Jordan's whole body shook in my arms as we slowly made it to my house, which was a choice made by the both of us due to how close I was to the location compared to her own house. I couldn't help but not be afraid anymore when seeing her in this state... instead, all I felt was... anger. The wish and determination to do something whilst burning with an unprecedented rage.

I struggled for a moment to open the door but I managed to squeeze us both into the house, helping her take off her shoes and placing them into a cubby near the entrance, putting my shoes into the same cubby not long after. She dropped to the floor, her legs had given out. Jordan looked up to me with a sorrowful expression, "I can't move my legs..."

I paused for a moment to think, kneeling down to her level, "I'll go get-"

"Don't!" I was taken about by her shouting, "Don't leave..." Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Okay..." I nod slowly as I pulled her to the nearest wall, propping myself upon it while keeping her close. "We can stay here until you can get back up again, okay?" She nodded weakly.

I took a deep breath, arm thrown around her body while spacing out, staring up at the ceiling light sitting above us. My sister ran out from the back of the house, entering the hallway. "What the hell...?" I knew what she was thinking but... it's best not to mention it. "Why the hell is...?"

I turned my head to look over to my sister, "It's nothing bad, something happened and now I'm helping her out... okay?"

"But why is-"

"That's none of your business Kitsune."

A crude expression spread across her face, brow furrowed, lips pursed, fists shaking in anger. "Right! Huh!? No-"

"Kitsune!" She reeled back in shock, this was the loudest I have ever been with her, "Shut the fuck up and go! I don't want you nitpicking everything I fucking do! So shut the fuck up and actually fucking use common sense for once before acting like a fucking cunt!" I made sure to distance myself from Jordan as I screamed those words. It felt like all of those years of anger and hatred were pouring out from me in that one singular moment as I left Kitsune stunned.

"Stop...!" Jordan tried yelling, grasping at my pant leg, hands shaking. I immediately lowered myself to her level.

"Sorry..." I looked up at my sister with a glare, "Help her shower, if you don't I'll smack you over the head, okay? Let her borrow your clothes as well." Jordan hesitated for a moment before I reached for her, throwing one of her arms over my shoulders, lifting her up from the ground. "Take her." I motioned to Kitsune.

Kitsune clicked her tongue before doing the same thing that I did, leading Jordan up the stairs. I felt nauseous. I made my way into the living room, hands in my pockets, resisting the urge to vomit. I felt as if everything I had kept to myself for years would spill out at any moment. Jordan was lucky... wherein she had someone to comfort her, I had no one, and I still don't. I couldn't help but sob as I realized how pathetic I was then and there, feeling jealous of someone probably traumatized by what had just happened, though, when having thoughts like that, I feel as if I am being inconsiderate to myself.

Am I ignoring something important inside of me... will I self-destruct?

I honestly believe that I just want to be loved... I don't think anyone loves me anyway. I believe my family stopped caring for me after Middle School... of course, it was because of that incident. Even if I did nothing wrong, even if everybody believed me, even if everyone knows that I did nothing wrong... it feels like I'm completely alone. Jordan seems loved...

I don't know her situation though. She might not be loved and she could be exactly like me.

If she was like me, at least this pit in my stomach would have less depth but... so far, I can't find the bottom.

After an hour my sister made her way back down from the second floor, clearly irritated. "I did it, asshole." She quickly made her way back up the stairs, slamming the door to her room, Jordan passing by as she made her way down the same steps my sister had just stormed through. Jordan stopped at the door to the living room.

"I'm feeling better now," Jordan said with a sigh, rubbing where tears once were, dried, or blending in with the wetness of the shower... bath... I don't care to think about it, that'd be weird after all.

"Where do you want to sleep? I could have you sleep in my room and I could sleep down here...?"

Jordan paused to think, scanning the room, "No... I..."

Don't fucking do that... It makes me want to cry... "Let's do that... okay?"

She nodded slowly before making her way back up the stairs. After a few minutes, she made her way back down, "Where is your room?"

"Right across from the bathroom at the top of the steps." I motioned to it with my finger.

She nodded before making her way back up again, leaving me alone with my thoughts. "Fuck..." I deep-seated sigh was let out then, back pressed against the back of a couch. 'What would happen if they were here as well... would I have any sort of peace?' I had assured myself that I wanted a completely quiet life without hitting any bumps in the road, but that is clearly not how life works, and life seems to hate me in particular. I want love, I want friends, I want people to actually care about me but... I'm too afraid of being betrayed again... I don't deserve it anyway.

I just want to be... happy... I haven't felt that in a while... I've almost completely forgotten how that felt.