— Aster —

I stared at the door Instructor said I would be confined to, “Why?”

“So, the mark will integrate, creating new pathways for you to utilize our skills and abilities.”

“So do all classes do this?” I was stalling for time and he knew it.

“Actually, a little-known thing. Yes, they also take a mark, their method is just different.”

So everyone has a mark. “Really?”

“Yes. They have marks too, but it varies depending on the guild. It's part of getting a class.”

“How do people know the Shadow mark?”

“Oh. It glows next to thieves' crystals and causes thieves' crystals to glow. One in ten people wears the blighted thing since they're fashionable right now. They're easy to circumvent though. Now enough stalling. Aster are you ready?”

I was not. But despite this, I knew I was going to do this. With my heart beating out of my chest as we entered the room. It was surprisingly simple with just a bed, a sink, and a toilet in a small area. Then I noticed it, my blood fell from my face, and a chill shot through my spine. Fear, a crippling fear spread through me at the site of the large blood-red crystal in the back of the room.

“Take off your shirt.” I was ready to bolt from the room. I don’t know what kept me from running. I think I was too stunned to move away. Instead, I focused on Instructor's words, without ever taking my eyes off the crystal.

Taking off my shirt I inhaled deep, taring my eyes away from the crystal. “Ok." Taking another deep breath. "Ready.”

Instructor moved into position, poised to stamp me. “Oh. This is going to hurt...a lot.”

My head whipped towards him. “What?” Before I could move he hit me with the stamp. I jumped away at the contact.

“Well, that wasn’t that bad. You were just trying to mess with me. Right?”

The instructor was already on his way out the door. I couldn’t see his face but heard his parting words. “No. This is just the beginning. Why do, only we, have to do it this way?”

As the door closed, I was trying to gather my thoughts to figure out what was going on. A blue screen appeared in front of me when the door closed.

Hardware found… Checking S.E.E.D. Integration…

Integration 100%

Rogue Pathways Software found

Checking Current Pathways… No Pathways Found

Checking Authorization… Authorization Confirmed

Installing Pathways…

Why is there a screen appearing in front of me? Is this part of getting a class? That was my last thought before I began to scream.

I screamed. Oh, how I screamed. This pain was beyond anything I ever felt, blight it was beyond anything I could have imagined. Every nerve; Every fiber of my being; felt like it was being seared in a never-ending pit of fire. I don’t know how long I screamed, but all too soon I fell to silence, as I screamed with no sound. My voice was taken away, replaced with silence and blood. I was in a prison of fire with no fire. My muscles clenched and tightened until I could barely move. This was what scared me more than the pain, to be trapped in an unmoving hell.

I just wanted the pain to end. It was one thing to feel pain from something tangible like breaking an arm. A sharp pain slowly fades to a dull ache only to be renewed by a jolt to the arm. All this is followed by endorphins to ease the way. But this constant pain was ever-present, no release for what felt like forever. Some animalistic part of my mind allowed for panic to fill me, allowing me to force my muscles to move, but my mind was not right.

My mind had gone feral. In an attempt to stop the pain, I rammed my head against the wall. I even clawed at my face. I found the pain was relieved, ever so slightly, whilst doing these things. My mind held tight to that minor relief, fueling my own self-destruction. I moved around the room, ramming my head against each and every wall. At one point I was trying to rip off my arm, as something surged into it. I clawed and tore down to the muscle and bone, only to then watch it heal at a rapid pace. Somewhere in my mind, I knew the crystal was keeping me awake and healing me. I didn’t or couldn’t care, I’m not sure which.

When the fire began to quell I was in ecstasy, as the pain receded to a dull throbbing. I fell to the floor breathing heavy, covered in blood. Having a few moments of clarity only served to let the bile rise in my stomach. I let it all out across the floor not having any energy to move to the toilet. It burned my raw throat, but it was a cool glass of water compared to the pain before.

I lay staring across the room, staring down the crystal, contemplating whether or not it would have been better to have just died. My reprieve did not last long enough for me to come to an answer, and my silent screams began once more.

For twenty-four hours all rational thought left me. The pain would ebb and flow coming in waves. During the brief respites, all I could do was lay there, staring at the mess of blood and vomit coating the room. My mind was in a strange fog trying to escape into unconsciousness but unable to.

I was at the end of myself. I just needed it to end. I tried to end it all myself many times, but I would just heal too fast. I would rip the skin off my arm, chest, or legs, it would grow back right before my eyes. Soon blood filled the room coating every surface. Nothing would lessen the pain in the slightest except causing the pain myself...and one other thing, getting closer to the crystal. Soon, I was hugging it.

Eventually, during one of the ebbings, I found myself bashing my head against the wall while rubbing against the crystal. In fact, I was rubbing my face so hard against the crystal, the skin was rubbing off. At least I think it was. Finally, I surrendered to the madness. I just wanted to be lost and feel nothing.

Clarity came to me one last time during these twenty-four hours. I looked around the red room. Was this room always red? It was a few moments before I realized it was my blood. Where did this all come from? Looking down at myself I looked thin, emaciated even. I felt another dull pain in my arm. It was slightly different than the constant dull pain I’ve been feeling. Curiously, I looked at my arm, only to find the crystal had pierced through it, my arm healing around the crystal.

I should probably take that out. Sure there was a pain but it was nothing to the burning, so using the last of my energy I ripped the crystal out of my arm. I looked at the hole in my arm watching it heal. That’s better. The world felt distant, muted, everything was there...but I was...numb. I knew I wasn’t ok, but it didn’t matter, what mattered was this moment of no pain.

Am I broken now? I sat staring at nothing, letting everything fade in and out of focus as I remembered. No, that happened before all this. My gaze blurred as my mind went back to find a different kind of pain.