Because I’m an idiot. – Jase’s explanation to Briel after Singapore

Be careful when you cast out your demons that you don’t throw away the best of yourself. – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Jase?” the unexpected voice crackled at him through the cell phone.

“Nessa?”

Jase pushed aside the laptop that rested on the coffee table before him, his thoughts yanked from planning and into a laser focus on the sound coming through the receiver.

“I'm sorry to bother you,” came the reticent tone. “Nick gave me your number.”

Silently, Jase cursed the computer whiz, considering with another part of his mind how he could strengthen his computer security. He felt as if Nick had betrayed his trust. Then again, when did I start trusting people? Jase scoffed cynically.

“It's fine,” he replied, his tone terse. He didn't really wish to offend her, but he didn't dare unleash the tempest of emotions that threatened to spill over into his voice. Now more than ever he had to ensure that she kept her distance.

“I wouldn't have called you, but something has been happening that I thought you would want to be aware of. Plus, in light of events, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

At first, her admission of concern pained Jase, her kindness gripping his conscience mercilessly. How like Nessa to consider him even after he had abandoned her! When he realized what her words implied, however, a new tension seized him.

“What events?” he demanded, suddenly anxious.

“Well, I just wanted to make sure the items were taken from your old apartment when you left rather than stripped from you in your current location. You can understand how one might prove a threat to you and the other just a nuisance?”

“Slow down, Nessa. What items?”

Jase heard the slow intake of breath, and when Nessa spoke again, a forced calm had entered her tone. “A few more of your belongings have shown up unexpectedly in my apartment.”

Jase closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe evenly. Though he had known Nessa would miss him, he had considered her pain of minimal importance if he could effect her safety in the process. That he had left her and she still remained in danger caused his head to pound in anger.

“What belongings?” he queried.

“Well, first your coffeemaker,” she huffed a weak laugh. “That worried me at first because I thought for sure you would have taken it with you, seeing as your coffee is so important to you. Then, I found one of your shirts hanging in my closet.”

When she didn't continue, Jase prompted, “Was that everything?” He forced the words past the lump that had formed in his throat.

“No, that was just the first week. In the last week and a half, several more items have shown up in my apartment. Clothes, books, and even your cologne.”

Before he could think, Jase closed his laptop and stood up. He strode purposefully into his room and began to throw things into a bag. He grabbed his laptop case and headed straight toward the door.

“I'll be there in an hour and a half,” Jase informed Nessa, not considering that she might object.

“Not necessary,” she interrupted hastily. Her tone took on a coldness that arrested Jase in his tracks. What had he expected?

“I'm fine,” she continued. “Drew has been coming over every day, and he installed a security system that no one could get past. I haven't received anything of yours since he did.”

Leaning against the wall behind him, Jase gritted his teeth. Drew. In his concern for Nessa, Jase had forgotten about Drew. Jase himself had relegated Nessa to Drew's care, but in so doing, Jase had felt sure that he would also remove her from danger. Wasn't he, Jase, the source of her possible peril?

If the harassment continued despite his absence, then why torture himself by staying away from her? Considering that they were Jase's belongings that had shown up in Nessa's apartment, he seemed still to be the target, but staying away from her had not lessened that vulnerability. In fact, it had removed from her the greatest possibility of security: Jase's presence.

“Of course, I understand,” Jase finally offered the silent phone, forcing calm into his tone. A full minute of silence had passed as he pondered the implications of what Nessa had told him.

“I just wanted you to be on your guard since someone obviously intends you harm, or at least annoyance.” Though she kept her voice even, Jase thought he could detect a slight wavering, as if she, too, had to work to control her inflection. “I don't need any help,” she finished concisely.

Yes, Jase definitely recognized some strong emotion in her voice, and though she had discouraged him, her insecurity decided him. Whatever he had to do, Jase needed to get back to Nessa. “Okay, then,” he lied smoothly, for the first time deceiving Nessa without regret. “I'll let you two handle it. Thanks for the warning.”

What had possessed Jase to relegate the care of Nessa to Drew Pearson, someone who, on his best day, couldn't match Jase on his worst? Drew had allowed so many breaches; no doubt Liam would take advantage of them at some point, and Jase felt sure that Liam had done this.

Still, insecurity ate at Jase's peace of mind, and anxiety that gave him pause. What would Nessa do when she saw him? Even Nessa, with her generosity, would have condemned Jase by now. What if she had believed his assertion and thought him returned to his old way of life? He had intended that others believe, but could she?

Stuffing that worry into a temporary, willful denial, Jase rushed out his door and made his way rapidly to the airport. He had, indeed, landed in Boston within an hour, and thirty minutes later, Nessa's East Fenway apartment rose before him, just as Jase had intended.

Since he dare not knock on her door, Jase settled himself into a bookstore catty corner to her building and began to watch. He had pinpointed the balcony of her third story apartment, but he hated his inability to see her. If he could only catch a glimpse, his mind could rest. Instead, he sipped impatiently on his cappuccino and waited for her to make an appearance.

Unfortunately, when she did appear, Drew appeared with her, accompanying her out of the building. Jase almost couldn't stomach watching the easy way she took Drew's arm, and he decided to forgo his surveillance while Drew remained with her. Maybe Jase could find a way to turn his mind to less painful observations. Luckily, Jase had, just before the phone call, plucked a schematic of a mansion from Jack Buckley's computer. The folder from which had pulled it said “Security Layout,” and since Jase had seen all of Bill's other property, he saw a strong likelihood that the plans referred to Bill's Asia property. Certainly, he could waste a few minutes on deciphering the particulars of the property.

A moment later, though, Jase glanced back up to see Drew lean down to within a mere breath of Nessa's ear, apparently intent on sharing some secret. No, Jase realized. He couldn't possibly concentrate with Nessa so close, especially while Drew hovered over her.

I'm not here to stalk her, he reminded himself when jealousy tried to rear up inside him. I'm here for her security only. Still, the clandestine nature of his surveillance combined with his inability to talk to her lent a definite air of furtiveness to his vigil.

“You shouldn't have done it,” Jase heard Drew chastise as the couple passed Jase's perch behind a tree in Back Bay Fens. Alert, Jase strained to hear the susurrating tones that wafted to him on the favorable breeze.

“I know you wish I could be, but I'm not entirely heartless,” came Nessa's uncharacteristically harsh reply. Jase didn't care the nature of Drew's reprimand, but he did like that Nessa disagreed with her ex- or current boyfriend. Jase couldn't suppress the juvenile pleasure he felt at the thought of an argument between the couple.

Drew shook his head, and from Jase's vantage point behind the pair he could see the muscles in Drew's neck constrict in irritation. After tracking them for a few miles, Jase settled himself uncomfortably near the park bench that the two had appropriated. If they rose too quickly, he would not have time to conceal himself.

“No one who had half a brain could accuse you of being heartless. I'm more concerned about your being senseless.”

Jase's fists clenched in anger at the tone and content of Drew's speech. How did he still have no respect for her? Apparently, Nessa shared Jase's indignation.

“Senseless?” she hissed angrily. “First of all, I used every caution. And secondly, I would risk a lot more to protect someone I believed innocent.”

At Drew's harsh laugh, Jase risked another peek around the tree. The couple sat, their backs to him, with two feet separating them on the park bench. “I have never met a less innocent person,” Drew scoffed. Jase returned to his hidden location. “Are you sure this isn't because it's Jase?”

Jase's gritted his teeth at the mention of his name.

“You have always cared a little too much about him. As a matter of fact,” Drew's tone grew icy, “if he hadn't left, you probably would have thrown yourself at him like every other woman he meets does. Maybe I'm just getting his leftovers and that's why you won't let me near you. I would think that you would have wised up, Nessa. I told you Jase has switched sides again; he never belonged with the good guys in the first place.”

With a sudden gust of wind, Nessa's words whipped away from Jase's vantage point, but he could hear the vitriol in her tone. When he detected a change in her location, he peeked from behind his tree and saw her profile. She stared down with her fiery gaze at the park bench where Drew sat.

“...leftovers?” Jase heard her irate tone. “And if you ever talk to me like that again, I'll...”

“You'll what? Lock me out of your apartment? You know the only reason you're safe is because I've been taking care of you. If you lock me out now, you'll have no one to protect you. Your precious Jase has bailed, and Briel has enough problems of her own. Without me, you're alone.”

Raising her chin defiantly, Nessa leveled a glare at Drew. “You forget, Drew. I am trained to take care of other people; I don't need you. Your presence has been nothing more than a comfort, and at this point, the effect is wearing off quickly.”

“You couldn't protect -” Drew began.

“Thanks for your help,” Nessa cut him off. “I've got it from here.”

With the dismissal, Nessa turned and strode down the path leading back to her apartment. Almost immediately, Drew rose and started after her. He called to her, but she didn't turn around.

With everything in him, Jase wanted to bound after them, but he forced himself to move stealthily through the trees, just keeping them in sight. Nessa traversed the mile to her apartment in less than ten minutes, almost running to escape the oppressive presence of Drew. To keep up, Jase strayed off the path and directly to a parallel bridge across the river, pausing just long enough to ensure that neither Nessa nor Drew would see him.

After weaving his way across Fenway, Jase felt the satisfaction of seeing Drew where he stood sulking in the porch outside Nessa's building. Drew had never deserved someone as amazing as Nessa, and nothing less than her safety could have compelled Jase to give her up to him.

Not that I deserve her, either, Jase scoffed silently.

Though Nessa seemed to have exiled Drew, to his credit, the now-brooding man did not abandon his post but took up a position in the bookstore that Jase had evacuated only moments before. Jase couldn't, at this point, accomplish anything by doubling Drew's protective role, so he found a nearby coffee shop to examine Bill's schematic. Eventually, Drew would go home, and Jase could finally take over protecting Nessa, maybe gain access to her apartment to do some recon.

For the next several hours, Jase holed up with his laptop and tried to focus. From his perspective, Jase could easily see the front entrance to Nessa's complex, though he could not see Drew.

During breaks from digging though Bill's computer files, Jase managed to find and download a blueprint for Nessa's apartment building, and when Drew finally gave up and strolled south down the street, Jase made his way to the back of the sandwich shop which took up part of the bottom floor of Nessa's building.

Jase wanted desperately to sneak into Nessa's apartment, do a quick assessment of her security, but under no circumstances could he risk encountering her unannounced. Instead, he stared listlessly at her door in between failed attempts to study his computer. After another hour, Jase nearly jumped from his seat when Nessa stepped into the deepening obscurity of the twilit street. The sun had just begun to set, and the daylight would only stretch another thirty minutes at most. Cursing her carelessness, Jase rose from his position in the plush chair, snatched up his laptop, and began a careful tail that kept her solidly in his sight.

Within a few minutes, Jase's honed senses noticed a consistent motion on the slowly emptying streets. The crowd had dwindled, but plenty of people still wandered the sidewalks to finish their evening business. When Jase glanced toward the movement, he watched a pedestrian following at a steady distance behind Nessa. Had Drew decided to come back? From his perspective, Jase could not tell the person's size, but he seemed shorter than his lanky acquaintance.

Nessa entered a drugstore, and the other pedestrian halted against a doorway in an adjacent building. As Nessa completed whatever business she had in the store, Jase observed her pursuer. The person wore a heavy coat, its puffed material obscuring any identifying characteristics that might have otherwise shown from Jase's perspective. If the person had hair, a skullcap covered that as well, but Jase did note the pursuer's size and shape.

When the form passed under a hanging street sign, Jase knew for certain that he didn't now watch Drew. At six feet and four inches, Drew would have needed to duck under the sign. The tail stood a hair under six feet tall and wore a slim build. Even under the obvious layers, the person seemed thinner than Jase without layers. Nessa exited the drugstore and headed directly back to her building. As soon as she entered, the tail turned and wandered south toward Fenway and probably a car. Jase deliberated. Should he follow the tail and find out who had targeted Nessa? Or should he stay and assure himself that Nessa would remain safe?

Though the agent in him leaned toward the former, his guilt over leaving Nessa compelled him toward the latter. When Nessa had headed toward the drugstore, Jase had observed her more closely than before, not now distracted by Drew's scowling presence.

Nessa looked exhausted. Whatever had occurred over the last few weeks had left her nervous and sleep-deprived. Not only did she jump at the slightest sound, but black circles shadowed her eyes, and Jase hated the apparent consequences of her mental strain.

Shortly after she reentered her building, Jase grew restless, no longer satisfied with gazing at the cold cement exterior of the building that shut her away from him. Antsy, he rose and, having memorized the outlay of the apartment complex, he made his way to the service entrance in the back. As often happened, a cleaning crew had propped the service entrance open so that they could have easy access to their truck. Amazing how recklessly people acted for the sake of laziness, Jase mused. Jase bode his time for half an hour while the work crew carried buckets and equipment into the complex. After a while, though, the activity slowed to a stop.

Gliding to the back of the truck, Jase eased up the sliding door and pulled out his flashlight, which he shone into the yawning box. As he had hoped, several overcoats bearing the company logo hung in a locker on the side of the truck.

Jase eased under the door and snatched a coat, determining to don it only long enough to reach the lobby where his normal attire would blend in with the building residents. After a few minutes of waiting outside, Jase approached the door to the building. He tried the handle and started to pull it open when he heard voices on the other side. For a minute, he arrested the motion of his hand, and a second later, the handle moved on its own. Jase retreated behind a nearby dumpster, and two laughing employees exited from the apartment. From what Jase could tell, the pair spoke Ukrainian.

When they turned around and headed back inside, Jase breathed a sigh of relief. Listening at the slitted door, Jase heard the sibilant purr of the workers' conversation as it lilted from the hallway, growing more distant as they moved away from the door. When the sound had almost faded, Jase risked a peek through the crevice.

Before him, a corridor stretched for several yards, and a doorway branched off about every ten feet. Jase aimed for the second door on the right, a storeroom, he soon saw, that led both off the hallway and into a bustling kitchen. After listening for several minutes at the door to the kitchen, Jase pulled the door open and glanced into a blur of activity. Every inch of countertop boasted a dedicated scrubber, dishes lathered, dishwashers ran, and Jase didn't spot a single employee of the company whose uniform he now wore. As he had hoped, the kitchen employed its own cleaning staff, and it seemed the entire staff had shown up to clean up after dinner.

Jase did not try to remain hidden, which would undoubtedly have drawn attention to him. Instead, he moved meekly along the farthest corridor of counters toward the door into the restaurant.

“Who are you?” someone asked imperiously.

“Yah nee guhvahryoo pah ahngleeskee?” Jase offered innocently. Most likely, no one in the kitchen would know the difference between Ukrainian and Russian. Pointing to the logo on his jacket, Jase shrugged apologetically.

“Well, you're not supposed to be in here.”

“Tam?” Jase asked innocently and pointed to the door out into the main building.

“Da,” another employee offered. “They are speaking Russian, aren't they?” he laughed, turning to a friend. “That's the only word I know in Russian. That and 'nyet.'”

He and his friend shared a laugh, and Jase continued toward the door without incidence. As soon as he cleared the kitchen, Jase removed the coat and shoved it into a trashcan in the nearest restroom. After depositing several paper towels on top of it, he continued into the lobby and up the elevator to Nessa's floor.