Raymond explained his story from the first day of school to the present moment. He explained all his actions, mistakes, thoughts, and even delusions. It was a cringey confession, but Raymond knew that in order to see a great view, he had to endure the arduous climb to the top of the mountain.

After Raymond explained his story, Phil sat there, scratching his chin,

“Hmmmm… By the way, do you know what time it is?”

Raymond, puzzled, got out his phone and checked the time.

“It’s 7:00 PM.”

“No,” Phil responded. “It’s snack time!” Phil said putting on an imitation of a high-pitched high-school girl. “Ha ha ha”

“Hey yo-”

“No offense,” Phil said quickly cutting off Raymond. “But are you on the spectrum?”

“The what?”

“Are you on the autistic spectrum? It’s important information for a psychologist like myself.”

“I’m not sure. My mother never got me tested. She thinks that kind of stuff is witchcraft.”

“But seriously, this story of yours is hilarious. You should write an autobiography.”

“Really?”

“Actually, on second thought, don’t. If you wrote an autobiography it’d probably be very unpopular thanks to an uninteresting plot, an unlikable main character, and a predictable ending. Sorry, but that’s just what the current literary industry would seem to predict.”

“If you say so…”

“How about I ask you another question.” Phil said. “Back at the start of your story you said you tried to think of some romantic memories. Can you tell me about some of those memories of yours?”

“Well, if you must know, I’ve had some success in the past.” Raymond said in the voice of a posh shithead, grinning. “I once made a girl cry out to see me back in seventh grade.”

“Stop talking about your mother crying after seeing that score you got on that math quiz you failed back in the day.”

“Hey! My mother never cried after seeing one of my quizes!”

“You’re right, pal.” Phil exclaimed. “It was a test.”

“No it wasn’t, pal.”

“Either way, do you have any romance-esqe shenanigans to talk about?”

“She told me to die.”

“What?”

“Yea, I have some done some other romance-esque shenanigans. She told me to die. It happened when I tried to ask a girl out back in 8th grade.”

“There’s no way that story can be true.”

“Or did she call me me a little bitch?” Raymond said staring off into space with thumb pressed up against his chin. “You never know with these old stories.”

“Well what she said is pretty important. If she told you to die, she’s a sociopath. if she called you a little bitch, she’s just a bitch.” Phil said, wondering why he even had to ponder such childish thoughts. “Anyways, can you please tell me the story?”

“Sure thing, pal!”

And so Raymond thought of that fateful day.

***

It was the last period of Raymond’s eighth a grade year. However, It was a special period, as it was a period where all of the students got to be let out in the courtyard to sign each other’s yearbook.

For many, this was a time to be jolly. It was a time for them to get their yearbooks signed by their classmates, and have their names cemented on their yearbook as a memento of their youth. It was the period between childhood and adulthood. A time to chill out and happily reflect on the joyous three years their class had spent in middle school. It was a cornucopia of delights.

For guys like Raymond however, days like these were one of those bully the awkward kid routines. What was supposed to be a way to remember all the great times he and his classmates had, quickly became a game of hit and run where Raymond had to find someone he felt comfortable signing his yearbook with, run away, and then do it again.

However, this final period of the year was special as Raymond had finally mustered up the courage to ask out the girl of his dreams out.

She was a girl who Raymond had some experience with in one of his classes, and she was a girl he greatly admired. In class she was the kind of person to take charge, and steer the class in the right direction. And she did it all while looking great. She was as cute as a kitten, but as smart as a crow. Considering her intellect, Raymond thought she would make a great side-kick of sorts.

That’s all that can really be said about her. Raymond didn’t want to think of anymore of that sentimental stuff.

So during that special period, he walked up to the girl, his head facing towards the ground as usual.

As he walked up to the girl, he heard the sounds of the people around him laughing while they signed each other’s yearbooks. Their laughing was so loud that Raymond almost couldn’t hear his heart thumping. Almost.

Finally, he got close to the girl and squeaked out, “He….h… hi I’d like …” Raymond gulped. “I wo- would.. Umm.. like to.. I want to sa-”

“Go die in a hole!” The girl screamed. “You little bitch-ass-faggot!”

The crowd’s laughter turned to mockery.

Raymond put his head up and looked into the girls eyes. Her big kitten-like eyes looked innocent and confused. Actually, they were kind of sorry-looking. A complete contradiction to what she had just done.

Raymond then proceeded to walk away from the site as if nothing happened.

The kitten got out her claws! Dude, that really kicked my heart in the dick.

***

“The kitten got out her claws! Dude, that really kicked my heart in the dick!” Raymond yelled.

Phil looked at Raymond confused.

“What?”

“It has to do with what happend back when I asked that girl out. Here, I’ll explain.”

Raymond told Phil his romantic story, and afterward Phil put his hand on his chin.

“So she’s a faggot and a bitch!” Phil replied. “Either way I think there’s a piece of this tale that’s missing. You did say yourself that her eyes looked ‘confused and innocent’.”

“I don’t know about that” Raymond said. “I’m sure she really was mocking me. Also, I bet she would have been all in arms over me if I were one of those Chad quacks.

Phil thought, What did that have to do with anything?

But soon as Phil’s thought expired, he felt a sense of dread for his companion. But as Phil felt the mood of the room, he felt there were better things to do.

“Oh by the way Raymond, it seems this cafeteria recently closed up shop. Don’t ‘cha think we should make our way to the great outdoors.”

Raymond looked around the room and Phil was right. The cafeteria was vacant, save for an old janitor cleaning a crusty corner. He looked so damn lonely.

Raymond wondered what the old janitor was doing on a Friday night. The guy wasn’t too pretty-looking.

What a thing to grow up to be. No kid would ever dream of cleaning a crusty corner on a night where a bunch of young folk get drunk and party their asses off.

I wonder what lead that guy to cleaning a crusty old corner. I wonder of that guy had a bad date. I wonder what he thought of others when he was in college. Man, if that’s what I grow up to be, then I don’t want to grow up at all.

After examining the janitor, Raymond put on his violated sweatshirt and headed outside with his companion.

Since it was early October, nightfall had already fallen, and for the first time Raymond saw the desolate evening college grounds. It was quite the sight, in an unnerving way. While he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, something about the sight depressed the hell out of Raymond. The school grounds colors looked so bleak. The crevices looked like anyone could hop out of them at any moment. The infrequent yellow light made the place seem like a high security prison. The school grounds looked so damn creepy. Even more than it usually did.

Boy, would it be bad to be a janitor on days like these.

But there were more haunting matters at hand.

“Ok, here’s another question” Phil said. “Why do you think your plan with Amber failed?”

“Let me think about that.”

Raymond began to ponder about all the reasons his plan failed, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on an answer he liked.

While Raymond was pondering, Phil asked, “Do you still think you have an ‘outstanding personality’?”

“Of course I do.” Raymond said quickly.

Phil thought, Raymond’s ego is as buffoonish as it gets. It’s comical really. The sad kind. He wasn’t always like this. What traumatized him?

Raymond went on to say, “I think the steps of my plan needed some more forethought, but I still think there’s something much bigger holding me back.”

“And what’s that?”

Raymond pondered about it some more, and thought of everything that he was unsure about. After some more thinking, he came to a conclusion.

“Hey, Phil.” Raymond said. “I think I should have made a completely different plan. It would go a little something like this:

Step 1: Be Handsome.

Step 2: Get Laid.

“What!?” Phil said startled and confused, “Don’t ‘cha think you’re missing a few steps there?”

“Yea,

Step 3: Get Married.

“Raymond, are you high?”

“No.” Raymond replied. “I’m just starting to think, that if I was just incredibly handsome like those Chads, Amber would have been head over heels for me. Just think of it this way. I definitely have a better personality than those lousy scum sucking Chads. Like, I’m so much nicer than them. I would never hog all the fun. My looks have to be the odd factor here. Just think of it, those Chads and Stacies have been cheating the system just by being born as the hot-shots they are.”

“Ok then, if you have such a great personality, then why did you practice your speaking skills with a plushie of Sonic the Hedgehog instead of talking to real people? Our college’s academics center is a great place to strike up a nice conversation on any given day. You could have easily practiced on real people. So why didn’t you? Was it fear?”

“No,” Raymond said in a shaky voice. “I just didn’t think it was really necessary to talk to actual people. Besides, I’d hate to run into one of those nasty people, ya know?”

“‘Nasty people’? So like those Chads and Stacies who after they heard about your fictitious sickly pet, decided to voice their condolences?”

“Well - I’m...Maybe you’re right.” Raymond paused his speech for a few moments. “But maybe they’re a bunch of quacks. Ya know, the kind that say nice things just to get all buddy-buddy with people, but then go on to backstab them later?”

“I don’t think that’s the case….”

Phil was getting increasingly worried for his friend’s mental state. But then, a thought came to him.

“Hey,” Phil said cautiously. “What was the name of those people that were on that strange internet forum you were talking about earlier?”

“Incels.”

“Oh,” Phil said as his blood ran cold. “Well, Raymond, I think my psychoanalysis is complete. After listening to you tonight, I think you’re becoming one of them. And now it’s time for me to offer you the antidote to perversion. Though my analysis is pretty long. Can you stick around for much longer? ”

“Yes. I have until 7:45 pm. I think that’ll be enough time, but I’ll set a timer just in case.”

“Ok, let’s begin.” Phil took a deep breath. “What I’m about to tell is the story of the Incel, but this tale can be apply to all kinds of crooks. Our story begins with a bitter and failure ridden man projecting a dream onto a member of the opposite sex. This dream is an imagined future, that our bedroom-ridden protagonist believes that if he could achieve via getting his dream girl to fall for him, he’d live in a perfect future. Of course, this also means our protagonist projects an ideal of the person they admire that doesn’t correlate with who they actually are, but his brain could care less.

And a lot of people really do project some kind of ideal onto others. I once read a study that surveyed thousands of men, and found that eighty-nine percent of men commonly mistake helpful behavior from the opposite sex as flirting. Raymond, do you know what this means?”

“Eleven percent of men are dirty liars.”

“Eleven percent of men mistake flirting for helpful behavior.” Phil exclaimed while jumping like a circus performer. “And that there are a lot of wishful thinkers out there. And to be frank, chances are that back when you were so sure Amber was into you, you were merely just one of those wishful thinkers.”

“Perhaps.”

“Anyways, back to the story. There is a danger to this kind of wishful thinking. It often manifests itself as a hopeless delusion. A statement proven by our protagonist, when he finds out his ideal doesn’t correlate with our real world. And when this happens, our protagonist’s ideal becomes corrupted and the bitterness in the our protagonists heart grows. And as that bitterness grows, they make a connection between the person they love and nature. You see, since love is the means by which life propagates, by being rejected by members of the opposite sex, our bitter protagonist feels as if he is being rejected by nature itself! And thus, our protagonist begins to hate nature. He begins to hate god.

Since they see god as the being responsible for their troubles (metaphorically or literally) they say, ‘Yea, it’s all because god made me ugly that my life sucks.’ Luckily, this isn’t a new problem, but rather one of the oldest problems of mankind. In fact, this very conundrum is presented in the biblical story of Adam and Eve when god finds out that Adam and Eve have eaten the forbidden fruit of knowledge. God confronts Adam, and Adam blames eve for his disobedience. But then Adam decides to blames god. He says, ‘It was not me, it was the woman, and you’re the one who gave her to me.’

Going back to our protagonist, his corrupted ideal spreads to the outside world, or more importantly, the people living in it. His world starts to become a work of fanfiction. And not the good kind, but the vile kind that lurks in the depths of Deviantart and the top list of RoyalRoad.com. Our protagonist at this point says, ‘It’s all Chads fault I have no friends. It’s their fault I’m an outsider. Ha, gotcha now chad!’ Funny enough, the whole chad and stacy thing is a contradiction, as by separating the world into groups, and placing himself outside of those groups, he is the one making himself his own worst enemy. He’s his own worst enemy.

Through his own delusion he becomes a wreck. And worse yet, if enough wrecked people band together, than our society becomes a wreck.

However all of the above just raises the question of what started this entire delusion. And I’d say it’s pure hatred and resentment. It’s the bitterness and failings our protagonist had in his heart at the start of this tale, or rather, the fear that bitterness creates.

It’s pretty scary to look at your own shortcomings and decide to make a change, so some people just decide to fight a fictitious enemy. In the end, they say, ‘I refuse to play the game if I can’t win the best prize!’

And you see my dear Raymond, this is where my antidote comes into play. It’s pretty simple. You simply have to acknowledge your shortcomings and say to yourself, ‘I can slowly fix this!’ Simply just break down what’s wrong with you and see how you can improve yourself on a daily basis, realistically. For example: how about you talk to some people in the academics center next week?

And one more thing: I believe that if you work hard to self-betterment, the universe rewards you, even if your prize isn’t the thing you so desire. Take this very meeting for example. Doesn’t it seem just a little too coincidental that the both of us managed to go to the same college, and have just the right schedule for this meeting to happen? But to me, this is no coincidence! It’s the universe’s - no - god’s reward to you for even trying your plan.”

God, I’m sorry for everything bad I’ve ever done. Please just end me.

“So,” Phil went on to say. “In short, just accept that you suck, stop blaming your problems on the world, and move on. That’s the antidote to perversion and that’s an ode to those who remember things that never happened. Any questions?”

Raymond stood there stunned, it was as if an anvil had just landed on his head, “So, in short, it’s all my fault?”

“Exactly!” Phil said cheerfully as he bowed.

And just then, Raymond felt rage shaking his spine. It was sad to think that everything that went wrong was his fault, and not some genetic mistake. He felt like the joke of the cosmos.

Though, Raymond really didn’t want to believe it was his fault.

I’m the man that endured that miserable summer leading her. I have to have a personality of gold.

He wanted to tell Phil that there was something he wasn’t seeing, something that perhaps neither of them were seeing.

But then a loud robotic noise blared,

“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP”

The two of them stood still, confused. But shortly thereafter, Raymond and Phil figured out that the noise was merely sound of the timer going off that Raymond set moments prior.

“Well, I guess it’s my time to go.” Raymond said. He then waved to Phil and turned his back, and started walking away. “It really was nice talking to you Phil after all these years. It really was.”

However just prior to Raymond’s goodbye, Phil noticed Raymond’s anger, so as he saw Raymond walking, he said, “Don’t you think your getting a little too worked up about this whole relationship business.”

“It’s more than just a relationship.” Raymond replied back. “It makes me feel so goddam worthless sometimes, ya know?”

Raymond continued to walk away and when he was a fair distance away, Phil shouted.

“But wait Raymond, there’s something very important that needs to be said. Something I forgot to tell you about. It’s-”

Phil then yelled out something. They were some inspiring words. Something to remember for later.

Raymond continued to walk away, and as he did Raymond heard Phil shout something else at him,

“Snack time!”