The next day, Xiu Juan decided to stay in and began embroidering Ngo Kwang's gown. She organized her silver threads and needles and opened the doors of the balcony to brighten up the room. Sitting by the doors with the red gown laid out meters before her, a calm wind blew in every now and then, making the white curtains and the blue layers of Xiu Juan’s gown sway in the breeze in harmony with each other.

When the sun reached its highest point in the sky, Xiu Juan hung the gown up and draped a white sheet over it. She headed her way to the kitchen to make the tea for Jinhai as he requested. Dandan walked in as Xiu Juan rolled up her sleeves.

“Making tea for his majesty again, Empress?” She asked while she placed her basket of herbs down.

“Yes,” Xiu Juan replied. She eyed the herbs in Dandan’s basket. “Camellia sinensis?”

Dandan was surprised Xiu Juan knew. “Why, yes.”

“Why such an abundance of it?” Xiu Juan wondered.

“They’re for the concubines. They like to have it ground up and lather their skin in it,” she explained. “Ah, all of this primping just for the gala. They’re just too much,” she complained.

“They must be very demanding around this time, huh?” Xiu Juan guessed.

“Well, it is a festival where everyone dresses in their best and show off their riches,” Dandan said.

“That’s just ridiculous,” Xiu Juan shook her head as she poured the tea into the kettle.

Dandan looked at her, bewildered. “You really think so?”

“Of course. Everyone stresses out about having the best appearance and the best attire just to show their wealth at some gathering. It’s no longer about celebrating their country. It’s rubbish.”

“You’re the first person I’ve ever heard say that,” Dandan laughed. “You just spoke my thoughts.” She began to grind the green leaves. “But despite how rubbish it is, you must partake in it, Empress. Have you thought of what you’re going to do to show the court and the people your homage to the country?”

Xiu Juan looked at Dandan. “I’m sorry?”

“You know, your presentation of devotion or what not? The royal family presents their tribute during the ceremony usually in a form of a speech, poem, or performance. Have you gotten yours?”

“I didn’t even know I had to do something like that!”

Dandan widened her eyes at her, “You’re kidding, are you?”

“I’m afraid I’m not,” Xiu Juan lowered her shoulders. “I still have a fortnight though, so I’m sure I will think of something.”

Dandan shook her head as she walked away. “Aya. What have we done to get an Empress like this? Improper! Improper!”

Xiu Juan frowned at her and huffed. She gathered her kettle and headed to Jinhai’s region.

Walking in the corridors, Xiu Juan heard men shouting in unison from the sparring room. She stopped to listen and to ponder on whether she should head straight to the study or watch how the Zhao men fought. Looking down at her kettle, Xiu Juan exhaled and decided to step toward the sound of the shouting men. Treading softly on the veranda’s hardwood floor by the sparring room, Xiu Juan quietly peeked from behind the paper screen doors into the brightly lit white room.

Inside, she saw Jinhai training with his most elite men dressed in their light-weight, black garments. They were circled around him, holding sharpened bamboo sticks. Xiu Juan observed closely as he stood in his stance. Then, one by one, the elite men lunged at him. With the spin of his bamboo sword, he ricocheted all of their strikes in a split second. As soon as the bamboo sticks flung backward, the men stepped back and stood in form to throw their bamboo weapons at Jinhai.

At once, the sharpened bamboos fired toward Jinhai but he soared into the air, fluttering like a white moth, and watched the weapons fly below him. Each man caught a stick thrown toward them and immediately stood back in formation. As soon as Jinhai landed on the ground as weightless as paper, one of his men from behind charged at him before the white fabric of his attire even touched the ground. Not turning his head—as he heard the man’s weapon approach from behind—-Jinhai lifted his bamboo sword upward and flicked the man’s bamboo stick away.

Another man from his right charged and Jinhai spun his sword in that direction and accurately brushed the strike away, sending the man’s arms trembling from the hit of the thin bamboo sword Jinhai held. In rhythm of firecrackers, each man stepped in to strike but none of them were able to touch Jinhai as he effortlessly flicked away their hits and struck them down. When all of the men were kneeling down and clutching the spot on their body that Jinhai hit, Xiu Juan examined the bamboo sticks they used against him and saw that they were cracked and splintered. The precise force Jinhai applied in each blinking time was exceptional.

The elite men noticed Xiu Juan standing before them and quickly poised themselves, knelt on one knee, and lowered their heads to greet her.

“Empress!” They saluted.

Jinhai heard this and turned his head to Xiu Juan whose eyes were placed on him. She bowed her head to him.

“Xiu Juan of Qin,” Jinhai addressed her. “What brings you here?”

“I didn’t mean to disturb your training,” Xiu Juan apologized quickly. “I was just on my way to deliver this,” she lifted her kettle slightly and Jinhai looked at it. “But then I got sidetracked when I heard you guys.”

Jinhai’s men lifted their eyes up to look at the kettle in Xiu Juan’s hand and then turned their eyes to Jinhai to see his reaction. Jinhai, sensing his men’s stares, turned his eyes to them and they quickly lowered their heads while trying to keep their lips from forming a grin.

Jinhai returned his attention to Xiu Juan. “You were watching?” He questioned while placing his unbroken bamboo sword down onto the table and waved at his men to be dismissed.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Xiu Juan worried.

“It was just unexpected to me for you to come by, that’s all,” Jinhai stated. “I will admit though, it’s a little awkward to have a person of Qin watch me and my men train.”

Xiu Juan smirked. “Afraid I will know your secrets?”

Jinhai gave her a sharp stare.

“I’m sorry,” Xiu Juan apologized.

Jinhai and his men continued placing things away.

“Your swordplay,” Xiu Juan began. She wasn’t sure if she should continue but Jinhai turned to her and she forced herself to say her words, “It’s beautiful. I haven’t seen someone display such grace and agility since…” Xiu Juan stopped herself shortly before mentioning Ying-tai, the only person she’d ever seen with extraordinary skill in swordplay. His talent was incomparable. However, after observing Jinhai, she was closely convinced that he might almost measure up to him. Though their fighting styles were different, Jinhai moved like Ying-tai did. He could read people like Ying-tai could. And their calmness against conflict was alike.

Jinhai turned his body and faced her, “Since?”

“Since a long, long while,” Xiu Juan finished. She looked at the bamboo sword he used. “You only used a thin bamboo rod, yet you were able to break the ones bigger than it without harming your own weapon.”

Jinhai turned his head toward the object. “One just needs to know the weak point of their target.”

“Yet you were able to strike each point with precision in a blink of an eye without fail,” Xiu Juan mentioned.

Jinhai smirked, “I would have never guessed that you would be interested in these sort of things.”

Xiu Juan raised her eyebrow, “Why would you say that?”

“You’re a princess. Also, privileged people usually don’t care about fighting because they don’t like getting their hands dirty and they have people to defend them,” Jinhai turned around and took a cup of water from one of his men and drank it.

“I don’t like the thought of having to depend on other people’s lives and sending them to peril when I can fight for myself,” Xiu Juan stated.

Jinhai looked at her and understood. That was the reason why he used to fight alongside his men before he became Emperor. “I take it that you are familiar with a sword?” He asked.

Xiu Juan paused and thought carefully of what she should say. She went ahead and nodded, “I’ve wielded a sword before, yes.”

This peaked Jinhai’s interest. He swept up a thin sparring sword with his long white sleeve and grasped it in his hand. “Care to spar?” He invited Xiu Juan.

Xiu Juan’s shoulders tensed as she gripped her kettle tighter.

Jinhai’s eyes were warm, “Don’t worry. I will go easy.”

Xiu Juan looked at his elite men and then back at Jinhai. She stepped forward and placed her tea kettle down on the table of weapons. She took off her extensive blue robe and placed it next to her kettle before stepping onto the sparring floor with only her white layers. As Xiu Juan approached Jinhai, he smiled at her as she took the bamboo rod from his hand. His men scurried around and huddled. They watched quietly, excited of the outcome.

“I have to warn you, don’t let your expectations get too high,” she apprised.

Jinhai grinned and equipped a similar weapon to Xiu Juan’s. He held it upward in front of his face.

“Xiu Juan of Qin,” he addressed, “I invite you to show me the ways of the sword from your country.”

Xiu Juan smiled at this. She nodded and held up her sword, “Granted.”

Their swords touched and swiveled. Jinhai leapt his weapon forward and Xiu Juan turned to her side and swerved his attack, his bamboo sword gliding against the surface of hers. She flicked it away and advanced toward him, twirling her sword before Jinhai’s. He ricocheted each whip and then flipped backward. Wen he landed on his feet he flew toward Xiu Juan. He struck quickly and swiftly, keeping Xiu Juan twirling her sword. Even though their styles were completely different as they were representing the two different states, their white garments danced in harmony with one another and the taps of their sticks created a rather pleasant rhythm in the air.

Jinhai proceeded forward again and this time with a little more force and speed. Xiu Juan kept up though and swept away each strike. Jinhai pierced toward her feet to falter her, but Xiu Juan twirled away from him and her layers fluttered before him like the wings of a bird spinning in mid flight. Landing on her feet and her light layers following after, from the corner of her eyes she saw the white fabrics of Jinhai’s attire approach near her and she quickly drew up her sword and blocked his hit. She swept up her sleeve and brushed him away, spinning in a full circle as she did it with her white silk fanning out widely.

He backed away and when her eyes returned to him she immediately advanced forward. He retaliated each single hit so calmly and effortlessly. Jinhai then twisted his sword and swiftly landed the point of it on Xiu Juan’s left shoulder, giving him one point.

Xiu Juan raised her eyes from the bamboo rod and looked at Jinhai who smirked at her. His men gasped from behind and even though they knew Jinhai wasn’t using all of his might against Xiu Juan, their eyes were wide at the fact that she was able to keep up with his moderate effort.

“Seems as though Zhao has won against Qin,” Jinhai ridiculed.

Xiu Juan glared. His reflexes are impenetrable! She thought as she used the moment to catch her breath. She observed that none of her direct hits would be able to touch him.

Every man has a weak point. If your eyes can’t see it, you can feel it when you fight him. Whether it may be a blind spot or his own tactics to be used against him, find that weak point and use it to overcome him. Xiu Juan recalled Ying-tai’s voice.

Yes. Xiu Juan grew confident. She looked at Jinhai. He’s exceptional at reading people. He can sense any strike directed towards him. I can’t keep up with his speed so I can’t use his own strength against him. Maybe…if I could trick him so he won’t see it coming?

“Again,” Xiu Juan appealed.

Jinhai raised his eyebrow. He was enjoying this. “You are bold, Xiu Juan of Qin,” he praised.

They stood their stance again and Jinhai waited for Xiu Juan to move. She soared forward and twirled as she thrusted her sword against him. She continued to push him backward and with the flow of her fluttering white layers he continued to waltz with her. Xiu Juan began to use her long sleeves against him. After each thrust of her sword, a brush of her sleeve would follow closely after. Jinhai flew back in light strides. All he could see was her white garments floating before him.

He backed a bit further and then suddenly saw Xiu Juan use her strength to whip her long sleeves toward his face. He turned to the side to swerve the heavy strike and Xiu Juan used this chance to move closer to him. She soared forward and as Jinhai spun and smacked her sleeve away, she twirled around to control the force Jinhai sent toward her. As their white robes spun and their eyes were about to meet, they lifted their sword up. As soon as they faced each other, the point of the sword in each of their hand met with each of their throats. It was a draw.

The elite men’s jaws dropped at the sight. Every one of them was frozen at the moment, appalled by what they just witnessed.

Jinhai stared into Xiu Juan’s fiery eyes, surprised by what just happened. She had a grin on her face that told him she was pleased by the outcome of their second round. Being this close to Xiu Juan for the first time, he could feel her trying to control her breathing from the excitement of her win. Suddenly starting to feel uneasy, Jinhai lowered his gaze and stepped back. He lowered his bamboo sword and poised himself. He returned his eyes to Xiu Juan and grinned.

“Impressive,” he congratulated. “You are just full of surprises aren’t you, Xiu Juan of Qin?”

Xiu Juan lowered her sword too. “I got lucky,” she smiled as her chest heaved from heavy breaths.

Jinhai smiled lightly in return, “There’s no such thing as luck when one is in the battlefield. It’s all survival of the fittest. Who taught you?”

Xiu Juan stumbled. Ying-tai had taught her, but she couldn’t tell Jinhai that.

“A dear friend of the family,” she told Jinhai.

“Oh? He must be rather skillful, based on what you have shown me,” Jinhai commented. He respected strong men.

Xiu Juan smiled at the compliment. Indeed her Ying-tai was skillful.

“I’d like to meet him,” Jinhai mentioned as he put his sword away.

Xiu Juan’s heart almost stopped. “What?”

“I’d like to meet this teacher of yours,” Jinhai repeated. “Such talent is to be appreciated.”

“He’s a very busy man,” Xiu Juan subtly interjected. “It’ll be a hard arrangement for such a meeting.”

“Ah, I would imagine so,” Jinhai said as he put on his dark outer robe with golden hems. “A stern man, is he?”

Xiu Juan shook her head as she thought about Ying-tai warmly. “No. He is a very kind man. Though he taught me the art of sword, he never dared to wield his before my eyes. He believed innocent people should never be exposed to an unsheathed blade.”

Jinhai listened to the tone of her voice. “You were fond of this man?” He questioned her.

Xiu Juan raised her eyes, “He was a dear person to the family.”

Jinhai only nodded, “Mmm.”

Xiu Juan put on her blue robe and then picked up her kettle. She could feel the eyes of Jinhai’s men on her, still bewildered. She began her way toward the door and lowered her head to Jinhai.

“I’ll be on my way now,” she said. She raised her head up and smiled at him with eyes full of nostalgia, “Thank you for letting me spar with you. It was nice to do something like that with someone again.”

Jinhai turned to Xiu Juan who began to walk out with the hot kettle in her hands while her blue robe trailed extensively behind her and swayed with her long dark hair. “Xiu Juan of Qin,” he called to her.

She turned to him.

“I’ll accompany you,” he said as he walked toward her direction.

Xiu Juan watched him pass her and lead her to his study. Walking behind him, she couldn’t help but feel small at the sight of his broad back.

When they entered inside Jinhai’s study, Xiu Juan laid the kettle down. She proceeded to leave but Jinhai stopped her.

“You may join me for tea, Xiu Juan of Qin,” Jinhai said as he poured himself a cup and one for her.

Her eyes grew big, “Really?”

Jinhai placed Xiu Juan’s cup of tea before her and raised his welcoming eyes to meet hers. She approached him slowly then laid out her blue gown around her as she sat down. Her hands reached for the tea cup Jinhai poured for her and she raised it to her face, inhaling the sweet aroma of the tea. Jinhai kept his eyes outward to his garden and listened to the breeze slither through the branches of the weeping willow trees. Xiu Juan, her eyes lowered, listened too and allowed the breeze to come and caress her face. Her hair floated with the breeze and she tucked it behind her ear while her scent of plum blossoms drifted into the gentle wind and toward Jinhai. Catching the pleasant fragrance, he turned his eyes to Xiu Juan who was now looking out unto his garden with a peaceful look on her face.

“You’ve got a lovely place here,” Xiu Juan smiled warmly. “I enjoy the tranquility of it. Beautiful gardens like this remind me of home.”

Jinhai sipped his cup of tea, set it down, and smiled, “Pleasure for an hour, a cup of wine. Pleasure for a year, a marriage; but pleasure for a lifetime, a garden.”

Xiu Juan nodded, closed her eyes, listened to the calmness in the air and sighed, “This moment right here. Imagine a world with this peacefulness everywhere.”

“You think we could achieve peace in a world that is so divided?” Jinhai questioned Xiu Juan.

Xiu Juan looked at him, “If Hate could make us so driven, why can’t its opposite do the same? Maybe the thought doesn’t cross one’s mind because the regime plants ideas into their head the moment they’re born. Perhaps if people could stop teaching themselves that they are divided, we could live in harmony.” Xiu Juan’s eyes grew sad, “The sad thing is: the problem is not with the people. It starts with us. People like you and me. We are what is toxic to this world. Yes, we could achieve peace if we allow ourselves to. The thing is we don’t. Things could be simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” Another gentle wind caressed Xiu Juan’s face and her eyes expressed her yearning heart, “If there is someone out there who could stop us, I pray the gods will be in his favor.”

Jinhai was enthralled with this thought. “You are saying that the opportunity of peace is kept within our hands?”

“The fault in knowing power is the lack of will for mercy,” Xiu Juan replied.

Jinhai exhaled and lowered his gaze, “How could you understand, though, when you have not been inside a bleeding field watching your comrades die from each and every side?”

Xiu Juan watched a waving branch of a weeping willow tree glide on top of the still pond, sending soft ripples across the surface. “I know that all men deserve to be free from the thoughts of terror and violence—the thoughts of war.”

“Man’s nature is flawed. War is necessary to keep things in balance,” Jinhai reasoned.

“Hatred will then forever breed,” Xiu Juan protested, staring at him.

“It is a dark world we live in, Xiu Juan of Qin,” Jinhai stated. “What can one do?”

Xiu Juan turned away from him and commented, “Better to have a single candle lit than to curse the darkness.”

Jinhai raised his eyes to her. She sat poised and graceful like a heron. Her shoulders were held up with confidence, showing that her faith will not be easily wavered. His eyes lightened up at this. He took away his gaze and lowered it as he sipped Xiu Juan’s tea.

“I would want to live to see the day this world lives in your way. Your way called peace,” Jinhai sighed and closed his eyes.

Xiu Juan looked at him. Her eyes became warm and she smiled at his comment. She shifted her eyes away and looked down at her cup of tea.

“It is not my way,” Xiu Juan replied softly, her warm smile still on her face. She lifted her head up and looked unto the garden of weeping willows while the hem of her blue robe lifted slightly off the floor from the wind picking it up and cradling it. “It is the way of a great man I know.”

Jinhai opened his eyes. He watched Xiu Juan lay her cup down gently onto his table and place her hands on top of her lap. He watched her long hair twirl with the direction of the breeze and brush her white cheeks. Her face showed genuine peace and this stilled his untamable soul.

After Xiu Juan excused herself from Jinhai and he walked her to the door and watched her leave, she headed back to her chamber to continue on with her embroidering. Sitting by the doors of the balcony with the red silk from Ngo Kwang's gown and the blue silk from her own dress laying extensively around her, she sewed in each thread delicately into the red gown. She hummed meanwhile, luring in those who walked in her corridors.

The men who were up on the hill top and heard her sing by the lakeside recognized the voice and rushed to the direction the humming was emitting from.

“I have to see her clearly this time!” One man gasped as he ran with his comrades.

When they reached the corridor that lead to Xiu Juan’s chamber, they paused.

“This is where the Empress’s chamber is,” they looked at each other.

“But don’t you want to see who possesses that voice?” One of them proceeded forward.

They walked quietly and found themselves standing in front of their Empress’s door.

“Are you telling me…that the voice we heard that day by the lakeside was our Empress all this time?” The shortest man in the group whispered.

“Who would have thought!” The biggest one marveled.

“The emperor is lucky he has her as his bride,” the man who spoke to Jinhai about Xiu Juan sighed.

Suddenly, the sound of a bell interrupted their train of thought. The men disbanded and Xiu Juan immediately stopped humming. She pinned her needle into the red silk and slid the gown away and covered it again with the white sheet. She stepped toward her door and peeked out of it. Xiu Juan saw many people heading in a certain direction and grew curious.

“They seem to be heading to the grand room,” Xiu Juan whispered to herself. She slipped through her door and shut it. As she soared through the corridors, each person that saw her approach toward them stopped in their tracks and bowed their head to her.

“What is happening?” She asked a eunuch that was out of breath from scurrying.

“Some men from battle have returned. The emperor and his officials are heading to the grand room right this moment to meet them,” he replied to her.

She lifted her eyes from him and looked straight forward. Headstrong, she proceeded to the grand room. When she neared the back entrance of the room, she slowed her pace. Inside, she saw a great number of large men with soiled armor that have been scuffed with countless numbers of blades and arrows. Jinhai, who was beside Hui Zhong, was standing before them and speaking to them. The large men knelt before him, their heads lowered. The room had a somber atmosphere. While they spoke to Jinhai, his face grew more and more solemn; his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes grew dark. Xiu Juan stepped closer to listen.

“He was a great general! This is a great loss Zhao bears!” The soldier in the front proclaimed as he caringly held something wrapped in a dark cloth in his arms.

Jinhai had his eyes on the bundle. “Open it,” he said.

Xiu Juan nervously looked at the bundle in the soldiers arm as well. When he unwrapped it and unveiled what was inside, Xiu Juan flung her hand up to her lips and turned away, squeezing her eyes shut.

Jinhai stepped closer toward his men and knelt down. He took a good look at the head of the general and then covered it up again. He clenched his jaw and then opened his lips to question, “How did he die?”

“On our way here, we met with an ambush. They were men of Yan,” the soldier in the front informed. “He was faltered by a poisoned blade and his head was severed off by the general leading them.”

Jinhai curled his hand into a fist. Hui Zhong placed his hand on his shoulder to calm him.

“We managed to slip through their fingers but many of our men are injured and some are dead,” the soldier continued. “I believe they are still trailing us and I am confident they are nearby.”

“Do you have the names of those who passed?” Jinhai asked his soldier.

“Yes, I do!” He responded. He lifted his hand up and another soldier from behind passed him a scroll to hand to Jinhai.

Jinhai took it from his hands and carefully opened it. After he read all of the names, he breathed heavily and closed his eyes as their faces burned into his mind.

“Notify their families,” Jinhai later ordered. “Their names will be honored.”

Jinhai heard silk slither across the floor and turned his head to find Xiu Juan approaching him. Her eyes were wide and worried. She lowered them as she bowed to Jinhai. When her gaze returned to him, she extended out her pale slender hands toward the scroll of names.

“May I?” She requested in a small voice.

Hui Zhong watched her cautiously. Jinhai looked at her with dull eyes and handed her the scroll. Xiu Juan skimmed through it to find any names she could recognize. When she was in the village, the women she befriended told her stories of their husbands. She looked for Mei’s husband’s name and was relieved to not find it. However, when she reached the bottom of the list, her heart stopped.

“Ms Lin’s husband…” Xiu Juan exhaled heavily.

Jinhai was watching her the whole time and was alerted with the look of dismay she suddenly held.

“Xiu Juan of Qin?” He called to her.

Her hand trembled as she brought her fingers to her lips. Jinhai saw her hands quivering and took a hold of the scroll.

“What’s gotten into you?” He asked. He found himself concerned.

When she lifted her eyes to him, he was taken aback by the pain in them. Before Jinhai’s men exited through the threshold of the grand room to notify the families of their dead loved ones, she stopped them.

“Empress!” Hui Zhong was shocked.

Xiu Juan kept her eyes on Jinhai who also did not tear away his gaze from her.

“Your highness,” she began. Jinhai could tell she was trying very hard to keep tears from welling up. “Please let me deliver one of the messages,” she pled.

Jinhai’s eyes softened.

“It will be more comforting for them if it came from me,” she explained to Jinhai.

Unable to deny the plea of the woman he was seeing vulnerable for the first time since he first met her, he nodded and let her go.

“Wait,” he started before she turned around to leave. He turned his head to the soldier holding the sword of Ms Lin’s husband, a cloth from his uniform, and an envelope of money. “Give this to her,” Jinhai said as he handed the items to Xiu Juan. She held it close to her chest and bowed to Jinhai before leaving. He watched her lightly flutter through the door and when he could no longer see her, he turned to the elite men by him.

“Follow her and make sure she returns safely,” he ordered.

Surprised by Jinhai’s rare act of warm-heartedness, Hui Zhong whispered to him, “Your highness, you’re concerned for the empress?”

Jinhai’s expression returned to its usual sternness and he quickly turned his head a little toward Hui Zhong and retaliated, “This is just part of our precautions. We are now on close watch of the Yan. They could attack us anytime and we can’t afford to have the Empress harmed. It will send the country to distress. And a distressed country means vulnerability. Also, with her in our hands, we have Qin’s trust. We must not let that get tattered.”

After saying this he returned his eyes toward the direction Xiu Juan left before walking away.

Getting off her horse when she arrived at Ms Lin’s little house by the lakeside, she watched the warm lights that radiated through the windows. She climbed up the steps to the door and paused. She lowered her head, took in a deep breath, then knocked. The sound of footsteps soon neared the door and Xiu Juan’s heart beat faster. When the door creaked open, Ms Lin’s face lit up at the sight of Xiu Juan.

“My! I did not expect you to be here, your highness!” She said cheerfully as she invited Xiu Juan inside.

Xiu Juan watched her scurry around to set the table with tea and little fruits. She looked at her old, small hands and her gray hair. Against the candlelight, Xiu Juan could see the years on her face.

“Ms Lin,” Xiu Juan said softly, “Please, sit.”

Ms Lin looked at her and wiped her hands on her apron. She took a seat and poured them both tea. Xiu Juan took a sip and then took a long pause before speaking.

“What’s wrong, child? You look pale,” Ms Lin touched her hand.

Xiu Juan turned her hand over and squeezed Ms Lin’s hand.

“Ms Lin,” Xiu Juan began, her voice small, “You must wonder why I’m here at this late hour.”

Ms Lin nodded for her to go on.

Xiu Juan lowered her head and took out the sword and cloth. She placed it on the table and then lowly bowed her head.

Ms Lin’s eyes widened.

“It is in my deepest regret to inform you…to inform you that your husband has died in action,” Xiu Juan’s heart broke.

Small tears leaked through Ms Lin’s eyes, “You mean, he won’t be returning home?”

Xiu Juan shook her head.

Ms Lin’s shaking hands stroked the sword. “When did he die? How did he die?”

“It was an ambush. He…he was on his way home,” Xiu Juan said solemnly.

“You mean…he was just returning home?” In her dolorous state, she picked up the cloth and pressed it against her face and inhaled in the scent. She began to weep.

“Oh god,” she sobbed, “he was just returning home! Returning home! Curse this unfair world!”

Xiu Juan got up and wrapped herself around her.

“I can only imagine the fear he went through. He desperately fought for his way home but it was all in vain! He wasn’t meant to fight. He was too gentle. He was too human,” Ms Lin cried as she clutched onto Xiu Juan’s silk sleeves.

Xiu Juan pressed her cheek against Ms Lin’s head and caressed it softly with her hand. “No,” she held Ms Lin tighter, “he was a brave man. To fight against the face of fear is something no ordinary person can do. He died with honor and his name will forever be recognized as so. Think of it in this way: he is waiting for you in a place where he’s no longer suffering. Not even a strand of hair will fall from his head. When you meet again in heaven, you can proudly call out his name before all of the gods. Embrace him then and never let go.”

“I wish I could’ve seen him one last time,” Ms Lin wiped away her tears. She turned to the envelope of money. “That envelope. You never think you’ll be one of those receiving it.” She began to wail, “I don’t want the money! I want him back!”

“Honor him by accepting it,” Xiu Juan comforted.

After calming down, Ms Lin finally nodded. She sighed, “We only had each other. I was barren so we couldn’t have any children. I told him to marry again so he could have a child but he refused. His act of love was all I ever needed. I could never repay him.”

Xiu Juan lowered her shoulders and smiled warmly, “He loved you so. I don’t think he ever planned to gain something from you in return. That’s just love. It doesn’t keep records.”

“I just want to thank him for giving me all the happiness he could give me,” Ms Lin wiped her tears.

Xiu Juan thought for a second. “Back at home at Qin, we have this tradition we do to honor those who have passed. We dress in our best, light lanterns and whisper our last words and send them to the sky; hoping the light guides their way to reach the heavens and that our words will be heard by those loved ones that had left us.”

Ms Lin looked at her, “That’s a beautiful way to honor them. You partook?”

Xiu Juan’s throat tightened. She exhaled and nodded. “Of course. For my mother and then for my father.”

Ms Lin caressed Xiu Juan’s head. “We all suffer the same, don’t we?”

Xiu Juan looked into her eyes and nodded, “Unfortunately.”

Ms Lin sat up straighter and squeezed Xiu Juan’s hands. “Show me this way of your homeland. I want to pay my tribute.”

Xiu Juan smiled tenderly, “Of course. Tomorrow when the sun sets, we will start the lighting of the lanterns.”

“I’ll see you then?” Ms Lin asked.

“Yes, I’ll see you then,” Xiu Juan said warmly.

When Xiu Juan returned to the palace, she noticed Jinhai’s elite men following her. She turned to them and they bowed to her.

“Why were you following me?” She questioned them, her eyebrows furrowing at them.

“His majesty sent us to make sure you would return safely,” they informed.

Jinhai sent them to make sure I would be safe? “He said that?” She was in disbelief.

They nodded their heads. “Her majesty must be cautious of her surroundings. Enemies are looming near,” they said to her.

“Yes, thank you. You may leave me now,” she dismissed them. When they left, she tilted her head to the side, unable to imagine how the stern Jinhai would be concerned for her. She strode on and was surprised by Luli and Bo when they came running to her frantically.

“Xiu Juan,” Luli gasped. “I just heard about Ms Lin’s husband! Is it really true? Is it really him?”

Xiu Juan lowered her shoulders and nodded.

“Did you just come from Ms Lin’s? How is she?” Bo asked.

“Torn,” Xiu Juan said softly, her eyes still lowered.

Luli bit her lips to keep her from crying.

“Tomorrow night we will do the lighting of the lanterns ceremony,” Xiu Juan notified them.

Luli and Bo looked up.

“I told Ms Lin about it and she wants to do it,” Xiu Juan said.

“I’ll come,” Luli announced.

“Me too,” Bo jumped in.

“Be prepared by evening and be well dressed,” Xiu Juan smiled at them, pleased that they will partake in this tradition of Qin with the people of Zhao.

Luli and Bo nodded and Xiu Juan left them. When she reached the part of the palace that split her side of the palace from Jinhai’s side, she noticed the door of the balcony that lead to the secret garden was slightly opened. She walked toward the door and started to shut it but stopped. She opened the door wider and let her way out into the balcony. Slowly walking outside, a cold breeze blew her blue gown and she gathered her long skirt into a bundle so it wouldn’t fan out. She turned her head to the stairway to the secret garden and she quietly approached it. She placed one of her hands on the cold railing and climbed upward, her blue skirt dragging after her and her long hair floating in the calm wind.

When she reached the top, she felt immediate peace. The mountains were sleeping and the grand lake was calm. The only sound emitted was the sound of leaves from the trees rustling. She walked forward and stood close to the edge. Her blue gown was now blowing wildly in the wind, giving an illusion of a butterfly. She looked at the houses in the village and saw that some lights were still on. She imagined they were mothers, daughters, or wives mourning for their loved ones that didn’t make it home.

Disrupting the quiet night, an erhu sounded from that direction. It was a song of mourning and the quivering notes made from the fingers of the player illustrated cries to the listener. Touched by the player’s expression of sorrow, tears spilt from Xiu Juan’s eyes as each note pierced into her heart. She lifted her hand up to wipe her tears as her shoulders trembled. With her head lowered, she wrapped her arms around herself and cited:

Oh, life keeps true to itself and keeps sorrow well defined

Now where in this world will I search to find a love so divine?

If only tears could build stairwells to you, I’d gladly cry blind

But instead, I’ll burn you one thousand lanterns into the sky

And, far away from me and to heaven, you’ll draw your way nigh…

She heard a rustling noise from behind and her head shot up. She spun around, lost her footing and felt herself begin to fall down from the rooftop. Before she could gasp, someone wrapped their arm around her waist and pulled her back. She clutched onto their sleeve tightly and her head fell onto their shoulder. When she caught her breath, she quickly pulled back from them. When she raised her eyes, she found herself looking at Jinhai’s face.

“Your highness,” Xiu Juan gasped and quickly stepped back a few paces.

“Do you not know not to stand too close to the edge? You’ll fall to your death,” he commented. He softened his stare at the sight of Xiu Juan’s glazed eyes and sighed lightly.

Xiu Juan poised herself and quickly wiped her cheeks. She cleared her throat and looked back at him. “What are you doing up here alone?” She questioned.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Jinhai said. “Besides, this is my garden. My sanctuary. I can be here whenever I want, can’t I?”

“I suppose your right,” Xiu Juan lowered her eyes. Then she lifted her head up, “Your sanctuary?”

“Yes,” Jinhai replied, his stern eyes on her.

“Oh. I thought…your study was your place of sanctuary,” Xiu Juan shrugged her shoulders as she looked away from his stare.

“Why would you think that?” Jinhai raised his eyebrow.

Xiu Juan turned to him again. She remembered Ngo Kwang claiming that fact to her but she didn’t want to mention her name. “Ah…well, you’re just there so often.”

Jinhai sat himself down and took in a deep breath, “I’m in there often because I have to be. My peace of mind is here. Nobody knows about it but Nianzu. And you, Xiu Juan of Qin, who managed to find the hidden stairwell and climb it.”

Xiu Juan smiled nervously and lowered her head. So this is his sanctuary! The place only a couple of people know and I’m one of those couple of people!

She remembered about the general and the look of Jinhai’s face when he saw him.

“The general,” Xiu Juan began, “were you close to him?”

Jinhai raised his eyes to her. His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes started to fill with hurt. “We used to fight alongside together,” he replied.

“You used to fight together?” Xiu Juan lifted her eyebrows.

“Before my father died and I was appointed, I used to fight with my men. That general was the one who taught me many things along with Hui Zhong. Since I became emperor, we rarely saw each other anymore.” Jinhai lowered his eyes, “I left him to fight alone.”

“I’m sorry,” Xiu Juan said softly. After a moment Xiu Juan raised her head and spoke, “He didn’t fight alone.”

Jinhai raised his eyes to her.

“If you admired him, I can only imagine how many more did. I saw the faces of your men. I didn’t know the Zhao could express such sorrowful eyes.” Xiu Juan smiled warmly and shrugged, “Look at all of your men who followed him faithfully—he wasn’t alone.”

Jinhai’s eyes brightened. He grinned and turned his eyes away. “Do you always know what to say, Xiu Juan of Qin?”

Xiu Juan’s eyes widened and she blushed. She raised her hand up and tucked her hair strands behind her ear. “Aha…well…no. I just wanted to…”

“Comfort a man like me?” Jinhai continued for her, his face melancholy.

Xiu Juan lifted her eyes to him. She lowered her shoulders and furrowed her eyebrows, “At times like this, nobody deserves to be left feeling disconsolate, even if they are the worst person alive. Nobody deserves to carry such weight on their shoulders alone. It will only make them more bitter and isolated.”

Jinhai relaxed his shoulders, took in a deep breath and then lowered himself to the ground to sit.

Xiu Juan watched him and decided to sit too.

“Those words you quoted earlier, from where did you get it from?” Jinhai asked, staring off into the distance.

Xiu Juan shot him a look, “How long have you been up here? What all did you see me do?”

“I’ve always been here. I saw you walk in to the point where you were about to fall,” he turned his witty eyes to her.

Xiu Juan turned away in embarrassment. She then sighed and answered his question, “It was from a song.”

“A song?”

“A song I sang when my father died,” she clenched her fists.

Jinhai’s eyes widened and immediately turned serious. He looked away. “I’m sorry,” he said after a long silence.

Xiu Juan looked at him.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Jinhai repeated softly and closed his eyes.