《Change My Heart, Change My World, Change Me》Chapter 14 : Unfaithful

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It's hard to suppress your desire to kill someone that you hate with your whole heart and soul.

Ever since she was stumbling into the room the first day of school I've been putting my guard up for her. Intentionally or not she was the reasons all those bad things happen to Kii last time. Had she not accused Kii of bullying her, Kii might be not suffering that much. Arzen might be still left Kii for her but Kii would not be put in jail. Those things that happened in that jail might not happen either. Maybe.

I tried to reason myself that those things are not happening yet or will not ever happen in my watch. I keep telling myself that that girl, Angela, hasn't done anything to Kii yet. She was still innocent. I might be even can change her attitude to Kii. Yet, I can't bring myself to give her second chance as I did to Arzen. Seems that my hatred for her is just so big that it is even spilling out of my control. Looking at Angela now, make me feel like I want to go back to me from that time and ask him, what did you ever see in her? I can't believe that I was in love with her. She was just... Terrible? Awful? Pathetic? All of them. Did my brain stop functioning properly last time?

She is a cheap girl. I saw her making up with her own brother a few times in the unused classroom. I remember she said that her brother treats her badly and hate her. He didn't seem to hate her that time. She didn't seem to mind him touching her either. I can even confidently said that she was enjoying it. Then I saw her giving Noah a blow job. Not that I stay to watch. Noah, the fiance that always treated her awfully because he was obsessed with her, Her words not mine, was begging her to please go faster and let him come already. Again he didn't seem to force her doing it for him. Even I know if it was unconcensual he wouldn't have been begging her for release. I admit that I found that out because I was stalking her. I wanted to know what kind of girl Angela is actually. She is one of the reasons why Kii has hurt after all. I need to know all of her to be able to find an effective counter attack. What I found makes me sick. I want to puke when I remembered I was touched by her last time. I thought she was pure. Pure! I really want to shake me back then and ask him to wake up and open his eyes. How can I didn't see that she was a slut back then?

I really pity the Aoi back then. I was so blinded by her fake kindness that I didn't see her true self. Was I starving for love that much that time? I can't take back what was already happened. Even though it did not happen yet this time but for me, it has already happened. I remember it after all. My only salvation is that this Arzen is not really caring much for Angela. He was blinded yes, but this time he was blinded by Kii. Which is fine as long as he doesn't dare to corrupt her. As for Angela, She seems to be obsessed about Arzen. She follows him everywhere. She tries to speak to him even when he clearly ignore her. Her attempts to get Arzen's attention is amusing at first, then it starts to get annoying after the accident it is just plain disgusting. How dense she can be? No, it was not denseness. She just refuses to accept reality. She refuses to believe that Arzen's heart belongs to Kii. What makes she thinks that Arzen is hers, I wonder.

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She is far different from what I painted her last time. She is not kind, pure or naive. If I was a wolf in a sheep clothing, then she would be a demon fox woman. She gathered a bunch of men to serves her needs. I'm ashamed to admit that I was one of the men last time. I thought it was her naivety that makes us gathered around her, that makes us want to protect her. It actually might be just her seducing us from the beginning. And we were fools. What kind of man still in love with a girl with a fiance who told them that she loves them yet refuse to leave that said fiance. Her reason? She was also in love with that said fiance and she thinks that she can change that fiance. She told us that last time but our reaction was not disgustment nor disappointment, we feel touched by it. Touched by it, I repeat. We think that she was so pure and naive. We think she has such a big kind heart. The truth is she was just an unfaithful woman. When she decided to be with Arzen and just left us like we were some leftover food. We blessed them. Honestly? Thinking about it now, I can't face myself anymore. I'm too ashamed of myself.

Everything about her screamed fake. Yet some still fall for it. With the exception of Arzen and I, the others seem to have fallen for her again. Even Akai Nii-Sama and Prince Arren. Noah is already acting like her dog. Prince Rhuifen is also already between her traps. I don't care about them but Nii-Sama and prince Arren are people that I care about. I don't want them to be fooled. Nii-Sama, because he is a family. Prince Arren, because I've become fond of him. We're suffering from Arzen's craziness back when we were young, so I always think of him as a comrade. Kii is excluded because she always l followed what Arzen wants and excited about it too. So, no. She isn't comrade. She is more like Arzen's accomplice. When I warn Nii-Sama about her, Nii-Sama wasn't happy. He snapped at me and even ignored Nee-sama tears. It's already too late for him. Prince Arren just smiled and patted me on the head, said that I no need to worry about it. Sigh, time like those that make me hate my face. He thinks I'm too young to understand romance because all I did this past year is following Kii and Arzen around. I never go on a date with anyone or agree to attend balls as someone escort without Kii attending it too. Well, I'm not innocent though.

Meanwhile, Kii is getting closer to Arzen even more after that accident. The incident that caused by Angela. I told them too but they decided it was just accident and let her go without punishment. Kii and Arzen were unconscious for 3 days. When they woke up Arzen was looking wrecked and lost, Kii was shaking badly and keep telling me that she wants to see Arzen. I was even worried about Arzen when I can't find him in his room. I found Angela standing in front of Arzen's door that day when I asked what she was doing she said she wants to apologize to Arzen for her wrongdoings. She should apologize to kii, not Arzen! It was Kii that was hit by her spell, Arzen got hurt because he was trying to safe Kii. When Alexander-san opening the door and I insisted to check the room myself when he said Arzen was not present, she followed me inside even though I did not invite her. She even followed me around as I try to find Arzen, spouting that she was so impressed by my caring attitude towards Arzen. I must be admired Arzen so much she said. Did she forget that I'm Kii's brother? Did she not thinking that maybe I was looking for Arzen because of Kii? She only left me when I decided to go back to see Kii.

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"I afraid that I can't accompany Aoi-sama to see Kii-sama as kii-sama is really hate me. I wish Aoi-sama will find Arzen-sama soon," she said before she bows and leaves. Like I want her to accompany me in the first place. Kii never showed a sign that she thinks Angela is unpleasant. I actually think Kii doesn't even know who Angela was. The previous time she only aware of Angela existence because of Arzen but now with Arzen always by her side and not minding Angela, I don't think Kii know about Angela yet.

I was so scared when I can't find Kii. All bad memories come back to me. I thought I lost her again. I thought something bad happened to her again. I thought I was failed to protect her. I look for her in the forest, everywhere, I even went to that cell again just to make sure she wasn't there. The man looks at me strangely when I begged him to let me check inside.

"There wasn't anyone imprisoned here. This is a special prison for a dangerous dark magic user. This prison is always empty" he said gruffly.

He still let me inside to check though, I know he has a soft heart behind his scary face after all. He was the one that told me of kii's suffering, albeit not forwardly. I was so glad when Kii was really not there. I waited in her room all night. She never got back. When I overheard Angela talking about meeting Arzen and Rhuifen on their way to the council, I immediately went there to check if Kii was also there. She was not. The sight of Arzen sitting there having a cup of tea while Kii is missing fueled my anger more. So, I attacked him. I saw a bite mark on his shoulder. A love bite mark. Who did it? Did he spend a night with Angela while Kii was nowhere to be found? I thought I saw Angela clutching a jacket and Arzen was not wearing his jacket. It was too much for a coincidence. Or did it was Kii that left that? Did he took Kii somewhere and violated her again? Did he kill her after? All kinds of scenarios, bad scenarios, come up rapidly in my head. I distinctly aware that he was taking steps back.

"Kii..." I heard him said. Kii was here? my brain asked. I want to see her but my mind was still trapped in the past. In some other time when that voice calls her name with a different tone in that cell.

"Run...!" said his voice again. Did he try to break Kii out of Prison? My muddled brain asked again. Kii's "ehh?" and prince Arren's question was what break me off from it. I suddenly aware that Arzen is taking Kii away from me. I shouted then.

They were always good at hiding. Or should I say that Arzen was always good at hiding? Kii must just go along with his whim as usual. After I calmed down I remember that this Arzen was in love with Kii, he wouldn't hurt Kii. Or at least I want to believe it. Maybe, I've come to feel fond of him as well, not that I will admit it in his face, that I was scared that once again I would be betrayed by him. I admired Arzen last time and he took my precious sister as a result. This Arzen was not as perfect as he was before but somehow this Arzen was not someone you can hate. He was silly and a bad liar. He would confidently lie about something that incredulous and had a weird ambition. A Crown Prince who doesn't want to be a king but wish to be a pirate instead. A boy who was obsessed to turn his body into fire and be called Firefist. I laughed. Yeah, this Arzen wouldn't hurt Kii and hide it from us. This Arzen was really really bad at lying. He couldn't even lie to save his own life. This Arzen is not bad. I decide to wait for Kii in her room. I lay on her bed and think of nothing. My brain seems to refuse to think about anything anymore.

I take it back. What I said about this Arzen being not bad. He is as bad. Okay, maybe less bad but still bad. Sigh.

I knew it will happen sooner or later with how Arzen loves Kii. And how much she loves him back. Beside officially there is nothing wrong for them doing that. They're engaged after all. In this country being engaged with someone is already the same as being married. A woman whose engagement was annulled would be judged as unworthy by society. That's why there was never a case of an engagement being annulled. Kii was the first one who got her engagement annulled. If your partner is a royalty. People won't look at their fiancees with disgusted face had they got pregnant before marriage. As a royal having an heir is important. The sooner is the better. I didn't expect this soon though. Come to think of it. Everything about Arzen is always outside of my expectations. For example, I thought I would be more enraged if or when I heard that they spent a night together. Without she needs to explain what happened, I already guessed what happened that night. I'm not sure why maybe it is because Kii's red face and shy smile when she told me that? The fact that she wasn't scared of him or regretted it maybe was the reason for my reaction.

Arzen doesn't know about it though. It pleased me when he acts so awkward around me after that. It's as if he is waiting for my outburst. Or that I will kill him if he turns his back on me. It's funny.

They got even closer after that. Arzen himself seems not able to leave Kii. He always wants to feel Kii's presence near him. He always wants Kii to be seated on his lap when it was only us around. If it was in public, he will always hold her hand or hug her shoulder or have her hand hanging on his arm. It made Angela angry. So I decided to forgive him for touching her this time. This time. Last time was something that I'll never forgive even If it was literally never happened.

I also teach Kii about how to act if Angela is trying to seduce him again. Yes, it was seduction I told her. A girl who keeps trying to get close to someone else fiance is bad I told her so even if we know Arzen won't react to her Kii still need to do something. Poor Kii is just thinking that Angela just wants to be friend with Arzen. Now I think about it, Kii was actually the kind, pure and naive one, not Angela.

Kii loves her big brother. Me. So she listens to me. It makes me want to crackles like some big boss villain when she intentionally made Angela fumed of jealousy. As for Arzen, of course, he didn't complain. He had Kii all over him what is to complain about?

Midori Nee-sama is being weird. She still did bully Angela. Like last time Angela tried to put blame on Kii for it. It was difficult this time though because not even a single person in this school (even she herself also aware of it) don't know that Arzen and Kii are always together. So it was impossible for Kii to bully Angela, well it might be possible if you also want to accuse your crown prince as her accomplices. This time Kii is safe for that problem. It lessens my worry a little.

Now though, Nee-sama has stopped bullying Angela and she stays around Kii more. With Nee-sama spending more time with Kii, I can't help but suspicious of her. She never ever have affection for Kii. Why did she spend her free time with Kii now? Did she plan something? I need to keep an eye on her I decided.

"I'm such an unfaithful woman" Kii's voice heard.

Nee-sama and I glanced at her at the same time. We're in Kii's room. I was sprawling on her bed with Kii sat near her side table at the end of her bed, knees drawn together. Nee-sama was sitting on her sofa reading a book.

Nee-sama tilts her head.

"what do you mean?" I ask.

Kii sighs "I'm attracted to another man," she said.

Nee-sama widened her eyes but still quiet. Kii buried her face on her knees. "what do I do?" she asked no one in particular.

Nee-sama and I glanced at each other lost of words. Nee-sama went and sit beside her, patting her back in comfort. I... Don't know what to say. In the past, I was hoping that Kii would fall in love with someone else. Now though, I feel my heart went to Arzen for a moment. I feel sorry for him but I'll always on kii's side so I'll support Kii with whatever she has decided. Her happiness is more important than anything.

"is it Rhuifen?" I ask her

"who?" she asked, face peeking from its hiding place.

"the one you like. It's is Prince Rhuifen from the Etherkouz Kingdom?"

"I don't know any Rhuifen," she said confusedly. I forgot that Kii is bad at remembering name and face.

"Black hair, blue eyes, tall. A fifth year. He is Nii-Sama's and Prince Arren's friend" I clarified

"oh him. It's not him that make me unfaithful, though he does have a raven hair" she said again

"who is this then?" Nee-sama finally asks the question I was about to ask.

"it's him," she said pointing at her bedside table.

There sat a picture or should I say painting? of a man with a tattoed and tanned skin. He was shirtless and wearing an orange hat. Smiling brightly. One hand on his hip while other hand pulled out into a fist. It was me or the fist is on fire? If I'm not mistaken it was the boy from Arzen's story.

Nee-sama sweatdropped. I can't help but thinking "poor Arzen" he was defeated by his own creation. What an irony. Kii buried her face once again on her knees. Nee-sama glances at me. I shrugged. I don't know what to say anymore. It is even can be called unfaithful when her object of affection is not even real?

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