Alternate Route 4

It was a dark room with carpeted floors. Violet magic light hung upon the ceiling, painting it with solace. The soft, one-legged chair with mild brown color stood before a wall; its windows covered in a veil.

Before it, were two sets of candles emitting a relaxing aroma. In the midst of all, was the picture of a young man holding a sword against his face; his eyes all closed. The moment I noticed his black hair and eyes, all the majestic feeling dispersed.

Probably noticing my footsteps, the aged voice of a man echoed from the other side.

"In the name of the god, I welcome thee. My lost children, how may I help?"

Due to my need to relax and gather my thoughts, I sat on the round chair and closed my eyes. Breathing deeply and exhaling in a quiet manner, before finally speaking.

"I thought I was supposed to confess my Sins here."

There was a bit of a pause before the old priest replied, his deep and heavy voice seem to rouse something deep within.

"Have you ever committed a crime?"

It made me ponder for quite some time before arriving at my answer.

"I'm not sure...but as far as I knew, I never had broken a law. Or at least, not significant enough to warrant getting caught."

"It is an honest answer. Yet you seem unfamiliar with our religion. It doesn't matter as we accept those with a different belief, but first of all—how do you define a Sin?"

As it's hardly even practiced religion, I barely even remembered it.

"Well...I think, our god had listed a lot of things...and we should abide by it. If we didn't, then we have sinned."

The priest immediately raised his voice.

"Why list so many rules, if a believer couldn't even remember? A rule was there to be held in regard, not broken. I apologize—but it doesn't make sense with our religion."

He seems a bit too preachy—but that's what to be expected from a priest.

"I don't mind. That's why I honestly didn't care that much."

I truly viewed it with apathy even now.

"Religion is made for the good of people. Our faith should stem from appreciation, not coercion. If the religion coerces people against their will and rob them of humanity, it is for the best, if we do not follow—for it is sinful."

The more I listened to the priest, the more I thought—religion isn't always a bad thing.

...but it's always the terrible ones that surface, with their terrible followers, making more and more people lose faith in humanity.

"...so, what is Sin, actually?"

"To our religion, it is something that hindered us from doing our best and kept us from realizing how precious life is. But Sin is a part of human nature—you may never part with it. No matter how little, that darkness will remain.

I do not know how it was practiced by your religion, but is it alright to proceed with our ways?"

"If I'm still hung up, I won't even come here."

"Before that, have you ever thought whether our belief put too much liberty on thought? To the extent, you might commit a crime and get away with it?"

I nod.

"For that question, let say, you leave a candy to a kid and say 'don't eat them!'. What would you think the kid would do?"

"It depends if he's obedient he won't...but most likely he would, or he just doesn't like candy."

"Yes. The children would most likely eat them. When you told the others not to do it, they will instead do such."

I never said that or implied any of sort.

...that's one of the reasons I don't like religious sorts—not that his words are wrong.

I decided to just let it all go. My distastes and my grievances...all of it.

"...it's kind of ironic, that the main rule of my...no...that religion consists of 'don't' messages. Such as no adultery, killing, stealing, coveting and such."

"In this country, there are no strict rules barring so. Such as, absolutely no killing, and stealing. There are cases in which killing shall be permitted and stealing from others are necessary, such as the time of wars. Or during self-defense in which you encountered a killer, or as a result of a battle through a pre-determined means agreed with both parties.

Enforcing a rule on others while still finding ways to circumvent it, was hypocrisy. The absolute rule is fair too all, without exceptions—such as death.

While the ones made by mortals riddled with flaws, perfection is a goal worth striving. So one day, people would be united within the law, living in fairness and justice—while possessing their own liberty.

Why do you need to even bar a human's nature? Isn't it more important to follow it on the more positive ways than forbidding it? While it might solve the problem on the surface, would it be able to purify the roots?"

When I think about it, the scriptures I read were ironic. They want to make humans good, but instead, they show the stories of betrayal, hatred, vengeance, and wars. Only through the grace of the god, they could surmount their troubles, instead of relying on themselves.

Why not show love and compassion as its spotlight? How are we supposed to know how to care for others, if you just tell us to do so, without showing us how exactly? Like, what kind of calamity would befall those who disobey you?

The tale of the humans' disobedience, over and over. About the prophecies that were disregarded by others, because no one in the right mind would listen.

If it was successful, why there are only a few believers as the central character, instead of many? If you really created the humans in your image, why can't you accept the humans as they are, instead of trying to enslave them like mindless, obedient dolls? Can't you even appreciate your own work?

...and the belief that whoever doesn't follow your ways are evil and destined to perish, it's just too much.

"...would someone really become a good person this way?"

I was thinking if this world was any different.

"A good person and bad person are relative to the beholder, my children.

The king who massacred millions of people of the enemy country might be a bad person, but...what if the world would be at peace in return?'

What is peace?

Is peaceful times without conflict the thing we need?

...and is the kind of peace that brought upon us, was truly something we desire?

"I..."

"Yes, this is a grey area indeed. But whether detrimental things to society had been committed, it is not our place to interfere, for there is Law. Even if we're a religious state, Laws are separate from Religion. Alas, they do influence each other.

To put it simply. Laws are the Hospitals--treating illness when they come. Religion is the one to keep those from being ill."

There were a lot of things swirling in my mind right now. The more the priest talked, instead of feeling dizzy from my lack of understanding—right now, I understood too much, my head felt it's going to burst.

"...but is Religion truly necessary? Can't someone just live a fulfilling life just by following their own ideals?"

"The fact you come here and prayed earnestly means Religion is necessary to some extent. Our own belief also states Religion is simply, a choice. You may choose guidance of your liking, or go in solitude.

Because your life is yours to live, you should decide for yourself first, how to best live with it."

Phew...

It was quite a long talk.

Standing up and stretching my body for a few moments, I heard the priest's footsteps going further.

"Wait...I still hadn't disclosed my problems."

"It is not my right to know of your personal matters. Don't you have friends and family for that?"

I muttered weakly.

"They're not here anymore..."

"Then, believe in your own words and convictions." the priest added, "You're the one who knows yourself best. Not even our god can proclaim, he knows someone better than themselves."

"...what if I don't have the experience to make my own decisions? What if I want to seek help for those who have them?"

"My children."

The silence in the room echoed for a good moment before the priest's voice echoed throughout.

"Each person live their own life, with their own experience. I recognized your loneliness. I acknowledged your solitude.

Alas, I have not what you seek. For the answer, is already within you, all this time."

"Within me? How do I know whether it was right or wrong?"

"You may understand it when you can see beyond those conceptions. There may not be even right or wrong—just the choice you wish to make."

I kept pondering about the priest's words.

His footsteps grew more and more distant, as silence permeated the room.

All this time, I had been focusing on doing the 'right' thing. To become the strongest I could be—doing things in a way that best benefit me.

It is of utmost importance.

...but, is this what I pursued because I fear death, pain, and loss?

What do I really want?

I want to be happy and rich.

I want to live to the fullest, every day filled with love.

I want to be safe and secure, no matter what happens.

While pursuing strength is important, I don't want to lose sight of myself.

Strength is just a means to the end.

...what I really want, is to pursue everything, in a way, that makes me feel alive.

Am I alive right now?

...well, I don't know.

I'm itching for some fun.

Leaving the church with brisk steps, I began to rethink about my future.

Just when I thought nothing special would happen...

[Godslayer is now Lv. 3!]