RYAA cont’d

I felt shocked and my chest constricted when I looked at Sol. I began to tremble while repressing the urge to run away. I resisted taking a deep breath as the air of her cell was putrid to the point that the paint was peeling from the walls and the water so murky that her body looked like a black shadow beneath the water.

I wondered how she could breathe in such a mess. Why was she in the water and not outside of it? Was the water the only place that she felt safe from the guards? Had they hurt her? Was she alive?

A fiery knot smoldered just below my heart. Were we really no better than the ones below the water? Was this her punishment for taking me prisoner?

I took a step back out of the cell making sure to cover my mouth and nose. “Do you see her condition now? We’re worried that we’ll lose her before she gives us any valuable information,” Brother Newell said in a harsh voice. “Brother Stone would be displeased.”

“I see…Let me… let me find something she may eat…” I said breathlessly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and swallowed down the lump in my throat. “Will you let me check her pulse?”

“Yes, yes. Do whatever you need, but she needs to stay alive.”

I took another breath of the stale air of the hallway and walked back into the cell. The walls seemed to press closer to me and shadows moved out of the corner of my eyes.

Ryaa

I jumped and looked over my shoulder. Brother Newell had shut the door behind me leaving me alone with Sol. As I drew closer to the pool of water the light of cell drew back like a curtain and the noise of my steps muted. For a moment I thought I saw black water running in rivulets down the bricks of the wall.

I felt a hand on the back of my neck and swatted it away, but when I looked behind me no one was there.

Ryaa

This time the voice was directly in my ear. I clenched my jaw and continued my path to the water.

The stench became stronger as my legs disturbed the water. Sol’s skin felt clammy and stiff as I put my fingers against her neck. Her pulse was weak beneath them.

Tears stung my eyes. This was my fault. If I had never hunted her, if she had never felt guilt for imprisoning me we would not be here. She would not be dying after all her kindness towards me.

I should have pretended to take her prisoner and then let her escape as soon as were far enough away from the patrol. If I had thought more clearly, if I hadn’t been so selfish… Why?

A moan escaped my lips as I fought back the tears. Shadows had formed under her eyes that had begun to sink in with her cheeks. What little fat she had before was now spent causing her to look close to skeletal. How much longer would she survive?

I backed away slowly watching her sway in the wake of my movement. Her eyes remained shut despite my disturbance. I turned and ran to the door, my boots squeaked and my pants sloshed making my stomach roll. I would need a bath.

A vision of my cell and a tub filled with hot water surfaced from my memory. I shook it away with a shake of my head.

She would need a bath as well and clean clothes.

I knocked on the door and it swung inward slowly. I didn’t look at Brother Newell as I passed by him. I balled my hands into fists and continued walking until I reached my aunt’s house. She was in her kitchen baking cakes as I came through the door. She paused in her task and sniffed the air before turning to look at me.

Her look of disgust faded into worry when she saw me.

“Ryaa, what’s wrong? Why do you stink?”

“I… I…” I began, but the words became lost in my throat. I collapsed on my knees and began to beat the floor with my fists. I felt so powerless. I wanted to tear my skin from my body; I wanted to disappear into the floor. I was angry that they had let her condition get so bad before telling me.

But maybe it was my fault? I hadn't gone to visit her since I turned her over. What did I expect would happen? That they would feed and care for her like any prisoner? That they would look at her and see her humanity beyond our physical differences?

The fiery knot in my chest flared and I cried out in frustration. Was I so terrible? Did I deserve to be saved when she was suffering in that cell?

She was right, she wasn’t a demon; she was a person just like me. A person who made mistakes no differently than mine, a person that was dying.

“Dear, please tell me what’s wrong?” my aunt said crouching next to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off. I didn’t deserve comfort, not when I felt like a monster. Was this what she had felt with me? “Ryaa!”

“She’s…she’s going to die if I don’t do something,” I moaned.

“Who?”

“My…friend… She hasn’t eaten in days. I’m worried…” I slammed my fist on the floor. “I’m so powerless.”

“You’re not powerless, Dear, you’re very strong. If your friend needs help, help her.”

“But what if she doesn’t want my help? I was awful to her.”

She sighed and put her cheek against my head. “This is your chance to apologize.”

“What if she doesn’t accept my apology?”

“Does it matter if she doesn’t? As long as you’re sincere, even if she doesn’t accept it now, she will appreciate it later.”

The knot died in my chest and I let out a sigh. Could I be sincere?

“Thank you, Aunty,” I whispered.

She kissed the top of my head. “Go get washed up then come help me in the kitchen.”

When I returned to the kitchen later my aunt was cutting vegetables at the table. “We’re going to make a stew. Are there any meats your friend favors?” I smiled warmly at my aunt.

“She likes fish…”

“Okay, than we can make a fish stew. Go to the market and buy me one pound of sole. Money’s in my jewelry box. Be quick, they tend to run out!”

“Y-yes Aunty!”

I found the money as she said and transferred the coins into the coin pouch on my belt. The fish stalls were still selling fish into the late morning as I approached them. I haggled and exchanged coins for the item and carried it back to my aunt’s house.

A pot was bubbling on the stove when I came in through the door. “Alright, let me show you what to do,” she said gently. She pointed to the vegetables and spices and told me their measurements before having me place them into the pot.

We cleaned, gutted and sliced the fish into chunks before adding it to the water toward the end. When the stew was done she spooned a portion of it into a bowl, covered it then placed it a satchel. “There's a cloak. I placed spoons in this bag and some napkins if you need it. There’s enough soup in there for two. Take it to her and tell me if she likes it, hopefully she’ll eat it.”

I gave her a grateful smile and kissed her on the cheek.

“Is Claire going with you?”

I shook my head. “No, not this time… Maybe later…” The relationship between me and my girlfriend had been strained since I returned from the sea. Even though I had only been gone a short time, it felt like a lifetime after my treatment. She saw it in my eyes and felt it in my touch. I didn’t deserve her cheerfulness nor her kindness. I had been hunting people. Now that I had seen Sol as she was I was certain. These Waterfolk were simply that, not demonic entities set on stealing our souls and life force.

How was I going to make it up to Sol? How was I supposed to share my feelings with Claire?

I shouldered the satchel and headed out the door. The bowl felt leaden against my hip as I walked carefully with it.

Brother Roberts greeted me at the doors to the temple and patted me on the shoulder. “You’ve returned!” he said cheerfully.

“Yes…”

“Are you here to care for the demon?”

“She’s not a demon,” I said through gritted teeth. Brother Robert’s eyes widened suddenly before his gaze gentled.

“I have my own doubts about her demon nature. She’s not the first one brought here and I’m certain she will not be the last.” He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I’m quite wary of them, Shepherd Stone seems to be the only one they fear. I just wish we knew why they die so suddenly.”

“Maybe…maybe they just miss home…”

“Perhaps, but if they don’t talk to us, how would we know for sure?”

I frowned. I was certain.

“Brother, if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be,” I said pointing to the far hallway that led to the cells.

“Ok, come see me if you need anything.”

“Yes, Brother.”

I walked quickly while hoping that I would not run into Shepherd Stone. The man had always bothered me, but I didn’t know why. All of the guards followed him obediently to a fault. It was unusual, but we couldn’t find the reason for it.

One such guard challenged me at the door to Sol’s cell. When I proved my identity he let me pass. This time I immediately noticed the atmosphere change as I passed through the doorway. My breath hitched in my throat as I continued forward.

This time I ignored the visual disturbances and concentrated on my task. First I would have to bring Sol out of the water.

I set down the satchel before wading into the water. I stared at her still form for a moment and felt the knot in my chest once more. My eyes and lungs burned as if I had swallowed fire. There was no reason for her to be like this. They could have continued to drain and clean out her pool even if she was refusing to eat. Since she’d been here I had never heard of her attacking a single guard or brother.

The poem came back to mind. Was it possible that I had fallen under some sort of spell? Why did I feel protective of her? Why was I angry that she was ill?

‘Lord Cadfael, I have saved this man’s life. When you injure him, you injure me. If you kill him I will be cursed.’

I remembered her speaking those words to her lord as she stood in defiance before him and his guards. I had admired her courage for the first time there as she faced their weapons with her head bowed. She had stopped him from killing me at the risk of her own life.

Was it only guilt that had driven her to defy her lord or was it something more? Would I have the strength to defy my own people if I chose to save her?

Were our lives entwined?

I looked at her again. She did not deserve this pain as much as I had deserved mine.

My thoughts resolved, I reached into the water and began to draw her up to the surface. Her eyes fluttered, but did not fully open until I had pulled her completely from the water. She lay shivering on the tile as I smoothed her hair back from her face.

“Sol,” I whispered gently.

“Rrra,” she croaked. Her eyes began to flutter once more so I began to speak to her.

“It’s ok; they brought me here because they hoped seeing a familiar face might get you to eat. I told them how you would cook for me and even stood up to your fiance’s guards on my behalf.”

She began to cry softly before a new energy overcame her. She pushed herself into a half reclined position on her elbows still trembling.

“Sol, can you understand me?”

“Y-y-yes.”

“Praise to the heavens. You know that you’re dying?” I said feeling relieved that she was coherent enough to respond. I couldn’t stop the smile from forming on my lips.

“I-if…I…could smack…you…I…would,” she stammered. I laughed at her bravery though I didn’t mean it cruelly. She pinched her hands before turning her attention back to me. “Why…are you here?”

I opened the satchel and removed the bowl and its cover. I carefully slid it front of her. A sliver of drool fell unnoticed from her lips. Suddenly she collapsed on her side and I jolted forward panicked. She groaned, but otherwise seemed okay.

I pulled her into my lap and cradled her head against my chest. She clutched my shirt with thin fingers and turned her head into me like an infant. I felt my face flush in embarrassment. I wanted to kiss her brow and comfort her, but I knew this wasn’t the time for such indulgences. She needed to eat.

“Here, let me feed you. If your condition is anything to go by you’re more stubborn than I am.” She giggled as if in delirium as I brought the spoon to her lips. “Hey, you got to eat.”

Reluctantly it seemed, she began to eat the stew spoonful by spoonful as I brought it to her lips. Soon she fell asleep, nestling deeper into my shirt. I ran my fingers along hers as they continued to clutch the fabric then moved my hand to her face.

It seemed funny, but now that she had let her guard down around me, she looked pretty. I rolled my eyes. Why was I thinking about such things when she was sick? If my aunt was here she would probably smack my head.

We stayed on the floor for an hour before she woke up. I had dozed off until I felt a shooting pain in my jaw as the top of her head connected with it. “Give a man notice before you go leaping woman,” I said rubbing my chin.

“Oh, so I’m a woman now?” She looked around the room before turning her gaze back to me. “So, why are you here?”

I stood up and rubbed the back of my neck. I felt embarrassed that I had fallen asleep next to her. I hadn’t planned on staying so long, only to feed her. I pointed to her filthy clothes. “Your clothes are filthy, I have someone who can wash them, and you can borrow my cloak until I come back,” I said referring to the cloak my aunt had placed in the satchel.

“Fine, no peeking,” she said in a low voice. I closed my eyes until I heard the splash of water from the pool. I watched her take off her outer robes before swimming back to the surface. As she climbed out the sunlight seemed drawn to her white robe. A flash of light, brighter than the sun, filled the room and stung my eyes.

I cried out in pain and hunched over to rub my eyes. When the spots cleared I looked at the transformed room. The paint was completely stipped of the walls and was now coated in white. Barely perceptabel to the eye were strange markings that looked like a language.

The tiles of the floor had been replaced by sand and the pool of water was now pristine with flowers and kelp. I could even spot a few fish swimming below the water. My mouth dropped open in amazement as I realized the oppressive feeling had lifted from the room.

"How did..." I began, but the words halted in my throat. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

“It wasn’t me. Waterfolk don’t have magic, this is either a miracle or…” she said softly.

I looked at her with wide eyes. What was she if she wasn't a demon? Was she even human as she claimed? Humans did not have this power.

Sol dived beneath the water just before the door burst open behind me and four priests came rushing in, Brother Roberts among them. They began talking amongst themselves and inspecting the room.

“Young man how different was this demon while you were held captive?” one said addressing me.

Feeling nervous I rubbed my hands on my pants before shrugging.

“She treated me as a human, almost motherly. She said we were the same, that we are separating ourselves, not the water,” I said slowly. Why did it matter how she treated me or was it because she had been kinder that this miracle happened?

Brother Newell scoffed at my words before they turned their attention back to Sol. Brother Roberts approached the pool and kneeled. He dipped his hand below the water and visibly relaxed. “My pain is gone,” he said. He leaped up into the air laughing startling us all. “It’s gone, I’m healed!”

“Hold on Brother, how can you be healed this is a demon trick?” Brother Newell said folding his arms. “We need Shepherd Stone here.”

"I don't like his teachings," Brother Clive said as he shook his head. "But he still ranks over us..." He began another conversation with Brother Newell while Brother Oliver spoke with Brother Roberts before leaving. After a few minutes they too left the room.

As soon as the door shut Brother Roberts turned his attention back to Sol. “Don’t mind my brothers, they are very cautious and by the writ. They miss a lot of the beauty and truths of this world. I’m Brother Roberts; may I ask your name child?”

Sol hesitated for a moment and I wondered if she was going to answer. The silence grew between them. “Don’t worry, I won’t curse your name, I don’t have that power.”

"Neither do I," she said in a low voice. “Have you been trying to poison me?”

The priests eyes widened in surprise. I was surprised too. Was that why she had refused to eat?

“No, we do not poison people here, not even demons, why don’t you come up here and sit with me.” He patted the sand beside him. Sol's eyes narrowed in suspicion. I wished that she would open up to Brother Roberts. He was a good man and a better person than me.

“Someone tried to poison me; it was all over the fish. All of you call us demons not realizing that…” she paused and looked ready to dive below the water. As soon as she did I immediately jumped in and pulled her her back towards the surface. I noticed as I did that the minor ache that had been in my body faded. Did this water have healing capabilities?

I wiped my hair out of my eyes and smiled at her. My smile was countered by the downturning of her lips. “Why are you acting so strange? Don’t you hate Waterfolk?”

I sighed, what else should I expect from her? I had imprisoned her much the same way that she had with me. She wouldn't understand that I was trying to be sincere. She wouldn't understand that I wanted to help her.

"Listen," I said as I began to lead her to the edge of the water. Once at the shoreline her legs formed and I stopped and sat down. “I know you can’t hurt me, honor and all that right? Well I’m returning the favor." I suddenly felt mischievous and leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “Besides how can I hurt the woman who likes me?” I grinned as her face darkened.

“You’re absolutely mad! I love Lord Cadfael, I mean Vael, you, you tail-headed tuna!”

Still grinning I leaned toward Brother Roberts and said, “See, I told you I could get her to react, but don’t let her sing, her voice would frighten children."

Sol stood up stiffly and made her way to her cell window.

"Different from home, yes?" Brother Roberts said. She nodded and sighed sadly. I wondered what she was thinking about. “Despite what most people believe, I don’t think you’re demons. I know you must think us odd and hate us for our foolishness.”

"The only one I hate is Lady Ai," she replied.

I remembered hearing that name in passing. The Waterfolk guards had seemed to know her.

"Who is she?" Brother Roberts asked, voicing my question. I absently picked up one of the flowers that had been beached on the sand and began to twist the petals off the stem.

“My betrothed’s former wife. She is an evil woman,” she said in a sour voice. She looked ready to cry as she faced us. “She broke his heart and hid his son away for five years. She treats them both like trash that has collected by a stray current. A woman that evil should not be so beautiful.”

Brother Roberts stood up and approached the window. “You know many times in nature the most dangerous things are the most beautiful.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “Take the belladonna for example. It produces such beautiful flowers, but if you were to eat its fruit it would kill you.”

“Use an easier example Brother, I doubt she has seen a belladonna,” I said. “I know, take yourself as an example Sol, you are beautiful, but could easily kill us if you had the mind to.”

She laughed.

“Listen I must return to my duties. Ryaa, please look after this sweet young lady while I go talk to Shepherd Stone.” Brother Roberts knocked on the door then waved as the guard opened it.

I looked back at Sol as she stood quietly by the window. I knew she had agreed to have her outer robes cleaned, but not her under robe. I remembered the cloak in my satchel. Maybe she would be willing to wear that for a time.

“Do you want your underclothes washed?” She clutched at the white robe and looked at me with frightened eyes. Did she think that I wanted to take advantage of her? Her eyes darted to the cloak still sitting in my satchel.

“No, I need something to clothe my besides your cloak. I would like a comb though.”

“Are you sure, I can have a pair of robes brought to you?”

“Look, you’re not seeing me naked if that’s your intention. I am betrothed and will remain faithful.”

I felt my face heat at her words. She really though that I would take advantage of her! "Um...I..." I stammered while trying to think of a way to gain control of the situation.

"What?" she said sharply.

“In order to…to dress your wounds… I had to strip you down.”

Why did I tell her this? This was only going to make things worse!

On cue her mouth dropped in horror. She swiftly swung around and struck the wall with so much force that chunks of brick fell onto the sandy floor. My throat constricted right as I drew in a breath causing me to gag. All this time she could have easily attacked and killed me, but had never once done so. How much strength had she been holding back? If she was capable of breaking a brick after going days without food, how strong was she at full health?

I thought back to my own cell and guards. They must have been holding back as well.

“Is this how all Landwalkers treat their women? Is this why you have been kind? Guilt?”

I was taken aback. It wasn't just guilt that had driven me to help her. I had started to care for her in a small way. I had betrayed her trust, I knew that, now I needed to get it back. “No! Forgive me for worrying about your health. I was focused on helping you, not violating you. You are as pure when I met you. Not that I saw that part!” The words spilled from my mouth as I tried to regain control of the situation. She was suddenly in my face and my knees nearly buckled until she sobbed.

My fear was replaced by worry as she fell to her knees in front of me and covered her face. I felt like a monster for making her cry. I was truly a terrible person for not treating her as a person from the beginning. I deserved to be hated.

Her shoulders shook and I felt a pang in my heart. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to take away the pain I'd caused.

I knelt next to her and hugged her. I knew I didn't deserve to touch her after what I'd done, but I couldn't think of another way to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I'm so sorry..."

After a minute she relaxed in my arms. “I’m sorry for scaring you,” she said into my shoulder. “You should hate me, I dragged you into the sea, I could have killed you and-”

I stopped her with a finger on her lips.

“My father told me, ‘we make the choices we make, but even if it’s a mistake something good may happen.’ He said that to me a few months ago to get me to move back to the coast.”

I had hated being near the sea after my sister died. Everyday had served as reminder of watching her jump off a cliff despite my screams. I was powerless to help her and had been powerless to save her.

The guilt was crushing me so I had moved to Naomi from Wallow, leaving my brother and father behind as I went to live with my aunt and her husband.

I saw the look of concern in her eyes and my heart couldn't take the pain. "Tell me," she said softly. I shook my head as the grief came rushing over me. How could I take care of Sol when I had failed my sister? What was I even doing here in this cell? Why did I care about what happened to her?

“No! I’m going. I’ll…I’ll see you tomorrow.” I stood swiftly and collected my things along with her dirty robes. I didn't look back as I left her sitting in silence.