Martyrdom sucks. I think I was sold a bill of goods. – Jase

I don’t want to restrict your freedom, only that you understand what your freedom has cost me. – Nessa

Six months later

I'm not God, Jase tried to reassure himself as he sought an excuse for his pathetic behavior.

True, he had nobly eschewed the company of many women who had propositioned him – they couldn't interest him in his present misery. Still, the alcohol had begun to lose its effectiveness, and though it clouded his ability to think, it didn't stop the pain anymore.

When Perry turned state's evidence against Jack and the rest of the ProtoComm corporation, Jase had managed to drag himself from his room for a night. A night of empty celebration, he realized, because he had no one to celebrate with. Does the right thing have to hurt so badly? he complained silently to Whoever heard him.

Jase hadn't made it past Singapore. When he had reached the relative affluence of the small island nation, he had rented a cheap hi-rise apartment and bought a mattress to throw on the floor. With a few sheets and a blanket, he had everything he could care to want at the moment. At least, everything that he could actually get.

And now he had to pull himself together enough to visit Dao again.

For the first couple of months, Jase had made his monthly visit to the school – more than monthly at the beginning – to ensure that Dao received only the best treatment.

Jase had chosen well, though, and Dao had already grown beautiful and soft under the teachers' care. She had even added a couple of inches to her diminutive height, the increased nutrition of the food reigniting her development.

Dao's care, at least, provided Jase with a selfish pleasure, a testimony to the nobility of his actions. Mostly, he observed her from afar, desirous that she detach herself from him and attach herself to those who cared for her. Occasionally, he allowed her to see him, and in those moments, he could almost forget that he had destined himself for isolation.

At the sight of him, her face lit with joy, and she abandoned whatever activity she had undertaken so she could jump onto Jase in some way, grasping his shirt or climbing up his pants like a little primate. Her enthusiasm proved a welcome and rare source of laughter for him.

Grasping onto the thought, Jase tried to rouse himself from his drunken stupor, but his limbs refused to cooperate. That's okay, he reasoned when he lay back on the bed. She doesn't know when I'm coming.

He allowed his body to melt back into the threadbare, polyester sheets.

Moments later, he grew aware of an annoying dampness that had caused his shirt to cling to his skin. He forced his eyes open, peering up at the ceiling in search of a leak.

Shit, he complained silently. He saw no signs of a drip, but he felt too tired to investigate further, and he suddenly felt too comfortable to care.

Had someone slipped a different drug into his nightly drink? Take advantage of the miserable American tourist, he complained silently. Still, he needed to figure out whatever the culprit had used. Maybe he could expand his chemical inventory from just alcohol. An opiate? Jase knew the power of that drug to induce an inexplicable sense of elation.

He began to sink into a euphoric oblivion.

You stupid idiot, his thoughts began to upbraid him, and Jase groaned. “Shut up!” he commanded himself aloud.

His dreams had stopped months ago, and Jase wouldn't welcome them back.

You have no right to say that to me, Nessa's voice jabbed at him in defiance. After the way you left me, after all I've been through to get here.

Jase changed his mind; he didn't want the drug. Whatever chemical had infiltrated his mind had broken down all the defenses that he had erected in the last few months. Hadn't he purposely ceased to think about her? Hadn't he pushed her as far from his mind as he could manage?

Maybe he had mistaken Amélie's voice for Nessa's, he considered. He had suffered a few miserable dreams about the Frenchwoman, probably misplaced guilt that he hadn't attempted to save her.

Less than a week after Jase had dropped Dao at her school, Amélie had called Jase, an uncharacteristic anxiety in her voice.

“You must come get me,” she had commanded.

“I don't know what rock you've been living under,” Jase had replied, “and I don't know how you found this number, but you pretty much erased any claim to friendship when you split Nessa's lip. Oh, and when you encouraged Bill to sell her into slavery. Yeah, that basically finished the steep climb that led me out of the pit you live in.”

At that point, Jase had not yet drunk himself into a stupor, and he had used his full faculties to reject Amélie.

“But I am stuck in this nasty jungle, no one wants to help me, and I'm out of money.”

Shaking his head, Jase had laughed at her. “It couldn't have happened to a nicer person,” he'd responded before cutting off the call. Why the action bothered him so much, Jase couldn't say. Damn my conscience, he told himself every time he thought of her.

“I'm not God,” he said aloud, whether to Amélie or Nessa he did not know, and he hoped that the words would chase away whatever demon haunted him. He had no desire to think about Amélie, felt sickened by the thought, and he couldn't allow himself to think about Nessa.

If he had allowed himself to think about Nessa, to imagine feeling her in his arms, to think about the warmth of her lips, the gentleness of her smile, he might have tried to find her again.

“Ugh!” he grunted, and tried to sit up. A dead weight pinned his chest to the mattress, too substantial to be drug-induced.

His eyes popped open, and his instincts kicked in.

Twisting his torso, he wrapped his legs around an unseen assailant, unable in the dim light to divine any details about the unwanted visitor. By the time he had completed the motion, pinning his victim underneath his own body, he realized that his “attacker” had offered no resistance whatsoever.

The early morning sun had not yet broken the horizon, and the dim shadows of the room camouflaged the identity of the person beneath him.

A woman, he recognized as the softness of the hands pinned beneath his own suddenly registered in his nerve endings. For an instant, anger burned inside his chest as he imagined that Amélie had indeed found him and had presumed to make herself comfortable at his side.

When he took in a breath to unleash his ire, though, the unexpected scent overwhelmed him, and he dropped his head to inhale the scent of her neck. Spicy, he realized. Spicy and sweet.

Nessa.

Still a dream, he insisted, unwilling to raise his head and shatter the illusion. He ran his nose along the soft skin at her jawline, inhaling deeply.

If this is a dream, his mind told him, might as well enjoy it.

Even in his dreams, however, he wouldn't defile Nessa, and he restrained the instant desire that sprang to life inside him. Instead, he merely lowered himself gently onto her form, resting his cheek against hers.

“I thought I got rid of you,” he whispered, pain lacing his voice.

“Bastard,” the dream responded.

“Damn,” he cursed, cringing at the accusation. He had known that she would hate him, but couldn't his delusions forgive him even if she never would? “I can't do this,” he claimed. “It hurts too bad.” He scurried backwards off the mattress and hunched against the wall. He knew he looked like a scared child, but he couldn't bring himself to care. “I got rid of you,” he complained. “I made myself stop thinking about you.”

When Nessa stood and strode angrily across the room, Jase knew for sure that he was dreaming. His Nessa would gaze at him compassionately; she would console him and forgive him. The dream Nessa reached down and grabbed Jase by the collar, dropping to her knees so she could glare directly into his eyes.

“The problem is,” she hissed, “you don't control me, so you can't get rid of me that easily. It'll be hard for you to stop thinking about me when I never leave your side.”

When reality struck him, Jase wavered from the blow. Falling backwards into the wall, he clutched at his collar where he suddenly couldn't breathe. Somehow, she had found him. A moment of terror gave way beneath a tidal wave of joy, and Jase found himself wrench by the sensation into a forward lunge. He threw his arms around Nessa, his lips pummeling her face with unrestrained kisses.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded. He couldn't help himself, though. Before she could answer, he cut her off with a kiss.

For as long as he physically could manage, he pressed his lips onto her mouth, tasting her, assuring himself that he truly held her in his arms. Though she indulged him for a few minutes, she pushed away from him long before he would have wanted. That's when the significance of the moisture on his shirt seeped into his befuddled brain.

Nessa had tears in her eyes.

“Don't cry,” Jase begged, kissing the tears off of her cheeks. “Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just wanted to...”

He couldn't finish. He knew that he couldn't manufacture an answer that she would accept.

What would make her suddenly accept that Jase was bad for her? How could he convince her that she should stay away from him? No, he hadn't changed that determination. No matter her opinion, no matter how hard she had worked to find him, he couldn't have her. He couldn't let himself cave to her persistence, no matter how much he wanted to.

“I know. You want to protect me from yourself,” she seemed to read his thoughts. “You're bad for me; I got it. What really peeves me is that you think you are the only one with a say in this matter.” Again, her accent thickened as she grew more irate.

“I am,” Jase insisted, grasping the hand that held his shirt in both of his own hands, gently prying her fingers off the material. “Drew was right about me; I am an unfaithful, selfish jerk who can't be trusted. You can find a better man.”

“Maybe you're right!” Nessa spat incredulously. “Maybe I could find a better man. But I don't want a better man. I want you!”

“Don't be stupid,” Jase commanded, though he reeled at the intensity of the words.

Undaunted, Nessa started a tirade that seemed to emphasize the dimples at the corners of her mouth. For a moment, Jase stared, mesmerized into silence.

“Why would I listen to Drew about anything?” she almost yelled the question. “Drew was a lying, manipulating, kidnapping, thieving jerk who would have betrayed his closest friend for the sake of...”

She didn't seem prepared to end her monologue, so Jase cut her off. “Even the devil can speak the truth,” Jase insisted.

“Yes,” she admitted. “And do you know what that devil told me when he held me captive on a train? He told me that you were a naïve idealist, ridiculously convinced that good still existed. And as he drove me across the Burmese countryside, he said that you had persuaded yourself that you couldn't live up to your idea of good, when in reality, you were so far from savvy that Drew had duped you with his feigned earnestness. You still trusted other people. You just thought that you were beyond redemption.”

“Stop,” Jase commanded, though he turned his face from the pain in his chest. “It doesn't matter what he said. And it doesn't matter what you think you want.” He turned back to face her. “I won't put you at risk again. I can't. If something happened to you because of me...”

“So, you're a coward?” Nessa interrupted. “Afraid you're incapable of holding yourself to your own standard? Or are you so egotistical, that you can't risk failing at something that's actually difficult for you?”

“I don't...” he began, and he sought the floor with his eyes, confused by her words.

“Well, I'm not afraid, Jase. And I'm not naïve, and I'm not stupid. I know your past; I know what you've done. And I'm willing to risk that you might fail me, that you might hurt me. We're all human, Jase.”

She reached for his hand, sliding the softness of hers into his own calloused palm. “I'm human, too. Are you going to reject me when you find out I'm not perfect?”

“That's not...” he tried again, and she pressed her finger to his lips.

“Don't choose my pain for me, Jase.” She sought his eyes. “I know what I risk, and I'm willing to pay the price, because I see the potential outcome. Look at it this way,” she placed a hand on either side of his face and leaned in to within a few inches of him. “I've done a cost/benefit analysis, and I've decided that the potential payout outweighs the risk.”

Her matter-of-fact tone brought a reluctant smile to Jase's lips, and he shot an amused look back into her softening face. “I love it when you talk economics to me,” he crooned sarcastically. “Sexy as hell.”

She knelt so close that Jase could feel the force of gravity emitting from her that pulled him to the ever-widening orbit of her attraction. Truly, he wanted to resist. Though he had felt the soundness of his reasoning, when he listened to her rationale, she seemed to hold the upper hand.

He sounded like a pathetic coward, and the thought moved him almost as much as his adoration of Nessa. Never before had Jase shunned a challenge. Why should he start now when he had so many reasons to plunge headlong into the trial?

With that thought, Jase lost the battle with himself: the battle with pride, the rage of self-doubt, the fear of losing his greatest weapon, his independence. Gripping the back of Nessa's neck, he clutched her to him, his lips again finding the soft heat of her mouth.

This time, he didn't let her push him away, not that she tried. He wouldn't have allowed an inch of space between them, not if nuclear war had erupted outside his window.

Finally, she leaned to the side, gasping for breath. Jase took the opportunity to trail his lips along her chin and down onto her neck, never ceasing contact with her skin.

“Does this mean,” she gasped disjointedly, “that you've decided not to be a coward?”

Had he? he wondered. Or had some devil sent Nessa here as a test of Jase's resolve? Was following her just as cowardly?

Are you going to reject me when you find out I'm not perfect? her words replayed in his mind. They jerked him back from the ridiculous, suicidal precipice he so readily sought. She was right. If he didn't expect perfection from her, could he hold himself to the same standard?

Would he give up on himself and run away rather than try to fight for what he now believed he wanted? No, he realized. If Nessa were as amazing as he thought, maybe Jase should follow her example and forgive himself.

Turning back to face her, he squinted his eyes. ...you've decided not to be a coward? she had demanded.

Convinced, Jase growled at her, and still just a bit too prideful to admit that he agreed with her, he bared his teeth in a wicked smile. “Just try to get away from me now,” he threatened, finally secure in his answer.

“Is that a challenge?” she panted, undaunted by his teasing tone.

In response, Jase tightened his grip on her, barraging her neck and face with kisses that she couldn't escape if she had tried. Despite the defiance of her words, she willingly returned his every kiss.

********************

“Keep up,” Jase insisted irritably.

Behind him, Nessa dragged Dao along, the white tulle and eyelet sashes trailing in the breeze created by the girls' forward momentum.

Jase could hear the excited whispers behind him, and he smiled at his own budding contentment.

“And then, you come in with the basket, just before she enters in the most beautiful dress you've ever seen,” Nessa explained excitedly.

“And if you mess up, you're going back to Thailand,” Jase threatened ominously.

When both girls laughed in unison, Jase shook his head at his impotence. If they kept it up, he would lose all self-respect.

Nessa and Dao's presence, though, infused Jase with a measure of confidence he otherwise would not have felt. Though he had never shunned a challenge, what lay before him today knotted his stomach in dread.

“I'm just not sure this is the time or the place for this meeting,” Jase hedged. He heard the cowardice in his voice, but he couldn't help himself. Honestly, he had no fear of a battle, but no one had promised him a battle. No, Jase marched helplessly toward the guillotine, condemned and sentenced long before he arrived in court. “A wedding just seems an ill-conceived time for a first meeting.”

To his relief, Jase arrived just as the music began for seating the families. Neither he nor Nessa qualified, and so, after depositing Dao with the other bridesmaids, Nessa joined Jase in the back of the chapel. The reunion could wait until after the wedding.

Years of conquering impossible situations and besting brilliant competitors, and I'm afraid to stare in the face of a suburban mom. The more Jase considered the truth of his situation, the more irritated at himself he grew.

Twenty minutes later, Jase had successfully avoided all eye contact with the members of the wedding, and Wagner's march announced the entrance of the bride.

Honestly, Jase almost didn't recognize Briel in the truly feminine wedding dress. Not that she had listened to her friends and gone frilly or ostentatious. Somehow, Briel had managed to appear chic and composed while still emphasizing her womanly qualities.

The long off-white dress showed her shoulders and fell from an empire waist almost straight to the ground. Even Jase appreciated the form that she presented, and when he looked down the aisle at Nick, Jase mirrored his good friend's massive grin.

When Nessa sighed, Jase reached over and wiped a tear from her cheek, glad to see that the expression sprang from joy rather than sadness.

The priest peddled his wares, mixing his words of marital wisdom with a message of forgiveness and redemption. Though Jase outwardly spurned the thought, he inwardly prayed that someday he might find that kind of salvation. He doubted that a god who knew the truth of Jase's character would forgive him when a fellow human couldn't absolve Jase of his guilt.

Finally, Jase gritted his teeth as Nick and Briel began the recession, and the guests made their way to the nearby reception hall. Rather than follow Nessa into the social fray, Jase posted himself by a doorway on the side of the enclosure, striking up a conversation with the dance band musicians.

He related more to the ragamuffin artists than to the middle-class convention of the wedding guests. Besides, he reasoned, the inane jokes and levity of the entertainment crew distracted Jase from his disquieted state. He remained with them until they took their places for the first set of music and watched them all the way onto the stage.

So intent was Jase on their transit that he didn't notice the shadow that fell across his way until its owner clear her throat. Suddenly petrified, Jase turned to face the one person that he had avoided the entire night: Felicity Miller.

Jase stood silent; he had no words to offer her, no tender memories, no smiles. In fact, his presence at the event felt entirely ill conceived. He now found himself at a complete loss for words. As if he were a scolded child, Jase awkwardly hung his head as the woman who had haunted his dreams for months approached him in corporeal form.

“Jase?” came the gentle, familiar voice. “I thought this would be a pretty safe place to talk. I see you had the same idea.”

Instead of answering, Jase kept his eyes to the ground, clearing his throat nervously. The old Jase would have smiled and charmed, found some witty and brilliant comment to assure that the woman in front of him was impressed. The new Jase felt no such desire; the new Jase felt guilty. After a few weeks with Nessa, he felt a little more gratitude and a little less condemnation of himself, but sensing Felicity’s presence threw him into strange insecurity.

“I’m so proud of you, Jase,” came the unexpected words, and they drew Jase's eyes up to the lovely and generous eyes of Felicity Miller. “I saw you toward the end of our time together. The real you. I saw you let go of your pride, your ego, and I saw you become a generous and amazing person. It’s what finally wore me down.” She grinned and reached for his hand, offering a gentle squeeze before she released it. “It was when I saw the person you are now, here with Nessa – I liked her from the moment I met her, by the way.”

For the first time, Jase glanced up at her with his own eager smile.

“Someone who risks his life for another the way you did for Briel, the way you were willing to do for Nessa and Dao. I know what you thought of yourself. I knew it then, and after what you put Nessa through recently…” Felicity glared at him, “I can see you still struggle with it. But you are a good man, Jase.”

Jase couldn't quite process the words that he heard, and he strained his brain to comprehend the incomprehensible thoughts. “You can’t really believe that, Felicity. After what I put you through.”

“There you are again. Look, Jase, you spent a lot of years drifting toward the dark, but once you turned, you ran – no, sprinted – toward the light.”

“You were a powerful inducement,” he smirked. There was his charm.

Felicity tilted her head, smiling in a friendly acknowledgement of his compliment. “Sure, but what is your excuse once I was gone. Don’t say Nessa, because you barely knew her when you went to help Briel.”

“Insanity?” he grimaced.

“I think your biggest problem is that you don’t think you deserve a second chance. No one deserves a second chance, Jase. Otherwise it would just be payment due. Despite what you think, I've done a lot of wrong things, and I'm always amazed when I experience forgiveness. Just take it for what it is. We can't forget, but we can forgive. We're not God. And what you've sacrificed for good people proves that your heart has taken a step toward redemption.”

A moment of silence followed the declaration. Almost like a prayer, Jase wondered.

Finally, Felicity smirked and threw out the closest thing to an insult that she had ever said to him. “I'm glad it's not my job to clean up your mess.” When she said the words, she glanced behind him, and when Jase looked over his shoulder, he saw Nessa where she approached. She had heard Felicity’s words.

“You should be,” Nessa grinned. “It won't be an easy job. He’s stubborn.”

With a more serious expression, Felicity reached her hands out to grip first Jase then Nessa. “Thanks to both of you for everything,” she offered.

“Thanks?” Jase found himself confused again.

“For saving my sister-in-law, for stopping my worst enemy – even for saving me.”

With those words, she squeezed Jase’s hand, leaned to give Nessa a hug, then turned and walked away.

Jase stood riveted to the ground, relieved that he had made the right choice, and that he could let Felicity go with no regrets for either of them.

Without warning, Nessa materialized in front of him. If Jase were to continue the relationship – and no other option existed for him – he would have to figure out how she did that.

“Are you okay?” she pressed, leaning into him for an extended hug. When she didn't step back, he wrapped his arms around her.

“I'm okay; just in shock.”

He wavered between irritation at her solicitousness and the need to soak up her solace.

“I like her,” she offered happily.

“She said the same thing about you,” Jase smiled down at Nessa’s dark hair.

“Well, then…I guess we will be besties.” Nessa smirked into Jase’s confused face before breaking to a laugh. “Just so you know I am not serious about that, even though I like her a lot, you are never allowed to be within a hundred miles of her. You like her way too much, and she is way too pretty.”

Gratified, Jase broke into a boisterous laugh, placing his hands on either side of Nessa’s face. “Is she?” he wondered. “I didn’t notice.”

Nessa pouted, which brought Jase’s mouth down to kiss her – obviously not her intent. “I love you,” he hummed.

After a minute, Nessa pushed away from him, using one hand to force his eyes to hers.

“Did you ever wonder why Briel showed up in Myanmar?”

Shrugging, Jase shook his head. “She told me that Nick tracked me down using Thomas's cell phone signal. After that, she tracked me into Myanmar. I didn't think anyone would follow me, so I didn't exactly cover my trail well.”

“And so Adam just helped you out of the kindness of his heart?”

Jase hadn't considered this. “Don't you people just do that kind of thing?” he smirked.

Nessa pursed her lips adorably, and Jase cut off her reply with a kiss. When he let her go, she smiled back at him. “As I was about to ask, what do you mean 'you people'?

“You know, 'good guys.'”

“So, you still don't consider yourself one of us?” she asked skeptically.

Jase just shrugged noncommittally, and Nessa glared knowingly at him. She obviously didn't accept his denial.

“So, Adam didn't just come along to help Briel?”

“We're not all made of money like you are.”

When he considered that, Jase nodded in understanding. “I hadn't considered that. So, Adam came because someone hired him?” Only now did Jase remember Briel's reference to “the client.”

“Adam came because Felicity hired him. When she heard that you were stupid enough to go take on Bill alone,” Nessa paused to glare at Jase, “she wanted to help. It helped her, too, right? I mean, as long as Bill ran free, she and her family had to remain hidden. Plus, after what you did for her and for Briel, she wanted to return the favor for me.”

Even more astonished than before, Jase didn't object when Nessa slid back into his arms, though the contact clouded his thinking. He owed Felicity Miller a lot.

“Let's go,” Nessa whispered. “I'll get Dao.”

Dazed, Jase nodded, and Nessa slipped through the doorway and into the reception hall.

Five minutes later, Jase and Nessa drove down the long, graveled road that led away from the provincial chapel. Within minutes, Dao had fallen asleep in the back seat, and Jase had lost himself in recollections of everything that he had learned at the wedding.

Just as he remembered Nessa's presence, she interrupted his reverie with a question.

“Were you serious about giving Dao a proper family?” she probed, careful to avoid looking at Jase. Instead, she began an intense study of a spider's web attached to her window.

Though, at the time, Jase had posed the possibility in a somewhat nonchalant fashion, he considered it of great importance. Now that he had brought Dao from Thailand, he didn't want to shove her into another boarding school. Nessa had agreed to take her in for a while, and when Nessa had a job scheduled, Jase took her. The arrangement seemed silly.

Still, Jase wasn't a fool. He recognized the real motivation behind Nessa's question. “Well, whoever takes Dao should have a stable family life. I don't want her juggled back and forth like a volleyball. I'll need to find her a permanent situation; otherwise, I should have left her in Thailand.”

For several moments, Nessa didn't speak, and Jase could see their hotel rising before them on the horizon. A slight hitch in her voice, Nessa finally responded to Jase's seemingly thoughtless statement.

“Of course,” Nessa conceded. “Dao does need stability.”

Parking the car, Jase ran to pull open Nessa's door before reaching into the back for Dao's sleeping form. “Your room tonight?” Jase queried, nodding toward Dao.

“Sure,” Nessa answered curtly.

Jase decided that the time had come to put a stop to her misery. After they rode the elevator to their floor, Jase followed Nessa into her room and deposited Dao on the king-sized bed.

“Give me a minute,” he commanded. “I got Dao a gift - a blanket – and I want her to have it while she sleeps.”

When he returned a moment later, Nessa's eyes wore red around the rim. He forced himself not to rush immediately to her side, instead padding over to Dao and placing the blanket over the little girl's shoulders.

Nessa wanted to choose her own pain. Well, he certainly wouldn't let her choose the one she felt now, not his rejection. Never again. He would soon put an end to her misery.

Just not quite yet. Turning around, he caught Nessa staring at him in the mirror on the wall. She immediately looked at the ground.

“I'm so glad that everything can go back to normal now that this mission is over,” Jase teased, unable to help himself. He glanced covertly at Nessa in the mirror. A muscle twitched angrily in her jaw, and Jase turned away to hide his smile.

“Well, normal was kind of boring in my case,” she offered petulantly, picking up a notepad that sat on the desk in front of her and flipping mindlessly through the pages. “I imagine you always had plenty to entertain you.”

Jase relished the jealousy in her tone.

“I'm not as exciting as you think,” he offered, crossing the room and standing behind her. “I mean, sure I had moments of intrigue and hedonism, but most of the time I just sat around watching hockey games. I know all of John Gretzky's stats.”

At his last words, Nessa turned around and slapped him with the notepad. “It's Wayne...” she began but then cut off, incensed. “How long have you been messing with me?” she accused, her tone rising to a near shout.

“Shhh,” Jase warned, nodding toward Dao. “You need to settle down.”

“I'll show you settled down,” she threatened, and stood to her feet before him, glaring up into his eyes. “And I won't even wake Dao. You know exactly how quiet I can be. I've made sure to let you know.”

“So, you do that on purpose,” he smiled.

“Of course, and if you tell me to settle down again, you'll find out how quietly I can disable a larger, stronger man.”

“Sounds intriguing,” Jase mocked. Ever mindful of the sleeping child, he worked hard not to laugh out loud. The display from Nessa nearly drove him into a fit of hilarity, and the reality of what he planned to do next enhanced his adrenaline rush.

Interrupting any thoughts she had of attack, Jase reached for her as if in embrace, slipping around behind her and lifting her into the air. To her credit, she didn't make a noise, short of a slight gasp of surprise. He strode with her over to the small sofa and pulled her into a vice-like embrace on his lap.

“You ridiculous, crazy woman,” he whispered into her ear.

She tried to speak, but he had literally robbed her of breath, and instead, she needed a moment to regain her composure. Jase took advantage of her silence to place several kisses along the back of her neck.

“Why am I ridiculous and crazy?” she spluttered, still breathless.

Turning her around, Jase dipped his head to meet her eyes. “Why do you think I went to Myanmar?”

Stubbornly, she turned her head to avoid his stare. “Because you hated Bill Henry,” she asserted.

“And why do you think I hated Bill Henry? I worked with him for years.”

“Well, he hurt Felicity.”

Her words stabbed at Jase, and he lost his levity for a moment. “You know that's not the reason,” he tried not to sulk, and Nessa softened infinitesimally in his arms.

“I know; I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” he offered, practicing his own small version of forgiveness. “I went to Myanmar because Bill had threatened you.”

“Well, that was very kind of you,” her verbal insolence returned.

“It wasn't kindness, Nessa,” he spoke with all the earnestness he could muster. “If Bill had targeted anyone else, what do you think I would have done?”

“You would have done what you did with Briel; you would have gone to help.”

“Not for a threat alone. You weren't actually in danger when I left. Briel was in mortal peril, and I had you pushing me to action. If anyone besides you had been in threat of danger, I would have sat down and rationally developed a strategic plan. I would have carefully mapped out every step and calculated how much I would be willing to sacrifice to accomplish my goal.”

“No, you wouldn't have.”

“Yes, I would have,” he pressed her, dipping down to look in her eyes. “But the thought of someone threatening you terrified me, reduced me to a mindless animal. I wanted to annihilate anyone who had ever thought to harm a hair on your head. Instead of calculating, I abandoned all rational thought and relied solely on my instinct.”

Despite Jase's attempt to catch her gaze, Nessa still looked at the ground, but she allowed a slight smile to brush her lips. “You have good instincts,” she offered, a little more graciously this time.

“And from the moment I met you, you turned rational thought on its head. I mean, at first, I ruled you out immediately as too soft for my world. Of course, you overcame that objection without my permission, so I had to come up with another reason to reject you. I convinced myself to stay away from you for selfish reasons and manufactured the idea that I didn't deserve you. That concept, that I don't deserve you, proved much more compelling, and it led me to the hole in Singapore.”

“Jase, now who's being ridiculous. You've proven to be one of the most noble men I've ever met.”

Unable to help himself, Jase burst out in an incredulous laugh.

“I'm serious,” she insisted.

“I'm not doubting your sincerity,” he allowed. “It's just, to hear those words from your lips is like salve to a wound. Nobility is not something I ever aspired to, and certainly not something I thought I could achieve. I didn't even know I wanted it until I started to encounter people who had this power that I couldn't understand. I thought I knew power. Then I felt powerless when I met you.”

Weaving his fingers gently into her hair, he met her lips with his, and she melted against him. He pulled away after a minute.

“Does this mean I'm forgiven?” he wondered.

“I guess so,” she allowed, though she maintained a hint of coyness in her tone.

“I was hoping you'd say that, because the answer is yes.”

Nessa paused for a second, her face screwing up in perplexity. “Yes?” she wondered.

“Yes, I was serious about giving Dao a proper family. Yes, she needs the stability of a good home. And yes, I want it to be our home.”

Jase felt the catch of Nessa's breath, and she gathered herself before gazing up into his eyes. The tears that welled in them asked him an unspoken question.

“Yes,” he answered aloud. “I'm asking you to marry me.”

Instead of answering, Nessa buried her head on his chest and let the tears fall onto his shirt. Jase shushed her and kissed her until she calmed in his arms. Though he thought he could safely assume the answer, he hated the lack of resolution. The minutes stretched on painfully.

Finally, relief came from an unexpected quarter, and Jase couldn't restrain his jubilant grin.

“Just say yes, Miss Nessa,” came Dao's squeaky and excited voice. “You know you're going to. Don't be so mean to Mr. Jase.”

Nessa jerked her head up, surprised at the unforeseen audience. “Yes,” she blurted out rather unceremoniously, as if she hadn't intended to say it. Then she turned her head back to Jase. “Yes,” she said again, this time with all the fervor and sincerity that Jase could ever wish.

Before he could stop her, Dao leapt from the bed directly onto the sofa with Jase and Nessa, and the little girl began a raucous cheering and jumping that sent Nessa and Jase scurrying for cover.

“Give her the ring!” the little girl demanded, and Jase glanced up, shocked, into Nessa's face. He had bought the ring weeks before, even before going to Myanmar, when it had been an irrational impulse, and he had carried it covertly into the room with him when he brought in Dao's blanket. Still, he couldn't believe he had lost sight of it in the ensuing tension.

Nessa thought that she had caught him in a bind and smiled smugly at what she imagined his dilemma.

Stepping back, Dao seated herself on the back of the couch. “Give it to her! Give it to her!” the urchin insisted, and she tamed her jumping into an excited quiver.

“Dao, don't make Jase feel bad. He doesn't have a...”

She choked slightly on her words as Jase pulled the little box out of his pants pocket.

“If you say so, Dao,” Jase allowed teasingly. “I know who's going to run our household, anyway.”

When Nessa saw the stones shine under the lights, she looked like she was trying not to cry again.

“Will you marry me?” Jase asked formally.

Nessa looked back into his eyes, the tears actually brimming, and nodded her head.

“Yay!” Dao began again. “I'm going to have a family!” Dao cheered. “I'm going to have a house and a yard and a cat.”

“No cats!” Jase barked, and Nessa sent him a withering look. “I'm allergic,” he shrugged.

“A dog then,” Nessa corrected, and after considering a moment, Dao nodded, continuing her outburst for several more minutes before wrapping one arm around each of the sofa's other occupants.

“A dog,” Jase allowed contently, and he hugged his family as joy washed over him, overcoming all of his carefully crafted control. Jase Hamilton had finally laid his ego down on an altar of love, and he gratefully surrendered to the future that he had somehow always wanted, but never know to hope for.

Baan Unruk, he thought smugly, remembering the name of the school from where he had retrieved Dao. Looking at the faces that now smiled at him, he thought that the title fit even better for his new life. House of Joy.