“Sir,” said Corporal Simm. “The phone’s ringing.”

“I know,” replied Captain Cormitz. “Well answer it then you lazy sod.”

“Ok, it was just that… oh nevermind.” Captain Cormitz had given Simm strict instructions not to answer any phone calls. With the mysterious disappearance of all but five of their ships…he looked at the radars again… all but four of their ships, and the non-return of the Simeon he had been adamant that any phone call would be of vital importance and Captain Cormitz must answer it himself.

Simm answered the phone, but Captain Cormitz quickly pressed a button to transfer it to himself.

“Hello, Captain Cormitz of the Rearguard Beagles at your service,” he said in his finest phone voice. Simm sighed and put his headset back on the table.

“Have you ever had an accident at work?” said the recorded message. “We can help you. Call 033240 2349821 for a free quotation.”

Captain Cormitz slammed the headset down and howled. He was not having a good day.