The first dungeon we hit is a bit like getting back on a bike after a full semester of school, only I quickly realize that I’m the one who’s rusted out. Not getting myself killed making some newbie mistake is going to be harder than I thought, and that’s to say nothing about keeping Chris alive.

The dungeon is really just a big cave filled with gnomes--by far my least favorite creature in the game. Their heads are about ankle height, and I don’t yet have armor that decently covers that particularly tender region, so I look like I just waded through a shallow pond full of piranhas by the time we’re halfway through.

“What the hell is wrong with these things?” Chris cries, punting another gnome into the darkness. Its helium-fueled war cries fade into the sound of all its pixels spattering against the far wall.

I cringe as Psi swings her mace down, crushing three of them at once and spraying me with lime green sludge.

“Thanks,” I mutter, holding my hand out to toast the little weirdo who’s nibbling my Achilles tendon. At least my XP moves up a sliver.

“Right, because the smell of burnt flesh is so much more pleasant,” she says wryly.

“Uh, ladies? A little help!” Chris bellows. Somehow, he’s been parted from his sword and I watch in dismay as a swarm of foot-tall monsters carries him off into the blackness, chittering victoriously.

Psi moves to help him first, but I beat her to the abduction site. Longer legs and all that. Just as I’m about to cross the threshold into the first cove, Psi grabs the back of my shirt to yank me back.

“What are you doing?” I cry, jerking away from her. I haven’t trusted her from square one, but now she’s interfering with the precious seconds that separate Chris from gnome meat.

All she does is point with that blank face of hers that’s getting real frickin’ old. I look back only to realize that the cave wall has sealed shut and a chunk of fallen stalactite has been trapped halfway inside it. If she’d let me keep going, that would've been my head and arms.

“Holy crap,” I mutter.

“You’re welcome,” she snarks, turning to head the other way.

“What are you doing? We have to go after him!” I hate the fact that my firepower is useless to break down that wall, and the cheap sword I stole off one of the fallen gnomes might as well be from a vending machine. We need her mace.

“The gnomes can teleport. They’re taking him to the dungeon core.”

“How do you know?”

She gives me a look over her shoulder. “You did hire me, didn’t you?”

“Fair enough,” I mutter, following her. The dungeon’s layout has changed since I played it the first time, and that was so long ago, I barely remember it. Psi acts like Al’Goryth is her second home. Then again, if she takes even three of these gigs a week, she’s probably raking in more cash in a month than I do all year.

We walk in silence for a few minutes, and I’m more than willing to let it go on indefinitely when Psi remarks, “He’s kind of an idiot, isn’t he?”

“He’s just rusty. We both are.”

“Yeah, this game was really lagging until they put your friend in.” Something about her casual tone bugs me. “I’ll finally get the chance to thank him. He made me a very wealthy woman.”

I glare at her. “You know what? Screw you. This isn’t a game for me and Chris.”

“I know. It’s about preserving a murderer’s memory,” she says with a yawn. “I read the sob story you sent Whiskey.”

Now my blood is really boiling. I grip my wood-handled blade and try to remind myself why I need this jerk to get to the finish line. “Lucas isn’t a murderer. Or do you believe every hatchet piece you read in the Digital Examiner?”

“Enlighten me, then. Why did your friend kill the son of the most powerful VR mogul in the country?”

“It was self-defense,” I mutter. “Or at least… he was defending me.”

That piques Psi’s attention. She waits expectantly for me to continue, but I’m not in the mood to get into my “sob story,” as she puts it. Maybe she’s right. I’m sure that message I sent Whiskey sounded desperate, because I was at the time. Word about the Wild Hunt event had just come out, and I didn’t know what else to do. I was shellshocked. Time after Lucas’ sentence just seemed to freeze, and I haven’t been able to get the image of his face as they led him out of the courtroom out of my head ever since.

He looked so defeated from the moment he walked into that room. His family and I might have held onto hope that I now recognize was nothing more than a delusion, but he knew from the beginning what his fate would be. Maybe he knew all the way back when it happened.

Before Psi can grill me any more, we hear a guttural scream echoing through the caverns up ahead. It’s Chris. I’d know that scream anywhere. I run up ahead, and this time, I’m too fast for Psi to catch me.

“Watch out!” she hisses. “This place is full of traps.”

“I don’t care!” I draw my blade, ready to take out as many of the little bastards as I can before I have to resort to magic. Nothing to cure some deeply ingrained guilt like a bit of gnome slaying. Besides, I don’t care if it’s a virtual world. I’m not going to lose another friend if I can help it. Chris at least deserves the chance to say goodbye to what’s left of Lucas, and this could be the last one he gets.

Sure enough, my weight depresses a pressure stone that unleashes a flurry of poison arrows. I throw myself into a somersault and come out unscathed to keep running. Once I hit a fork in the tunnels, I hesitate. The darkness is enchanted, so any attempt to use a regular torch or light magic just ends up wasting kerosene and juice. I sheath my blade and call up my dark flame. The cavern is lit before me, and even though the flame is still a dark royal blue, it casts more than enough light to see.

So there is a use for arcane after all. I proceed forward a bit more cautiously as Psi joins me. The screams have gone silent, which probably isn’t good news for Chris.

“Up there,” Psi says, pointing to a sliver in the rocks I would have missed if it wasn’t for her announcing it. Maybe she’s useful for something, too.

“We’ll never get through that,” I whisper.

“Allow me.” She hoists the handle of her mace up and starts building momentum with the ball and chain. I jump back just in time to avoid getting beaned by the heavy weight, but I save my displeasure to voice at a better time. With a single strike, the wall of stone explodes into a cloud of dust and pebbles.

Psi charges in with a war cry that’s not much more intimidating than the gnomes’ and I follow, my black flame ready to attack. Let’s hope the Wrath of the Morrigan is as effective against the gnome boss as it was against the underlings.

When we breach the core, the darkness makes it hard to see anything in too much detail. The cavern has low ceilings that make me feel claustrophobic, and there are cages lining the circular dome full of bodies in varying states of decay. I spot Chris immediately, considering he’s the only one moving, even if it isn’t a lot. They’ve got him bound and gagged and two of the gnomes are picking at his broadsword like they’re trying to determine whether they want to melt it down for ore. He’s nowhere near within reach, and as far as I can tell from the featureless core, there’s no way to reach him without triggering the platform that rises after the Gnome King’s death. Speaking of which, there’s no sign of him, either.

The moment they spot us, it’s too late. Psi takes both of them out with a swing of her mace and she levels up in the process. I decide not to waste any time and slice through the first cluster that run toward me. They’re easy enough to dispatch one or two at a time, but judging from the rumbling that shakes the cavern, there are a whole lot more coming.

Now I’m starting to remember this level, and it sucked. Even Psi looks unnerved as she glances around the six tunnels leading into the core.

“This is supposed to happen, right?” I ask.

“A horde, sure, but that sounds like…”

“Hundreds,” I croak. Her confusion vanishes when she sees the same thing I just noticed. The caverns are absolutely teeming with gnomes. Their tiny bodies squish together and I quickly realize the only reason we haven’t been eviscerated yet is because they’ve formed a traffic jam.

“Something is wrong,” Psi cries. “There aren’t supposed to be this many.”

“No kidding!” I bellow, bringing my blade down on one of the gnomes who managed to escape the snarl.

“It must be a glitch,” Psi mutters, taking out another gnome. “Use the flame!”

“The flame?” I look down at my hands and realize she’s right. The gnomes are trapped, which makes them easy targets. I’m not sure if I have enough arcane to fry all of them, but I can sure try.

I sheath my blade and send a blast of black flame toward the nearest crowded tunnel. The gnomes’ cries sound like tiny damned souls shrieking into the underworld and the smell is… pretty much on par. My stomach churns, but I keep blasting away. Just as it occurs to me that I’m reaching diminishing returns since the charred gnomes in front are taking too long to decay and shielding the ones in back, Psi cries, “Stop!”

“What?” I snap, letting the flame retreat back into my hands. My arcane is already down to half, and it doesn’t regenerate quickly enough to keep this up for long, but we don’t have any other alternatives.

“Let me wipe them out. We’ll go in waves,” she orders, swinging her mace into the charred corpses. I wince, but the dust they become is a lot more pleasant than before. I cough, trying not to think about how much gnome dust I’m inhaling, and send another blast of flame into the tunnel as Psi clears it. We alternate our roles in the gruesome task until the first tunnel is cleared.

Only five more to go.

It’s definitely not the most glamorous strategy, but it seems to be working. Slowly but surely, we’re clearing the gnomes away and my arcane actually has time to recharge. Plus, killing the gnomes in droves with practically zero effort is grinding away the XP. I won’t actually go up a level until the dungeon is conquered, but I’m racking up ability points like crazy.

“Give me a sec,” I call, wanting to spend a few to make this go quicker. I can’t believe it, but I actually allocate six of my ten to Destruction without a second thought and the other four to Healing. Psi does about the same, assigning six of hers to Two-Handed Combat, two to Hardiness and two to Charisma, which she could definitely use more of.

Once we’re maxed out on ability points, we get back to the grind and it goes a lot faster thanks to my enhanced Destruction. I check my stats and realize I’m dealing way more damage with each blast, and it’s costing less arcane. I’m at 25% damage per three seconds now, costing 7% of my arcane. The second and third tunnels take half the time, and another ability point I earn for Destruction makes the fourth even easier.

Just as I’m taking a moment to catch my breath, the sound of rumbling overhead fills me with horror. “Not again,” I groan, ready to fend off another gnome invasion when the first isn’t even over with.

“Look!” Psi cries, pointing at the ceiling. I watch as the domed stone overhead caves in. A massive piece of rock is headed right for her. I dive without thinking and knock her out of the way. We both land hard, even if her body pads my fall, and the look of shock on her face is pretty much priceless. So is the blush that creeps across her cheeks as she shoves me off.

“Get your bony ass off me,” she mutters, grabbing the hilt of her fallen mace as she gets back on her feet.

“You’ve got a funny way of thanking someone for saving your life,” I mutter, looking up as the dust settles. Fortunately, Chris’ cage seems to be alright, but he’s screaming again. I think he’s trying to warn us about something.

And then I see it. Rising from the rubble is the biggest freaking gnome I’ve ever seen, and it doesn’t even look like a solid object. It’s made of pure green light, like some kind of radioactive ghost with a fiery club in its hand.

“What the hell is that?” I demand, gawking at the gargantuan creature.

“That would be the Gnome King,” Psi groans, picking up speed with her swinging weight.

“Aptly named. He’s a lot bigger and more radioactive than he was the last time I met him.”

“This is a special event version, but he was supposed to go back to normal after the nuclear event,” says Psi, taking a swing as soon as the beast lumbers for us. “Something’s wrong with this dungeon.”

I’m afraid to know what else I missed. I send another blast of black flame at the gnome, even though he seems far less affected than his minions. I’m guessing that if he’s a nuclear subtype of gnome, dark arcane doesn’t do a whole lot of damage. Psi’s holy steel, on the other hand, takes his HP down by a decent chunk. Fifteen percent per hit isn’t bad, but he’s already healing and she barely dives out of the way in time to avoid his club. It leaves a massive crater in the earth and a few batches of clogged gnomes break free to join their master.

We are so screwed.

I blast the gnomes, since my arcane is far more useful against them, and I snatch a better weapon off the last one’s back. It’s only a simple dagger, but it’s made of steel. I plunge it into the Gnome King’s foot and he howls like a banshee. The entire cavern trembles with the sound and I hear the metal chains holding the cages in place groaning as they sway.

“Chris!” I cry, rushing toward the wall closest to the cage. We need all the help we can get, and if he falls from that height, he’s as good as gone. I have to find a way to reach him.

I plunge my blade into the rock and use it to hoist myself up, scrambling for anything I can use as a foothold. My boot digs into a divot in the wall, but I can already feel the fragile stone crumbling.

The sounds of battle raging below don’t bode well for Psi. I turn to watch her dive and roll out of the Gnome King’s way, but she’s going to run out of stamina eventually and he seems to be picking up steam. I look back up in time to see Chris’ eyes fill with terror as the chain gives and his cage plunges back toward the ground.

“No!” I cry, reaching futilely for him as he sails past me on the wall. Not a second too soon, a massive shadow wraps itself around the cage like stretch material and they both disappear.

“Chris?” I call as the cavern shakes again with another howl from the Gnome King. This time, Psi isn’t the one who did the damage. He flails around and strikes her with his massive hand, sending her into the wall. Her small body falls limp to the ground and I can see her health bar deplete to barely a sliver.

Have I already lost both of them? I yank my blade from the stone and drop down, ignoring the ding in my own HP. I rush over to Psi, since she’s the only one I can locate, barely aware of the shadow materializing in the shape of a man behind me.

Just as the Gnome King rises and gropes around for his club, I reach Psi and see the shadow flatten out to become a person. Or rather, a giant. His head barely misses what's left of the top of the stone cavern. He’s got a shock of dark green hair and there’s something barely familiar about those hard facial features set into a permanent scowl. Chris emerges from what’s left of the receding shadow, and even as an Orc, he looks small next to the giant. He’s unbound and staring at the other man like he’s as shocked by his rescue as I am.

The giant raises his broadsword and sets after the Gnome King with a fierce roar of his own. As the two beasts clash, I turn my focus back to Psi. She’s barely with us, and with the half-life effect of the Gnome King’s radiation, she won’t be for much longer.

I call my Healing Light into my fingertips and press my palms against her side. Slowly but surely, her HP bar starts creeping upward and I glance ever few seconds to make sure the battle is still going in our favor.

Something tells me that giant is Whiskey, and I really hope I’m not mistaken.

Psi coughs as life surges back through her and sits up well before she’s decently healed. She’s barely at the halfway mark, so I push her back down. “You go back in there and one more hit like that will take you out of the game for good," I say firmly. She glares at me, but she has enough sense to know I’m right and lets me keep healing her. Never thought I’d be the party healer, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. “That is Whiskey, right?”

She nods. “I think so.”

“Why isn’t he showing up as being in our party?”

“No idea,” she mutters. “Nothing about this job is going to plan.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Go on, I’ve got a potion,” she says, taking a small yellow flask out of her robe. “I’ll join you in a second.”

Not a second too soon. As powerful as the giant is, the Gnome King throws him across the cavern in one swipe. Chris rushes in, getting in a decent hit to the monster’s side, but glowing green light is hard to wound. I raise both hands and send another blast of black flame at it, hoping that it’s enough to distract the monster from Chris and give the giant time to recover.

Now the King’s attention is turned fully on me. Crap. I turn and run, barely ducking behind a stone column in time to avoid the blunt force of his club. My spine reverberates from the impact and I dive to avoid another hit. Playing tag with a twelve-foot beast is getting old fast, but just as I feel the thundering footsteps behind me and see the shadow overhead that suggests I’m about to be squashed by the next one, the shaking stops.

I turn around just in time to see the giant’s sword pierce through the Gnome King’s jaw and out through his brain on the other side. The green glow falters and begins to fade as the beast roars and the few lingering gnome loyalists scatter in all directions.

Psi is on her feet again, but the solemn look on her face makes me think twice of celebrating our victory. The Gnome King disappears in a nuclear blast that blinds me momentarily. Once the light clears, the cavern is empty, save for the three of us and our currently anonymous rescuer.

“Whiskey?” Psi asks warily.

The giant nods, still out of breath. “Long story.”

“It had better be a good one,” she snaps. “Why aren’t you in the party? That’s not even the username you agreed to!”

“My account was compromised. I got locked out on the creation screen,” he says gruffly. “I had to come back in on one of my sides.”

“Who cares? He’s here now and he saved our bacon,” says Chris. “If that cage had fallen, I was a goner.”

“You’re not kidding,” Whiskey snorts.

Psi mutters something under her breath, tapping the amulet around her neck to call up her holoscreen. she shoots Whiskey a party invitation and he accepts.

“He’s right,” I say, not willing to pass up an opportunity to side against Psi, even though I happen to be just as frustrated as she is. There’s something about Whiskey’s story that makes me uneasy, but I can’t quite pinpoint it. “Anyway, maybe he knows something about this busted dungeon that we don’t.”

“You mean the fact that a limited edition Gnome King who expired six months ago was here?” he asks dryly. “No, but something tells me it’s related to the Christmas-themed dragons who attacked the village on the hillside.”

“What the hell is going on?” Chris demands. “Why is the game going haywire this close to a big event?”

“Probably hackers,” says Psi. “People trying to muscle out the competition attempting to level up in order to reach the hundredth dungeon.”

“Seriously?” I ask.

“Makes as much sense as anything,” Whiskey says with a shrug. “The crowds will be a nuisance when it comes time to slay the Beast Lord, and it’s first come, first served. If they can’t attack the lower level players without them having unlocked PvP, it makes sense to have a coordinated effort to turn the game against them.”

“It’s something I’d do,” Psi admits.

“Of course it is,” I mutter, wiping the last bits of gnome slime and dust off my armor.

“What’s with the shadow power?” asks Chris. “And where do you get it?”

“You don’t,” says Whiskey. “I was able to make a trade even though I couldn’t enter the game on my main account. It’s a rare enchantment called the Cloak of Darkness, and it’s the thing that’s going to get us into the hundredth dungeon once we level out.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“The dungeon’s going to be relatively quiet, considering every high-level player will be scrambling to kill the others and make sure they’re the only ones who get to enter the Catacombs,” says Psi. “With the cloak, all we have to do is get within range and get your friend out. Think of it as an amusement park pass that lets you cut all the lines.”

“Sweet,” Chris breathes. I can already tell he’s infatuated, and it’s not with the super special enchantment.

I walk over to the Gnome King’s ashes and pull out the blade that’s returned to its material state. It’s not the most powerful weapon in the game, and it’s weaker than any the others have on them, but it sure beats my cheap plastic toy. I sheath it and start searching for the exit. “Let’s get out of here. We’ve still got another forty-nine dungeons to go, and no telling what the gatekeepers have in store for us.”