《Abhorrence》Ambivalent 1.01
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Looking down from above, the nightlife lit up the bustling city with fluorescent lights. From up here, it appeared to be so beautiful and captivating, but it was just that, from up here, you couldn't see the darkness within.
I have an ambivalent relationship with this place. I've lived here my whole life, although it's been hard, I was able to meet them. No matter how hard it gets, I can't bring myself to completely hate it.
A large gust of cold wind had woken me from my stupor, and it was getting late; they had probably returned home already. I should get back before I ended up worrying them.
-
Knocking on the door, I didn't get any response; they must still be out. With a faint smile tugging my lips, I let myself into the apartment before turning on the lights; this was where I lived.
A small 2-bedroom apartment with brown wooden flooring and white walls and ceilings, the walls were mostly empty, but our apartment ceiling was covered with small LCD lights. The living room and kitchen were connected, and from the living room side, you could access a walkway that connected to the two separate bedrooms and a bathroom.
In the middle of the living room, there was a large pale wheat couch, ahead of it a coffee table, and a 40" TV seated atop a white tabletop that was lined to the wall, with a simple clock to its left, and on the kitchen side, a modest maple wood kitchen table set.
It's what you would imagine an average apartment looks like. Although we didn't have much, there were the basic necessities and household items.
Letting myself go, I lay down on the couch, turned on the TV, and flipped through the channels.
"The suspect 23-year-old Michael Jones, who is supposedly responsible for killing and shooting two teenagers, is currently on the run, authorities say –
"Had broken into a jewellery store –
"Left unattended in the car, as it was stolen the –"
I turned it off; there was nothing besides the news channels reporting on all the bad things happening today. I felt like there was never anything good happening in the world, or maybe they just didn't report on it.
Looking over my shoulder at the clock on the wall, the shorthand was on 9 and the long on 53; it was getting late, too late. Why weren't they home yet? I felt like something was off.
Quickly shuffling my hair and putting on a jacket, I went to leave, but as I approached the door, I could hear them to the other side of the wall on the walkway outside, laughing as they conversed.
It turned out that I was worried for nothing. Since they were coming in, I didn't want to be at the door appearing to be rushing out after them.
I should play my part, so I went back to lie on the couch and put my feet up on the table.
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While I was pretending to be occupied with the TV, the door opened, and Bryan and Arielle came in. I turned my head to look over my shoulder so as to pretend not to care; they were all smiles and laughter as they joked.
Bryan was wearing simple black knee shorts and a black t-shirt. He had tan skin and short brown hair and eyes, he was about 5'9" tall, and his endomorph body structure stuck out; he wasn't an overly fit jock, but you could see the light outline of his well-developed body under the clothes.
Arielle was wearing a white blouse and a black stamp skirt. She had pale skin with blonde hair and large brown eyes. She was about 5'6" and had a slim but curvy figure, what you would consider a pretty girl.
Noticing my glance, they stopped conversing and said: "Hey Callum," at the same time.
"Hey, what were you guys up to tonight?" I asked. I already knew the answer, but I could tell that Arielle was really keen to share by the bright smile plastered widely on her face, so I let her have her moment.
Like she was waiting for me to ask, she exclaimed, "We went to a festival and ate dinner at Mon Amour! can you believe it? Mon Amour, one of the most famous restaurants in the ward! You should have come with us, Callum."
This fool had just gotten lucky and earned some extra money, but he spent it all in one night. I didn't blame him though. It warmed my heart to see the recently down Arielle smiling so brightly like this.
Despite her cheery act, I knew that she felt a little guilty about the whole thing. After all, it was Arielle who always wanted to help us with the finances, and didn't want us to spend our own money on her.
Whenever her past caught up to her, she would change and start acting strangely in front of us, although she had always tried to hide it and pretended that she was fine; Bryan and I could always tell, and Bryan always did his best to cheer her up.
That was the kind of relationship they had, like siblings. Even though they were not blood-related at all, they were able to develop that kind of relationship as a result of being in each other's company for so long.
"Oh yeah, that sounds nice wish I had gone with you guys," I lied. I had purposefully missed it. I wasn't good with that stuff, I would probably dampen the atmosphere, so I let Bryan do his thing.
Arielle went to her room whilst Bryan sat down next to me, "How's it going?" he asked while facing the wall.
"Yeah, good, I've gotten another job request from a client. This one will last a week, so we'll have our hands full this week," I replied. I knew what he wanted to say to me, so I was leading him up to it.
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Bryan shrugged and then smiled, "Alright bro, the more, the better," then he turned to face me and struggled to open his mouth, "I –."
I cut him off and said, "Hey, Bryan, It's alright. You did the right thing." I had a plan in place for he and I to save up money, and his recent actions broke the rules I had set, so he thought that I would be angry with him.
Bryan forced a smile and quietly muttered, "She was worse this time. I really couldn't bear to see that side of Arielle." Bryan was always someone that was very sensitive to and was quick to understand the thoughts and feelings of others well; we all were.
"Yeah, me too." I thought about how when Arielle's past trauma would resurface, she would completely change. No matter how much she tried, it was impossible to hide it; her recent episode was worse than the previous times.
She had it worse than the both of us, having abusive parents and being neglected as a result. From a young age, she was responsible for all the housework and taking care of her baby sister while also going to school on the side while her parents fought and abused her and her sister.
She was beaten and sexually harassed by her father throughout her childhood, and later when she was 12, she was locked inside a room while her father had killed her sister and her mother. She had to listen to the whole thing from start to finish. She had nobody to care for her and nobody to help her.
The authorities threw her into an orphanage home where she met Bryan and me and eventually opened up to us about everything. I can't imagine just how bad it was for her, and I could only feel deep resentment for her scum father for doing this to his own daughter and the authorities who did nothing for her.
Her meeting with us had helped her to recover from her past, but she was permanently scarred as a result of her childhood. Thinking about Arielle had led me down a path of uncontrollable anger. I hated the world for all its unfairness; why should Arielle have to suffer?
Noticing my expression distorting into something grim, Bryan put his right hand on my shoulder. "I know, we'll get through it together, everything, like we always have." his voice was strong and firm.
After taking in a deep breath and letting it out, I chuckled and said, "Yeah, you're right," before leaning back on the couch, Bryan acting like the responsible and mature older brother had lightened my mood.
As I was about to continue, Arielle walked in on us, sitting on the couch. She had changed from her previous outfit, now wearing just a white T-shirt and black sleeping shorts.
After sitting down in between Bryan and I, there wasn't much space left on the couch. "What are you guys talking about?" she asked. She probably got the gist of it as she was in the other room, but I wasn't going to openly talk about it.
"I've got a week-long job request from a client. Bryan and I will be busy this week with work." I replied.
Arielle quickly nodded and raised her chin high, and said, "Alright." When Bryan leaned back, she continued with a dejected face, "We have to get back to school tomorrow."
To which Bryan just replied with "Yeah," then continued after a deep breath and a sigh, "come on, let's go to sleep."
Bryan and I slept in the same room while Arielle had her own, ours wasn't spacious, but there was enough space for two mattresses and some walkway in between and front-under where our clothes closet was; we didn't have much else in the room.
Lying down on my mattress and staring upwards, I could only think about our uncertain future. But no matter how much I thought about it, if something terrible were to happen tomorrow, I wouldn't have the power to stop it.
I would only be able to stand idle as things unfolded. I hated that. I hated not being able to take action and protect my friends. I hated it, but no matter how much I hated, how frustrated I was, or how much rage I pent up, nothing would change.
I had been trying since I was young, trying to somehow gain more power or higher standing, but so far, all my efforts had been just enough to get by and survive day-to-day life.
As my thoughts reached this point, my vision began to darken, and my senses numbed. Although it was weird, if I was falling asleep, then I shouldn't be conscious and thinking like this. Gradually I reached a point where there was only infinite darkness, and I had no control over my body. However, I was still fully consciously aware.
As I reached this point, my senses were completely shut off, but there was something else I was feeling. It was fear, instinctual fear, of something far more terrifying than anything I'd ever witnessed before.
I didn't know what was going on or what I was afraid of, but my entire being was abhorrently rejecting it. My mind was on red alert, sending me signals to get away, to run away as fast and as further away as I could. I didn't have any time to think or process what was happening as I quickly passed out.
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