Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great… – Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

Even I am not that heartless. – Jase

Jase had trouble concentrating on the road before him as he drove home. Though the conversation had revealed nothing about her current dilemma, Jase couldn't help pondering everything Nessa had told him. For the first time, he began to understand a little bit about her.

For one, she hadn't always worn such a restrained and rational manner as she did now. For most of her life, she had lived with a boldness that her current character would not have implied in any way.

For another, she had in recent history run wildly alongside a man after...what? Adventure? Intrigue? What exactly had compelled her to accompany this Aaron on such ridiculously dangerous undertakings? Maybe a wanton abandon toward the one she loved? The possibility intrigued him, snared him farther into her already tightening seduction, though she seemed to hold no intention of enticing him.

As Jase pulled into his complex, a figure detached itself from a silver sports car parked in the adjacent visitor lot. When the form approached him, Jase recognized Drew, his face and shoulders hunched in a submissive pose. Jase slowed to wait, though he had no desire for mercy toward Drew.

“Jase, we need to talk,” Drew asserted more boldly than his bearing would have hinted.

Despite his anger at the lanky man before him, Jase responded to the earnestness in the tone, not refusing the conversation. “What can you possibly have to say to me?” Jase accused tersely.

For a moment, Drew merely breathed. Jase couldn't tell whether Drew needed to gather courage through this exercise or to suppress irritation. Jase waited indifferently, leaning against the glass-enclosed entrance to his apartment complex.

Finally, Drew spoke. “Nessa and I have dated off and on for the last two years,” he began.

“And that excuses you for how you treated her yesterday?” Jase interrupted, his annoyance simmering under the surface of his calm.

“No, absolutely not. But you need to know something: yesterday was a fluke. Ask her. I have never laid a hand on her until you showed up.”

Jase scoffed at what sounded like a justification.

Drew pressed on. “I know your reputation, Jase. We've known each other for a while, but I've never actually had occasion to observe you with women, only heard the rumors. The reality is a little more terrifying than the stories. You can't lie to me and tell me that nothing is happening between you and Nessa.” A scowl crumpled Drew's features.

“No, I can't, not since you treated her like you did yesterday. Before that, she had kept me at arm’s length, and believe it or not, I had let her for the sake of our friendship,” Jase conceded. “That all changed when you left finger marks on her arms.”

“You're right,” Drew agreed. Drew's tone grew quiet as he spoke, and his introspection threw off Jase's intuition. Though Jase's experience told him to assume a manipulation, Drew seemed sincere. “I needed you to know that I screwed up...”

“Obviously.”

“I screwed up once, but I'm not giving up on Nessa. You're delusional if you think I'm just going to lie down and watch helplessly while you seduce her. There will be no repeat of my outburst yesterday, but I'm going to try to get her back. I won't abandon her to you.”

Jase clenched his teeth, Drew's accusations aligning with those of Jase's own conscience. You as much as planned a seduction on the plane, he reminded himself.

“I think she would suffer if I let her fall victim to your scheming,” Drew continued, a cold determination settling into his tone.

“I am not scheming,” Jase tried to defend himself. “At this point, Nessa and I are still just friends. Believe it or not, I do have friendly relationships with women that don't involve sex.”

Disbelieving, Drew huffed a laugh. “Either way, I see what has happened over the last few weeks, and though I'm starting at a disadvantage, I want you to know that I'm in the competition. Nessa is not just a fling; she's very important to me for multiple reasons. I also want you to know that I will not lose my cool again. If anything, all that would accomplish would be to reinforce your advantage, and that's something I won't do.”

Jase shook his head disgustedly. According to Drew's description, Nessa sounded more like a trophy to be won than a woman to be loved. Had Jase ever sounded similarly, even in his most lothario days? He thought not. Even the most selfish and manipulating woman deserved to be valued.

“Duly noted,” Jase responded tersely. “You're in the competition. I got it.”

As Jase turned to enter the complex, Drew grabbed his arm to arrest his motion. Jase gathered all of his willpower not to punch Drew for his aggression.

“I need her, Jase,” Drew insisted. “I've invested too much with her to just give you free rein.”

Though in the past he would have postured up to Drew's challenge, Jase cared too much about Nessa to allow any escalation in the tension already surrounding her. He would not take Drew on directly.

“Fine,” Jase replied coolly. “Maybe your investment will pay off. Or maybe she'll turn out to be more of a risky gamble than you expect. There's no way to guarantee the result you want. I know that as well as anyone.”

Wrenching his arm free, Jase entered the glass doors before him, refusing to look back at Drew's reaction. Maybe Drew did care, Jase mused. He wanted to unleash his anger at Drew, wanted to deny the accusations against himself, but his mind demanded honesty. Drew knew Jase, and Drew also knew Nessa. Even though Drew seemed calloused toward his ex-girlfriend, he also seemed to hold some insight into her emotional well-being.

Jase, on the other hand, seemed to pull Nessa into the very irrational behavior that she had worked so hard to abolish a decade before. When he thought about how she had kicked Drew out of her apartment, how she had flown halfway across the globe on Jase's heels, how she had trusted Jase against all good judgment: Jase couldn't quite reconcile what he wanted for Nessa with his own desires. For the last couple of days, Jase had obsessed over keeping Nessa safe. What if Drew was right? What if involving herself with Jase placed Nessa in greater danger than anything else she did without him? What if Nessa really would be better off with Drew?

Though Jase's hackles rose when he remembered the sight of Drew's fingers digging into Nessa's flesh, Jase had to think reasonably. Jase's own fingers had reached for her heart, and the potential for damage seemed mammoth in comparison.

In truth, Drew had not hurt her, and according to both Nessa and Drew, he had never done anything like that in the past. Perhaps Drew had a weak moment. Jase knew the difference between an abuser and someone who underestimated his own strength in a moment of weakness. Really, Drew had seemed just a tad riled and not overtly aggressive.

Turning back to view the parking lot, Jase scrutinized Drew's retreating car as if by studying it he could reveal the character of its owner. When he had kissed Nessa, Jase had felt a shift inside of him, one from selfish desire to total immersion. When he had spied Nessa's keys on the counter, that emotion had shifted even farther to reckless disregard for himself. His run-in with Drew had completed Jase's rift within himself, and Jase had ceased to matter entirely.

Now, Jase stood poised to make perhaps the biggest and most life-altering decision he had ever made, and he wanted to know that he was making the right one. He had no history with altruism, and his instinct, therefore, proved ill-equipped at discerning the right course. If Drew proved himself repentant and truly honorable, maybe Jase should defer to his once friend.

For some transgression of Jase's, an enemy had decided to target Nessa. Maybe Jase could remove the threat to Nessa by removing himself from her life. Even as the thought solidified itself in Jase's brain, he felt sick.

To the benefit of making her safer, Jase's leaving would add a second positive result, though he didn't particularly like the idea. He had left Meg to make her stand on her own feet, and had she responded correctly, she would probably still be alive. Like Meg, Nessa too easily saw the good in people, regardless of their behavior or their past. Jase knew of only one way to harden that type of soft vulnerability: pain. If he were to inure her to attack, he needed to remove himself from the equation, and in the process, he could effect some of that strengthening pain.

Of course, another side effect would result. Jase would have nowhere to go. Maybe Providence had determined that Jase Hamilton would spend the rest of his life in superficial relationships. Maybe Jase had determined that fact through his past decisions.

A sudden sullenness settled over Jase, and he had to force his feet to plod into the elevator. Once inside, he leaned forlornly against the wall and focused on the blinking lights and the ding of the bells as he rose past the lower floors. Finally, the doors opened, and his mind suppressed its recognition of the open space before him. He heedlessly wandered to his apartment door and passed his key card through the slot.

When he opened the door, his awareness returned in part as he braced for another confrontation with Amélie. To his relief, she had left for some reason, and Jase felt a sense of relaxation blanket him at the realization. Without Amélie, he could focus on relief. The thought of abandoning Nessa sent a choking constriction into his chest almost as intense as that in his dreams. Rather than flop down on the sofa, as he often did after a day's work, he trudged into his room, slipped off his shoes and his pants, and fell onto his stomach in his bed. He let himself sigh and melt into the plush covers. He couldn't control the direction of his thoughts, and his thoughts wanted a woman. If he couldn't let himself have Nessa, perhaps someone else could provide a substitute drug for him, not of the medical sort. Jase, though, had always preferred a woman of a substance, and that type of woman didn't play the substitute very well. For one second, he thought of Amélie and her apparent willingness, but his sensibilities revolted against the ice of her temperament. Jase had grown attached to warmth, and he didn't know if he could ever go back. Plus, Jase had no desire to foster a connection that he had worked hard to sever.

As he thought, Jase began to drift. He dozed for a couple of hours, never really investing himself in deep sleep, until he heard the telltale stirrings of human life emitting from the adjacent living room. Abruptly, he sat up, bemoaning the disturbance and recognizing the source of the sounds. Jase knew the frustrated sigh that floated through the threshold of his room, and he rolled his eyes in irritation. Amélie.

Rather than feign sleep, as he felt tempted to do, Jase stretched and rose to address the Frenchwoman head-on. The two hours of repose had provided just enough rest to deprive him of true sleep and had awakened in him the restlessness born of errant thoughts. The impatient tapping of a red pointed shoe interrupted any deep speculations, though, and Jase glanced up into a very irritated gaze from the perpetually affronted Amélie. Now standing in his living room, Amélie held up an object that Jase did not immediately recognize. Her impatience seemed somehow tied to that object.

“I think it is time for me to leave now, Jase. You seem to have developed a new obsession, and I find this one even worse than the last.” She chunked the object at him, and Jase grabbed it out of the air with one hand. “Have I displeased you in some way? You will not even touch me; you don't wish to talk to me. It is like I am a stranger to you,” she continued.

“I wish,” he mumbled, then turned her attention back on herself. “In the past, what have you thought about any man who refused you?” he threw back at her.

Flipping her eyes coyly to the side, she puckered her red painted lips. “I assumed he was mentally slow or insane,” she shrugged dismissively.

“Why consider me any differently?” he mocked. “Maybe I've lost my mind.”

Amélie returned her eyes to his face and shot him a glare. “I have wondered,” she admitted. “I have mourned, though, Jase,” she asserted dramatically. “To have fallen from such great heights...”

For a moment Jase felt mere amusement at Amélie's tantrum, but as the time stretched in silence, Jase's palms began to sweat around the suddenly-familiar object in his grasp. Jase glanced down into his hands and spied an unremarkable book; he spun the tome in his hand as gravity expanded the minute action into a timeless motion.

The cover wore an aged appearance, or at least oft-handled. According to the story Nessa had told him that day, she would, indeed, have read it often.

“I know it's cliched,” Nessa had admitted sheepishly, “but it's my favorite. No one can write like Jane Austen.”

Their foray into her library had taken more than an hour of their time together, and Nessa seemed to have enjoyed expounding on the virtues of each of her favorites. When she had reached for the book Jase now held, Nessa's face had taken on a sentimental expression. As he opened the book Amélie had thrown him, any doubt he held as to its owner disappeared.

Nessa, the angular handwriting began.

Thank you for accepting my offer, regardless of in how “ungentlemanly” a manner I presented it. I can't give you Pemberley, but you have my heart.

Aaron

Though the sappiness of the note would have compelled Jase to roll his eyes, faced with the truth that the note's presence now implied, Jase's disgust gave way to anxiety. Whoever had left the keys in Jase's apartment had now proven even more resourceful than before. Not only had this person made it past Nessa's new security system, he had most likely managed the feat in the amount of time it took Jase to travel from Nessa's apartment to his own. Either that, or the person had stolen or placed the book while Jase slept in the next room, an even more unlikely possibility.

Whatever had happened, Jase did not wish to waste another minute without relief for his anxiety. Rather than rush back to Nessa's apartment, he strode casually to his laptop and hinged it open. He had an instant solution.

“I didn't bring that here,” Jase claimed with feigned nonchalance. With as much disinterest as he could muster, he set the book on the bar and waved it off with the back of his hand. “She must have left it here last time she came over.”

“She carries her books around?” Amélie asked incredulously.

“She's a fanatic,” Jase returned casually. “I think that book holds some sentimental value. Next time I see Briel, I'll have her return it to Nessa.”

At this, Amélie scoffed. While she tried to figure out the meaning of his declaration, Jase logged onto the computer, grateful that the screen faced away from Amélie.

“Why not return it to her yourself?” Amélie queried curiously.

That answer is too complex to communicate, he pondered. As soon as his fingers touched the keyboard, Jase logged on to the security company's internal feed and tapped into Nessa's cameras. He began replaying the last few hours footage.

“She got a little angry with me,” Jase lied, and he turned a mocking gaze toward Amélie. “You know how strong I can come on sometimes.”

To his relief, Amélie smirked at the evidence of his roguish attitude; apparently, she took it for a return of his past self. “You are incorrigible,” she hummed, and she began to stalk toward the couch. Jase quickly switched his screen to a statistical analysis sheet. “If she can't handle your strength, Jase,” she paused between him and the computer, her legs straddling his knees but not touching him, “then peut-être you need someone else to come on to.”

Jase marveled at the agility her stance required considering the short, tight skirt she wore. He also had to pity her lack of self-respect. “I told you,” he reminded her with a mad grin, “I've lost my mind. If I hadn't, though, I'm sure I would find your offer irresistible.”

After sneering at his words, Amélie extricated herself and rose slowly to her full height. Their eyes stayed fixed on each other until she spun abruptly away and stalked into the guest room. Undaunted, Jase shook his head and turned back to continue his perusal of Nessa's security footage.

Between the time that Jase left her apartment and returned home, Nessa welcomed several visitors into the house, all team members. Drew had showed up for about five minutes, but Briel answered the door, and Nessa would not even see him. Only two people entered the library during that time: Briel and Nessa. Neither of them went near the shelf where Nessa stored her book. Though he wracked his brain, he could find nothing satisfactory to explain the book's appearance in his apartment.

For the rest of the night, Jase watched the cameras and debated with himself over his next course of action. Whatever happened, Jase needed to extricate himself from her life. What had begun as a suspicion a couple of hours before had transformed into an all-out conviction. He was bad for her, in more ways than one. As if his character didn't affect her adversely enough, now his very presence brought her danger – physical danger, not just mental or emotional. If he were going to leave her, though, he couldn't just walk away. What would happen if someone continued to target her?

A plan began to form in his mind, something he despised, but something in which he could discern the potential benefit to Nessa, if not to himself. Unfortunately, Drew Pearson would prove the simplest option; Jase would have liked to ignore the suitability of the plan. Of course, if he gave Drew the option, Drew would pounce on the opportunity to stick close to Nessa. If he gave Drew the option, Jase ran the very real risk that close proximity and desperation might rekindle the connection that had first brought Nessa and Drew together. In response to his concerns, however, Jase had to ask himself a question. Would he risk losing Nessa in order to save her life? The answer came back as a clear, unequivocal yes. Not only would he risk losing her, but he would consider the very real possibility that she would be better off without him forever.

Closing his eyes at the ache in his chest, Jase stopped his internal debate and made a decision. For the next few days, he would watch Nessa from a distance. She would wonder at his absence, and he would allow her to deduce whatever she wanted. With his reputation, the conclusion that he had abandoned her would seem natural. If possible, Jase would make sure that Drew saw him with Amélie and then, over the next week, Jase would sit back and watch the results of his machinations.

If Drew showed no repeat of his previous behavior, then Jase would relegate Nessa to his friend's care. In addition, Jase would watch to make sure that no more objects appeared in either his or Nessa's apartment. If all remained quiet, he could assume his plan had worked, and that whoever had targeted Jase had abandoned Nessa as soon as Jase had. Jase knew that giving up Nessa would prove next to impossible; fortunately for Nessa, she had fallen for a man who never ran from a challenge.

After a week, Drew had made good on his promise to keep pursuing Nessa. He showed up again at Nessa's apartment the following day. Though she seemed angry at first, after some apparent debate, she let him in, and on the days since, she had spent quite a lot of time with him both in her apartment and out. When Jase didn't show for his shift at Nessa's, and ignored their repeated calls, Nessa had at first lied to Briel, no doubt to convince her to leave. Nessa had claimed that she would let Drew stay with her, but as soon as Briel left, Nessa kicked Drew out, too. A couple of days later, she did not kick him out, but left with him for some inexplicable reason.

Watching them when they left the apartment had proven trickier, and Jase found himself more than usually immersed in surveillance. On those occasions, Jase couldn't tear his eyes from Nessa's countenance. Did she betray any true interest in Drew's attentions, or had she merely fallen back into a comfortable routine involving a long-time dating relationship? Had Jase caught a dispirited sigh, and had it stemmed from Jase's absence? Jase wished he could read her better. Of course, her state of mind would not affect his plans, anyway.

His only real pause came one day as he watched an interchange between them. Up until that time, Jase had considered Nessa beyond the influence of Drew’s persuasion. She had chastised him, reproached him, rejected him. But damn Drew Pearson! The man persisted. With every opportunity, he recommended himself to her. Finally, she seemed to relent a little. Jase watched without breath as Nessa let Drew caress her face. Not a particularly sexual expression, but so extremely intimate. How could she not pull away as she always had before? Despite his determination, Jase almost caved then, almost picked up the phone and dialed Nessa’s number.

If not for her expression, Jase would have. Nessa, however, had not appeared touched by Drew’s tenderness. She had not seemed moved by him. Instead, she had almost looked sad. Even worse, resigned. In light of Jase’s goal, resignation would prove advantageous. She would have recognized the futility of trying to find Jase but without giving herself entirely to Drew. Jase thought he could live with the possibility.

The book that he had yet to return stood as a reminder of the propriety of his resolution. She had once given her heart to a wild man, and she still bore the scars that such an encounter had left with her.

Within a few hours, Jase had planted the book in Briel's apartment, leaving it blatantly on a counter where she would find it. No doubt, Briel would return it to its rightful owner. Shortly thereafter, Jase sought out Drew. Though, in light of the past week's observances, he had no desire to encounter his former friend, Jase followed Drew to Drew's two-story townhome.

“I need to talk to you,” Jase asserted abruptly, materializing only a few feet from where Drew would enter his abode.

Drew's shock scrolled plainly across his face as he stared at Jase. Shock and something else. Irritation? Jase wondered.

“You've been scarce,” Drew accused, though he should have felt grateful for Jase's absence from Nessa's life.

“I've been busy,” Jase offered casually. “In fact, I've found plenty enough to do on my own that I've decided not to sign the Team's contract.”

“I thought you signed up before you left for France.”

Jase shrugged. “Well, I was going to, but things happen.”

Drew looked at him skeptically.

“Look,” Jase offered. “You know me. I like to keep my options open, and I put Sara off long enough that I found some better opportunities.”

“Sounds just like you, but...” For a moment, Drew deliberated before finally pinning Jase with his gaze. “So, what about Nessa? I can't imagine that you'll stick around San Antonio just to hang out with her.”

Jase tried not to smile at the perfect opening Drew had provided. “You were right,” Jase allowed. “I like Nessa, really, but with my appetite, she can't exactly hold my interest. I think she was just a challenge for me; you know, with all the fuss you made about staying away from her. If it's any consolation, I'm sorry I caused trouble between you, not that you ever expected to hear me say those words.”

“I'd expect you to say whatever words served your purposes best,” Drew grinned.

In response, Jase huffed a weak laugh. “Yeah, uh...I know it doesn't repair things between the two of you, but I'm done with her. She's all yours.”

“That's awfully big of you,” Drew sneered before shifting the subject. “Why are you here?”

“You know, friendship and all that. I mean, we have known each other for several years, and you've helped me out a few times. I thought I at least owed you a warning.”

“A warning?”

Though Jase hated to betray any weakness toward Nessa, he had to provide her with some protection in order to leave her. He couldn't let Drew know his intent, though. “I'm afraid my short-lived interest in Nessa has stirred up some unseen ramifications. Considering your current involvement with her, I thought you might want to know.”

“Ramifications...”

“I've pissed some people off lately, and they seem to think that they can punish me by going after Nessa,” Jase shrugged his disinterest. “I'm not too worried about it, but if you're going to hang around her, you might end up in the line of fire.”

“So,” Drew's mouth twisted ironically. “You're worried that I might end up in trouble because of my relationship with Nessa? Aren't you concerned about Nessa?”

“Worried is not really the word. It's more about fair play for you. And Nessa?” Jase worked to keep any emotion out of his voice. “I'm not doing anything about Nessa. If you want to monitor her, feel free. I'm leaving in the morning.”

Drew looked almost giddy at Jase's assertion. “Where will you go?” he smiled.

“Oh, I'll find somewhere to go,” Jase offered noncommittally. “I have some possibly lucrative leads.”

“If I know you, it'll be extremely lucrative,” Drew finally laughed, and Jase relaxed a little.

“It already is,” Jase murmured sadly, and Drew dismissed him with one final smile before turning to enter the apartment.

Two down, one to go, Jase sighed as he slid the key card through the reader and opened his apartment door. He had called Amélie on the way home and informed her of his plan to leave San Antonio.

When he spotted her standing by the bar in his living room, he thought she resembled a tigress more than a woman.

“What do you mean tomorrow?” she barked incredulously.

“I mean in the morning,” Jase shrugged, undaunted. “I'm tired of all this good guy crap. It was never meant for me anyway, and I've wasted too much time playing at it lately.”

For a moment, Amélie just stared at him, her lips pursed skeptically.

“Of course, you could come with me,” he offered, wrapping his arm around her waist. “We can figure out where we're going once we're in the air.”

“Is your pilot still that tall sexy thing who flew us to Jamaica?”

“I'm hurt,” Jase laughed. “I thought you only had eyes for me.”

“Mais oui,” Amélie agreed. “Only had eyes; that was before I grew bored with you. Now I have eyes for anyone whom I wish to see. Your Thomas seemed to find me quite entertaining, and I find that intriguing.”

Though Jase wanted to roll his eyes, he simply released Amélie and returned to packing his small duffle bag. When he left, he would take little with him, leaving his belongings to the discretion of the landlord. Poor man.

“You win some, you lose some.” Jase forced himself to laugh again. “I fly out at eleven. Meet me at the coffee shop at 9:30.”

“D'accord,” she agreed. “Bonne nuit.”

“Bonne nuit, ma belle,” Jase replied, turning his face so she couldn't see the sneer he wore at the words. He could now relax, knowing that when Amélie left, so would Jase, and hopefully any vestiges of himself that might ever affect Nessa. Jase could not afford to leave any part of himself behind to afflict her. She has left enough to afflict me for a lifetime, he acknowledged before shutting of the light in his apartment for the last time.