What is objectively the worst way to die? Burning up alive is up there. Falling off a building and impaling your crotch on a metal fence with razor sharp ends is also a strong contender. However, dying when taking a shit is the worst because the guy who’s coming in after you is going to have to clean it.

He wasn’t too surprised when he woke up again. He’d spent a good chunk of his waking hours thinking about reincarnation, transmigration, regression and the whole multiversal switching of bodies.

He got up off the ground, everything felt numb and out of place. He could feel his bare bottom, so he pulled up his pants. This wasn’t hell, he was in a forest, the loud cacophony of cicadas pierced his ears.

A million thoughts rushed through his mind. He was alive and he’d reincarnated. What was the basic setting? Had he been crippled and abandoned here to rot? That was a basic xianxia trope. However, it could be a magical setting.

He looked up at the night sky and beads of sweat formed on his forehead. [Three moons in the sky, blue, red and a smaller green one. There was a twisting, winding aurora stretching through the sky. Millions of motes came together to form a band that divided the sky into two.]

Those were his words, the opening words of the first chapter. Did I reincarnate into my webnovel?

He grabbed a tree trunk with his thick meaty paws-he would think about that later- and pushed. He crouched down and ran his fingers through the grass. The gap between his words and all of this was infinite yet, it was here.

The awe would be there forever but he needed to gather himself. He knew what kind of world he’d constructed. Before that, he had to address something. He was fat, nothing that couldn’t be resolved.

He placed his hands on his crotch. There was...something there. It was a relief. He'd spent his entire life as a man. He wouldn't know what to do if he was.

Then, he felt his gut twisting up on itself. The pain was unbearable. He pulled his pants down and started shitting. On top of all this, he had diarrhea. Tears welled up in his eyes. That triggered a cascade of memories crashing into his mind.

Her name was Snow Gem, outer disciple of the Blue Tiger, Green Dragon sect. This had been an excursion for the disciples to acclimate themselves to combat. This sect was somewhat moderate, -relatively moderate mind you- as such, the forest didn’t have untenable monsters.

Snow Gem had been approached by a group of girls that, on the regular, bullied her but wanted her to join this excursion. The poor girl’s desire to fit in propelled her to join up with them.

They’d spiked her water canister and abandoned her.

There was something wrong here. He had the memories of a woman but he'd reincarnated as a man. Did my transmigration somehow make me this body a man? How were other people going to perceive him? Had his transmigration somehow modified the body? It wasn't something he'd written about.

Musnaf felt a headache coming up. He wiped off with a stick, it wasn’t easy some of it got on his hands. It was nasty.

He was entirely out of his depth here. Reading and writing about something is completely different than experiencing it.

A plan, I need a plan. We’re on a basic xianxia track, she’s a loser.

He paced around the clearing, rolls of fat jiggling up and down. He needed to avoid the protagonist at all cost. He was one insane guy.

He racked his brain for information. It had been a few years since he’d finished the novel. He didn’t remember much. The max he remembered was 10 to 20 percent. None of it was too accurate or usable.

“System!”

Nothing. There was no response. He did remember the system and the lore he’d built up around it. There wasn’t just one type of system, exclusive to one person. There was a whole series with a full on ranking. However, this was revealed in chapter 100 to 120.

He went through the items he had on him. The robes didn’t have any pockets. His hand brushed over something.

He took it out and it was a notebook. It had [Heaven,Hell and Earth] embossed on it. Underneath it, in smaller print was his name. Not the pseudonym he’d posted this under but his real name. Musnaf.

He flicked through it and the first line was Chapter 1. [Three Moons in the sky…] Elation flowed through his body. This was it! Cheat acquired!

He read through it right then and there. Beasts be damned. It wasn’t a guarantee but nothing had sneaked up on him until now so, it would be fine.

His reading speed was faster. This should’ve taken him a few hours but he finished it in about thirty minutes.

His initial excitement had cooled down a bit. First of all, this only had the first 100 chapters. That was great and it had refreshed him on how the story had started. It was still a positive in his opinion. Not as much of a positive as he would’ve liked but a positive nonetheless.

The second thing was making him sweat up like a polar bear in a sauna. In chapter 22, there had been direct mention of Blue Tiger, Green Dragon sect.

That maniac had sneaked in and stolen the core treasure of the patriarch. There was a small suspicion that it might’ve been one of the disciples. The patriarch had slaughtered all of them.

Now would be a good time to run away. However, sects invested large amounts of resources into each disciple. Any attempt to run away would be met with a swift snuffing out of the [Soul Lantern].

He was bound to this ship and it was about to hurtle off a waterfall into a pit of swords.