《The Journey to Godhood: A Madman's Dream》Ch 25: Doubt
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There she lied, my poor disciple still unconscious from my shenanigans.
I sighed inwardly.
"Uncle Lee, you can go, I want to be alone."
With a nod that showed empathy uncle Lee left.
For eons, I have braved hell, yet not an ounce of wisdom was gained.
My most important disciple, Elise... I had promised her strength to rule the realms. All this time I had thought I was doing her a favor.
If I look back now, was it not my selfishness that brought her into this situation? I even killed her once accidentally, since then there was not a speck of innocence left in her.
I'm the one that took her childhood and made her take a path of blood and bones.
Aiya.
I was supposed to be profound, unmoving looking at the world with cold eyes. For fuck's sake, I endured hell. This was my story, I was the main character. Why did I fail?
Was the drug too strong that I gave Elise? Have I underestimated the universal laws?
Without realizing it I felt colder and colder. My vision turned darker as I lamented my failure.
Damn it, nothing changed, I'm still a failure like in my former life. I never thought of the consequences my actions could cause.
Self-doubt, guilt, shame and profound sadness overwhelmed me.
It was dark. I couldn't hear nor see anything. I was only left with my thoughts that grew quieter.
My thoughts were getting darker and darker. The ally I once I had turned traitor.
Why even bother? Why should I work my ass off for a god in loin clothes? This darkness while cold felt warm. It was calling for me, the silent voice of death. Oh, I see. Is this what death felt like? This feeling of liberation, I longed for a long time.
Yes, dying sound not so bad after all. Why was everyone so scared of it?
A dot of white appeared in the darkness. It shone like a star far away. Inviting me through its glimmer.
I knew as if it was a matter of fact that when I reached that light I would be free.
Taking a step towards the light I felt a blissful warmth.
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"I better go to that light, here it is too cold."
Taking step by step the warm feeling got stronger.
With each step, the light got bigger, until I reached it.
"A door? Is there good stuff behind it?"
I was about to turn the knob when...
"Master, don't!"
A familiar voice resounded from behind.
I turned around in a fighting stance.
"Who goes there? You coward, show yourself, it's not nice to sneak behind someone. I let you know, I have mastered the snake technique. If you think your kung fu is better than mine then come. I'll entertain you."
"Master it's me Elise."
"Elise, Elise. Hmm, sounds familiar." Why did I feel like I had forgotten something important?
"How could you forget your most beloved disciple. I had told you many times, that acting like an old man will only shorten your lifespan. Did you turn senile?"
"Who's senile? You vile thing, humph."
"Don't listen to her. She is only trying to fool you."
"What?" I turned around and saw my self.
"Hey, why do you look like me?"
"I'm you, that's why."
"You even sound like me."
"As I said, I'm you." He chuckled but it sounded sinister.
"Okay let's summarize. I'm in this dark place, got attracted by this light that turned out to be a door. Then a girl sneaks behind and calls out to me. I get the feeling that I'm forgetting something, then you appear behind me. This stinks, especially you."
"You can trust me, after all, I'm you."
"Master don't listen to him. This not where you belong. Try to remember."
"Shut up. Don't interfere when adults are talking." The other me snorted and the girl's voice vanished."
"Anyway, why don't you go through the door? This is where our destiny lies." He stroked his beard like I always used to.
Something seemed off about this guy.
"I was going to but now that you have suggested it, I won't."
"Humph." He flicked his beard.
There the feeling that something was off resurfaced got stronger. Is this really me?
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"You ignorant fool."
"Did you just called yourself a fool."
"You..." He seemed to be mad.
"What's the matter? How about you swallow first before you talk." I said.
"This. Listen if you go through that door you can obtain something good."
"And what is it?"
"Qi of heaven and earth."
What really, now this was tempting.
"Then come with me."
"I can only show you the door, you have to go through yourself." He shook his head.
"Who are you? Morpheus? Now open your ears, this daddy doesn't buy your shit. You have the aura of a conman."
"You dare slander this king?" He flicked his beard in anger.
With the flick of his beard, I realized... he wasn't me. This guy was a fraud.
"You fraud, you ain't me bitch. To think you can fool this emperor is the wishful thinking of a noob. I have exposed your fraudulent means. The way you snorted, stroked your beard, flicked your beard they are all lacking something important, the Dao."
"The Dao?"
"Yes, your bearing doesn't resemble that of a profound ancestor. Your beard flicks aren't even in the initial stage. Who are you really?"
The fake me sighed.
"You lucked out kid. I'm a profound dude from 21st-century earth. I had access to thousands of novels, anime and Korean dramas. I was a moderator of the most famous wuxia forum with over 10000 posts. I can see through every scheme blindfolded."
I patted my chest to appear more heroic.
"Oh, I'm so scared. Whatever, you wouldn't have the guts to go through that door anyway."
"There is nothing I wouldn't dare."
"Then go ahead."
"Okay, I'm going to open that door and go through right now."
"Then go ahead."
"I will."
"Then go."
"Sure. This is after all an easy task."
"Then why aren't you going?"
"Any moment."
"Are you stalling?"
"Your sister is stalling, now watch this emperor." I flicked my beard and opened the door.
A world devoid of any life appeared behind the door. The earth was scorched black, the rivers were dark red and the stench of decay wafted on my face. Piles of corpses higher than the mountains as far as the eyes could see.
Well, should I go in? I said I would so if I back off now I would lose face. Whatever, my sense is telling me to go in, it is reasonable to assume that this is some kind of tribulation. Worst case scenario this fake me would possess.
I took a step into the world.
"Good choice, enjoy your stay." The fake me said as he closed the door with an eerie smile.
The door faded away.
"Time to level up." I walked around enjoying the scenery."
"This mountain of corpses, a big massacre must have taken place."
I inspected one of the corpses. It was rotting and the cloth it wore was tattered. There were no visible wounds on the corpse. How could have they died? Was this place even real? I needed to find out more.
Thinking that I willed the power of the seed into my hand and stabbed in its head. As soon as I stuck my hand inside its head I felt the corpse twitching.
"You got to be kidding me."
I jumped off of the corpse to gain some distance. The corpse seemed to come to life. It struggled to stand up. When it managed to stand, instead of attacking me it looked at me with lifeless eyes.
"What are you looking at me like that? Go back being dead."
Scree.
Suddenly out of nowhere, the corpse shriek. The sound of the shriek was so loud that I had to close my ears, it was as if it echoed in the whole world.
Then the earth began to shook as the all the corpses in sight begun to tremble.
"Shit. Computer, replicate a minigun fitting my size."
A minigun was materializing on the ground.
Corpses fall down from the mountains. They landed on the ground and stood up.
I picked up the minigun ready to face my tribulation.
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