My father came to see me two nights before we were to leave Cadfael’s waters for Meridia. I had not seen him since I had returned nearly two months ago. He looked thinner than before. Shadows had formed under his eyes and his hair looked brittle.

I was angry that he had avoided me for two months, but at the same time I was happy to see him.

We stood for a few moments watching each other carefully. I wanted scream at him for abandoning me. I wanted him to hold me in his arms like he did when I was a little girl. Instead I stayed silent knowing that it would bother him the most.

He lifted his hand then dropped it at his side. “I’m glad to see that you are well, Sol,” my father said.

I blew air out of my nose and turned away. “You didn’t come to see me when I was severely wounded. Why are you here now?” I said coldly.

“I know I deserve your anger, but we need to talk. Lord Cadfael told me about Rose, so I think it’s time that we talk about her and Ryaa.”

“Fine, sit,” I said pointing to a chair in the corner of my room. I sat as well on a large cushioned chair.

“Sol, I’ve been angry with you for running away to the Forbidden Line and taking that Landwalker with you. What were you thinking? Did you not understand how dangerous it is above?”

“I’m well aware. I was going to be a warrior remember?”

“Spare me your childishness. If you were aware then you would never have went. You took off in the middle of night, no planning, with a dangerous Landwalker and were captured because of your stupid foolishness!”

I watched my father huddle over his clenched fists. Tears were running down his sallow cheeks. “I thought I had lost you as well… You don’t know how much it hurt me when I realized that I had seen you for, what I thought was the last time.”

I felt my eyes burn and covered them with my hand. “I’m sorry. I should have come to you when I returned.”

“You were injured and healing. It was understandable that you did not visit me.”

“But why didn’t you visit me?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you about Rose and Ryaa.”

I snorted.

“Rose was… is my sister. She was sentenced to death for loving a Landwalker that fathered a child on her.”

I gasped and stood unsteadily. So part of what the demon had said was true. Rose was family and had lost her child.

“She fled and I didn’t help her nor try to capture her. The warriors wounded her severely and left her for dead.”

“Then she washed up on the shore and was found by that demon,” I said bitterly. “Why didn’t you help her? How could you just abandon her? She was your sister and she needed you!”

My father began to tremble in the chair. “I know! I know! Even your mother was upset with me,” he cried.

“And where was I in all of this?”

“You weren’t conceived yet. Your mother and I had only begun our courtship. This nearly drove us apart.”

“You thought I had run off with Ryaa. You thought I loved him!”

My father flinched. “I was worried, but if you had wanted to be with him, I would have let you. You’re my daughter Sol.”

I sat and pulled my knees to my chin. Rose was my aunt and my father had thought I had run off with Ryaa. What would he have done if I had? “I didn’t love Ryaa. I just hated to see him being treated as less than human. I know Landwalkers are, for the most part our enemies, but not all of them are bad. He wasn’t bad.”

My father sighed and nodded his head. “There’s more though, and it concerns your mother.”

“Mama?” I said softly.

He nodded his head again. “Six years ago your mother found out that one of the warriors, Arno, had a Landwalker lover. She confronted them and found out the Landwalker was already with child. Your mother knew it was her duty to turn them in, but decided not to, maybe because of what happened with Rose.”

My father broke down in loud sobs. I immediately went to his side and hugged him. He held on to my arms as he choked out the rest of his story.

“She… and Arno… they got a boat for the girl… They were escorting the boat… out to sea… when a Landwalker ship came upon them… They were attacked!”

I began to cry.

“A scout found your mother and what they had done to her… She did not deserve to die for her kindness.”

“What happened to Arno and the girl?”

“As far as we know lost to the waves just like Ryaa, the girl’s kin.”

I felt a chill go down my spine. Melinde was Arno’s lover. It must have been fate that led Ryaa and I to meet. A life for a life. My mother’s for his sister and his for mine.

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

“It was difficult. I didn’t know if I should tell you, but I thought it best now because I don’t know if you are going to survive this trial.”

I gave my father a squeeze. “You worry too much. I’m still a virgin. We’ll travel to Meridia and have the physician look me over and then have a wedding.” My father sighed.

“I wish I could be as optimistic as you, but Lady Ai is treacherous. I’ve heard rumors about her from your cousin that works here in the hold.” My father kissed my forehead.

I knew Ai would be a threat. I would be a fool to think she wasn’t. Even the ladies from the other holds feared her. Even now Lady Grise was probably crying on someone’s shoulder because her husband had found his way into Ai’s bed.

Would that happen to me? Would Cadfael go back to Ai because of their history? Because of Aur? What would happen to me if he did? I wouldn’t want to be his wife after that, forced to work in his household and seeing them together.

Maybe I would request permission to live somewhere new, and that my father could come with me.

My heart panged as I thought of these things. Why should I worry now? I didn’t even know if I would marry Cadfael.

The next day after speaking with my father I found myself wandering around the hold alone. Even though two months had passed since my return I still walked with a slight limp. Holly had said that I was lucky that the bullet had been removed quickly from the muscle of my leg.

I found myself at the entrance to Cadfael’s hold. As I descended the steps one of the guards called out to me. “Lady Sol, you are not to leave the hold without a guard!”

Feeling guilty I stopped my descent with the water lapping around my ankles. My legs began to tingle warning me of the impending change. “I’m not running away, I’m just going for a swim.”

“Even so you are still forbidden from leaving without a guard. You can use the old bath house if you need to swim,” he said firmly.

Knowing that I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him I walked back up the steps and began tapping my foot. “Well then, find me a guard,” I said. I watched him frown then signal his counterpart. The other guard took off down the hallway. In a few minutes he returned with a guard that I recognized from my training days. She had been in my class, and while I had been forced to drop out because of my father, she completed the courses and was awarded a position as one of the hold’s guards.

I struggled to remember her name, but it had been too long ago for me to even hint at it. She held a spear in one hand and had a short sword secured to her waist and an oval shield on her back. I wondered why she was dressed for battle when we were only going for a swim within Cadfael’s waters.

“Is all of that necessary?” I asked her.

It was her turn to give me a frown. “Tensions between us and the Landwalkers have been higher since you’ve escaped, not to mention the local townspeople are still bitter about Cia’s death.”

I let my sadness show on my face. Even though Cia’s mother had told the people that the rumors about Cia were false, there were still those that believed that she had been forced to recant under duress. How long would it take to dispel all of the rumors? What did I have to do to prove to the people that I was not a cold hearted murderess?

“I’m Neoma, you may remember me from when we were training to be warriors?”

“Y-yes. I’m glad you were able to complete your training,” I said shyly.

“It was expected of me.”

I smirked. “Do you always do what is expected of you?”

“Always,” Neoma said. “Are you ready to go milady?”

“I am,” I said turning back to the water. I descended quickly with her following right on my heels. When the water reached my knees I dived down and swam past the gates and two more guards. I swam at a slow pace, not because I wanted Neoma to keep up with me, but because my tail was still sore from healing.

We followed the stone road that led away from Cadfael’s home and to the heart of its neighboring town. I ignored the villagers as we swam past, but I could feel their eyes on me.

“Milady, where are we going?” Neoma sang from behind me.

“Sanctuary,” I replied.

“Why there?”

“To be alone.”

“I’m sorry.”

I paused for moment then continued on. She was sorry? I wondered if it was an automatic reply or if she genuinely pitied me. I didn’t deserve pity, I had killed a woman. There must have been a way for me to avoid doing that. Maybe my father had been right to turn me away from the path of a warrior. How many more people would I have killed?