“Come on then!” said Green_Turtle_Boy_369. “You’re supposed to be happy when you get a new job!”

“Go away,” said Jake.

“That’s a bit rude,” said Green_Turtle_Boy_369. “I’m your best friend, and I just got you the best job in the whole of Crawk. You should be grateful.”

“You’re not my best friend, you’re a liar and you’re ruining my life. You know I didn’t want it. Why would I want to be in charge of the war against my own people?”

“Well you don’t really like them. It’s not like you talk to them, you only talk to people from Crawk. So why did you put so much effort into the application? It was brilliant.”

“Because I…” Jake looked around in despair before putting his head back on the desk. “You won’t understand, just leave me alone.”

“I’ll leave you for ten minutes Jake, but then I need to take you around to meet the team. In the meantime, have a look at and sign this.”

One of Jake’s new colleagues had run across and handed Green_Turtle_Boy_369 a document, which he thrust on the desk next to Jake. Jake sighed and picked it up.

Contract, Terms and Conditions of Employment it read.

Jake scanned down the document. “Lapine Death Corps are pleased to offer you the position of Crawk-King, Leader of War with a monthly salary of £500,000 Guns.”

“Green_Turtle_Boy_369,” he called. “Is this right?”

Green_Turtle_Boy_369 turned around. He peered at the line Jake was looking at and nodded.

“Yes, that’s right.”

“As in, the equivalent of two million Timerian Dollars a month?” Jake would probably be the richest person in the universe within months.

“Yep.”

“Can I get paid by direct debit?” Jake didn’t fancy having to lug all those guns around, besides they would be of little value outside Crawk, where laser guns and batteries were the currency of choice.

“Of course.”

“Where’s the pen?”

Green_Turtle_Boy_369 smiled and walked away to fetch one. He knew the salary would entice Jake, it was a job no-one could turn down.

Jake also smiled. He didn’t want to do this job, but if he had to he would do it really badly, and get paid handsomely for doing so.

Green_Turtle_Boy_369 returned quickly and Jake scribbled his signature.

“Excellent work,” said Green_Turtle_Boy_369. “So now let’s go for a walk, I need to introduce you to the team.”

“Hang on a second,” said Jake. “Doesn’t this mean that I’m now your boss?”

Green_Turtle_Boy_369 gave him a quizzical look. “Not really, I’m the Prince of Crawk.”

“But I’m the King, surely that’s better?”

“Well, yeah... but that’s just a job. Outside of work, I’m still the Prince and you’re nothing.”

“True,” agreed Jake. “But now we’re in work aren’t we?”

Green_Turtle_Boy_369 nodded.

“So I’m your boss?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I’m on lunch. Go and get me some chips.”

Green_Turtle_Boy_369 shook his head, and wandered towards the door.

It didn’t really fit in with his self-imposed exclusion from society, but Jake had already decided that he quite liked having a job.