There was no place to sit down together in Inia’s bedroom. And she did not want him in her living chamber right now, for whatever reason. But they had sat down more than once together, Inia on her rocking chair, Renor on the window sill, the footstool, or on the ground in front of her, his back leaned against her legs.

Today, he took the stool. As much as he wanted to touch her, his need to see her face, her reactions, was even greater.

After he carefully closed the window and curtain, he sat down.

Inia’s expression was that of an inquisitor, her bright eyes almost piercing him. “What do you mean, you can copy their work?”, she asked.

He sighed. “I learned it.”

“You learned what?”

He scratched between his knuckles. “A spell.”

“You… what? A spell like that exists?”

The skin between his knuckles reddened. “It’s forbidden magic”, he said. “Banned, unnatural.”

“Then why did you learn it? How did you even find out about something like that?”

He dragged his teeth along his upper lip. “My mistress… the lady who trained me… she was a great spell caster. I have never seen someone as talented as her ever again… She had that book, a book full of banned spells. She… I’m pretty sure she was able to perform each and every one of these… she gave it to me before she left because she couldn’t take them with her to Inrahim.”

“… and you? Did you learn all of them?”

He shook his head. “Only one. A year ago.”

“But why?”

Renor sighed and gave her a sad smile. “What do you think?”

Her hand reached up to her scars. “I always thought, you didn’t mind them”, she said.

He smiled again and reached for her arm. When she didn’t flinch back, he pulled it away from her face and pressed her fingertips against his lips. She smelled like ink and roses, and her fingers were soft against his sensitive skin.

“I don’t”, he said. “But you do.”

She ran her thumb down at the side of his nose and smiled. “You are an idiot, Renor.”

He let go of her hand and shook his head. “Yes. But I figured that, if you ever wanted to get rid of them, I could help you.”

She crossed her arms. “You know, that it is not that simple. My family goes to war over stuff like this. As long as I am the last female, they would kill you.”

He shrugged. “I’m not afraid of your father, or of that stupid prophecy.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Why not?”

She shook her head. “It’s not just a stupid prophecy, Renor. That is … it’s who I am.”

“It’s not who you are”, he said.

She laughed, shrill. “What else am I, hm? Beyond those words, I don’t exist!”

“Because you allow that stupid prophecy to rule your life!”

“Pardon me?!”

They had both gotten to their feet now. Inia’s eyes fumed with a rage he had never seen before. And he glared at her. In his chest, anger rose he had suppressed for too long. It wasn’t even really directed at her, more at her family and all the idiotic choices they had made. But there was no stopping it now. “You allow these stupid words to limit your life, Inia! You could be so much more if you weren’t so damn afraid!”

“How dare you?”, she snapped. “You know as good as I do, that I didn’t choose that. And how could I be more? How could I do more, if everything out there could kill me? I have no magic, I—“

“People live without magic all the time! You don’t need magic to be real, wake up!”

“That is easy for you to say! How did you plan to hold back my father’s men if not with magic?”

“That is not the point!”

“Then what is the point?”

“The point is, that I am sick of that!”, he thundered. “I am sick of watching you suffer, of bearing all that pain. I will not longer watch how you reduce yourself to that delusional poem because you are so much more. I love you, Inia. I love you because you are passionate because you care. I love you because you are real, a person. Not because you are pure or because of your connection to the sun or some bullshit. You are so much more. And it makes me sick. It makes me sick how you don’t see it. And if you want to, I’ll take care of these scars. If you want to, I’ll go to war over your freedom.” He wheezed and shuddered. He didn’t remember when he had screamed like that for the last time.

For a moment, there was only silence between them, silence in which he saw Inia’s eyes glitter.

She licked her lips. “I don’t want that, Renor”, she said.

“Then what do you want?”, he asked.

“I want you to go.”

“W-what?”

She shook her head. “I can’t owe you”, she said. “Some might say I already do just because you did that stupid thing, trying to help me. And if you did any more for me, I would for good. I can’t. Please… please go.” Her voice died on her lips. A single tear ran over her cheek.

“What… what are you saying, Inia?”, he asked.

“This … this is goodbye, Renor”, she said. “I’m sorry. But it is.” She took a deep, shaking breath. “You are leaving”, she said, calmer now. Too calm. “So am I. I will not come back. I didn’t want to tell you. I wanted to leave you a note. I’m sorry that you felt the need to learn that for me. I never wanted to endanger you. I-“ she swallowed back tears. “I hope you can forget me, soon.”

Renor shook his head. He was too stunned. “Inia, I-“

“Don’t”, she said. She turned away from him, her body shaking. “Go.”

He had no more words. He was cold. So cold inside. Winter lived within him. He turned around and wiped his eyes, swallowed, only for a second, pain and despair. Later they would drown him. But she didn’t need to see that. She wasn’t cold enough to not be hurt by his pain.

He reached into his pocket and placed the last pebble on her nightstand. He wouldn’t need it anymore.

“Goodbye”, he murmured before he left. His eyes, for a second, lingering on her back. He could see that her hand was pressed against her mouth. Her body was shaking.

He felt much the same.