V

MEET THE PARENTS

‘DING DONG’

Daniel opened his eyes. He was back in his living room lying face down on his couch in a puddle of drool. He sat up and rubbed his temples. His head was pounding. He squinted his eyes and looked around his living room. Everything looked the same, just a bit blurrier, and there wasn’t a Misfit in sight.

‘DING DONG’

“I’m coming,” murmured Daniel as he stood up to answer the door. His shirt was missing, but he still had on his jeans. His legs felt like jelly and each step he took felt like his feet would sink through the floor.

‘DING DONG’

“I’m coming, hold on,” said Daniel as he fumbled with the locks. He opened the door to the bright morning light. His eyes had a hard time adjusting and he put a hand over his eyes. The light slowly dimmed to reveal a middle-aged couple, a short woman with shoulder length blonde hair and a balding man with a clean-shaven face. Standing next to them was a teenager with a blond fauxhawk wearing baggy clothes. They were his parents, Marie and Arthur, and his little brother, Lewis.

“See, I told you he wouldn’t be ready,” said Lewis.

Marie grinned sweetly. “Sweetie, don’t tell me you forgot about Sunday brunch.” Her smile faded as her attention quickly turned to the hand shaped bruise around Daniel’s neck. She placed a hand on his chin to lift his head. “Oh, my goodness, what happened to you?” she asked, taking a closer look.

Daniel gently pulled her hand down. “It’s nothing, ma,” he said with a reassuring smile. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Even without the bruise, you still look like hell, son,” said Arthur. He lightly pushed Daniel aside to walk into the house. Lewis and his mother followed him in before Daniel closed the door.

“I didn’t sleep well,” said Daniel. He rubbed his eyes. “I had the craziest dream.”

“It’s all that work you’ve been doing lately. It’s getting to you,” said Marie. She walked into the kitchen and stopped to point at the walls. “You really need to redo this kitchen. White is just so...plain.”

His kitchen was plain to his mother, but not to him. It had white walls with stainless steel appliances and dark wood cabinets. The only room in the house that had any color was his bedroom. He’d painted it after finding a can of paint in the garage when he first moved in. The can said it was forest green, but after it dried the color was darker than he anticipated. He decided that it would have to do.

“The kitchen is fine, Ma,” said Daniel. “I like it this way.”

“You’ll never be able to bring a woman back to your house with it looking like this. You need to spruce it up a bit,” said Marie, digging through the cabinets.

“What are you looking for?”

“I’m going to make coffee.”

Daniel reached into the cabinet behind him and pulled out a container of ground coffee beans.

“That’s not that gourmet shit is it?” asked Arthur. “I hate that stuff.”

“No, it isn’t.” Daniel leaned against the counter. “I can’t afford gourmet shit.”

Lewis plopped down in a chair and grabbed a science magazine sitting on the kitchen table. “Dude, can you please turn on the A/C?” he pleaded while fanning his face with it. “It’s hot as balls in here.”

“Yeah,” sighed Daniel. “I’ll be right back.”

He left the kitchen, flipped on the A/C, and came back to his mother pouring him a cup of coffee. She held it out for him, and he accepted with a smile.

“So, what is this new project you’ve been working on?” asked Arthur after a moment.

“It’s a type of battery,” said Daniel. “It’s still a bit unstable, but I’m hoping to have the kinks worked out by the end of the month.”

“How much are you getting paid?” asked Arthur. “Lord knows you need the money.”

“Dad, I’m fine. I have plenty of money,” said Daniel crossing his arms. He didn’t want to talk about his financial situation.

“How much are you getting paid?” Arthur asked again.

“I have a couple potential buyers, but they want to see a finished product before they’ll agree to anything,” said Daniel. “That whole business with Brandon kind of ruined my reputation. No one wants to take the risk to fund my work.”

“See? I knew it,” said Arthur. “I told you not to trust that kid.”

“Arthur, don’t start,” said Marie.

“No Marie, our boy did all the work for that Brandon kid, and then he gets stiffed. Brandon took all the credit and got our son kicked out of college. Now, he’s a millionaire and Daniel is flat broke.”

“Brandon made wrong choices. We all have,” said Daniel. He looked at the floor and wished the conversation would end.

“Don’t make excuses for him. Just because you’re a good guy doesn’t mean you can’t be pissed off about it.”

“I’m through being pissed. I’m trying to move on. I’ve been fixing computers and, though it’s not much, it’s keeping me afloat until I can get my project completed.”

“Yeah, well, I’d still like to jam my foot up that Brandon kid’s ass,” said Arthur.

Marie brought Arthur a cup of coffee and sat down in his lap. “Don’t be afraid to come to us if you need help,” she said.

“Ma, I’m fine. I promise,” said Daniel.

As soon as Daniel finished his sentence Lauren came into the kitchen wearing nothing but her tank top and a pair of panties. She yawned and stretched her arms over her head causing her pert breasts to thrust outward. Her tank top lifted slightly, revealing her smooth stomach.

Arthur tilted his head at the sight of her. “Son? Do you mind telling us who this is?” he asked.

Daniel turned his head and did a double take. “Uhm.” He didn’t know what to say.

Lauren rubbed her eyes and smiled. “Hi,” she said with a wave.

“Way to go bro!” said Lewis. He had a huge grin on his face.

Marie slapped Lewis on the back of the head and stood up to introduce herself. “Hello. I’m Daniel’s mother, Marie. This is his father, Arthur, and his little brother, Lewis.”

“I’m not so little,” said Lewis with a wink.

“I’m Lauren.” she said, putting out her hand.

Arthur smiled politely and shook it. “Nice to meet you, Lauren. Our son didn’t tell us he had such a--what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Hot,” said Lewis. He ignored the glare from his father.

“Thank you, son,” said Arthur. “What I meant to say was, Daniel didn’t tell us he had such an ‘attractive’ girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” asked Lauren. “No, I’m-”

Daniel placed a hand over her mouth before she said anything else. “Can I talk to you in the other room for a minute?” He grabbed her by the arm and turned to his family. “Excuse us.” He pulled Lauren into the hallway and turned to face her. “What the FUCK?” he said in a high whisper. “You’re real?”

“I am now. What? Did you forget about yesterday?” asked Lauren.

“I thought it was a dream!” said Daniel in a slightly louder tone. “How am I going to explain you to my parents?”

“Tell them the truth.”

“Tell them you crawled out of my television? Oh yeah, I’m sure that would go over perfectly,” he said with sarcasm.

“What would go over perfectly?” asked Ava as she walked up behind him. Daniel jumped when he heard her voice.

“What the hell? Do you guys just appear out of thin air?” he asked, then noticed she was wearing nothing but a bra and panties. “Why is everyone in their underwear?”

“What do you expect when you keep it so hot in here?” Ava crossed her arms. “Not to mention clothes here are incredibly uncomfortable. They rub against your skin too much.”

“You get used to it,” said Daniel. He turned away from them and rubbed his neck in frustration, wincing slightly after pressing against his bruise.

“Son, this coffee tastes like dirt. Do you have any creamer?” asked Arthur. He walked into the hallway and saw Lauren and Ava standing in front of Daniel. He gave a coy smile. “Didn’t sleep well, huh? I wonder why.”

It wasn’t long before Lewis joined them. He smiled and put his hands up to his mouth to keep from laughing. “Dude! I never knew you were so cool!”

Daniel’s mother also walked into the hallway when she heard the commotion. “What’s going on-oh my!” she said observing the spectacle.

“Mom, Dad, I know what this looks like, but I swear it’s not what you think,” said Daniel putting his hands up in protest.

“Don’t worry son. I remember what it was like to be young,” said Arthur as he placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. He looked off in thought and smiled. “Those were good times.”

“It’s okay, Danny,” said Marie trying to remain calm. She wrung her hands together in an anxious manner. “Just please tell me you’re being safe.”

“Oh my God,” said Daniel. He put his face in his hands from embarrassment.

“We’ll cancel the brunch,” said Arthur. He gave Daniel a pat on the back. “I’m sure you’ll want to get back to...whatever it is you were doing. We’ll reschedule for another time.”

“I just need to go to the bathroom, and we’ll get out of your hair,” said Marie as she took off down the hall. “It’s the first door, right?”

“No ma, that’s my bedroom,” said Daniel. His mother didn’t answer him. “Ma?”

“AAAHHH!” she yelled from the hallway. Daniel ran after her to see what was wrong. His mother slammed his bedroom door shut and frantically shook her head. She turned to Daniel, her eyes darting back and forth to the bruise on his neck, to Lauren and Ava, and back to his bedroom. “Is this why you wouldn’t tell me how you got that bruise? Because you got it from kinky sex games?” she asked with extreme concern.

Daniel furrowed his brow. “Ma, what are you talk—”

Marie hastily threw her hands up to cut him off mid-sentence. “No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know,” she said with a look as if she’d just eaten something sour. Her look softened a tad, and she placed a hand on Daniel’s cheek. “I’m just going to chalk this up to you being under too much stress.” She smiled, patted his cheek, and told him goodbye before leaving the house in a hurry. It was as if she couldn’t get out of his house fast enough.

Arthur came up behind Daniel and put his arm around him. “It’s okay son. You know how your mother jumps to conclusions,” he said while glancing at Lauren and Ava. “We’ll let you enjoy your Sunday.”

Arthur winked and gave Daniel’s shoulders a squeeze. He left the house to join Marie outside. Lewis stayed behind. He stared at Lauren with a huge, somewhat perverted smile on his face. It made her uneasy. She crossed her arms in an effort to cover herself.

“I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before,” said Lewis pointing a finger at her. He raised his eyebrows, signaling an internal light going off in his head. “I know! You look just like that chick from that game my brother plays all the time! The hot one!”

Arthur came back into the house and grabbed Lewis by the arm. “Quit admiring your brother’s trophies and let’s go.” He smiled at Lauren and Ava. “Lovely meeting you young ladies.”

Lewis mouthed “Call me.” and made a phone gesture with his hand as Arthur pulled him down the hallway.

“Bye son!” yelled Arthur as he dragged Lewis out of the house.

Daniel didn’t answer. He was stunned at the scene in his bedroom. Deandre, Jett, and Kitsie were in his bed. All three were naked. Their clothes were scattered on the floor except for Kitsie’s bra which hung from the ceiling fan.

Lauren peeked over Daniel’s shoulder. “Oh...my...God,” she said.

“Ugh,” groaned Deandre as he sat up in bed. “What happened?” He looked beside him at Jett and Kitsie. He scooted away from them. His leg hit something under the sheets, and he pulled it out. It was a cucumber. Deandre manipulated it in his hands and stared at it. “What the fuck is this?”

Jett stirred awake and stretched his arms. “Good morning,” he said.

“What the hell, man?” asked Deandre.

Jett shot up and looked at him. They both stared at each other for a moment before screaming and scrambling out of bed. Kitsie sat up and looked around unaware of what was happening. “What’s going on?” she asked, completely oblivious.

“Kitsie! I’m gonna kill you!” yelled Deandre. A flash of the night before had entered his mind. He threw the cucumber at Kitsie. “You tried to shove that in my ass!” he screamed as he leapt toward her.

Lauren rushed to break up the show. Daniel stood in the doorway and watched while Kitsie tried to grab her bra from the ceiling fan. Jett sat quietly on the edge of the bed in shock of what was happening.

Ava stood next to Daniel in disbelief. “How much did we drink last night?” she asked.

Daniel didn’t speak. He slowly backed away from his room and walked down the hall.

“Where are you going?” asked Ava.

“To get another cup of coffee,” said Daniel. “Then I’m going to find a hammer and hit myself over the head with it.”