Butes takes off the dive helmet and drops it to the floor next to her bed. A long centering breath parts her lips. Her chin trembles for a moment and she squeezes her eyes tight. A knock at her door goes unacknowledged. A second knock.

Nothing happens for a while as Butes lays one hand on her stomach and another on her chest breathing. Behind the door, soft padding steps lead away and Butes acknowledges then, then releases them from her mind.

"I am strong. I am capable. I will succeed." Butes mouths the mantra over and over as she tries to release the anxiety from seeing Carrots again.

Betraying her attempts at mindfulness, her thoughts go back to playing Bitia when she was younger. Her family couldn't afford a new computer, but her brother had a job at a local repair shop and managed to build one out of spare parts. Butes spent hours on the computer playing random games from long past generations since it couldn't run the latest games.

Brick breaking games, Tetris, and Doctor Spin game kept her entertained along with some emulators and roms. The family hardly used the computer unless it was for school projects. But for the most part, her siblings weren't interested in computers or the virtual world. Most of them preferred more physical tasks and projects as they felt a career in computers was for the rich.

"Mija, there is nothing for us in those things," her father would insist. "We can't even afford the latest ones, anything you learn there will be obsolete. Mejor, why don't you focus on body shop with your brothers."

"Apa, Geraldo was able to get into computers." Butes would argue, using her older brother as an example.

"But look at what it took for him to get there, mija. He's a slave to his work and school. Do you ever see him at the family gatherings, when we go camping, or even around the house at all?"

The discussion usually ended there. It was pointless to argue with him. Her father was only around on the weekends and there was other children to focus on. So she just did as she pleased during the week, playing games between school projects and studying.

Then, one day, she found Bitia.

Bitia was simple. You moved the character up, down, left, or right and you interacted with whatever was in the tile you stepped on. Over time, you could level up the character and get spells, abilities, and weapons that let you take on harder and harder enemies.

Butes spent hours wandering the map killing rats, then ogres, and eventually some of the top level enemies on the starting island. But she wanted to take on the starting island's overworld boss.

Focused on her goal, she balanced between game time, school work, and chores. School social life was a struggle for Butes, so she focused on games instead. That's where she met Suki. Even then, Suki went by the name Nova and always picked characters that looked like her favorite superhero, Storm from the X-Men.

Suki was an incredible elemental mage and had a good head for combining the right skills during battle. Her understanding of stats and how equipment, builds, and timing all came together for the best damage blew Butes away.

Butes had been focused on smashing everything and ensuring she could do it solo. During an especially hard quest that pitted her against a Cyclops inside a cave, she met into Suki. Butes had already faced off with the cyclops a few times costing her the majority of her gold and nearly wiping out her gear.

Outside the cave to the Cyclops, Butes was checking her equipment and moving the last few potions she had to hotkeys when she saw Suki run in. What followed was incredible. Suki was able to completely obliterate the Cyclops' health in a few seconds and Butes was sure she was going to complete the quest right in front of her. In the middle of casting her finally shot, the cyclops smacked her. Just once, but it was enough. Her life dropped down to a sliver.

Butes ran in and pulled up agro before it could decimate Suki. Butes had never reach this point in the battle, so she wasn't prepared when the Cyclops entered its second phase.

Enraged, the cyclops spun around the room. Suki popped her racial and class ultimates allowing her to get out of range and restore some of her mana. Using her own class ultimate, Butes drew all the focus to herself.

Just one solid hit. That's all Butes needed and the Cyclops would be dead. Once the first cyclone spin was over, she immediately used her skills to attack, but nothing happened. Her character was both stunned and silenced.

That was it. She was going to die again to this stupid beast. But she couldn't just give up. Opening her inventory she selected the elixir she'd been saving up to buy for weeks. It was meant for the overworld boss. She drank it. All her ailments were gone, but her life was still low.

One more shot. Moving up to the beast, her heart sank as she saw its health.

It was fully regenerated.

No time to think about why, or how, she went into a focused attack mode. Stepping in attacking, pulling back, sidestepping, attacking, pulling back. Over and over, she tried her best to stay just ahead of the Cyclops, watching for the proper timing, remembering the patterns from her previous attempts.

There was a major difference between her previous attempts and now though. Her life bar was at the half when she started this time.

Nova: Invite me to your party.

Burkhard: Why? I'm about to die.

Nova: Exactly. You're about to die, invite me. We'll take on it together.

Three more cycles and she'd be dead.

Nova: If we do it together we can both get credit for the kill. Or would you rather die alone?

The question was deeper than Butes wanted to admit, but there was no time to dive into that now.

[Invited Nova to a party]

[Nova has joined your party]

Two more cycles until death.

A barrage of attacks slammed into the Cyclops, this time it wasn't a sliver left.

[You have defeated Egran the Hermit Cyclops]

Since that day on, they stayed in a party and took on the Island together. Eventually, they worked their way up to the island overworld boss and took it out with just the two of them.

Moisture runs down her temples and into her matted hair. Forcing herseulf up, Butes heads out to the common area using the back of her hand to wipe her eyes. At the dining table, Suki is staring at a glass of juice.

"It's different for us," Suki says into the glass.

"What is."

"Games."

"How so."

"They're our escape. It's how we got through life. Through loss. Through everything."

Butes grabs her own glass from the cupboard and pours some juice.

"Carrots and Alex they get it," Suki continued. "That's why we all work together so well."

"Together?" Butes asks, the acid coming back.

"Yes, together. I get that Carrots wanted to do his thing for a bit. But when it really mattered, he knew he could count on us."

"You mean once he was backed into a corner."

"Maybe. But it's not like we haven't done that to him."

"What?"

"Remember when you had to take a break to focus on finals?"

"That was different!" Butes exclaims nearly breaking the glass as she slams it on the table.

"Why? Because it was school and you had to step away?"

"Yes!"

"But the guys didn't even question it when you came back and were several levels behind. They just helped you level up. Same thing when you had to take a break at level 65. You had burnt out and they didn't bat an eye."

"I didn't have a choice. Carrots did."

"But did he?"

Butes frowns.

"You're not the easiest person to play with online and you know it. We all know it."

"Yea, well. We need to be organized."

"Organized during raids, yes. But we've never really been on the same page when it comes to leveling. Even when we made alts to level up together, we'd drift in levels. So why is it such a big deal this time?"

"Because."

"Because of what?"

"Because if I wasn't there, he would have chosen to play with you and Alex."

Suki rotates her glass and stares at it for a long moment. Outside fresh rain against tires is faintly audible.

"We aren't the same without you, but we're also not the same without Carrots. Taking on the Terminals without him isn't working. We're not supposed to be a three-man team, we're a four-man team."

"Yea, well, Carrots didn't care about that did he?"

"Why did he need to level with us?"

The sound of liquid filling her glass was all Butes wants to acknowledge. Why is she so upset? Suki's right, but she can't escape the pressure in her chest or the anger that flairs when she thinks of all the time Carrots has wasted. The feeling of abandonment, the memories of her brother moving out and leaving the computer with her saying, "Butes, the computer is all yours. Next MMO, we're starting together and leveling up, alright?" His smile as he closed the door. How he was the one who called her Butes because, "You're the most beautiful girl in school and that's why the others are jealous." The phone call a few months later. The nights of crying herself to sleep as her mother stayed locked in her room. Wakes. Ashes being spread.

A tear splashes into her juice and Suki has an insufferable look of pity and longing.

Butes raises her glass and takes the whole drink in one breath. Setting the glass on the table with a thump, she lets out a satisfied sigh and takes another deep breath.

"Let's go," Butes says.

"Online?"

"Yea."

Suki chances a smile but quickly shakes it away.

"He better work hard and catch up quick! I have no idea if he'll be any help with the Terminals, but a little more DPS won't hurt anyone, right?"

"Sure," replies Suki. This time, her smile slips through, but it doesn't matter. The team is going to be back together again.

Finally.