Champ was surprised when a dragon just materialized in the throne room. “Jobs done!” It exclaimed. Champ whipped his brow. With this they could reclaim the trading city. “Where’s my reward?” The king sighed, waving his hand a pure white spoon was brought into the room on a purple pillow. The bronze dragon clapped as it was presented to him. Picked it up and gave it a tiny wave of his claw. The spoon turned invisible. “Tehe!” It was the Spoon of invisibility. A sacred artifact that turned itself invisible when held. It was useless, even as a spoon the only benefit it offered over a regular spoon was that you could see what you were eating. However it’s invisibility made it hard to eat with because you could never fully judge where it was. “How did you kill him?”

“Oh I didn’t kill him. Some black dragon did.”

“What?” Both champ and the king shout. The bronze dragon feigns being hurt by the loudness of their voices. “What’s the matter? Either way the evil dragon at the edge of your territory is dead.”

“We wanted you to kill the black dragon.”

The bronze dragon shrugs. “No take backsies. That wasn’t on our contract. Though, I suppose a new counteract could work.” They would have thought it to be an honest mistake. If the bronze dragon wasn’t laughing his head off like he was in on the joke.

“What do you want?”

Bronze rubbed his chin. “I hear you have the boots of blinding speed.”

“They will become yours when the black dragon known as Anon is dead.” The king made the words of the contract. Bronze smiled. “You learned your lesson. This contract is much more airtight. I might actually have to kill him if I want those boots.”

With a final laugh the dragon disappeared again.

“Where did you go?”

“Had to grab this!” The bronze dragon holds up the invisible spoon. Anon looks at him playing charades and then quickly ignores it. He didn’t have time to think about silly games. The bronze dragon continues his laughing. It was in his nature to play these jokes. Any hint of absurdity in the world was greatly funny to him. He hoarded humor, both the HaHa type and the ironic.

This mountain was truly worthy of being called a mountain. It almost put my home to shame. There was an entrance that even a dragon could fit through carved into it. I began to walk into it when a log came swinging from the ceiling it flew right into my forehead. “Ow.” So this path is trapped.

“Allow me.” The bronze dragon placed a claw on me and the world seemed to blur around me. The world began to take shape. We were inside the cave and a fierce battle had broken out. Two dragonesses were leading armies of kobolds against each other in the main chamber of the cave. I noticed the remains of a slave crest on everyone's chest. When I killed Verdurous the slave crests must have broken leading to his mates gathering kobolds into a civil war for control of the cave. I watched the kobolds tearing each other apart while the dragonesses sat nestled in the walls.

“Halt!” I screamed. The battle halted. “Form a gap, bring the injured to me.” I commanded the kobolds. They stopped their fighting and followed my orders. I cast healing magic on the injured.

“Hey you can’t command our kobolds!” one of the dragonesses shouted. I stared at her down. She had green scales. I looked at the other. It was the emerald dragon that I found snooping around my cave before. She looked away, her face blushing.

“They are mine now.” I stated.

“You can’t do that! When Verdous gets back he will slay you and feast on your organs!”

My bronze friend began to laugh like a mad man. With a clap of his hands the corpse of Verdous was teleported to the cave. The dragoness roared. “That can’t be! This is an illusion!” She dropped from her perch not caring where she landed. I grabbed her. She was about to fall on some kobolds in her attempt to get to her lover’s corpse. I placed her next to Verdous then turned to the kobolds. “Are you alright?” They nodded slowly. I gave them a reassuring smile. The bronze dragon held up one finger, the dragoness turned to me. Her wings puffed out, her claws extended. “I will slay you! You can not get away with this!” The bronze dragon held up another finger. She attempted to lunge for me but he teleported her away from me. When she lunged again he did it again. She was on an endless treadmill. He laughed each time he did it, the dragoness getting more and more angry until she eventually collapsed.

“Take me as your mate! Please. I can’t lose my power in dragon society!” She begged me from the floor. “No. I’m not into girls.” Another finger went up, quickly followed by another as she started to cry. “Kill me then. I can not live as a powerless dragoness. I couldn’t defend my mate. I am fit for death.” The bronze dragon was excitedly holding up four fingers. Shaking his skinny arms in anticipation for what happens next.

The emerald dragoness landed next to me. She looked at the ground in front of us. This was a repeat of what happened before. “Working up the courage to speak?” I asked out of concern. She nodded.

“Just accept it already!” The bronze dragon yells at the crying dragoness. “Dude calm down. She’s going through the five stages of grief or some shit.”

“She’s about to break the record. If she could just not be sad then she’ll have broken the record for the quickest I’ve seen something recover from loss.” I roll my eyes at him. I don’t know why he’s on my side, but for a good dragon he is oddly malicious.

“This’ll be trouble.” the emerald dragon finally speaks up. I turn to her. “She’s the last of the green dragons.” Yikes. I’ve all but wiped out an endangered species. The dragoness claws her way to me. She lays on her back and begins tracing the outlines of a crest on her chest. The spot begins to glow. “Accept me. Please. I have nowhere else to go.” She’s holding back tears as she traces the slave crest onto herself.

“Is this acceptance? I’m going to count it as acceptance. Too bad she’s five seconds off from a world record.” I ignore the bronze dragon’s antics. Enslaving my enemies wife isn’t something that I want to do. The emerald dragon gives me a head nudge telling me to do it. “If you kill her then the dragon god will be angry.”

“I wasn’t going to kill her, just convert her to my way of thinking naturally.”

Emerald dragon bites her lower lip. “Do you think that that’ll work? Three hundred years of living as a dragon and you think you can just wipe it clean with an informative pamphlet?”

I see her point. Counter point though….

There is no counterpoint. She is a powerful dragon who poses a risk to my nation. If I kill her the dragon god will be angry. If I let her free she will revert to her dragon nature and hurt kobolds. I place my talon upon her chest. The slave crest grows black, it begins to smoke and burn itself into her scales.

She grabs onto my arm. Kissing my knuckles. “Thank you, thank you. I promise I’ll be useful.” I retract my hand. This is getting weird. Weirder than I’m comfortable with. I ignore her and turn to the emerald dragoness.

“What were you doing here?”

She blushes. “My father sent me to be a second mate to Verdous.”

“Your father sure like deciding who you fuck.”

“It’s a dragon thing.” I sigh, arranged marriages are anti freedom, but I have my plate too full already to care about dragon society.

“Guess you’ll be telling your father about this too?” She shrugs. “I don’t have to go home just yet. The mating has already happened. I am supposed to stay with Verdous until a child is born.”

Yikes bro.