hobbies, but now he was reminded once more that she was most certainly a predator.
The others around the table tore into their own portions while Oscar glanced at one wall of the cafeteria. It showed a view of the rapidly-receding Earth, which made him wonder yet again if he was really ready for this. He was decades out of practice in doing anything sneaky, and if these people discovered he was an undercover agent they might just up and make him next on the menu.
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